Out With The Old

Thank you for not bashing me on my last post. I don't want people to suffer, I don't want my friends to have to watch their dog die or have surgery or have a miscarriage. I wouldn't wish it on anyone but in the same thought I wish it on someone, anyone but me.
Contradictory, I know.

I want to thank you, the people that read this blog, for getting me through this year. You cheered me on when I needed it, you told me I was going to be ok when I thought I had cancer, you offered support, advice and prayers for me and my family. Virtual strangers. I needed this blog outlet this year, for myself because I never started this blog for other's advice or to make friends, that was the bonus.

I wish you guys a happy and healthy new year. I hope you all appreciate what you have and are thankful for your lives no matter how crappy things get. I am getting there myself.

I want you all to know you have a friend in me.

I think 2007 is going to be great.

I know it is.

The One Where I Self Indulge

Skip this post, I am going to be a cry baby and a total downer and politically incorrect, so just skip it.
I swear I won't mind.

I hate New Years. In the history of all of my New Years I have never had a good time.
Never.
Not one time.
I despise the night, it brings back terrible memories and I don't like to go out to dinner and spend 50% more for the same thing I could have gotten the night before. I don't like to pay $125 each to go to a club where there is "free champagne" at midnight.
I am over it.

I am also over 2006. Never before has so many life changing things happen to me in the span of twelve months.
Terrible things.
"Can I still do this?" things.

Cancer, needles, doctors, surgery, beloved dog dying, money problems, pregnant, kids starting school for the first time, not pregnant anymore and by the way there were three babies, and family problems.
Yay!

I am done with it all.
I am waiting for some bad shit to happen to someone else.

Sure, that is not the right thing to say and sure people all have their own problems and who is to say they are worse or more hurtful then mine. Still, that is the way I feel.
I see people walking around all day and I want some of this bad shit, karma, luck whatever, to happen to them not me. I have had enough.

I feel like I have to rebuild myself next year, bigger, stronger, smarter.
I lay awake at night and wonder when all this bad shit is going to take over my brain and make me just a terrible person and a terrible mother. I won't let it happen, I know it is a ticking bomb and before I explode I am going to get some therapy and try to wipe it clean, try to right some wrongs, try to get it out and deal before I mess my kids up.

So on New Years Eve, I will be on the couch in my pajamas, drinking to excess, wishing away 2006 and praying to never see a year like it again.
I hope that 2007 will be fresh and new like the finest cashmere sweater, ready to envelop me in warmth. I want to radiate love, happiness and kindness to everyone and I want to be happy.

I just want to be happy.

Hells Yeah.

Here is some photographic evidence that pooping Santa really does exist:


Ok you guys love the pooping Santa. You are my kind of people.

Actually I had seen a pooping reindeer in a Eckerd flyer before Christmas, and I expressed to my sister how I loved it but I couldn't find it.
I also thought my nephew would get a kick out of it. She found a pooping Santa and put in into the "game". Lucky for me I picked it and nobody stole it from me. They were all too busy fighting over a beef summer sausage, axe deodorant and a popcorn tin large enough to house a family of four comfortably.

My husband was victorious on the sausage and popcorn front. So if you want to come over and hang, I'll supply the snacks.

The Game

E's family plays this game on Christmas since he was a child Some might refer to it as a Yankee Swap or a Trade game, but we just call it "The Game".
Everyone gets gifts for each person that is playing, no gift should be more then $5 and gag gifts are welcomed and even encouraged.

WE had this huge pile of gifts set out before all 12 of us and we jumped in, each person picks a gift, opens it and places it beside them, when it is your turn you can either open a new gift or steal someone's already opened gift.
Usually I walk away with most of the crap, this year I didn't do so badly.
I received a shower gel, jumbo playing cards, a twizzler lip balm, a Santa that poops candy, an eye patch, granola bars, a 16 candles pen that quotes lines from the movie, a three pack of shower caps, a loaf of pumpernickel bread, a rain cap and flarp (a booger type substance that makes fart noises if you put your finger into it).
To say that these were some of the best gifts, leads you to understand how great this game is. This year my 11 year old nephew and 13 year old niece played so I stayed away from some of the racier "novelties" I have seen on my travels.
And I have seen some doozies.

Last year I wrapped an industrial size pack of maxi pads only to have my nephew ask what they were to which my sister in law replied "they are for people who can't make it to the bathroom in time, like adult diapers" to which I thought "didn't he have sex ed yet isn't that taught in 5th grade? Well, he is in 5th grade but maybe that comes in the spring time because, you know, rebirth and all that " and thus ends the longest run on sentence of 2006.

It is a fun time and alcohol makes anything better when family is involved and one three year old that hasn't napped and some other kids all on sugar highs.
The game was good and although I didn't get the dishtowels I found my Mom had left them for me on my desk.
That was sweet.

Really can you complain about a game where you come out the proud new owner of a Santa that poops candy?
I think not.

Bummer

I am back from my holiday hiatus. Did you miss me?
No?

Well, I didn't miss you either.

Christmas was great. We went to church on Sunday, then to my Aunt's house for our family party. We drove home and unpacked all the gifts and put them under the tree. This year each kid got a new bike so that was one of the highlights. Then we cleaned and chopped and cooked and organized for our family who was coming over, my mother, sister and family and E's sister and family. I ate more on Christmas then I had eaten the whole week prior!
I drank, a LOT. Our motto to get through the day with kid's who hadn't napped was to drink to excess.
I took that to heart.

Now that we have 459 bags of garbage in our garage, I know the holidays are over. I do get into a funk after we take down all the decorations that I put up, just so and just right.

I hope your holidays were as good as ours. Now if you will excuse me I have a new three foot spiderman puzzle to put together.

Christmas Meme

This is a version of the meme Twisted Chick did.
Five things you didn't know about me Christmas Edition:

1) I like to bake but Christmas cookies is just too long of a process for me. I get bored halfway through when the kitchen in a total mess and I still have to roll out more dough and cut them out. This year I made a version of elephant ears and chocolate chip cookies instead. Way easier.

2) when I was younger I would sneak out of my bed at night and sleep on the couch so I could look at the Christmas tree. I LOVE Christmas trees, real though no fake ones for us.

3) One year my parents decided why pay so much money for a tree that is dead, why not by a live one with roots so we can plant it after Christmas? The tree was 5 foot tall, I remember being taller then it and I was about 10. I cried, and said how terrible it was. They never got another "plant it" tree.

4) I love wrapping gifts. Granted it does get old after awhile but I love to decorate them. My mom always said, the outside looking great is half the fun of a gift. I always decorate the box now.

5) I love church on Christmas eve. Don't tell me mom. She thinks we all don't like church and I really don't probably because I was forced to go every Sunday until I was 18. Sunday school, no jeans, coffee and cookies after mass, the whole package. Torture.
Torture!
But I like it on holidays, the candles, the songs, the excitement of the party my family has after. It is slightly melancholy too, but maybe that is just.

That is it! I am not tagging anyone but if you do a version of this let me know so I can check it out!

And To All A Good Night

I know it is going to be a ghost town today in the blogosphere. I hate that.

I am still here! Doing boring mundane things, searching for updated blogs when I should be wrapping gifts and cleaning my house. Or cooking. Or putting away laundry. Or napping.

I toyed with the idea of doing a LIVE blog throughout Christmas on my other blog, but does anyone care? Nobody should be on the computer when they could be spending time with their families, right?

Anyway, I hope you all have a great Christmas and I want to hear about all of your gifts on Tuesday.

Take Two

The past two weeks I have had a whirlwind of information, thought processing, stressing and worrying going on in my head. It is this season, the things within my family and the fact I have to cook dinner for 12 on Christmas. It is overwhelming.
But I don't mind it that much.
I know after Christmas, I will have the "post holiday blues" that I always get, taking down decorations and packing them away is my most hated chore next to unpacking a suitcase.

Then I will be left with my thoughts, my fears, without any other things to do or priority thoughts to push them out of the way and into a deep dark corner of my brain.
You know, where I push all the good stuff and never deal with it?

Yes, I think it is very healthy too.

In the new year I will try some therapy and deal with the things in the deep, dark corner. Things I swore I would never deal with because I could just forget about it and not allow myself to go back. What could be easier??
Yeah.
I don't think that is the best way anymore, I don't want my kids to be fucked up because of my shit, that is the least I could do for them. I owe it to them.

I doubt I have dealt with my Father's death or even my dog's death properly. Maybe I never dealt with my parent's divorce, or any of the shit life hands each of us.
I am going to try to clean out that corner of my mind, get rid of the negative, dust it off and place some great memories of family and friends there.

That is what I owe myself.

The One With all the Questions

Really I find that putting my picture out for the world to see has stirred up some things in me.
I never started blogging to make friends or let people know anymore then I wanted them to know, I never posted my kid's names, anything more then a generic idea of where I live, or any of our faces.

I guess it is something that almost every blogger goes through, how much to give, how much do you let strangers into your life? Some of you have become friends of mine outside of this blog and some I have told things I have never told anyone.
Isn't that strange?
Or is it safer then telling your RL friends or family your secrets, fears or hopes? Would you care as much if they judged you? Do they really have a stake in your life? Are people who read your blog, your intimate details of your life, your ups and downs more true of a friend because they are there with you every day making time to read your life?

The whole thing is odd to me, yet I do it every day. The only blogger who lives close to me is Rockstar Mommy . I have seen her picture and now she has seen mine. Maybe I will see her in Target one day and I can run over to her like the rockstar she is.
Then we can blogger gossip.

That could be worth putting my picture on this silly site.

Now You Know

First I post a picture of my makeup, then my kids and now a picture of my face. Gasp.
What has gotten into me?

E is not that happy that I posted a picture of myself or the kids but whatever.

Plus I gave you much more info about me with that picture besides what I look like. You can tell by the picture that I have carpet. And stairs!
The picture was taken in the office at my desk.

What else can I post a picture of? My street address? A picture of my house?
This is addicting.

Oh, and to all the people with the compliments on my picture can you please come and live with me? I have a spare bedroom with two full beds. Do with it what you will, squeeze on in, I don't cook breakfast but you will be well fed. Requirements are only to tell me I am smoking hot all day, every day.


edited to add: I miss my anonymity!! Ack! But Somehow I am liberated from this blogging prison.

Ta Da!

Hi, I am Tuesday.


Ok, ok, you guys don't forget anything. Here is your damn pictures. Minimal makeup, hair not straightened and wearing my signature black.

Are you satisfied?

Now send me money.

Strollers

I went to the mall today ( I know! I like to live on the edge.) with my twins (are you laughing at me?) and I thought I could get some shopping done.
HAHHAHHSHHSHHAAAAAAAAAAAHHAAAA!

Yes, I am crazy. This post isn't about how fucked in the head I am, well yes it is, but what I really want to talk about is stores.
And by talk, I mean complain.

I get that I have a twins stroller and not everything is meant to accommodate me and my brood but if I could just navigate one store I would be happy. The clothes racks are squeezed together and clothes always hit my kids in the face.

I always have to remember where the special doors are for the handiapped in each mall so i can try to park by that door so I don't have to open the door with one hand, stretch my body like a cartoon character and try to push the stroller in with the other hand. All the while people come in and out and seldom offer to help.

Some stores I don't think you can navigate a single stroller and who shops at malls besides women with kids??

Maybe stores will wise up and make it more stroller friendly and maybe people will wise up and just move over slightly when you see I am coming or maybe spare 4 seconds of your life and hold the door for me.
If you don't I won't care, I will just run you over with my stroller.
Double wide, baby.

How Many Days Until Christmas?!??

The picture will be up this weekend I promise. I have just been busy and I have even been to Target already this morning and spend over $100 and I still didn't really get anything.
How does that happen??

It seems all the gifts I want this year are hard to find, impossible even.
Just my luck.

I swear I had a point to this post. I lost it with my sanity.

Today is my Father's birthday so I will take the kids with me to the cemetery and then I will go visit with my stepmother, brother and sister. We will exchange gifts with the kids and it will be nice to hang out with them since we won't see them Christmas Eve this year.

I officially sent out my Christmas cards this morning. Finally.
They aren't that great and DD was right, I should have sent out the one with them on Santa's lap. If you haven't seen it yet look here.

Finally if any of you have my new blog on your blogroll let me know because I will
A) thank you
B) add you to my blogroll also.

Hair, Pictures, Kids and More

Ok, Ok, you ladies would call and complain for my color mistake if it were you. I think we all agree it is a lot of money and I should get what I paid for. The problem is I can of like being dark haired. But I think that will wear off soon. As soon as I start to see a single gray hair pop up and mock me from the top of my head and I will pull him out by my trusty tweezers and throw him in the garbage like the scum that he is and I will yell "tell your friends!"

I will get a picture of my new dark do for you as soon as E gets home from work today. Should I makeup up for you gorgeous women or should I appear with my dark circles? Questions, questions.

Yes, I do need my eyebrows threaded, so don't judge but I didn't have time on Friday at the salon and now I am scared I will run into miss illdowhateveriwanttoyourhairandchargeyouuptheass. I will have to go incognito under the cover of darkness.

My kids have been eating me out of house and home. I guess they are having a growth spurt. My daughter does not need to grow anymore, she is often mistaken for being 5 years old instead of three and she is so much taller then L that people don't think they are twins anymore unless they are both in the stroller.
I got back their first class picture from school the other day and they are amazing. It wasn't the standard sit in this wooden chair, smile generically school picture, it is amazing photo studio, special effects pictures.
I was impressed. I wish I knew how good they were before I ordered my red eyed Christmas cards from ofoto. Yes, they have red eyes in the picture but after trying to get a good one, and trying to correct the red eyes but not being able to see if I did it or now, I didn't give a shit anymore.
You know how that is.

Hair Trauma

SO I went to the hair salon on Friday because I hadn't gone in so long. I was waaaaay overdue for my highlights and a trim. I didn't feel well and hadn'e eaten anything all day, I also had this nervous energy and sitting ina chair for hours was not my idea of fun. Since my hair looked like a rat's nest I went.
My old colorist had left this salon so I tried a new girl that came recommended, it is a very upscale salon and it is filled with rich snotty people, but my hair dresser works there and I will never let anyone else cut my hair again ever so I wanted to kill two bird with one stone.

I told the colorist what I wanted, highlights like I have, blond with low lights of brown. I started growing gray hair when I become pregnant with the twins so I wanted to disguise them or camouflage them until they have taken over my head, which with my luck will be in three months.

She told me she understood, looked at my hair, all over, for many minutes.
That killed me. She said how about low lights, I told her that was what I have done in the past, that I do want it to look natural, and I am picky about my highlights, I do not want skunks. (thick blond streaks in the middle of my head).
She starts mixing some highlights and low lights and some other mystery color. I should tell you that I had to wait 45 minutes to even start with her as she was behind.
Pissed isn't the word.

Really I can't type anymore so I will tell you, what ever treatments she was putting in my hair for which in between you have to wait 10 minutes to rinse and repeat, rinse and fucking repeat, it took over 3 hours.
I was crawling out of my skin.
I was screaming in my head, and she took forever. That made my hairstylist behind and she had to wait for me to cut my hair. She was awesome though and understood. I couldn't dry my hair because I had no time left so she spoke to the manager and I did get a free shampoo, conditioner and round brush for free (the brush alone was $30). I could tell my hair looked dark but only until I got home I realized it is very dark. Dark brown.
The color that does not hide grays.
I actually love the color, it is different, and I look JUST like my sister now because this is the color she keep her hair. Everyone always thinks we are twins anyway.
This is not a long story short.

ANYWAY, I had to pay the bill and I cringed because the bitch kept adding treatments and I wasn't in the right mind to ask if they were extra or what in god's name was she doing to my hair.
The bill? $215.00 plus tips. Tips for my cutter, colorist and shampoo girl. I fucked my colorist on the tip because I only gave her $10.

Now I want to call and get my next color free to redo it because this wasn't what I asked for but I am embarrassed. I hated people who asked for free things when I worked retail. I certainly don't want to go when "Lisa' is there. I will have to return only on her days off, which I have no idea when that is.

So that is my travesty hair story. Maybe if I am brave I will post a hair pic later.
What will you give me in return?

Various Shit

Thank you for the love. I do appreciate how lovely virtual strangers are when you need them to be. Your emails and comments made me feel a lot better.
No health stuff for us, just mental, but that is as far as I am going to go now. Maybe in the new year I will feel like sharing what is going on but right now I can't write about it. It is too new.
So lets get on with stupid posts, shall we?

Do you know what I saw on TV last night? A commercial for the clapper.
You remember the clapper right? You clap your appliances on or off.
Well, I saw the commercial from the 80's last night, the same commercial. Did people buy the clapper to begin with , are we resurrecting it just for the holidays or because it is a valuable product? Odd.
I thought the commercial for Chia pets were bad enough.

Why aren't they resurrecting the "where's the beef" commercials?

sigh. Why am I still thinking about this.

I have to tell you about my hair fiasco on Friday. I had an appointment to get my hair done, I didn't want to go because I was pissed/sad/hurt/mad/tired but I forced myself to go because my highlight roots were terrible.
I promise to post about that three and half hours of fun and torment later.

"Between the lines of fear and blame, And you begin to wonder why you came "


I can't post for awhile.

I have to sort a million things out in my head. If you are the praying type, please put my family in your prayers.

Picture time

I have taken no less then 104 picture of my children in the past three days, in hopes that maybe I could get one to use for Christmas cards.
As it is, I will be sending out my cards on December 24th because I waitedso long to order them.
I am usually much more ahead of schedule with these things, but this year, I am not.

You would think with 104 pictures taken, I would have at least a dozen great ones to choose from.

You would be wrong.

Twins don't always do things together, including look at the camera and smile since that is ALL they needed to do.
One looks down, the other smiles perfect, one starts to play with her dress, the other jumps up and down.

At this rate I am going to send out cards with a picture of me crying in a heap on the floor, with my camera in hand.
It will read, "Send Alcohol".

Bras

I can't shake this cold for the life of me. When I do get sick it tend to go to my chest and I wheeze, cough up junk forever and my cough sounds like a dying deal pleading for life.
Fun!

Speaking of chests, ahem. I am a rather busty woman, a 36C or even D in some bras. I have just take inventory of my bra drawer and have found several problems.

1. Some have cups that are TOO small for me
2. some are too tight. Hello 34C, I hope to see you again soon.
3. Some are cheap, shitty ones that kill you all the live long day.
4. Some make me look like I have torpedos for breasts.

So, I am in the mood for some new bras, and I need suggestions for you.
Here are my guidlines, I don't think I like Victoria, but I haven't tried anything from her in years. It cannot cost more then $45 per bra, because, hello, I am not made of money! Lastly it cannot look like it is my Grandmother's bra, no matter how comfy.

Ok, girls, fire away.

Today is Your Lucky Day!

Go on over to my other blog and read about my horrible Christmas stress and how, right in the middle of my mall, I turned into the mother I vowed I would never be.
Plus a rare picture of my adorable kids.
Consider it my holiday gift to you!

Lights

Are we the only ones that have to buy new Christmas lights every year. My husband just took out 15 strings of lights to put on the outside of our house this morning, and guess how many that work?
Three.

Three strings of lights out of fifteen.

Every year I have to go back to the store and buy new lights. What a waste!

:cough:

My kids gave me an early gift this year.

A cold.

My son had a small cold all weekend until about yesterday. Now I have it. I am clammy, hot and sneezy. Not fun.

I am sure with another good night's rest I will be fine. Well, and some chicken pot pie filling soup.
That makes everything better.