The Final Countdown

I am sentimental.
I save everything, I try to relive memories by holding on to things, even though I know it is "just stuff". the memories will be there even if the stuff is not.
I have gotten better over the last few years, but still have a ways to go.
I hate change.
I stiffen at the thought of new things, new places to live. Instead of thinking of it as a learning exercise, I reject it.
I know that new experiences are what let you grow. Somebody tell my heart that.
I will miss this house, the first we ever bought, the only one my children have known the the one I brought my baby home from the hospital to.
I will miss my dad, who I feel like I am abandoning, even though I know that is ridiculous.

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I loved growing up in New Jersey. I lived 15 minutes from NYC and I had the best of both worlds, living in the suburbs and partying in NYC. I love the Jersey shore, the mountains, the diners, the variety of amazing foods, the fact that no store is ever more than 15 minutes away.
Sure it is fun to joke about NJ and the big 80s hair, the accent, the Sopranos, but NJ is like your sibling, only you can make fun of it, when someone else does, watch out.
There are things I don't like about New Jersey like the congestion, the traffic, the high tolls and taxes.
I will miss you New Jersey, you were good to me, but I won't be that far away from you and I promise to visit often.
How else am I going to get a decent bagel?

Grandma

Things I am thinking about today:

Am I the only person who thinks it is strange that in about 30 years or so there are going to be A LOT of grandmas with fake boobs? There is just soemthing so wrong about a grandma with big, fake breasts and a old, wrinkled everything else.
Well, maybe not for grandpa.

Speaking of grandmas, once my grandmother was on a ladder and she asked me to hold the ladder. I walked over and looked up to see what she was doing and caught a glimse of her pubic hair.
So. Not. Good.
Something I try not to relive, but every once in awhile I remember.
Wowza.

Moving On Up

I really needed to hear a lecture on how to make my baby sleep through the night and how I should put him to sleep at night from a nurse practitioner at 9am this morning like I need a hole in my head.
Why must the nurse practitioner also decide that would be a good time to lecture me about vaccinations, when she didn't even look at my children's charts to see what schedule they are on?

Really, she shouldn't have messed with me so early in the morning, after I gave her the warning "look" and before I had any time to ingest coffee, shower or be alert. She got what she deserved. A lecture every time I step into that office from a different nurse is something I can't wait to live without.


This weekend was filled with a flurry of events, my children were invited to a bowling party, we packed and packed, and on Sunday they had a awesome party with their friends from school and another party with my family.
We said goodbye to my family and are prepared to move this weekend.
Deep breath, I am ready to move already.
It will be nice to live with my husband again, 5+ months is a long time with three kids.
I promise to document my move, either on video or with pictures.

Now, please say a prayer all of our stuff fits into the truck, sweet lord!

The Waiting Is The Hardest Part

My baby has decided that child development experts are correct, 10 months is exactly the right age to form a separation anxiety.
He wouldn't let me put him down yesterday at all, he cried when he was in his high chair and I left the room, he cried when it was nap time, he cried when I went to the bathroom.
I basically sat on the living room floor all day while he sat on my lap. Occasionally he was adventurous and would crawl a few feet away, only to crawl back after a minute or two. It is the strangest thing.
Last night after THREE glorious hours of trying to put him to sleep only to have him wake up the second I put him down in his crib, I just let him sleep in the bed with me.
Three hours is my limit.

I have been a bad commenter lately, I know, but I am reading your blogs and I will be back in action after we move next week.
Hopefully I will document our move with pictures and/or video for you guys. I promise to show you the strange thing I have in my bed side table before I pack it too!


I can offer you this today, here is a picture of all of our garbage after Christmas:


next time we have people over for Christmas we must have them take their garbage home with them. This pile took over my garage.
Sorry Earth.

Love, Mom

Today my dear, sweet, first babies are six years old.
These past 30 days have been tough, really tough, but I stayed here for this, so they can have their birthday party at school and one this weekend for their friends.
They have had a big year, they gained a new brother, they started kindergarten, they have to move to a new home in a new state.
When I look at them now, I am starting to see big kids, not the babies they once were.
The baby fat from their cheeks have gone, their dimples on their hands have been replaced by knuckles. They build complex things with K'Nex, they draw things even I would not attempt. They are hungry for knowledge, they want to know about the plants, the continents and who lives on them, who, what, when, where and how and they want the answers now.


The other night snow had started to fall for the first time this winter and my kids rushed to the window. Their little faces were glistening from the street light, they were in heaven. "Mommy! It is so beautiful!"
They were so happy to see snow, they were just content to watch some snow fall from the sky.
I wondered at what age does the snow lose its amazement?
When do we start to see the snow as a nuisance rather than appreciate its beauty like when we were six?

R and L, I am always amazed by your beauty inside and out. You are wonderful people and I am grateful every day to be your mother. Thank you for making everything in my life brighter and showing me that everything, even snow falling, has beauty and grace.

I need a Weekend Do-Over

This weekend was supposed to be about reconnecting with my husband, a visit to say goodbye to my friends and packing, packing, packing.
Well, at least I got to see my friends (which was so much fun).

Yesterday at 6:15 am we both heard the baby crying. E went in to get him and I went to the bathroom. I heard a loud noise that sounded like it was the heat but MUCH louder. I went downstairs with E and the baby to find that a pipe had burst in our mudroom from the cold. Water was in the mudroom and the family room.
It was the indoor pool I had always wanted!
Fun times!

E tried all day, ALL DAY to fix the pipe, and it still is not fixed today. He would fix one crack only to have another sprout up. It was a harder project then he thought.
He gave u at 8pm and went to bed because, guess what? He has the FLU.
SO, not only do I have L with a fever and a cough, and baby K with a runny nose and a bad case of the cranks, I have E with the flu and now R has a cough and a fever.
I am on no sleep and it is a matter of time before I get sick too.
We still have no water, my house looks like a bomb hit it and I only packed 1/2 of a box this weekend.

I can only laugh about this because really, what else can go wrong?
And how was your weekend?

And The World Spins Madly On

Are you sick of my whining yet? This is not something I am writing so I can get sympathy comments, this is for my own catharsis.

My patience and my mental health have never been tested so much as it has been for the last few weeks. I feel like I am drowning and there is nobody on the shore to save me. I feel like just when I think one more thing cannot be added to my plate, something appears. This tooth pain and the fact I either have to pony up 3K to fix it or pull it, on top of three sick, kids all at different times and sometimes together is making me crazy.

The toll of being the only caregiver to these three children for the past four and a half months has set in. I feel like I cannot form thoughts, I am forgetful, I feel like I yell at the kids more often and I feel guilty for not having the time to spend with the baby like I did with R & L.
I feel fat and ugly.
I can't take care of myself, I am stress eating.

I have told E I am drowning but his response is "what can I do? Hang in there it is only a little longer".
I am worried this will not end when the moving truck comes, that these feelings, the rippling effect of my falling deep into the water, will continue.
And I will fall silently to the bottom.



Everything that I said I'd do
Like make the world brand new
And take the time for you
I just got lost and slept right through the dawn
And the world spins madly on

I let the day go by
I always say goodbye
I watch the stars from my window sill
The whole world is moving and I'm standing still

Anti-Dentite

This weekend was so super awesome. I spent it writhing in pain over a tooth I had cracked a couple of months ago. Not wanting to put my family in any more financial dept and not having dental anymore, I chose to ignore it until I had the money to get it fixed.
It decided it wanted to be fixed now, because I cannot open my mouth more than a couple of inches and the pain is, well, terrible.
On a positive note: can't open mouth= crash diet!

So today I will be at an emergency dentist appointment while my neighbors watch baby K and my twins are in school. There goes the nap I scheduled at 3 am when K decided 2-4am would be a fun time to play!
Pray that I don't' get molested (did I ever tell you about my old dentist who was caught fondling women in the "chair'? If I get felt up, during ANY doctor's visit, I expect that visit to be free. Bottom line)

It is perfect timing though because it is delurking day. My hits to comment ratio is just not right, so I know you are there but I need more from you. This is a symbiotic relationship.
In lieu of food I will take some comments, so delurk now.

Is This Week Over Yet?

I am rocking this moving thing. Here is my contribution to the move that takes place in three weeks:


People, that there is TWO boxes full of great junk I want to take with me. Specifically a box of cookbooks and a box of table linens that I have used maybe 1 time in my married life.
My goal this week is to pack TWO more boxes of various sizes.
I aim high.


K's new ability to stand upright by himself affords him the time to take up new hobbies like cooking.

Here you see him whipping up a lobster risotto with a side of steamed asparagus with a hollandaise sauce.
It was delish!




Chef Wolfgang Poop even does the dishes!

My Baby Thinks He Is A Toddler

Okay, so just when you feel nothing can be added to your plate, a nine month old throws something else at you. My monkey K has decided that since he has been crawling for 3 weeks now, he will also just pull himself up on furniture and hey! why not just let go and stand alone too?
Ahem.
Shouldn't I have more of a grace period with just the crawling and eating any tiny little piece of fuzz, dirt or crap he can find on the floor?

He didn't think that was enough accomplishment for one day, he also said his first word yesterday: Uh oh!
This cannot be a good omen.

He must have had some resolutions for this year because he is growing and learning like crazy.

Busy January

We are in the finally countdown of weeks left living in New Jersey. E and his cousin will be working hard because this is their busy season.
It is also my busy season, but work pays the bills, so E won't be coming home much.
This stresses me out in so very many ways, but I know what I have to do and I only have 5 more weeks here if everything goes the way it is supposed to go.
We will leave for NH in the beginning of February, whether the house is sold or not. I promised the kids a birthday party with their friends from school and considering their lukewarm feelings of moving from their entire family, I figured it was the least I could do.

The list grows with things I have to do before I leave. I must pick up K's birth certificate, I have to eat more Chipotle because I am certain they don't exist in NH. I have to pack. I have to get my hair cut and colored and get my highlight color name? number? from my colorist. I have to get K baptised. I have to eat more bagels. (If you have never had the chance to eat a bagel in NY or NJ, what you are eating is not even close to being a bagel. Nope. Also? Why are there no delis outside of NY/NJ/CT? WTF?) I have to take the kids for a well visit at their pediatrician and dentist.
I have to pack. I have to visit my friends and grandparents one more time. Did I mention I have virtually nothing packed?

This month will be a busy one, but lonely. But, at least I have you guys, right?

2009

The starting line, the first, the unexpected lay ahead.
I kind of like the idea of the first day of the new year. Like you can make anything possible, every year behind you is dead, this is the one that counts.
Firsts are always good aren't they? First kisses, first loves, first time you see your child, first steps, first day at school, first cars, first real smiles, first time you realize you did it without help. I really can't think of a bad first, everyone leads to a new understanding, every one makes you, you.
They are all wonderful.


Do we always appreciate the wonder of firsts? Of course not. Without the darkness you can't have a sunrise.
This past year was a hard one for my family, we took a big hit and almost lost it all. If the world is one big ferris wheel of karma, we should be on our way back up to the horizon.
As I look up over this big world from the top, I will be able to say, I made it through, I did what I never thought I could do, and this is my first look on the other side.
I am going to take this year by the balls.