Saturday, June 05, 2004

Open letter to the bitch trying to run my family down

Dear Soulless Bitch-
I do understand the importance of this once yearly carpet sale. I am also standing out here in the rain waiting for the doors to open. I am aware that you are trying to cut us in the line. I put up with your stale, stinky, hot breath on the back of my neck while you complained about waiting. Please be aware of the fact that nobody likes to wait. I never heard anyone say "that was a great line, I can hardly contain myself until the next long line I will get the pleasure of standing in."
But you and your tiny, feeble husband did not have to run me down once we got in the store. Look dumbass I have kids, they are in this thing with wheels, it is called a stroller. I understand my double stroller is bulky and slightly hard to maneuver but you didn't have to dodge down each and every isle we were in hope we didn't get the "golden" rug. Whateverthehellthatis. Don't kick my stroller where my precious angels are just sitting there, being the epitome of great babies. I do bite. IT IS JUST A RUG SALE. Instead of a rug why don't you buy some manners.
I hope you and your awful hairdo had to stand in line for eternity and then when you finally did get your dumb rug on your car, I hope it fell out on the highway on your way home.
In conclusion, I hate you, your strange, mute, balding husband and all of your offspring. If I ever encounter you again, I will cut you.
With Malice and Bad Intent,


  1. Hi
    I like your newest post. REtail workers sometimes think they run the damn world! Have you ever dealt wit hthe rude ones in places like Nordstrom's where they don't earn enough to buy the crap they condescend to sell you?! It's too much fun! Have a good one!

  2. As a fellow member of the double stroller brigade, I have to say I think I've come across that woman too and all her PITA family members as well. Since I had kids, I've gotten much nastier with strangers especially when my children are at stake, so I completely understand. Thanks, this made me giggle. :-)

  3. Holy Hell! She sounds like a total bitch and her husband sounds PW'd. You're right, no one likes to stand in line. It reminds me of that episode of Southpark where the kids are at a carnival and they get in this long line for the ride, only when they get to the front of the line they're told that the ride was actually a "Line Ride", so waiting in line WAS the ride. HA! Cracked my ass up.

    Next time, let the bitch go in front of you and spend the entire time in line ramming your stroller into her heels (that's what I did!) and I guarantee you she'll get into line somewhere else!

  4. Anonymous7:31 PM

    This was so funny!!!! I know THAT woman.

    I get calls at the hospital all the time from people wanting to talk to a patient. I ring the room and it's busy. When I tell the caller they yell, "BUSY? Who are they talking to?" Well if I could see through the freakin phone I suppose I could tell you!!!!!!!!!!
    I ask if they can call back. "I'll hold." There is no "hold". If I keep them on MY line I can't get any more hospital calls.

    We had one call tonight to page an on call doctor because this woman had a cough. Ya, a COUGH!!! Do you have any damn Robitussin?????? A lozenge, perhaps? You seriously want me to page the doctor at 9pm on a sunday night for a little cough??????? Why didn't you call earlier??? I TOTALLY HATE PEOPLE!!!!!!!


Talk to me