Wednesday, March 07, 2007

Open Letters

Dear strange man in random stores:
Yes, I know my daughter is cute, adorable in fact, but do not touch her. I know you are probably a nice man, maybe even a lonely, widowed Grandfather, but it creeps me out to no end. Do not touch her. You are lucky I didn't bite off your hand, and if my husband was there, he would have bit your head off.
Hand to yourself people.

Love, Tuesday

Dear period,
E-fucking-nough already. Don't come 8 days late, stronger then ever, more cramps then ever then disappear for 36 hours and try and come back. You had your chance. I am not going to play peek a boo with you. Come all out or hang out until next month, it is your choice.

Fuck you,
Tuesday

Dear lent,
I didn't give up anything for you. Last year I gave up my thyroid, I figure that will even me up for a few years at least. Plus, what have you done for me lately?
Sorry, but I even ate turkey on Friday.

Love, Tuesday

Dear readers,
Whirlpool or Fridgidaire?

Love, Tuesday

8 comments:

  1. Kenmore :) Sorry I am just messing with you- kinda fun at the moment. You are too funny you know that.

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  2. GMC!
    Oh, wait, they make cars...

    As for your first letter, totally understandable. Is it strange that I get freaked out even when some women try to touch my son. I don't know why...

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  3. p.s I don't have a dishwasher so I can't vote! (well, I do...her name is DIANA!!!)

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  4. I have a GE Profile. So, I don't have an opinion on either of the one's you mentioned.

    THis post cracked me up, btw!

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  5. Kristi11:11 AM

    Whirlpool

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  6. At nearly 40 I can't wait till my period stops(already into menopause) and I'm counting the months! As for the "nice old man", wait till your daughter is 13-14...now those "nice old men" seem like pedophiles who all seem to lurk about in the cleaning isles at Target.

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  7. great letters. Dont do whirlpool. You know why. lol

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