Tuesday, May 09, 2006

Hey Blaine, Try This One

I didn't watch David Blaine's special last night. I heard about it quite a bit today already. Apparently he couldn't hold his breath for the full 9 minutes he wanted to and was pulled out of the tank by bikini models at 7 minutes.
To me this is no big deal. I think I have broken this 9 minute record unceremoniously quite a few times over the last three years.

I recall one time in particular:
I checked on my daughter then just a baby in her vibrating seat (otherwise known as the best invention EVER) and I noticed a smell. I picked her up and knew she had a terrible poop in her pants. At that moment I saw that the vibrating seat had vibrated the poop all out of her diaper and up her back. (gag)
I sprang into action.
I placed a hairclip on my nose and held my breath while I: carefully undressed her, wiped her with 756 wipes, placed the clothes in sink, ran an emergency bath, washed poop out of unmentionable locations on both me and her, put a new clean diaper back on, rinsed out poopy clothes and then ran with them to the washing machine.

Then I released my nose clip and filled my lungs with fresh, clean air.

I could only hope for a pay day like David Blaine's after that but I was rewarded with a clean baby.

Now that, that should be televised!


  1. I heard about this! Why would you want to hold your breath for 9 minutes anyways!?!

    I hear ya on the poopy diapers and holding your breath. Doing daycare I change 4 kids a day and 2 poop twice a day! The one boy that isn't mine I seriously could puke from the stench so I try not to breathe the fumes radiating from his rear as I clean him. LOL

  2. I don't know what it is about me, but for some reason it seems like the worse her poop gets in smell, I just get used to it. Sick, right? I guess when you smell it enough, lol. Daddy can't hack it when it stinks really bad- he calls me in to finish- what a wuss.

    Oh, P.S. We watched David Blaine- he held his breath for 7 minutes and 8 seconds or something- and he didn't get pulled out by bikini models. It was a girl and a guy who are on some dive team- not sure exactly- but they were definitely in wetsuits and not bikinis- not that I'd put it past network TV to use bikini girls to get people to watch, LOL

  3. i usually hold my breath with poopy diapers, because my boy can be TOXIC.


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