Friends and Love

I once dated a boy that I worked with.
I loved him even.

I didn't want to date him, I resisted, he persisted. He was cute and sweet and tried everything to date me. I had tried that work/date thing and it didn't work for me, so I didn't want to.
His friends also worked with me, they asked me to a party, I went.
I started dating the boy.

The story is as old as time.
The more I liked him, the more he pulled away. "isn't this what you wanted, for me to like you?" I asked.
His silence was my answer.

One day when he was in class I cleaned his room for him. I found his ex girlfriend's name written on his books, I knew of her, she moved on. He tried to move on, with me, but he couldn't.

I stopped calling, it was months, then he called me. It had been so long I didn't even know who it was. We started again.
Heavy, deep, passionate, love.

She was still looming over our relationship, the one he couldn't have, his first love.
I had to go.

If you want me, you need to only want me.
I have never been good at sharing.

With my goodbye to him, I lost his friends.
They were his after all, they had loyalties, it was only fair.
I mourned my losses and moved on. I vowed never to date anyone I worked with again.

Breaking promises to myself was a habit, one I was glad I broke one last time, because at my next job I found my husband.
Who persisted and I relented.


Now one of my ex's friends have found me again. A long lost friend.
Although I will always miss G, I am glad to get to be friends with his friends.

It is only fair.

Period.

Ok, so we all think when you need a pad you do not need a thong. I am so glad we are all on the same page.

I know you peeps have an embarrassing period story and I want to hear it! Anything, did you get it freakishly late in life, did you get it on a date and not have anything with you, did you get it for the first time in school and you had no idea what it was?
Give it to me either in these comments or email me anonymously.

I will go first:
I got my period when I was about 14 and had it only a few times before I went on a trip to the beach for a couple of days with my Dad and sister.
One day after I had just got out of the ocean I noticed a big blood spot on the towel as I was drying myself off.
I was mortified and when my Dad had seen it, he asked what it was and I told him I had a nose bleed. After all, I couldn't say the word "period" in front of my Dad and I didn't even want him to know I got my period!

But if I didn't tell him how would I get pads?
My Mom wasn't with us and telling my Aunt was as mortifying to me as telling my Dad.
Finally I had to ask him to bring me to the store, "for what?" he asked and I knew that question was coming.
"For pads" I mumbled back to him and he just jumped in the car and got me to the drugstore and handed me a twenty dollar bill.

I was so proud of myself for asking him (what other choice did I have? Why was I so proud?!) I bought my first box of tampons and tried to figure out how they worked all by myself that day.

Plus, my Dad let me keep the change.



The winner of the best story, chosen by me, will get a prize. What is the prize? It will be some of my favorite things.

Men May Want to Skip This One

Lets talk about pads, shall we?
Walking down the women's health and beauty aids aisle, blows my mind every time. I usually know my products, go in and get it but when I have to browse for something, I go crazy. A million products all for the same thing, but all slightly different.

Long pads, short pads, skinny pads, HUGE pads, panty liners, panty liners that are for your purse, tampons, HUGE tampons, slender tampons, XXX tampons. It is enough to make you crazy.

I did see a new item I have never seen before, the thong panty liner.
Is this necessary?
Do women love their thongs that much to have to wear it when you need a panty liner? Because I know when I have my period I want to be comfortable, as comfortable as my uterus allows me to be, which includes a full coverage brief.
Panty lines on my ass are the last thing I worry about, so you know I am wearing underwear, I also have my period, is that enough info for you?
I wear thongs as much as the next girl, but if I need to desperately not show a panty line under pants, I switch it up to a boy short, not a thong with a liner attached to it.
I just don't get this.

Educate me.

I Want Snow!

It is definitely a soup day here in NJ. For the first time it is really cold, with the wind chill I think it is like 10 degrees here. I don't really mind but I wish we would have a snow storm already.

You know the kind where nobody can get out for the day and you have a nice fire going and I cook all day tons of comfort foods. Then the kids go outside to play and it is so quiet and peaceful that you can almost hear each flake landing on top of each other. Then you all go inside to warm up and have hot chocolate in oversized mugs.
That is the day I am wanting right now.

Instead I will make some soup and stay warm on this cold but precipitation free day.



*Remember you have until January 31st to comment over at my blog or any other blog on 451press for a chance to win $500 or $100 prizes!

A Southern Lady At Heart

The post and the comments the other day got me thinking about NJ. You can't live anywhere in NJ without traffic, they go together. It is a highly populated state and although we have the highest property taxes in the US and various other taxes we still have toll roads.
Bastards.


My husband is going to Atlanta on business next month and I wish I could go with him. There is a chance we will have to move temporarily to another state if he gets the promotion he is due for any month now, and I find myself wishing it was a southern state (it is not).
I wish for a slower lifestyle.
I want to eat fried dough for breakfast.
I want to say y'all.
I want the high school football game to be my staple Friday night.
I want to eat good BBQ
I want to have tea and little sandwiches without crusts with my friends once a week.
I want to sound sweet even when I am mad.
I want to be able to buy a house down the street from my parents, in the town where I grew up and all my friends still live.


BUT, I couldn't leave my family. My entire family is here and I could never leave them. I maybe too cynical for the slower, southern lifestyle. I am too fast.
There are worse places to live then NJ. Right?
I grew up 15 minutes outside of NYC, I could go hiking, to the beach, skiing or to Philly or NYC all in the same day if I wanted.
This is where I am supposed to be.

In the meantime I will have to practice saying "Fuck y'all" with a nice southern drawl with a touch of my NJ attitude.

Period.

I am tired this morning. I am always tired when I first get my period (tmi? Well hold on to your hats because I am delving deeper) It drains me. Plus since my miscarriage my period has been MUCH heavier then before and lasts longer. Isn't it enough that I miscarried triplets, now I have to have my period longer?!

Today I am going to my hometown to have a little visit with my friends. One of them is due with her first child in a couple of weeks and we are giving her a small party since she didn't want a shower.
I made a chocolate cake with raspberry filling and ganache icing, and I hope it is good. I think i overcooked the cake a bit but I am hoping by keeping it cold combined with the filling will keep it soft and moist.

Our goldfish has been with us for three months. Isn't that long for a goldfish to live? Perhaps we are holding some sort of record here and we don't even know it!

Is It Fast Enough To Drive Away

When I was about 23 I half lived with E and half lived at home. I had my own apartment but when I found out it was an illegal apartment and the town was cracking down on those, I had to get out, so that was the arrangement. We never officially moved in together and E had a roommate, but that is where I spent most of my time, with E.
He lived about 30 minutes from where I worked and I would have to make a horrid commute every day on the NJ Parkway. The parkway has toll booths and a sketchy at best design of where to go if you have cash or tokens (no ez pass at the time) and it could be a miracle if you didn't get into an accident crossing 345 lanes to get to the appropriate one.

One particular day I was waiting in the famous NJ traffic at the toll booths. I stopped and looked around me, the men and women in cars around me, all seemed so old and so miserable. It was like an out of body experience, I could see myself in my car going to a job I didn't really like, just like all these people I didn't want to become.
I had become one of them. I had become and adult.

As a child you glorify being an adult, you can eat whatever you want!
You can stay up late, buy your own clothes, go anywhere at any time and you can drink delicious kahlua and milk drinks!
Then you become one and realize people need kahlua and milks because after paying bills you want to kill yourself. Sure you can stay up late but then the next day you hate your job more then usual.

I don't want my kids to wake up in traffic and realize they are doing the opposite of what they always wanted to do.
I don't want them to have to stop at the tolls, I want them to always drive on a long open road to everywhere.

Sweats For Everyone

Did fasion trends change that much and I was not alerted? Is it the newest thing to wear pajama pants and slipper type shoes out in public? I am talking about tweens, teens and adults alike.
I have noticed this new fashion trend recently and I cannot imagine how anyone leaves the house like that, nevermind letting their child leave the house in glorified pajamas. I gave up when people let their preteens wear sweatpants with words on their asses, like Pink, cheer or slut.

Anywhoo, yesterday were my twin's fourth birthday. We had a small party for them with just my mom, sioster and her family and my sister in law and her two kids. R & L had a blast, the cakes they picked out were a hit, and so were the balloons we bought them.
They received a lot of nice gifts and now officially have more clothes then me. The first snow of the year fell here last night and although it was nothing much more then a dusting, the kids were so happy to see it this morning. They have been asking me for snow for a month now, which is both flattering that they think I control everything and sad, that I can't control everything, although I try.
Believe me, I try.

SAHM

Fridays just are not the same since I became a SAHM. Sure the weekends are better because E is home to help, but Fridays don't hold the same uniqeness they had before.

Another thing about being a SAHM is that I never know what the date is. What is todays date? I don't know, I think it is somewhere in the high teens maybe 18th?

Also? I ate better when I was working. I always ate lunch because there was a designated lunch time and a cafeteria with yummy foods and a million places to eat around my building. Now I am lucky if I eat one thing around 11 am, lets call it brunch.
Although I cook dinner alot more now. Before we had kids we would eat our every Friday and Saturday night. At nice restaurants that do not have crayons for kids. We were DINKS then so what can you do?

I am glad that I decided to stay home with my kids, I am so happy I shared all the firsts and seconds with them. I cannot believe it has been four years already and although I loved my job and miss it, I would miss them even more.

Come on over to my parenting site and read my open letter to my twins on their fourth birthday.

A little Bit of Nothing

I admit it, I have nothing for you today. Nada.

I am too busy washing dishes by hand and cursing the gods of all appliances big and small.
Oh and did I mention my garage door opener stopped working a week or so ago? Do you know how annoying it is to open the heavy ass thing and then get in the car to back it out and get out and close the door by hand?
You know I always buckle my seatbelt prematurely out of habit only to have to unbuckle it 2 seconds later and then buckle it again.


I am also trying to write a letter to each of my kids about this past year. They will be four on Sunday and I really cannot believe it. They were so small and helpless it seems like a month ago and now they are these sweet, loving, intelligent, empathetic people who have valid concerns, likes and dislikes.
Time just slips by and I try not to miss any of their growth and life so I try to take a step back and just enjoy it.

Also? My throat hurts. Stupid forced hot air heat is killing me slowly, winter by winter.

H tagged me a couple of days ago, but I am not sure I want to do that.
Do I?

The Worst

I cried, I begged, I pleaded. "Don't do this to me!" I cried.
"Haven't I been good to you, isn't this a great home I made for you?"

Still, the damage was done.

I have to face the facts, the truth.

My dishwasher has died.

This is devastating news because I am a person who hates to do dishes. HATE. I will do laundry, I will vacuum, I will sweep and dust but I hate doing dishes.
I think I hate sponges. They skeeve me and I end up throwing it out right after I use it or I will see a sponge on the sink but get a new one anyway because who knows how long that one has been used for and what did it clean? Gross things or what?*

Yes, for months you had to lovingly slam the door shut in order for the machine to start working, yes we had no idea how old the appliance was when we bought the house 2.5 years ago, but it looked new.
That should count for something.

I begged it to wait until we got our tax return money. It shit on me.
Now I have to get a new one and I do have 10 people coming over on Sunday for the kid's birthday.

I am going to buy paper plates and utensils right now.
Did I mention I hate to wash dishes?




*Yes, I am fully aware I have issues.

The Ball

R pooped tonight and when she called for someone to wipe her butt, I do what I always do. I turned to E and said "not it".
I figure if you are a master wiper, why not show off your skillz.

He went above and beyond though, on this call of duty (heee) and pushed on the poop with a wipe to see if anything was inside.
There was.
A small little ball that used to be silver but was now black.

Thank goodness.

R wanted to hold it and keep it but that went straight into the garbage never to return to this house.
We don't keep anything that came out of our bodies in this house.
It is a silly little rule we have.

Well, except the kids and even that was a debate.

To Do

Things on my To Do list today:

Call pediatrician and ask "if a poop comes out with a metal ball in it and nobody is around to see it, did the friggin ball come out already?"
Yeah, my daughter swallowed a metal magnetix ball a week ago and I have no idea if it came out. I mean is it supposed to come out separate? Will it be noticeable in a ball of feces? What the fuck?

Go pick out birthday cake with my kids. It is their birthday on Sunday and they always each have their own cake. This year they can pick it out.

Feel better. My throat kinda hurts (it really hurts in the night. Stupid ass, forced hot air heat!) and I have been having wild dreams at night.

Make sure E made his two calls that he has been saying he will do for the past 10 days. Still not done though and today I told them they must be done or no entrance to the casa.

Wonder why I have not one, but TWO pimples? I never get pimples. Maybe one small one when I get my period but I could count on one hand how many pimples I have had last year.
What is that about?

Plan dinners for the next week. I feel like I make the same things week after week. I know my variety is better then a lot of other people's but still. I am sick and tired of coming up with new dinner ideas.
If I had it my way I would eat pasta every night anyway.

Wax Poetic

Great minds think alike. Amanda had a great subject on her blog yesterday that I was just going to post.

Wait for it.

Brazilian waxing.

Now I am a girl who waxes her legs and it doesn't really hurt me. Bikini area is a whole different story.
As of a month ago I shaved everything, because I was disgusted and now my upkeep is very taxing. I have to shave every other day.
I don't have time for that shit.
I have received a bikini wax but Brazilian is a whole 'nother ball of wax. (haha) Not only is every hair ripped out, there are various positions you need to achieve so they can be ripped out.
I am not a prude but I am a little modest and being on all fours with some ladies head and hands all over my bottom doesn't sound like fun unless there is an orgasm promised.

Ahem.

So tell me who does it, is it as embarrassing as it seems and how often you have to make return visits.

What a great time to delurk! Today is the last day of delurking week so go ahead, pour out your soul.

Date Me, Please?

Now if only my blogging friends lived near me. We could all have play dates, share our new drink recipes, rate our favorite sex toys and just live a perfect life.

Ahhhh, to dream.

It seems I am not the only Mom with this problem. I am sure when the kids are in school full time it will be easier to find some friends and I am looking for a par time job so when I get re-employed I may be able to find a cat or two to hang with.
Maybe I should wear a shirt with requirements on it like :
WANTED:
a friend

should be fun, sarcastic, witty. Has to like TV, blogging, spa treatments, kids and martinis, should be able to have great advice on MILF jeans and the best bras for busty ladies. Should push me to exercise but not enough to make me want to slap you. Must have large pool and invite me over often. Must be able to laugh at her husband as well as mine. Has to tell me how hot I am even when I wear sweats.
Having a ton of money to spend on me is encouraged but not necessary.


Do you think this is too much?

Nah, I don't think so either.

Mom Dates

On Monday I took my kids to a play place that is close to my house. It was a rainy, dreary day perfect to mess up someone else's toys and that was what I was paying for. Basically to use their toys and have someone else clean up.

They were closed, so we had to go to our second favorite play place across town. It is great and big but more expensive. I bit the bullet and payed the $23.99 for both kids and in we went.
Now, I am not cheap but for that money I want the kids to play all day in there, the only problem is that for me sitting there is akin to watching toenails grow. If you could die of boredom I wouldn't be posting this right now, if you know what I mean?
As we all know I have no friends to invite so I am flying solo.

I play with my kids but after an hour I want a television and I want it now.
In walks a young mom with a two year old little girl. Very sweet looking and I smile at them and continue watching my kids.
Her daughter follows mine up the gym equipment but cannot go far because she is smaller. I start talking to the mom, casual mom talk you know, how old is your child, where do you live, do they go to school?

An hour and a half later I think this mom is so cool, she also was transplanted here a couple of years ago and had to make new friends etc.
When I took L to the bathroom I fixed my hair and put on lipgloss. I wanted to impress this mom.
Yes, I am sick.

It was time for me to go though my kids were so tired and hungry. I put on their shoes and coats and then I made a bold move.
I wrote down my name and number for my new friend on a card and gave it to her when I said goodbye.

Yes, I picked up my first mom. Are you proud of me?

I came home and told E, that I had met someone at the play place and I was in love. I told him she was perfect for me and really understands my needs and wants.
He shook his head and walked away.

He thinks I am crazy, and I am, CRAZY for my new mom friend.
Lets hope she calls, because I need a mom date and I need it bad.



*wanna talk more about mom dates, go here

How Can We Kill Mom Week

I thought the "cranberry incident" was bad enough. I thought I told my kids enough times and they are old enough now, not to put objects in their body crevices or orifices, but I was wrong.
Go on to my other blog and read about what new thing my daughter did to stop my heart from beating.

Good times.


Also while you are there, you should comment on my blog or someone else's. My nice bosses are having a contest, should you post a comment on anyone's blog on 451 press you have a chance to win (1)$500 prize and one of (5) $100 prizes.
It is de-lurking week so continue to "out" yourself here and then go de-lurk over there!

De-lurking week

Today is the first day of de-lurking week. I know I always go and "out" myself to the blogs I read and don't feel like I have a comment or are too busy to comment.

So "out" yourself here dear, sweet lurkers. I promise to not bite. At least not at first.

Early Christmas Gift

This is what I saw driving next to me on my way to church on Christmas eve.
Sometimes I just love the New Jersey Turnpike.

Birth Story

You really want to hear my birth story? Ok here it goes:

E & I found out we were having twins on my first ultrasound/OB appointment. My doctor put the wand, where no wand should ever go, and said "oh, do you see that?" To me I saw nothing, it could very well have been a kitten's ultrasound.
She said "there are two". I grabbed her hand and squeezed the shit out of it.
I couldn't believe it, and I looked over at E and he was in shock. It was overwhelming news and we had just two and a half hours before we were leaving for Florida, it was a amazing day.

The entire pregnancy I was warned I would have the babies early, to prepare myself for a NICU stay, to take it easy. At four months I was told no more sex, no orgasms. TORTURE!
At seven months I was told to cut work down to part time, but I didn't because I felt good, a couple of weeks later I was told to stop working, I didn't because I was fine, atlhough I did go down to working three days a week.
My last day of work was right before Christmas, I was one month away from my due date and since twins are considered full term at 35 weeks, I was in the clear.
All my ultrasounds were amazing, the babies were growing and seemed very healthy, although we did have to get multiple echo-cardiograms because they could not see all four chambers of the babies hearts because they grew so fast.

At that time, my husband was transferred to Philadelphia.
We had to move.
He found and apartment for us, moved us while I lived with my Mom very close to my hospital.
It was really hard being separated from E during that month, I was fat, and sad and so bored. He would drive an hour and a half to pick me up every Friday and drive an hour and a half home to go spend the weekend together and get things ready for our babies. He was amazing.

My C-section was scheduled for January 22, 2003 because Baby A (L) was breech. On January 21st my doctor's office called and said that they would have to push back my C-section to the following day because my doctor had a cold. I cried on the phone with the nurse begging her to get these babies out.
I couldn't sleep, I was so uncomfortable, I was swollen and HUGE.
She said there was nothing they could do and remember to go preregister at the hospital today.

I had forgotten. I called my sister to take me and off we went. (Of course she had to come in the house and tie my shoes before we could go, and after I had blood taken she sat with me for 15 minutes before I could stand up straight and walk because I had cramps all over my bod)
Then I treated her to a nice lunch. That afternoon my doctor's office calls again, my blood work had come back with high white blood cell counts, I needed to go back to the hospital to get checked. Called E, to come up called my Mom at work to come and get me and off we went.

I gowned up, E gowned up because they were not going to wait anymore the babies had to come out, during which time I got a nose bleed. That coupled with the fact that I had that strange cell count, they were afraid I would bleed out into my epidural so I would need general anesthesia, and E couldn't be there.

I was so sad and scared and ready. Too many emotions swirled together.
It was all happening so fast, I felt so out of control this was not how I wanted my birth to go. I wanted my husband there, my Mom, I wanted pictures and I wanted to be awake!

Next thing I know, a nurse was waking me up in the recovery room, I asked for the babies, they told me they were happy & healthy. Next I asked for E, he was allowed right in with my Mom.
I am angry that my memory of that time was so clouded but if you have had general anesthesia you know how tired you are. I tried to snap myself out of it, E and my Mom got to each show my my babies for the first time.
Baby A (L) boy 7lbs 1oz, baby b(R)girl 8lbs 2 oz.

They were amazing. My son looked just like E and my daughter like me.

I found out the next day, I had bled out during the surgery, my uterus was so tired from carrying those big twins for so long wouldn't contract, I had two transfusions and came close to having a hysterectomy.

The entire process for me was miraclulous, I loved being pregnant (except for the last month) I carried those babies to 39 weeks agains all the odds, they were big and healthy not one second spent in the NICU, and I survived my scary surgery.

Now, almost four years later I still can't believe how lucky we got.

It's Up To You

Ok, so you have seen my face, my kids, my makeup and we have talked about death, kids and vibrators.
Can anything be next?

I guess not since I have been sitting in front of this computer for a half hour now trying to figure out what to talk about.
I swear that last night I had something good to write about that got my panties in a twist. Now, it's gone.................

I will leave it up to you, let me know what you want me to rant about, what you want to know about me, ask me a question, or I will even post a picture of what you would like to see (no nude shots, I am funny that way but a cleavage shot maybe in your future!).
Email me comment, IM, send smoke signals whatever but I am handing the reigns over to you peeps.

2007

I don't do resolutions. They stink, everyone says they don't work so why set yourself up for failure?
I do promise myself that I will do some things that will be better for me and my family. No, they are not resolutions they are promises I will fulfill.

I am going to make a friend in my town this year.

I am going to join the gym I like next to my kid's school. So what if I heard it is a pickup joint for lesbians. That is a bonus. I need something to watch while I work out.

I am going to try not to look so bored when I play with my kid's and their toys for the 39473 time that day.

I am going to try and not curse so much.

Ok so that is it. That is enough for me.

Now if you know me in real life, just stop reading here. I swear you don't want to read what I am going to write next.
Be on your way.

I guess I am late to the game, but do you girls have a vibrator?
Is that something every girl owns? I may be way out of the loop, I mean I got one a long time ago but never used it. It just looked stupid.
I just got a new one and I am in L O V E.
They are amazing. So tell me which one you have and whether you are in love like me. You can email me if you like your privacy and don't wish to talk about the sex on a public blog. Like yours truly.

I am just so crazy in 2007.

Dear Fatty Foods,

Dear spinach dip,

oh, sweet spinach dip, how I love thee. You are delicious and nutritious because you have spinach as a main ingredient! Never mind the piles of sour cream and mayo. Spinach is great for you! And we ate you with veggies, vegetables are healthy!

But I still hate you for making me fat. Go away, don't return.

Love,
Tuesday's ass.

P.S. Mr. Pumpernickel Loaf will be getting a harshly worded email as well.

Rambling

NYE was spent the way I thought I was going to with a ton of food (that I did not each much of) a ton of alcohol (that I did drink very much of) in comfy clothes, although not pajamas and watching bad tv.
I did stay up and see the stupid ball drop, I have no idea why, you seen one ball drop you have seen them all.

Yesterday E & I took the kids to the children's museum. If you wore pajamas then you got in free and since my annual membership had just run out, the kids were going to wear pajamas.
I am not.

Then I began to wonder, if I was going to wear pajamas out would you just wake up and go out or would you change into "dressy" pajamas? Then would you change into another pair of pajamas to go to bed?
I would assume so because dirty street clothes under your sheets? Yuk.

So this pajama debate was in my head the whole time I was there because there was a bunch of adults in their PJs and some with feather boas and some complete with robes.
And one creepy man who kept staring at me.

Today I am going to start taking down my Christmas decorations which always makes me melancholy. I feel like I just put them up, but it has been a month.

So far 2007 has been boring but in a good way and warm! We haven't seen a single flake of snow here this winter and it doesn't look like we will anytime soon.
Ahhhh, global warming.