A Day in My Life

Me: yes I received a bill for this Rachel Ray magazine, but I just paid it in December. I paid the bill in December and never received one issue of the magazine. I called last month to tell you guys that and you told me I wrote my address wrong, so you couldn't send me any issues.
Actually that is funny because you cashed my check with my address on it, but I still never got one copy.

Customer Disservice Woman: this is a bill for a renewal.

Me: What renewal? I signed up but haven't received the magazine yet.

Customer Disservice Woman: this is for your renewal, that means you would get this magazine at a discounted rate for another year.

Me: (getting louder) I do understand what "renewal" means. WHY would I renew something when I haven't even received my first year yet?

CDW: so you don't want to renew it?

Me : (very loud) I HAVEN'T RECEIVED ONE ISSUE OF THIS MAGAZINE, YOU CASHED MY CHECK SO YOU HAVE MY MONEY BUT I HAVE NOT RECEIVED MY GOODS. PLEASE SEND ME MY ONE YEAR OF THIS TERRIBLE MAGAZINE FROM A WOMAN WHO USES TERMS LIKE "SAMMIES" AND "YUMMO" AND LETS END THIS HORRIBLE CONVERSATION NOW.

CDW: Ok, I will send you out one year of this magazine, so it will expire June 2007 and is that all today?

Me: Now that my blood pressure has skyrocketed, I think I am good.

The Heat, My God, The Heat!

New Jersey has blasted off from spring right into the down and dirty summer. It was 75 and beautiful last week and was 92 and humid this weekend. Wow, I always forget how sticky and hot summer really is. Hopefully we will be back to our average 77 degree days.

This weekend was very relaxing and productive. My sister & nephews came over on Friday and spent the night, Sunday we had a family party and yesterday I planted a herb and vegetable garden and E and I planted a ton of flowers and bushes around the house.
It really needed it. For some strange reason the people who lived here before us, pulled all the bushes and plants up and never replaced them. Besides two mature trees and one bush there was no other plants, flowers or shrubs on the entire property.

My kids are napping! Yay! I tired them out with a trip to Target and Whole Foods this morning before nap time. I think that may be the key to my sanity.
I do have to push their naps back until the afternoon because when they start preschool this fall, they will have class 9-1pm. They should get home by 1:15 and that would be a perfect time for a nap.
I really have no idea what I would do with myself for 4 hours ALONE. No kids. I could do all my errands, clean the house without little people instantly messing it up, or go to the gym or NAP, or even watch a TiVoed show with no interruptions.
It is going to be great.

Points of Interest

If you didn't see American Idol recaps, you missed out. If you didn't know Clay Aiken was gay before, his haircut says it all. Bangs people, bangs.
There is nothing wrong with being gay, just don't deny it and then come out singing with side swept bangs.

The Lost finale was great and it is going to be one long hot summer wanting more.

My sister is coming down today to spend the night here and when she comes here it always rains so we are stuck in the house. True to fom, it is supposed to rain today for the first time in weeks.
I love being stuck inside the house with four kids under the age of 5.

I tried the new choco-nilla iced coffee at Dunkin Donuts and it was pretty good. Now they have smoothies there too. I would like to try them, we are addicted to smoothies in this house and when a new place has them, we are ALL about trying it.

I am planting a veggetable and herb garden this spring. Some things are planted already some are ready to go in.
How domestic I am!

I have a new product I want to lick and snuggle with. This was my first true appliance love and now I want this.
My hair is so long and thick, it takes a good 40 minutes to dry my hair. FORTY MINUTES, people. I don't have 40 minutes for hair drying and or styling. That is why my hair looks like shit most of the time.
This dryer is so light and quick, I love it. I need it.

Now, everyone have a great holiday weekend. I will spend my day taking out my white pants and sandals from winter storage.

E comes home today and not a moment too soon. Baby B finally pooped yesterday but she had more and was uncomfortable all day.
I knew what I had to do.
I had to go in.

I got the glycerin suppository from my medicine cabinet. I pulled a little square of toilet paper to get a better grip on the slippery sucker.
I told Baby B because she can't poop and her belly hurts, I had to put some medicine in her bottom and it will feel so much better. She screamed, she cried, she kicked. I blocked the blows while trying to gently place the slippery bullet in her butt every so easy.
I swear two minutes after it went in she was straining to get the poop out, she just couldn't hold it in any longer. Poor baby.

She went again one hour later and again this morning, lets hope it is all over so we can leave the house today.
We have been trapped in here by Baby B who wouldn't leave the couch for fear she may poop for the past two days.

God, I am sure this post will bring many visitors from people searching google for unmentionable things. I can't imagine.
Actually I can.


Lost finale is on tonight and I can't wait. We will be celebrating here all day in anticipation.
And yes, I need to get a life.
And no, I won't become the Mom who can only post about poop.

?

I can't be the only person in the world who tunes in to "local on the 8s" on the weather channel and ALWAYS misses it.

Maybe I am.

Baby B pooped once yesterday & once today. Good, but I know she still has more, poor kid.

Interesting fact: I have been awake sicne 2am and I am in a pretty good mood despite of that.
I am grateful and very, very surprised.

The One Where I Talk About Poop

Baby B is constipated again. Again!
She has been having the problem ever sicne she turned a year old. She eats the same things at the same times as her brother but she must have inherited my problem. She hasn't gone since Thursday afternoon and then it was little rabbit pellets.
I have given her aloe, acedophillus, mineral oil, prunes, prune juice, raisins, grape juice and stopped her from eating cheese and milk.
Still no go.
Now I know she has to go but it holding it in because she knows it will be big and hurt her. It is so very sad, because I know it will be big and hurt her but I explain that she will feel so much better after her poop comes out.
I have given her a suppository in the past, because I had to, but she was not happy about it and cried and cried. Who could blame her?
I really do not want to do that again.
E is away on business (again!) until tomorrow night so I am alone in all this. I like it much better when he gets to be the bad guy.

So any suggestions for me and Baby B?

Conversations with Kids

Today at Barnes & Noble I purchased my husband the book he needed and the kids each got a book. We played with the train table they have and they off we went to search for a book for me.
That didn't work out so well. Baby B kept asking : "are we going to pay the man now?" every 10 seconds and Baby A started climbing on racks.
I swear they are usually much better in public but *surprise* they wouldn't nap for me today.

I go them in the car and said " I am disappointed in both of you not being able to stand still so Mommy could buy a book. Now you have books and Daddy has a book but Mommy couldn't get one so now I am sad about that. "

Baby B in sweetest voice you have ever heard " Awwww, that's ok, sweetie you can get a book next time, honey" and while I stifled laughter "It's ok honey, you can go tonight and buy all the books sweetie, ok honey?"

I almost died. Where do they come up with this?




*I have eaten four, I repeat, FOUR crullers today. Damn you dunkin donuts, damn you to hell!!!!!!!!!!!

MishMash

Ok, I have got a lot of things going on in my head today, and I am going to pour most of it out here so I can clear up some space so maybe I could decide something important, like what to make for dinner.

LOST was amazing last night. Here are my theories: Claire and Jack are half sister & brother. Jack's Dad was in Australia to see her. Desmond is on the boat we saw coming right at the end of the episode. The "others" really just want Hurley because they had Jack, Kate and Sawyer already & let them go. It must have to do with the numbers. Speaking of the numbers, I bet they are not entered some time next week and when they are not entered the "magnets" take down another plane.

Elliott is off American Idol. See ya.

I have taken a sleeping pill for the past two nights and the past two days I have had a headache. Hangovers are the worst. I don't know which is better, being tired all day because I didn't sleep well or having a headache all day because you chemically induced sleep.

I have to go to Barnes & Noble today to pick up a book that E has to read by Monday for work. I will pick myself up a couple of books too. I love to read and it seems that I only get a chance to do so is in the summer when I am outside with the kids every day.
I can't even remember which books I wanted so now I have to look them up on my Amazon wish list.

The brownies are all gone.
In my stomach.
I can never make them again or I will weigh 260 lbs. I really perfected the recipe though, sigh.

Ugh! A storm is blowing in right now and I better go close my car windows or better yet, just pull it into the garage.

My daughter cried three times yesterday because she doesn't have a penis, nor will she ever have one, hence she will forever have to sit down to pee.
This seems like the worst thing that could every happen to her, and how dare I laugh while she is crying over something SO important.
I was just envisioning telling her first boyfriend the story.

My son likes to "assume the position" whilst taking a leak. He places his hands against the wall in front of him, spreads his feet apart and arches his back.
This stance, while hysterical to see, I can only hope it never comes into play as an adult.
I laugh because I envision showing his first girlfriend the pictures.

Just A Day in The Life

This is just a typical morning of a Mom to B/G twins:

me: Baby A, I am so proud of you for peeing in the potty just like Daddy! You are such a big boy now.

Baby A: Yes, I am. Now I can go to school and ride a motorcycle.

Me: Well, I think they are mutually exclusive, but your new school is pretty awesome, I wouldn't be surprised

Baby B (crying): I want to pee in the potty like Daddy, when I am a big girl, I will be a boy so I can pee standing up.

me: calgon take me away.

3rd Time is a Charm

AND I made brownies last night from scratch and I ate THREE of them today. I am really disgusted with myself but they are SOOO good.

EDIT

I went all the way over to the other side of town to the vampire office to get my blood work done. I take the kids out of the car and as I am walking up to the front door I remembered that I forgot the paperwork from my doctor.
They can't do any tests without it so I really wanted to scream and yell and kick my car but instead i get my kids back into the car, buckle them in and drive away, all the while answering my daughter when she asks "are we coming back in one minute?" 735 times.

Instead I went to the grocery store with them and I got a car cart and I was happy. Then my son fell asleep in the car (like EVERY TIME I take in to a store when he hasn't had his nap) and I had to finish my trip quickly as to not wake the sleeping prince. Then I had to carry him into the house and he is now sleeping on the couch in the family room. Now I have to go bring in all the groceries from the car and I am stalling until E gets home.
I hate carrying in the groceries and anyway, I just carried a 33lb kid in.
I have to draw the line somewhere!

Stinking Titles

Today I have to go and get blood taken again. I really feel like a pin cushion with all these blood withdrawals. I just have to make sure my thyroid is functioning normally so I do not have to take any medications. The last thing I need is another medication to take every day, I already take three.

Then I have to go to the grocery store with my kids which is not fun. They tend to fight when they are in the close quarters of the cart. Plus I can't fit anything in the cart with two three year olds in it. The car carts with the little car for them to ride in attached to the cart is a hot commodity in my area and getting them ins't easy. They are also so bulky and hard to maneuver. I wished they would just make carts that have the seats for two kids in the front, like Bj's does. It makes life so much easier.

My Mother's Day was great. We went to my Aunt's house and the kids played and I didn't have to change a diaper all day. I also received ample massages and foot rubs.
Every day should be Mother's Day!

Mother's Day

Go on over to Mommy bloggers, they asked me again to fill out some answers to great Mother Day questions along with a ton of other kick ass Moms.
Go and check it out, and to all the Moms who read this have a great Mother's Day.

Today

It is a beautiful day here today and I am not looking forward to the rain that is supposed to linger here all weekend. Although I am sure my grass is excited.
I must have slept wrong last night and today I have a headache and my neck is killing me. I really need a good massage. That need comes in handy when Mother's Day is right around the corner!

My daughter is in her dress up phase. It started earlier then I thought it would, she received some dress up clothes and accessories for Christmas and her birthday and she went to my sister's house yesterday dressed like Snow White. The costume has been on for a good 36 hours.
My son wants to dress up too, and it makes me sad that they have a common interest that is not socially acceptable for the boy to do. I asked him if he would like to wear his sister's costumes but he wanted spider man and batman costumes. Easier said then done.
I finally found this.
Cute right?

He does want his manicures like myself and his sister. This was a little tougher. I painted them light pale pink just like his sister one day despite sad and concerned looks from my husband.
The next time we told him boys don't usually paint their nails, but I would paint one pink or use the clear if he wanted. He liked the clear or "white" as he calls it.

I find it to be hard because since they are twins, they like to do everything together, what one wants the other does too. There is much more cute clothes to buy or more toys for girls and just plain more to do.
I know there will come a day where both have such separate hobbies and interests. Until that day I will be buying more clear nail polish and searching for matching motorcycles.

Gifts

Ok, I am a running so late on this Mother's Day thing. I haven't purchased one thing yet for my mother, E's mother, my grandmother, stepmother or godmother.
I know, I am in trouble.

I feel like it snuck up on my this year.

Now, besides time off and to feel appreciated which is what ALL Moms want, what would you like for Mother's Day or what are you giving your Mother/Mother-in-laws this year?

I was going to give gifts wtih teh kids pictures on it, but I am too late to order them now.
So go on and spill the beans.

Hey Blaine, Try This One

I didn't watch David Blaine's special last night. I heard about it quite a bit today already. Apparently he couldn't hold his breath for the full 9 minutes he wanted to and was pulled out of the tank by bikini models at 7 minutes.
To me this is no big deal. I think I have broken this 9 minute record unceremoniously quite a few times over the last three years.

I recall one time in particular:
I checked on my daughter then just a baby in her vibrating seat (otherwise known as the best invention EVER) and I noticed a smell. I picked her up and knew she had a terrible poop in her pants. At that moment I saw that the vibrating seat had vibrated the poop all out of her diaper and up her back. (gag)
I sprang into action.
I placed a hairclip on my nose and held my breath while I: carefully undressed her, wiped her with 756 wipes, placed the clothes in sink, ran an emergency bath, washed poop out of unmentionable locations on both me and her, put a new clean diaper back on, rinsed out poopy clothes and then ran with them to the washing machine.

Then I released my nose clip and filled my lungs with fresh, clean air.

I could only hope for a pay day like David Blaine's after that but I was rewarded with a clean baby.

Now that, that should be televised!

Shopping Trip

My outing on Friday went well. I went to three store and I finally found something in Annie Sez. My daughter hit herself in the head on one of the racks and cried.
Loudly.
They always hurt themselves when they are tired.
Then my kids said goodbye to an older couple leaving the store when as we were, my son pointed out he was wearing a shirt with a bee on it and my daughter had to show off that her pants had a butterfly. Then, in front of the strip mall she proceeded to pull dopwn her pants and show off her princess pull ups to the lovely older couple.
I died of embarrassment and we were on our way to get some new shoes.

My son fell off the little seats where you try on shoes, despite me telling him no less then 34 times to get off and to stand by me. He screamed like someone stabbed him and I am sure all the people buying shoes judged me and my kids.
I feel like putting signs on their backs saying "we are great kids normally and if we have a nap we are downright terrific" or "my Mom can't get us to nap or to go to the bathroom in a potty but really, she is a pretty good Mom"

Maybe I will just get t-shirts made up instead.
For Mother's Day.

All in all, it was a good trip out, I did find out Old Navy had carts and I did utilize them. My kids went into the dressing room with me for the first time. They were wondering out loud (very loud) what my bra was and why it was different then a bathing suit.
Then they poked my boobs.
It was almost degrading.

Next time I will at least go shopping after nap time. Or I should say faux nap time, where they pretend they are napping but are just tearing apart the bedroom and I try to do something productive before I have to go up and yell at them for faux napping.
That is a WHOLE other post though.

Today, I am Daring

I never really brought my kids shopping with me. They were probably two years old before they ever saw the inside of a grocery store. It was always too hard to go shopping with the twins stroller, so bulky and I could never go into a fitting room with it, I was lucky if I could fit through aisles with it.
I was a pro though at the open door-hold with right foot-shimmy stroller through-easy, easy take it easy, pushing the stroller with one hand-ease door closed behind me while opening the other set of doors in front of me-and repeating. You really work up a sweat when you are done with that, I can only imagine how awesome I would be at it with a single stroller. I would win straight golds at the Mommy Olympics.

Today though I am leaving the house with my two three year old sans stroller to go to a minimum of two stores that do not have carriages. I am looking for a camisole for myself at Old Navy and then hitting DSW for some new shoes. DSW is like a racetrack for kids with those long aisles.

Sigh, I have to do it though my little sister's communion is tomorrow and I have to finish an outfit and look somewhat decent.

There may be some crying and yelling but after I get it all out of my system it should be fine.

I Am Sure This is TMI and Boring

Feel free to skip this post because I will be giving TMI and I am confident this will be boring. I may be boring but I still have confidence in myself. You gotta love that.

You still reading? Oh well, don't say I didn't warn you.

I have my period, it arrived early this morning after not making an appearance in all of April.
I didn't blame my period, all that raining in April doesn't make it the most fun month.
I am not complaining either because a month without your period, to me, is like a month full of sunshine, cute puppies licking your nose and fitting into skinny jeans all rolled into one.
I love it.
It made the fact that I was HUGE when I was pregnant and tired all the time soooo worth it. It almost made the stretch marks worth it, but not quite. I hate the stretch marks more then my period and that is saying a lot.

You may be asking yourself now, "well, what is going to get poor Tuesday through the day?". Well, since you asked I will tell.
Lost is on tonight.
Lost.
A new one that is leading up to the finale. I may wet my pants.

Also on tonight is a new Dateline where they are after the sexual preditors online and they are catching those sons of bitches and hopefully getting their salads tossed in jail to let them know what it feels like to be victimized and I hope they all rot.
Whew.

Anyway, my period hormones suggested this to accompany Lost and I am more then happy to oblige.
I will be in heaven at 9pm tonight.

Blurry Vision

"It is such a beautiful day again today", I thought as I drove past the familiar buildings.
I was on my way home after running a few errands and I was tired, but better yet would be that the kids are tired, I thought.
I checked my rear view mirror. "Yes! One down one to go."

I made a left turn and I heard it, the familiar, distinctive sound. Instantly sadness washed over me like 100 gallons of water and I felt like I couldn't breathe, I was drowning.
I glanced to my left, and I saw the bag pipers.
This time they were at someone else's funeral, someone else was dead on this beautiful day and they were melodically sending that person away forever.

The memories flood back: funerals, black, crying, scared, loud music, dark glasses, the bitter cold and how I was grateful it made me numb inside and out, beautiful days.
Sadness.

It felt like I passed the funeral in slow motion, not like I was going 30 miles per hour.
That is how life has felt since my Dad died, in slow motion, but in reality, flying by.
I guess it is the irony of it all.

I felt the wind sting my eyes, all the while not realizing I was crying.

I pulled into the driveway and parked my car. I put my head against the seat and took off my sunglasses. I looked into the rearview mirror to see two sleeping kids.
Peaceful and innocently sweet.
I exhaled realizing that I had done it.
That through it all, in slow motion, in sadness, and through tears, I still mamanged to find my way home.