Thursday, October 27, 2005

So Hard

Thank you all for your suggestions and well wishes, I really do appreciate them.

I just feel myself falling apart minute by minute. Like the threads of my body and soul are unraveling. I have tried everything and I have just decided to live in this mess of a house. I don't have the energy or desire to clean up any of the 100 messes they have made today alone. I can't keep up with it anymore.

E is pissing me off too. Usually when he leaves for an extended amount of time he will send me flowers or a small gift. He always will leave a note for me or a card, telling me he loves me and he will miss me very much. This trip I received neither.
It is not that I want something, I don't but a card or a note telling me he will miss me or just that he loves me shows me his support and encourages me for the time alone.
Maybe it is because of all the stress I am under now, but I am so sad thinking about how I didn't get a note from him. I really think that was a shitty thing to do.
Yeah maybe he forgot, but he has done it every time he goes away for the past nine years.
It may really sound petty, but I needed it and I don't think it is asking too much.

I just wish I had someone to go out to coffee with, without kids.
I wish the liquor store delivered.


  1. Maybe he'll have a surprise for you when he gets back or maybe he'll feel so bad that he'll get you something really nice. I can tell that it's tough for you. I'm not even trying to take sides or discount your feelings, but remember that it might be pretty tough for him too and he might be having it rough, just in a different way. And maybe that will connect you. Hope this helps.

  2. E probably forgot. You are both under great stress and something that might sounds trivial is very important to you at this time. Make sure you tell him calmly when you get a chance to talk to him that he forgot to leave you a note and it means a lot to you to have that note as you tackle the kids all by youself. Take a deep breathe! Things will be okay. Take care!


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