Monday, May 01, 2006

Blurry Vision

"It is such a beautiful day again today", I thought as I drove past the familiar buildings.
I was on my way home after running a few errands and I was tired, but better yet would be that the kids are tired, I thought.
I checked my rear view mirror. "Yes! One down one to go."

I made a left turn and I heard it, the familiar, distinctive sound. Instantly sadness washed over me like 100 gallons of water and I felt like I couldn't breathe, I was drowning.
I glanced to my left, and I saw the bag pipers.
This time they were at someone else's funeral, someone else was dead on this beautiful day and they were melodically sending that person away forever.

The memories flood back: funerals, black, crying, scared, loud music, dark glasses, the bitter cold and how I was grateful it made me numb inside and out, beautiful days.
Sadness.

It felt like I passed the funeral in slow motion, not like I was going 30 miles per hour.
That is how life has felt since my Dad died, in slow motion, but in reality, flying by.
I guess it is the irony of it all.

I felt the wind sting my eyes, all the while not realizing I was crying.

I pulled into the driveway and parked my car. I put my head against the seat and took off my sunglasses. I looked into the rearview mirror to see two sleeping kids.
Peaceful and innocently sweet.
I exhaled realizing that I had done it.
That through it all, in slow motion, in sadness, and through tears, I still mamanged to find my way home.

8 comments:

  1. Life is full of those moments, isn't it. I hope you hugged those babies when you got them out of the car.
    Peace, my friend.

    ReplyDelete
  2. you are maybe the best blogger of the day!!! Thanks for sharing... xo lyns

    ReplyDelete
  3. wow. that's all i got. you have all the good words today...

    ReplyDelete
  4. Wow. I know your pain. I'm not sure how long ago your Dad died- or how- but my dad died 6 weeks ago after a 4 year battle with brain cancer. I feel like I'm in a fog most days. I have glimpses of clarity- but mostly I feel like I'm going through the motions of life.

    Thanks for stopping by!

    ReplyDelete
  5. What memories your post brought flooding back this morning! From a proud Irish family I come. I walked in many funeral processions before I knew what they actually for. Bagpipes always make my heart sink - deep. Thank you for visiting my blog, and thank you for sharing this story.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Yeah. You know, Tuesaday Girl. I love the whole memory inhering in a single sense and the surprise metaphor that swallows the whole post right at the end. Well done.

    ReplyDelete

Talk to me