Open Letter to Mr. Depp

Dear Johnny,
You are rich, you make quite a good deal of money. Please buy your lady some new teeth.
Thank you,
Tuesday Girl

Titles are Stupid

Snow again here today, sigh, 8-12 inches. I am officially over the snow.

This weekend we had a baptism to go to, so I went to the church first & E & the babies came to the party after because 2 year olds do not want to sit in a car for 1.5 hours & then sit quietly in a church for 45 minutes. Go figure.
The church was very nice, different because it was Greek Orthodox and I have never been to a Greek church before. Very nice ceremony, they actually have the baptism, communion and confirmation all in one ceremony. After the service I had to go to the bathroom badly so I made my way through the cavernous church & finally found one. I went in & there was someone in the 1 stall & someone outside of it applying makeup. The woman came out of the stall, and I was up so I went in and was BLOWN away by the foul odor that was lingering in that stall. This lady shit and now was standing outside the stall, washing her hands and touching up makeup with the other lady. I was gagging. I couldn't help it, I am a gagger. Now, I am trying to quietly gag, while trying to get down my tight mesh boy short underwear all the while shivering because it was 30 degrees in there and praying for her to get out of the bathroom so I can full out gag or just puke on the floor.
Picture that.

Later I described the incident to E who has been in similar situations and had full empathy. We are home shitters and we will never understand the mind of the "anywhere" shitter, and we acknowledge we are in the minority of this group.
At the restaurant he said "hey is that the mad shitter down at the end of our table?" I looked and said "yes". He said " I could tell she has 'anywhere shitter' written all over her face".
Oh, how I love this man.

Besides, isn't shitting in church a sin?

February is almost over

And I am glad. I can't think of a more depressing month then February. It is so bleak in NJ.
Did anyone watch "stars without makeup" last night on TV? I love TV but that one is way beyond even me. A whole hour show? C'mon.
I am also not a fan of the Oscars. I never see movies so I never have any opinion on who should win. I like the red carpet, to a degree and I like Chris Rock, so I guess I will watch the first 20 minutes or so.
tomorrow we have a Baptism to go to around my home town. It is for the son of a former co-worker of mine and I haven't seen him since he was born in August. I am excited for that, also she hasn't seen my kids since they were like 5 months old.

Nothing else planned for this weekend, just relaxing. My son does need a haircut though, he looks like a hippie. Yes we are the parents who do not know it is time for a child's haircut until it is too late. Call CPS.

Hootie?

Is Hootie really dressed up like a cowboy & singing in a Burger King commercial?
Sad times man, sad times.

Snow

It is snowing here today and the big swirling flakes make for a beautiful scene out my window. I am glad I live somewhere that it snows, it really is a gorgeous thing. I am glad I live in NJ where we have snowy cold days and hot, humid days and also beautiful spring & fall days where you never want the day to end. We have mountains here & beaches and it really is a great place to live. Of course too much of anything is, well, too much.

I am going to take this great snow day as an excuse not to pick up around the house and watch the snow fall, snuggle with my babies and make a hearty meal for us all.
And appreciate what I have.

Customer Disservice

Apparently you do not have to speak a lick of English to have a customer service job in this country. I know this because I just spent 35 minutes on the phone with someone who didn't understand a word of what I was saying even when I resorted to baby speak: baba phone, it is a baba phone; rudimentary phonics: phone is bad, it's not working, no call waiting; some sort of Italian that I thought may relay my message: phone no worka, help me please, phone isa bad; or loud: GIVE ME YOUR SUPERVISOR, DO YOU UNDERSTAND ANYTHING I AM SAYING?

Nothing worked.
WTF?

My Home is Beautiful Again

I finally found a cleaning lady to come & clean my house. I just cannot keep up with the cleaning and the cooking and the shopping and the little thing of raising two toddlers. It took a lot for me to admit it, but I cannot do it alone. E is a huge help but even the two of us are no match for dirty bathrooms, thousands of dirty dishes and endless vacuuming.

My cleaning lady's name is Ester and she speaks very little English. She is from Brazil and speaks only Portuguese, which is a challenge. We got through it alright though and she was here yesterday & did a phenomenal job, better then I would have probably.
Get this, she even made seashell and roses out of the ends of the toilet paper rolls! I almost died. I love toilet paper roses! She is my new best friend.

I feel comfortable now, like I can breathe easier, like the cleaning weight has been lifted from my chest. E & I are so happy with our dust free house.

In other news, I am still searching for preschools. It is a tiring effort especially because I still don't know the towns around here very well. I am also looking for someone to redo our bathrooms. We have two upstairs and both are original to the house, so about 26 years old. One is baby blue & white and have the old faux marbling vanity, SO gross. Very Brady Bunch.
I had a man coming over today to look at the bathrooms and give me an estimate but he failed to show up. When I called him he said, "well I have you penciled in here", well then, WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU NOT HERE? This cat was wasting my time and an unreliable person, I do not need fixing anything in my house. So that is that. Now I have to call other people & get estimates.
Tomorrow I am going back to my home town to go to some stores with my friend who just had her bathrooms redone. She is all knowing at this point and I need her help.
Wish me luck.

Life, As I Know it.

Life lately has been boring. Really nothing to report of interest except this:

I have been thinking about having another baby.
There, I said it. Now it can be officially "real". Yup, I am thinking about it. Yessirrebob thinking is good, and that is what I am doing. I mean, I think I have baby fever, I am ready for another one (some days, other days make me think I am crazy and warns me to never let anyone near my vagina again!) and I don't want my children to be too far apart in age. Let's face it, none of us are getting younger either. Especially E, he will be turning 35 this April and I, for the record, am still holding at 29. If I had got pregnant now, the twins & the new baby would be almost 3 years apart, so I think if we start trying in the beginning of the summer the kids would be 3.5 years apart and that is a good. My sister & I were 3.5 years apart & it worked out well.

On the other hand, I am sad because this will be my last pregnancy and I want to be able to relish every second of it. I want to be able to enjoy it and I couldn't do that with young twins, I feel they are more independent now & it would be easier for me and them. I am enjoying them so much now, I don't want a new baby to take any of that away from them either.
I also have to get started on potty training them, because I CAN'T have three babies in diapers. I am muddled down in poopy diapers with two, never mind three.
I would need a new truck, one that fits three cumbersome carseats. Don't mention a minivan, E told me once that his money will never buy a minivan, so unless a van fairy brings one, looks like we may have to buy a bigger truck.

So that is where my head is at now. E is ready for a third. I am still debating it. I think I am ready but you never know.

Addict

I am addicted to this: http://y.20q.net/anon

Hot Damn!

I forgot to take my simply sleep tonight so I am still awake. There is a fine line of when I can take it at night and if miss the deadline, I will be like a walking coma patient in the morning, so it is better if I skip it on those nights.
Tonight is one of those nights.

I decided to make a list of my likes & dislikes because, well, it is my blog and I have insanity, I mean insomnia.

likes:
lilacs
kisses on the neck
a nice smelling man
butterflies in my yard
banana bread
the beach
a great book
a smell that opens the flood gate of memories
the sound of crickets on a warm summer night
a drive in a convertible while blasting your favorite old school songs
peonies
my family
soft tissues
the freckle on my chin
when my husband plays with my hair
pasta
tulips
the smell of basil
a freshly made bed
being pregnant
swings
my cat eyes
meerkats
Pearl Jam
my life

Dislikes:
low waisted jeans
cool ranch doritoes
dry skin
liars
the word: slacks
snakes
math
roasted peppers
my period
being too scared to start something, or finish it
E's snoring

So my like list is much longer then my dislike list.
In the end I guess that is all you can ask out of life.

Movies

We watched two movies this weekend on pay per view. Very unusual for us, we are not huge movie people, and I hate going to a movie theater, I would rather watch in my own home. Actually the last movie I think we went to in a theater was Titanic. Wow, that was a long time ago.
So we rented Napoleon Dynamite and Garden State. I want to know what you guys think of these movies. I like Napoleon, thought it had funny lines but the entire time I was just trying to figure the movie out. I still really am not sure. Maybe it is about nothing. Why was Tina the llama tied up instead of roaming free? There are various unanswered questions in this one. After watching this movie the next day E saw someone rocking the side ponytail at Wawa. Loving it.

I loved Garden State. It was that life altering, thought changing kind of movie. I think Zack Braff is great in it. I loved the soundtrack too.

So I would like your opinions on these movies, why you liked it, why you didn't and what you thought the underlying theme was. I am interested. In you.

Valentine's Day

As a rule I am not a huge fan of the day. I think people should show their love to each other every day not just on one day. Extra special love for today is ok though. E & I do give each other some little gifts. He knows I am not a huge rose person, for me they seem unoriginal, I would rather have a big bunch of daisys or my favorite flower, tulips. I also love chocolate, my favorite is, Godiva. I told E this again this year because in the past he has been substituting Whitman samplers for the godivas. Still yummy, but not the same. So this year I told him EXACTLY what I wanted from the Godiva catalog, told him where the store was and left the catalog on his desk. Today what did I get? Fucking Whitmans.
I am trying to figure out if it is spite, deafness or forgetfulness that made him purchase such a thing. Now I have to pretend to like them so as not to dent his fragile ego.

Relationships are hard my friends, very hard.

I am Bored

I am bored.

It's a Boy!`

My sister is having a boy and she is due June 30th! We are very excited and my nephew is thrilled with having a baby brother.

Excitement is in the Air

Today my sister goes in for her second ultrasound and she is going to find the sex of the baby. I am very excited. I say she is having a boy because that is what my psychic told me and he was right about my twins and every other birth so far. E is going with a girl, he has since the beginning and he was right about her first son.

I won't know until about 5pm and I am in total anticipation. I want to go buy bitty baby clothes!

Pants

Does anyone make a jean these days that isn't "low rise" "Super low rise" "Uber low rise" or "dontevenbotherwearingpants low rise"?
These jeans are not conducive to various body types or anyone with children or dogs who like to get on the floor & play. It is certainly not conducive to Gymboree where on a weekly basis someone new gets a good look see at my ass crack, G-string and/or my entire ass. Even my husband is like "hun, you can see your panties AGAIN".
It is not good.

I don't want my children to have the "ass crack mom" that the whole neighborhood is talking about. Plus you can never reach down to the bottom shelves at the grocery store, play head, shoulders, knees and toes with your kids, tie your shoes, or plant a garden. Those things are important to me.
Well, some of them are.

If you are reading this GAP, please return to some healthy waist levels of jeans, just one pair, I would be happy with one pair. Not everyone is a size two and doesn't mind not wearing panties. I am woman, hear me ROAR for highwaisted jeans godfriggindammit!!

Gifts

E is usually a thoughtful gift giver even though it is sometimes not really what I want or need. I always tell him I love it and try to use it or wear it so he knows I appreciate the gift and the effort.
Lately though, he has been off. Not good gifts people, not good at all. So I took matters into my own hands and gave him specific ideas about what I liked or needed. For Christmas I sent him emails with specific things I wanted in them. I did not get one thing that I asked for. Not ONE! What's up with that?
I said I wanted new slippers, I showed him two specific ones that I wanted. I got the same ones he got me last year, in a different color and I never wear the ones I got last year. I said I wanted a purse, a bracelet, a DVD, a sweater, sneakers and other things where I explicitly told him which ones, what store, the best route to get to the store and the time of day to go. But I got none of it.
Men, what is up with that?

Ladies I heard that if you do go specific on your husband, they love that because it takes the guessing out of the entire situation. It doesn't work for E, but if you are interested there is a mens cheat sheet which may be perfect for your man.
Here you go: http://abcnews.go.com/images/GMA/MH-GMA.pdf

Recipe

Here is the my chili recipe, it is so easy:

INGREDIENTS:
1 lb. Ground beef
1 lb. italian sausage -however spicy you choose
1 lb. mushrooms
1 large onion, chopped
1 clove of garlic
1 can black beans
1 can chili beans
1 can dark kidney beans
1 can garbanzo beans
1/2 cup of beer ( any brand)
2 small cans tomato paste1 can stewed tomatoes
1 can crushed tomatoes
1 can whole tomatoes
1 large can tomato sauce

Then the spice is all to taste, I add chili powder, Franks Red Hot Sauce, a couple of pepperocinis sliced and a little of the liquid.

Just brown the meat, garlic and onion in the pot then add the rest of ingredients. Bring to a boil, then turn down the heat & let it simmer for at least 3 hours.

I also make this with just turkey meat for my partly vegetarian sister-in-law.

Let me know if anyone makes this & enjoys it.

A Good Little Wife

As a good little wife does, I created a special superbowl party for one, for my loving husband.
I made my famous chili, shredded the cheese with my own little hands for the topping, purchased, a one in a million, "Go Patriots" cake and picked up Hooters wings.
What else could a man ask for?

He could ask his wife to "shut it" a million times during the game though. Apparently I ask too many unrelated questions, and bored him. I went up to the bedroom and watched the Little House on the Prairie marathon. That will teach him.
At the end of the game, he proceeded to our bed, took off his clothes and feel right asleep, happy as a clam. I was awake all night because of the snoring.
But I let him have a perfect nights sleep to continue his perfect day of football, but tonight he will not be so lucky!

Ahem

Dear Eagles and People of the Greater Philadelphia Area,

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Love, Me

Nothing Much

I don't much feel like writing today because a year ago tomorrow my Dad died. I know, I know, you are sick of hearing me whine about it, and that life should go on, and if I am still that bad I should go to a shrink (which I promise I will very soon) but still I am sad.
I miss him as much today as I did a year ago, and the boulder size whole in my heart feels like it will never be filled.
Maybe it never will be. Maybe that is how it is supposed to be.
I hate it when I see something funny or read something great and I go to call him to tell him, and then I remember. My heart aches so hard when I remember.
I am lonely without him and I seek his advice every day.
So I am going to take some time for myself tomorrow and remember him, and all he gave me and all he wanted for me and how much he loved me. And I promise I will not write about it again, because this is a new year, a year without firsts but with seconds. A year that I will help myself through this heavy haze of pain into the light.
A better year.
A year with hope.

If You Want to See My Ass Then Just Come to Gymboree

Every Saturday morning, E & I take the babies to gymboree. For those who may not be in the know, gymboree is a gym of sorts for babies and small children filled with slides, trampolines and other primary colored equipment. They love their class and so do I, as I am a hermit* and have no friends. The thing is that I basically wear the same thing every day around the house, since again, I never leave the house, but at Gymboree I have to wear different clothes.
I don't have different clothes.
I don't fit into many of my pre-pregnancy clothes, I don't want to wear my ripped tie dye shirt in public, and I refuse to buy more clothes at the current size I am (which isn't that bad, but C'mon, Tuesday lets get fucking motivated already!) it leaves me with a rotation of three presentable, "outside of the house" outfits. I keep rotating them.
It's not good.
I guarantee you that 90% of the conversations of the people leaving Gymboree is "Did you see that? She is wearing that velour jumpsuit AGAIN! Ahhhhaahaaa".

I really need some new clothes. I did ask for that for Valentines Day, but you see, I am getting a massage.




*That is not entirely true. I do leave the house to go food shopping.

Conversation Last Night

Me: What are you getting me for Valentine's Day

Him: I know what I am getting you, but I am not telling

Me: Why don't you tell me so after I get it I don't either have to pretend to like it or return it. This way I can tell you now I don't want it.

Him: I am not telling, ok I will give you a hint. Its not really a gift it is a service

Me: I don't want a massage

Him(fuming): How did you know that! Shit. You are the worst. I thought it was a good gift. Shit. If I can't return it you are getting a massage!

Me: I told you to tell me.

Terrible Twos

We are firmly entrenched in the phase where they get into everything and you cannot leave them alone for one moment. This for me means, that I basically have to follow them around the house saying things like "put that back" "no jumping on the couch" "feet first" "take that out of your mouth" and "you are not the boss of me". Except of course, they are. AND they know it.

sigh. I hope this phase peeters out quickly, although I doubt it.

It is Boring in NJ for a 20 Year Old

Much like many other under age kids in this country, when I was 20 I left my house to intentionally commit a crime. I went to get myself a good 'ol fake ID. For drinking. Lots and lots and lots of alcohol. Yes, me a lush. I am Irish after all, I can't let my peoples down like that.

I set off with a friend of mine and entered a strangers basement filled with DMV paraphernalia, oversized backdrops and computers. I died and went to felony heaven. For $40 I received not one but TWO fake NJ drivers licenses stating that I was indeed 21 years of age. You know what I did with that? I took my ass to South Beach Miami and partied my ass off.* I drank like I had never drank before and nobody in Florida questioned my ID. I finally had a taste of a 21 year olds life, and I was loving it.
The real test was in NJ.

I came back and tried my hand at a few bars and clubs in my area. It worked! I was in heaven. My kidneys were not.
I got cocky.

One Saturday night we went to a small bar in the next town over. I got a bad feeling about it. I tried to talk my friend, her boyfriend and his friend out of going in. They were all over 21 and thought I could pull it off. AS I got closer to the door I saw how hard the bouncers were looking at the ID's. I felt dizzy, I tried again to back off. My friends persisted. I was last in, the bouncer checked my ID out, asked my birthdate, took out the old flashlight. Then he asked a colleague what he thought.
That was when I knew it was all over. That is when I noticed the wall behind him. The wall was filled with fake ID's they had confiscated. I knew I was done.

He took my ID with 2+ months to go until my 21st birthday! How dare he! The fellow we were with was in the process of becoming a cop and tried to talk the bouncer into giving me back my ID, but he failed miserably.
Now I had 2 months of sobriety until my big birthday. It was a loooonngg 2 months.

I never went back to that bar, partly because of spite and partly because I couldn't bear to see my little face hanging on a shitty bar wall with all of those other common criminals.

:sigh: Figures, it was my only great license picture.


* More on this trip in another post.