Friday, December 29, 2006

The One Where I Self Indulge

Skip this post, I am going to be a cry baby and a total downer and politically incorrect, so just skip it.
I swear I won't mind.

I hate New Years. In the history of all of my New Years I have never had a good time.
Never.
Not one time.
I despise the night, it brings back terrible memories and I don't like to go out to dinner and spend 50% more for the same thing I could have gotten the night before. I don't like to pay $125 each to go to a club where there is "free champagne" at midnight.
I am over it.

I am also over 2006. Never before has so many life changing things happen to me in the span of twelve months.
Terrible things.
"Can I still do this?" things.

Cancer, needles, doctors, surgery, beloved dog dying, money problems, pregnant, kids starting school for the first time, not pregnant anymore and by the way there were three babies, and family problems.
Yay!

I am done with it all.
I am waiting for some bad shit to happen to someone else.

Sure, that is not the right thing to say and sure people all have their own problems and who is to say they are worse or more hurtful then mine. Still, that is the way I feel.
I see people walking around all day and I want some of this bad shit, karma, luck whatever, to happen to them not me. I have had enough.

I feel like I have to rebuild myself next year, bigger, stronger, smarter.
I lay awake at night and wonder when all this bad shit is going to take over my brain and make me just a terrible person and a terrible mother. I won't let it happen, I know it is a ticking bomb and before I explode I am going to get some therapy and try to wipe it clean, try to right some wrongs, try to get it out and deal before I mess my kids up.

So on New Years Eve, I will be on the couch in my pajamas, drinking to excess, wishing away 2006 and praying to never see a year like it again.
I hope that 2007 will be fresh and new like the finest cashmere sweater, ready to envelop me in warmth. I want to radiate love, happiness and kindness to everyone and I want to be happy.

I just want to be happy.

16 comments:

  1. I want you to be happy, too.

    Out with the itchy, poly-blend fugly sweater of 2006. Burn, bitch, burn.

    I've never had a good New Year's Eve, either and prefer to spend it curled up in bed asleep.

    Here's to a better year for us both.

    (glasses tinkling in a virtual toast)

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  2. Hey, I am having people over to drink to excess in our sweats if you want to join us. We'll all be drunk and probably crying, so what's one more Jerseyan with us?

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  3. I loathe the new year, I sit there thinking about how this time next year it will all be as shitty but I'll be older, yeay. Somehow I am looking forward to 2007 because it has to be better than 2006...at least I know my dad can't die again. Happy new year, did I cheer you up?

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  4. dd, that is right, we shall both have a great 07.

    TJG, I love your offer, youa re so sweet.

    Other me, I get it. I really do.

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  5. I had tried to leave you a comment earlier, but the stupid computer went to hell right before I pressed 'publish' and I got pissed and didn't want to type it again.
    But here I am, to clink my glass with all of yours, because "GOOD RIDDANCE 2006!" is what I'll be saying when the ball drops-hopefully I'll be watching it fro home in sweats, too.

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  6. Drinking till I puke!! Wish we could do it together :)

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  7. Your 2006 sounds a lot like my 1998... such a year of emotional hell that I couldn't usher in 1999 fast enough!

    May 2007 be fabulous!

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  8. Anonymous4:54 AM

    As you know, it can always be worse. If I were you I would pick myself up off the ground and celebrate the fact that you made it through all those things this year. Nothing to cry about. Only to be thankful.

    2007 might mean you have to reach out to someone who is much, much worse off than you.

    Drink to your heart's content if you have to. Starting January you might want to searcg for some light in your situation, somewhere.

    It is not miserable to be blind; it is miserable to be incapable of enduring blindness.

    Much wisdom is to be learned through adversity. You'll soon see that.

    Reach out and hug those you love.

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  9. I wish you a wonderful 2007............

    xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

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  10. May you have a happy and wonderful 2007

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  11. I hope 2007 turns out to be a much better year for you...

    Here is to drinking on New Years!! Have a great time in your pajamas!!

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  12. Tuesday....here's to 2006 and all the bad Karma it brought to you to be washed away at the stroke of midnight!
    Here's to wishing you a wonderful year 2007 filled with love, laughter and great joy.

    Cyber Hugs
    Mama of 2

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  13. I'm with you. F you, 2006. I'm ready for something better. I deserve it, dammit.

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  14. I loathe and despise New Year's...drink up baby. And have one for me, Tess didn't get the "You're One! Get Off My Boob!" memo...

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  15. I hate New Years. Looks like we'll be ringing in the New Year the same way. Although I'm on meds and can't even drink...oh well...I'll still be eating the chips, dip and potato skins :) I hope 2007 is a good one!

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  16. Here, here Tuesday! New Year's Eve is the single most overrated holiday on this planet. I celebrated with my eyes closed. ha.

    I too had a crap-ass year, with a near-death experience and a pregnancy loss, and a sick pet. It must've been 2006's theme.

    However, as a result, I've decidedly NOT taken my health for granted anymore, and insist upon 2007 being a better year. And that's the vibe I'll put out there, cuz I certainly don't need 2007 to make 2006 look like a personal-crisis chump. :|

    If I prayed anymore, I'd say one for you. Good luck to you and yours this year. (Hmm, seems like I need to clear out my dark recess too.)

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