Sniffing Markers

I was reading a post over at Kerflop where she was writing about her love of all things paper. She reminded me of those markers that you had in grammar school. You know the ones, that came in a styrofoam case and smelled like fruits? I remember just sucking up as much smell as I could be cause they smelled SO GOOD AND FRUIT LIKE. I am sure me snuffing marker fumes did nothing for my overall health but oh how I loved using those markers and always wanted a set for home but I never saw them in any stores.
I can smell them right now and it brings me back to my elementary school art room.

Other things that can transport me back to being young and where days were strictly spent playing are silly putty, play doh and anything with a heavy plastic smell reminds me of baby dolls at Christmas.
Lazy days of watching shirt tails, playing with my non ho dressing Barbies, higlights magazine, coveting of Gloria Vanderbilt and (oh, la, la) Sassoon jeans and licking our ring pops. We also loved rubber bracelets and would wear them all up our arms in all colors but black was the best and big clips on one side of our head.

All of these things are still fresh in my mind and it makes me wonder what fads, shows and smells will remind my children of their childhood. I am sure Dora will be in there somewhere.
So, I want to know, what smells bring your right back to childhood or what was your favorite childhood "thing"?

My Kids Crack Me Up

E: what kind of cake should we get Grandma for her birthday?

L: Lets get her ice cream

R: I know what grandmas favorite kind of ice cream is!

E: what kind?

R: Rock N rolled!

(she means rocky road)

Just Another Random Tuesday

I have many things swirling around my head today it is hard to formulate thoughts. Can you say, pregnancy brain? The only one thing I can continuously think about is cooking and baking. This season brings it out in me, the farmers markets, the crisp air, apple picking the festivals. I love it all. This weekend I made delicious and fairly nutritious pumpkin chocolate chip muffins, easy quick(er) lasagna and beef stew. My family is loving me right now.

Today I called Canon just to see if I could troubleshoot this problem I am having with my digital before I bought a new one. The good news is that they will fix it for me for free! The bad news is the "customer service" rep was a dick and was eating(!) while he was talking to me. If I wasn't overjoyed they were fixing my phone for free I would have said something about him chewing in my ear.

I have to pick something out of Jessica Seinfeld's new book to make for a review I am scheduled to do on Thursday. I really am not excited about going to the market again this week for ingredients, but I am in the market for some lemon blueberry muffins or an apple tart, so I will go.

I have a favor to ask of the ladies, if you would like to share what to expect after a vaginal birth with me over here, I would appreciate it. Believe me, there will be more vagina question from me in the future and you will have to give it up.
The info not the vagina.

Playdates

"Mom, can you help me write something" L said as he carried a blue crayon and a post it into my office.

"sure, what is it that you want to write" I asked.

"Playdate for L" he replied very seriously

I took his small hand in mine and wrote the letters slowly so he understood how each were meant to be written stopping briefly to steal some kisses.

"there, all done" I said
"what did you want to write that for?"

"I want to put it outside so everyone can see it and have a playdate with me"


My heart went into my stomach as I blinked back the tears. "great idea" I said.
He skipped out of the room to show his sister and I started to cry.
Hard.

E and I made a life here, without our family & friends because we had no choice. I joined the local gymboree, the kid's gym, took them to the park, brought them to preschool, all the things good mothers do. The kids made friends, I made acquaintances.

I have no idea how they heard the term "playdate" but I know they want friends to come over, to have someone other then themselves and me to play with. To finally be the one to show off their toys instead of always playing at other people's homes. It made me feel like a failure. I felt like a terrible mother.
I felt like shit.

I know my kids are smart and healthy and will continue to thrive even if they never had a playdate. I know setting up dates to play is a contrived, new idea in motherhood, one that I am not even completely comfortable with.
Still, at the heart of it my son wanted something that I did not provide for him. He wants to put a note on our house so other kids can come and play with him.
Just writing about it makes me want to start crying again. My sweet son.
I want to give him that.
I want to give him everything.

Pants Off Dance Off

I was perusing my yellowpages this morning for some tap shoes for my daughter, R. I am having a hard time finding them for young girls, which surprises me because she has some big feet.
So there I was between Miss Sally's Dance Shop and The Shoe String when I see Exzotica- For exotic dance wear and adult novelties.

WTF? Who need exotic dance wear? Strippers? Because, I always assumed they just cut strategically placed holes in ugly bathing suits. I means these girls actually pay money for those hooker outfits? Someone is in the business of designing such monstrosities? Wow.
I am sure someone is glad they sell adult novelties there also. I just hate to make two stops when I need crotchless dance wear AND a glow in the dark, waterproof, 14 speed vibrator.

Bra Blues

My breasts are so big at this point it is a huge task for me to wrangle them into a bra every day. I end up sweating and cursing under my breath. I am in denial about their larger size but when E walked into R's dance class yesterday and his eyes pooped out of his head upon seeing me, I can't deny it even more. Also? His "whispering" "your breasts are SO big today", in a room full of mothers, does not help.

Truth is I have always had an ample bosom, as my grandmother would say. I went from no boobs to a C cup in what seemed like months. I always was fairly proportionate so it wasn't a gross display. I am not one of those women who show off their breasts every chance they get either. I love a nice, supportive bra and believe me, I need a supportive bra. I can only hope I can find one that will expand with my ever growing boobs, but really can they get any bigger?
Wait!
Don't answer that.

I am too scared to know the truth.
Instead you can just find me lifting and stuffing, working up a sweat every single bloody morning.

Ebb and Flow

I feel so restless these days. I am bored but do not want to start a new project. I want to do something, although I have no idea what that "something" is.
I get like this once in awhile, I feel like I am tossing and turning in bed even when I am awake. I go through the motions but I want more out of my days.

I crave adventures and surprises. I want to finish old projects and start new ones. I want to remember all of the things I still have to do around the house without giving myself an aneurysm trying to remember what they are (thank you, pregnancy brain).
When I go to cross something off of my list it is not a good time to buy all the supplies I need, when the extra money is available, I am not in the mood.
Please tell me I am not the only person who goes through this ebb and flow of life?

I want to start two new books I have, but I am not into them instead choosing to wander around my mom porn web sites. I want to start a pregnancy journal even at this late stage but I still haven't found one I like. I hope these are purely hormonal changes and I will be back to my project loving/baking/cooking/cleaning self soon.
Well....... maybe I can hold off on the cleaning part.

Mistakes and Accidents

The worst thing I do as a parent, as a person, a mistake I make every other week is bringing my kids with me while I go grocery shopping. It is a cruel punishment I inflict on myself week after week never learning a lesson.
Sometimes waiting until E gets home and getting to the grocery store at 4pm and then rushing home in traffic and making dinner the minute I step in the door is a terrible choice too.

My kids don't want to be at the store, I can't concentrate, I always end up forgetting things and yelling at them for acting up. It is a vicious cycle and I refuse to bring them unless I need 1 or 2 things, ever again.
They were fooling around enough to miss out on making caramel apples with me today.
I, just earned 2 free early, early afternoon coctails, too bad I cannot use them in my condition.

****
On our way to karate yesterday (L loves it!) a women hit my car from behind. She was just rolling and the kids and I were OK, but it shook me up anyway. My neck hurt right from the start but has been fine since last night. Thank goodness for seat belts!
There was no damage to my car except a bent license plate, and for that I am thankful.

Suburban Mom Porn

I discovered something about myself this weekend. Something I tried to deny for awhile, I never thought I would be that obsessed with it but it is time to admit that I truly am.
I love porn.

There, I said it. Not your regular hotel porn, or playboy magazines, I have my own porn and it is: recipe blogs.
I have written before about how I love food and recipe magazines but I have moved on to recipe blogs and websites. I have my own, although it is shanty, and does not compare to those I read religiously.
I pour over the recipes that look and sound so good. I will go back to them over and over. I am not an expert baker or cook by any means. I love to cook good things for my family as much as I love to eat them. I love to try new things, and I love all types of foods. I aspire to make more complex things and to bake my children birthday cakes that look as good as the ones we order from the bakery.

So I love foodie porn, what's it to you? I know there are worse things to be addicted to.
What is one thing you like a little too much?

Slumber Time

I couldn't be happier that E comes home tonight. I need some sleep!
I really can't complain because my kids have been sleeping like angels since we took them out of their toddler beds (it was about time, R was so long her feet were through the slats!) and put them into their "big boy & girl" full size beds. In their own rooms.
I thought that sleeping apart would be harder for them then it was. They had resisted the idea before and I know they depend on each other for security. They took it like troopers though, and are sleeping great.
That is, except that they have E's sleeping habits which means at least one child wakes up by 6:30 am every day. It is usually my early-to-rise son.
No matter what time you put him to bed he is up by 6:30. So why put them in bed later then 7pm? I don't and I never have. Actually, my kids went to bed by 6pm for more then 2 years with a nap during the day!


Anyway, I am needing some more sleep and E coming home will give me that. Not to mention I miss that man.
So do his kids. We really miss him.

Points of the Day

Delurk today and say hi!

How about I bullet point some items for you today? Too bad, I am doing it anyway.

• R starts ballet today and she is the most excited 4 year old I have ever seen. Today may be better then her meeting with Aurora.


• Pregnancy has so many gross facets, it is no wonder they never mention them in any pregnancy books. Seriously, some really gross things go on!


• I just heard that two of the five most fattening fall treats are the things I have had already this season. Oops! Starbucks pumpkin spice latte and apple cider. I am living on apple cider right now. I have to quit you, delicious, yummy cider, I don't want to get gestational diabetes.


• I am super excited for all the haunted houses/hay rides/prisons around here this time of year. I feel like I am 10 years old again. I want to go to all of them.


• Pregnancy craving of the day: asparagus

Love is TiVo

Sweet lord! My kids have figured out how to pause TiVo and it is the end of the world as we know it. They are allowed to watch a couple of shows in the morning ( and more then that when Daddy's away so mommy can rest in bed!) and now they pause the television to go and eat breakfast.
Even my four year old children know that eating a yogurt in the kitchen will ruin the ending of Little Einsteins or Sesame Street! Like, duh?!


Overheard today:
R: Mom do you ever say "fucking shit?"
Me: "Um......what? Um. Uuuumm. Don't say that!"
In my head: Fucking shit!!!!!!!!!

I Alone

Did I mention that E is going away for business this week? He is, and I am bummed. It is just he and I in this parenting thing, I do not have family or friends close by to get breaks or to visit so when he leaves, it is just me and the kids.
It is lonely.

I feel like a failure to even admit that. I am lonely, I depend too much on my husband for help and for companionship. He is it for me on a daily basis. Sure I talk to my friends and family daily and I can write here as an outlet, but it is just not the same. I am a pack animal, I need my peeps to make me happy. I rarely want to be alone. I am a person that needs people.
Does that make me strange? No, but it is not something I particularly like about myself either. I want to be stronger, more independent, like to be alone with myself more.

What is it about yourself that you would change if you could?

Then go check out my post on banning portable love.

Fur Baby

Really, how many injustices can Scout the cat endure?

This isn't the first time he had to be strolled around the house, it is the 8374 time.
That we know of. You would think a good mom would know her baby has exceeded all weight limits for this stroller!
Pffftt

A Girl Can Dream

I have always been a big drinker. I drink all day long, I always have a full glass in the kitchen and I always bring one to bed at night. I love to drink. That may not be surprising to any of you but what might shock you is that what is in my cup is usually water or juice not alcohol.
I know you presumed otherwise!

So I am a huge fan of liquids. I need a full glass when I sit down to dinner while it is not uncommon for E to sit down without a cup and not even get up parched after eating his meal. What is that about?

With all this drinking comes peeing. I am a person who goes to the bathroom often due to the water consumption. They go hand in hand, so I really cannot complain. What I can complain about is the fact that I have to go to the bathroom at least 15 times a day since I became pregnant. Last night I was up at least three times. I try and go right before I fall asleep, and I always go at least by 7am and during the night? I am lucky if I wake up one time.
So frickin lucky.

I went to the bathroom often when I was pregnant with the twins, but a bit later in the pregnancy when the kids were doing the jig on my bladder (as witnessed on ultrasounds!), not from week 4. If you have been reading this blog for awhile you will know I am germ phobic and a public restroom is my worst nightmare. I know it is just a matter of time before I am hitting up every public restroom in sight if I leave the house for longer then 20 minutes.
I dread that time.

Really, what pregnant women need are "pregnant lady" public restrooms. With a large door to fit our big asses through and high toilets so we can actually get off of the seat with ease!
We would promise to keep it very clean for each other and we would have Tide to go pens in there so we can wipe off the stains we make on our shirts because our stomach no longer fits under any table, or allows us to get within 3 feet of said table. We could have skinny mirrors that made us all look as pretty as we were pre-pregnancy! We would have a massuesse to rub our tired backs while we are washing our hands. We would nod in pasing when one of us sneezed because we knew that she just peed in her pants a little.
Then she would nod back when we coughed because she knew we just did the same.
Life, would be wonderful.

1974

I saw this on a blog awhile ago (I am not sure which one) and I thought I would try it. I put in the year of my birth 1974 into google images and looky what it spit out:

I have no idea who this baseball player is. I do know my sister and I would collect baseball cards when we were little because all the boys on my street did. Plus the gum rocked. I guess they were all thrown out at some point, you would thing some would be worth quite a bit of money now.

I really love Lucy. I still watch I Love Lucy reruns on the weekend. E can't stand it because he hates all black & white shows. He thinks none of them are funny.

He is wrong about my Lucy.

Who doesn't love Chicago? The band not the city. I mean Chicago is a lonely teenage girl's dream. Songs about unrequited love, lost love, love that never was. Some good ice cream, candles, tissues and Chicago Greatest Hits cd and you can never go wrong.

I worked with some people who were all into the Rocky Horror Picture Show when I was in my early 20s. They all dressed up and acted the movie out on the stage as the movie was playing. If you have never been to this show, you should once. If you liked being sprayed with water, toilet papered, forced to dance in public and love looking like the most normal person in the room.

RGB

Ive hundred years ago Domestic Chicky deemed me worthy of this award:





So sweet of you Chicky! I will follow tradition and send this to 3 of my many favorite female bloggers.
Twisted Chick is a rocking female. She has great advice and from reading her blog it makes me know I could stop by her house for dinner with no notice and she would welcome me in.

Kristin is honest and is a wonderful mom and wife. I wish she lived next door.

Amanda and I have so much in common it is a shame she lives 3,000 miles away. She would make an awesome drinking buddy and I would never mind a play date with her.

Now go forth and nominate.


I have had my two year old nephew here since Friday, therefore I am even more tired then I thought ever possible. Add a birthday party, some hardcore cleaning, a visit to the local farm and crabby kids this weekend and you can just imagine how fun my life has been.
Oh and my newest pregnancy craving....champagne. Strange, no?

You're Still The One

September 22, 2000.
We vowed to stay together forever.
Seven years down, forever to go.

I love you.

If I Wanted Seeds I Would Buy a Packet

I got my hair all done up pretty fancy and I feel like a million bucks.
Well maybe half of a million on account of these constipation issues. Don't want to hear about my constipation? Aww shucks.

For those of you who asked, I am 14 weeks and I am due March 19, but we will try and shoot slightly earlier. I am NOT going to talk about this pregnancy/baby every day, I promise. What I cannot promise you though, is that my posts won't have me complaining, asking for baby name help and the general grossness that happens to your bod when you are pregnant.
You can't say I didn't warn you.

For now, lets discuss watermelon. I bought some the other day and there were no seedless watermelon left. I wondered if there is seedless watermelon and watermelon full of seed, who is buying the seeded one? Who picks up the one with seeds over the one without? Why are we even selling seeded watermelons at all?
I have to contact someone because the seeds in my watermelon are ruining the whole experience for me, and to be honest, I find it quite outrageous.
What is getting on your nerves today?

ONE!

Thank you for all of your congratulations, we feel very blessed.
Do you know what I am VERY happy about? That there is only ONE baby. ONE, people, how great is that? I was very scared that there was going to be more then one with good reason, I have never been pregnant with just one. I made the ultrasound technician swear there was only one baby and then made another technician swear on her swear. I wanted them to check all crevices where a second baby could hide.
Just one. The best two words ever spoken at an ultrasound.

One of the worst parts of being pregnant is my roots. I don't highlight my hair the first trimester, so today is the day where I get these pesky roots taken care of. I am also going to lop off a couple of inches, I can't deal with this long hair anymore. I LOVE my hairdresser and I love getting to chat with her. She always gives me the scoop on the best places to go out to eat and all the cool places to hit. As much as a pregnant mother of two can be "seen" at cool places.
Obviously at this point in my life it is the little things that make me happy.

Our Journey

When I first met E, I never wanted to date him. I was over dating people I worked with, I had been there and done that and it didn't work. I became friends with him and quickly I feel head over heels in love with him. It was fast for both of us, we worked 14 hours a day together and then we would go out for drinks. We couldn't spend enough time together.



We were engaged two years after we started dating and married 1.5 years after that. Life was easy, living together was easy. E is not a hard man to live with, he is neat and thoughtful. He will clean the cat litter for me because I gag and I will iron his shirts for him because it bothers me that he does one a day instead of doing them all once a week. I will get a new battery for his watch because he can't find the time to do it for 2 years. He will scrub toilets and cook dinner when I just can't do it one more time.



I never though marriage was work, it just wasn't like that for us. I was wrong, it is work. Hard work. We have done a lot of that hard work this year. Our marriage is worth it and so is our family. We have had deaths, health scares, a miscarriage, moves and enough crap for one lifetime already.

That should mean we have had our share and the rest of our lives should be smooth sailing, right? Well, we can hope.

We are always open to a new chapter in our lives.

Fortunately we just turned our page and our new chapter is starting. You will be along for the journey.



We are expecting a new baby next year.

Life With Kids

My daughter had an amazing time meeting Sleeping Beauty. "this is the best day of my life" I think was her exact quote. She is the tall one with her back to the camera. The next day she got to meet Barbie, and preview the movie Barbie, Island Princess. She really had the greatest weekend a four year old could have. Top that off with TWO carnivals we attended this weekend and both of my kids were officially in heaven. E & I were too, it was a great family weekend.

Speaking of E here is a sample of a typical conversation we have:
Me: would you rather lose your penis or a leg?
E: a leg
Me: would you rather lose your penis or your hearing
E: hmm (pondering)
Me: Why wouldn't you save your leg, you are done with having kids and really you have had sex many times in your life, do you really need to have more? Isn't that greedy? You have been there done that.
E: point taken.

What if You Got to Meet Your Idol?

Today is an exciting day in the Tuesday household, we are going to meet Aurora. Don't know who Princess Aurora is? Well then you must not have a little girl who is obsessed with Disney princesses. Aurora is sleeping beauty, you silly little freaks.

Today one of us, (not me, shucks!) will dress up in an elaborate Aurora costume and get to meet her idol. The excitement is palpable.
I promise to post pictures. I have to go curl hair and lay out costumes and shoe choices.



Oh and I need some advice, please help.

Open Letters to God

Dear God,
Why can't I poop? Ever?
Love, Tuesday

Dear God,

Why is Kanye so bitter? He is famous, rich and told people the truth about Bush. He can even sing with his jaw wired shut! Why does he want a silly moon man trophy so bad, doesn't he have it all?
Please cheer him up.
Love, Tuesday

Dear God,
Why does my daughter talk oh so very much? She just never stops talking God. Is this a punishment for that caramel I stole from the pharmacy down the street when I was 7? Because you know, I never ate that caramel God, I was so guilt ridden.
Is it because I lie about my age when I take surveys? I never thought it really mattered to check a box below the age group box I am really in. Everyone lies about their age.
Anywhooooo, Can you make my daughter quiet down a little, like maybe she can only talk 15 hours of the day instead of 19?
Thank you!
Love, Tuesday

My Favorite New Video

Have you seen this?

Now I know who I want to invite over for Thanksgiving dinner.

But it Gets There in 30 Minutes or Less!

Have you seen the commercial for Dominos' Oreo dessert pizza? Can you explain to me how that is appetising in the least? Who is ordering this and are they wondering why they are fat?

I never order pizza like Dominos or Pizza hut because to me it is not real pizza. I live in NJ where some of the best Italian food in the country is, where pizza places are on every corner and it is amazing, not cardboard with sauce and fake cheese. I can understand why people who do not have such access to great pizza may order a pizza from places like Dominos, but they are just going over the edge with this orea pizza. Hot oreos? Gross.
What is next, twinkie lasagna?

Experiments in Sleep

I am about to go all mommyblogger on you now, so hold on.
I am a good mom, I am fair but strict. One of the things I have always been strict about was our schedule. It is because when I brought these two extra large shrimps home from the hospital, I was alone. E had to go back to work a little early, my mother in law left and my mom had to go back to work.
So, I had to get my babies on a routine that I could do alone. Bed/sleep time is one of those.

I have a confession to make: I have given up on naps.
My kids napped twice a day until they were about 18 months, then they went to one afternoon nap, right after lunch. It was perfect, time for me to get things done, relax, make calls etc. and they were on the edge by that time of day.
Now they are 4.5 and as many of their peers have abandoned naps a long time ago, I believe most children still need them. I napped until I was in 1st grade, and I needed it. I still went to be early as my kids do. If I don't put them in for a nap, they are in bed by 7:30 the latest.
I have just been slightly more busy lately and we are sometimes out when it is nap time, or too late to get them in for one.

I would love for them to still nap, and some days I put them in for one because I am on the verge of mixing pills and liquor. As for now, we are nap free and living on the edge.

The edge of sanity.

Black is the New Black

Since having children you can say I have been in a slump fashion wise. I don't go out in sweatpants or clothes with holes in them but I always go to my "standard" outfit. Jeans/pants/shorts/capris and a black top. My favorite color to buy anything in is black. I consider it my signature color.

You know how it is when you are a new mom, you don't have the time or energy to buy new clothes. When you can go shopping you buy clothes for the baby. You are not working anymore, so you can wear all of your comfy clothes every day. What a revelation!

Believe me, I have some fashion DO NOTS in my closet but I wanted to share with you my "blacks".

These are my black shirts from my closet. There are many more in my drawers but I think you get the picture. If I find a shirt I like in black, I buy two so I have a spare. I admit it, it is easy to pull out my black shirt and pair it with anything and go. I think I need to get out of my rut and get some color in my closet, maybe something in grey............


This post was brought to you by Parent Bloggers Network and the new book, The Little black Book of Style. Do you think Nina Garcia's new book has any advice for a black-a-holic like myself?

Long and Short of It

I am overdue for a touch up of my highlights and a cut and I am debating what to do. I went grey early partly due to my parents both going grey early and my pregnancy which whipped my follicles up in a frenzy and they all started going grey on me. Terrible!
I usually go a little bit lighter then my natural hair color to mask my greys until I have so many I need to dye my hair every stupid month. I am sure I will do the same on this trip. As for my hair cut, I am thinking of cutting my hair short again.
I go from long to short, to long again from the time I was 20. I always had long hair, but shorter hair is so much easier especially in the winter because it takes me 30 minutes to fully blow dry my thick hair. Who has that time? My hair now is to the middle of my back, I like it long and so does my husband but it really becomes a pain sometimes. I wonder when you have to stop having long hair. I mean you never see older women with long hair, it is like some unwritten rule. Is that something you do in your mid forties? Fifty? At what age do you think you have to go appropriately short?
Is this post about my hair as boring as I think it is?

I am sure that it is, but I am not feeling well and sometimes you have to take what you get!

It is 8:25, Have You Fed Your Giraffe Today?

Dogs

I was at the grocery store with the kids the other day and my daughter spotted a dog in the store. I looked expecting to see someone carrying a purse dog, but instead I saw a big seeing eye dog. This brought up many questions for me.

This woman with the seeing eye dog was alone, there seemed to be nobody with her or following her. She had to only be partially blind because if she was blind, how would she know what to buy? The dog certainly was no help with that.
Why was the dog wearing a jacket with a ton of pockets? What was he carrying with him? The most important question I have, was how did she get there?
I prayed she wasn't driving, I would rather have the specially trained dog drive.

Speaking of dogs, we went to a small zoo yesterday which also is attached to a dog breeder. We have a philosophy in this family, we never pay for dogs, there are too many that need homes, we don't believe in pet stores and even breeders are iffy with us. BUT, I fell in love with this Pomeranian puppy. I have always had medium to large size dogs, I was never a small dog person but this tiny Pomeranian melted my heart. Her face was the size as a quarter! Her paws were so tiny. Her price tag melted my wallet ($1200).
Will I ever find a Pomeranian puppy in a shelter? Probably not, so I will have to get myself a mutt from the shelter when the time is right.
Good thing I love mutts and saving lives.

A Life Worth Living

I watched a documentary on Wednesday night called Crazy Sexy Cancer. Really I only watched the middle, I had missed the beginning and didn't watch the end because E came to bed and I thought I could tape it when it was on again, so I can see it in its entirety. Bad move on my part because it is not airing again as far as I and Tivo can tell.

It was about a 31 year old single woman who was diagnosed with a rare and incurable cancer. She was told it was slow growing, but incurable. Eventually she would die from it. Just for a second, try and imagine that.

I wondered what I would do faced with this knowledge. Would I use my fight or flight instincts? Could I live the rest of my life, however long, with the thought that nobody would want to be my partner in life. Who would want to marry damaged good with an expiration date? Would I look for alternative means to help save my life? Would I ever find peace in knowing that there will be an end, and I have lived my life, however short, the way I wanted.

Faced with your own mortality maybe would get people to do what they always wanted, but put off. Climb a mountain, dive from an airplane, learn to speak another language, tour the world. Soak everything in, so as to try to remember all your sights in eternity.
Why can't we live like that now? As if every day was our last? It is great in theory but that is not who we are, mundane life gets in the way, chores, work, just....life.

No matter how long you live, especially for people who have died so very young, could it ever be enough? Could you have lived enough, experienced enough, touched enough lives? That is what I think the filmmaker was going for, to leave her own legacy, to say "you are not alone" to so many other people out there, to make you think. It certainly made me think about how I want to live my life. It was a fantastic film and I really hope the air it again.

So, I ask you besides spending time with your family, which is obvious, what is one thing you would you do, if you had all the resources, before you die?



I know by your comments on my last post you peeps think I am depressed, I am not, I am just in an extreme lazy period. Akin to Picasso's blue period. I am a true artist at laziness.
If that depression commercial doesn't make you feel well, depressed, I want whatever you are drinking, because no matter how good of a mood I am in, it is depressing as hell!

You are Not Alone

What is it that made women in the fifties clean all day while wearing pearls and skirts (cleaning in skirts!)? Whatever they were on, I need some.
I have been so lazy lately, doing one load of laundry getting everyone dressed and emptying the dishwasher is all I can do on some days. Other days I want to paint the entire house from top to bottom, and I contemplate it but never do anything about it. BTW, my kitchen is a bright green color that I hate and I really want to change it, but to what color? What is a good kitchen color and I don't say yellow, I really don't like yellow paint. It is attached to a beige family room, if that helps.

I am trying to organize things for a garage sale we want to have in late September but I realized I have no idea what I am doing. I am not sure I have ever even been to a garage sale before. I have no idea how to price things.
I should just put everything up on craigslist first, I may even make more money that way, but my digital camera is still broken and I have not been motivated to research or look at any new ones.
Does this post make you feel tired and depressed as it made me writing it? Wow, I am like my very own Cybalta commercial. You know the one, it makes you feel like killing yourself, even the dog in the commercial is depressed and tired of life? Great marketing, the music alone makes you want to call your doctor to get that drug.
Or in my case at least the one that makes you want to clean in your pearls!

All the Colors of the Rainbow at Once

I think one of the hardest things to do as a mom is keep your kids entertained all day. At least it is for me. If I still lived by my family I would have cousins, Aunt and friends to do things with or have playdates.
Instead I have to fill our time with arts & crafts, movies, parks and activities. It is a good thing to get them out and explore things with them, but parks and the animal refuge get old fast. For me and for them.

I am debating today whether to go to a farm or buy more arts & crafts. At this rate we will not be going anywhere because all of a sudden my four year old daughter has started throwing fits and being picky about her clothing. Something up until now that just my son did. Today R wants to wear a too small Halloween long sleeved shirt and rainbow striped shorts. Ugly and ridiculous!

I am at my wit's end with these two picky clothing people. It makes me sick to see all of the clothes they have never worn, because it has a bear on it (gap emblem) it has a collar, or they don't like it. E has strange clothing issues (another post for another day) and I think his SCG (strange clothing genes) seeped into our children.

What is a mom to do?

What Child is This?

Everyone loves Christmas. That is a known fact. I love everything about Christmas, the food, the decorating, the smells, wrapping gifts, family coming together and especially the music. I love Christmas music from church hymnals to Grandma Got Ran Over by a Reindeer. I start listening to Christmas music right after Thanksgiving and stop on January 1st. I even would listen to it in my car in the summer. If I missed it, I listened to it.

Nothing makes E more mad. He hates Christmas music and he is not in love with the fact that I love it so much. He does not know the words to any Christmas music that you would sing in church. That bewilders me.
He knows songs like jingle bells, but instead changes all the words to f*ck instead. Funny the first time you hear it, not funny the 7342 other times.
He loves Christmas in every other way, but the music, it kills him.

Imagine how funny I find it that our children love Christmas music so much that it has been on full rotation for the best 3 days on their Cd player.
At full blast.

That is what he gets for us having to listen to ESPN every day for eternity.

I'll Give you a Order!

Conversation this morning:

E: I think we take the kids out to eat with us too much

Me: Why?

E: because every morning they tell me they would like to "order breakfast"

Me: You may have something there

What's Up With You?

I have busy lately, thinking about all the painting touch ups I want to do, buying products to help my constipation problem, clearing out my sinuses with my trusty Neti pot, trying to entertain my kids and wishing for the humidity to just go away.
So in other words, a whole lot of nothing. More of what is going on with me, will be revealed int he next few weeks but not now.

I forgot to tell you that if you comment on my other blogs during the month of August you are automatically entered to win a $300, 200 or 100 prize. Nice of me to tell you now that August is almost over, but hey, better late then never.
Also I have a few new recipes up over at my recipe blog. I wish I could add my pictures but my digital is really, truly broken now and I have not bought a new one yet.

I hope I have an exciting weekend so I have more things to talk about then my bowels next week. I know you do too!

Keeping My Kids Safe

This story infuriates me. If you are not in the mood to read the article I will sum it up for you. A 45 man, Jack McClellan is a self described pedophile but says he has only hugged underage children in a non-sexual way, has various web sites and been posting nonsexual pictures of children intended to promote the acceptance of pedophiles, and to direct other pedophiles to events and places where children tended to gather. He was run out of Washington State (where he lived with his parents) after the press got hold of him and now has moved to California where there are a lot of amusement parks and fairs.

The thing that kills me is that so far this man has done nothing wrong. They cannot arrest him for posting links to where children will be. While posting pictures of children in sexual situations is a felony, posting them fully clothed in everyday situations is not. Although he says he has never done anything illegal, what we know about pedophiles and the fact most of them cannot be treated and continue to molest children, leads one to believe that he has molested children for years.

Knowing his name, where he lives and what he looks like is a step but what if you read his site where he talked about a little girl he liked, knowing it was your daughter he was talking about? How do you protect children from someone who is free to live where he wants?
What do you think should be done about men like this?

Supergood

E & I don't get out much. Since my mom was with me all weekend she babysat for us so we could get something to eat and see a movie. I see lots of movies, all of them are rated G though. The last movie E & I saw together? Vanilla Sky.
That was why I feel down when E told me the movie tickets cost $19.50. Didn't the last ticket I bought cost $4.50? How do teenagers go out on dates these days?

I am not a fan of movie theaters, I like to lie horizontally to watch anything that is over 58 minutes long. I really wanted to see Superbad though, first because George Michael Bluth is in it and I so miss Arrested Development, secondly because the trailers I have seen online looked great. So, we made the trek to the theater. I have never seen a movie so packed, actually I have the last time I saw a movie that packed was when I saw E.T., I mean people were in the front row like sardines!

It was a great movie, very funny and if you are into sophomoric body jokes and premises like getting laid before school is out, this is for you. If not, stay at home & wait for it to come on Pay Per View like I usually do. Then you can be really comfy and you do not have to pay $10.00 for a popcorn and a drink.
It was nice to get out though, I could get used to the free babysitting thing.

I Wonder What Visa Thinks of These Purchases.

Medicines and remedies consumed by yours truly, already today:

Tums (2 pills)
Citrucel (4 pills)
Magnesium Citrate (1/2 bottle)
Colace (1 pill)
Aloe (3 pills)


I swear I am only 33.

Getting Old

My Mom is here visiting us for a long weekend. It has been great to see her without having to share her with my sister! E is home safe and sound from his big camping trip. This trip made him realize that he is not young anymore and sometimes things that you did when you were in your twenties is not as much fun when you are in your thirties married with kids.
Something I guess we all learn the hard way.

I learned my lesson when I stayed up all night while my sister was having her second child, then drove home in the early morning. My days of staying out all night in NYC then going home to shower and going to work, were long over. It took two days of naps and good night sleeps to get me back in action.
It was a sad realization.
Almost as sad as realizing that some early gray hairs doesn't just mean that those few will hang out, that they will invite every single gray hair they know to a party on your head and they will never, ever leave.

They Make Me Laugh Every Day

Going to the cemetery with my kids used to be easy. They would be asleep in the car and I would park and get out, leave some flowers, tidy up and get back in the car and they would not be the wiser. My, how times have changed.

Yesterday I stopped by the cemetery to "visit" my father and, of course, I had the kids with me. R woke up just as I pulled in and knew exactly where we were, she was the one who picked out the flowers and wanted to carry them to Grandpa. L said he wanted to stay in the car. OK, that was finewith me.

"Don't walk on him" R said to me as I stepped by the gravestone to weed a little. "OK, I will try not to, but you know it doesn't hurt him right R?" I said.
She lovingly placed the flowers and arranged them by the headstone. "Here you go Grandpa" she said.
I immediately started to cry. I never wanted to repeat what I had done with my mother so many years ago. My Mom toting her two young children to the cemetery to visit her father. I could no imagine a world without my dad, never mind my children living in it with no memory of him.

R rushed back to the car, and I walk over, L was crying. "what is wrong?" I asked him. " I want to see how he is doing " L said sweetly as I pulled him out of his car seat. Together I walked with my two small children through the cemetery.
"Hi Grandpa!" L said. "Grandpa, can you hear me?" R said laying on the grass, face down yelling into the ground. This both made me laugh and tear up again.

They are sweet, empathetic children who are naturally interested in the world and how it works, so it is no wonder I have to field questions from strange to how the hell do I answer that. I don't want them to fear death like I did when I was young so E and I are sure to tell them that people and animals die when they are both very old and very sick. A lie I know, but the painful truth of loss will face them soon enough. Neither our dog or my father was old when they died, but I don't want them worrying about themselves or one of us dying.
"what is Grandpa wearing?" "does he had dirt in his mouth?" "is he with god, or buried in the dirt?" "are there worms in the dirt?" "where is heaven" and "how did he get buried" are all questions I was asked yesterday.
Some I knew how to answer, others I didn't. Some made me cry and others made me laugh.
All in all I came to one conclusion: I am not going the cemetery without E anymore.

Books

I have been neglecting this blog, I am fully aware. I have just been busy, not feeling so great, trying to get E ready to go away and just plain tired.
I decided I am going to plan a little getaway for myself in the near future, maybe just alone time.
I deserve it.

When I was asking people for good beach reads I got some great suggestions and I have read a lot of books this summer. If you have any other suggestions I am about done with my reading pile, so send them my way!
I also had someone from http://www.authorsontheweb.com/ contact me and suggest a book she was willing to send me, But Enough About Me by Jancee Dunn. Jancee is a girl from NJ who went on to work for Rolling Stone, MTV and Good Morning America. The book tells tales from the famous people she has interviewed to her amazing rock n roll life.
I really enjoyed this book, it was a perfect beach book. If you are looking for a easy read, pick this one up.


I do not accept any monetary compensation for any book reviews that I write.

A Girl And Her Breakdown

E is making his annual trek here to meet with all his granola friends and acquaintances. He would go every year when I first met him with his best friend/roommate and some of his other friends. Since I have never been camping and have no desire to do so, The Fold Fest is not for me. Sitting alone dirty in the woods with E is borderline tolerable, sitting dirty in a field with hundreds of other dirty and smelly people is where I draw the line.
One day I think I will surprise E and his best friend and say I am going with them. They would be so excited. Then E would dread it because he knows me and my tolerance level of dirt.

I can't help but feeling jealous and mad at E for his getaway. E goes away on business no less then 4 times a year. He goes to visit his best friend for a weekend at least twice a year and every other year he goes to Fold Fest (this time he is going 2 years in a a row). In all fairness, I told him he should go and he needs a break, which who doesn't?
When do I get my break? I have never been away from the kids for more then 6 hours in four and a half years. I don't go out on girl's night. I do not have friends here. E suggested when he gets home that I go for a day at the spa. I need my hair cut and highlights touched up but I would feel to guilty to do anything else.
Sometimes I think of going to a hotel by myself and order room service and get a massage, but then I think of all the things I could do with that money. I need to buy new booster car seats for the kids, now I need a new camera, the kids need clothes for the fall as well and E & I.
It is my fault, I should just do it and not allow the guilt to creep in. I deserve it.

So who is in? Who never gets a day off and deserves one? Lets all meet up in a posh hotel and order delicious food and get spa treatments!

Urine

Thank you for all of your camera suggestions, I am surprised nobody has my camera, a Canon A70, which I loved until it died. Now I am not loving it so much.
The only thing I didn't like about my camera is that it was bulky, so now I would love a compact, inexpensive digital.

I have a small garden and I have some tomatoes, basil and mint. I usually plant cucumbers but my neighbor usually has so many that he gives me, I could never eat all of mine. Anyway, the rabbits around my yard have taken to eating my tomatoes whether they have ripened or not. This is a terrible problem and the rabbits I usually love seeing around my yard are going to get it if I ever catch them. To make matters worse they usually don't even eat the whole thing! Bastards!
So, I want to get rid of these pests but I don't want to spray the plants with anything because they are organic plants and a organic garden. My sister suggested using coyote urine, which they sell where she works but I couldn't find anything down here. Then I thought about having E pee around the perimeter of my garden. Surely his pee would deter any small animals from coming close to my garden.

This train of thinking has lead me to the conclusion that I need help.

In Other News, It is Finally Raining Here

I wanted to take a picture of the playroom to give you some insight of what it looks like when I have been to busy to have my kids pick up after themselves, but my digital camera is being very fickle.
It has been acting up for a few days, but now I fear it is gone. Dead. To the big electric store in the sky.
I am sad not only for the pictures I am missing out of, but for my wallet. I really want this, but my budget is more likely to get this. Very sad.

Which digital cameras do you people have, or recommend?

Depends, Anyone?

I wanted to share with you a picture I had taken a few weeks ago on my way to the beach. This is a store front of a surgical store.

Some great mind decided it would be a great idea and really draw customers in with a entire window front of adult diapers. This would not be my store of choice to go and say, pick up a new cane.
So very odd.

Can I Help it That Men are Pervs?

Me: did you see that police office run out of his car to pull me over? He pointed me over? Who has ever heard of that?

E: yeah! What did he say to you?

Me: He said "Is there a reason you are going 48 in a 35?" and I said "no" then he asked "so no medical emergency? no medical reason you would be driving that fast?" again I replied "no" although I wanted to make up an medical excuse like on The Office. I could have said "yes, sir because of my hot dog fingers" or "Yes, I am rushing because of my government created killer nano-robot infection".

E: Uhhhh.
Did you get a ticket?

Me: no.

E: because you are a chick!

Me: yup. I just squeezed my boobs together and leaned into him a little and next thing I know he was telling me to slow down and have a nice day.

E: I can't believe it! Wow. It must be so great to be a girl.

Me: yeah besides the carrying of babies, sometimes two at once, for nine months, cramps, PMS, morning sickness, periods that never leave, catering to small people's every need, cost of bras, .70 to every $1.00 a man makes, embarrassing amount of maternity leave, not being able to pee outside and
stretch marks it is a hoot. The least I can do is not get a ticket once in awhile.

Right ladies?

Weekend Recap

This weekend we have had visitors. My sister and brother in law were going to a concert last night so they asked if my niece (13) and my nephew (12) could come on Saturday and stay until Monday afternoon. We all went to the beach yesterday and we had a great time. the weather was great, the waves were great and my kids had a lot of fun with their big cousins. I even got to go to my favorite ice cream place in the island because how could any day go bad if it ends with ice cream?

When we got home we were all tired and we had to get 6 people bathed and fed. Then it was time for me to participate in a online book club where we got to speak to the author and ask her questions, etc. I will not share the podcast with you because my questions were sophomoric and I had no idea it was going to be on the radio. I probably sound like I am 12. Gag.

Then (as if that is not enough for one day) my daughter's tooth fell out right before bed. You can read about it here. She was so excited but it was slightly overshodowed my my son falling on the ground waaayyy overtired yelling about his teeth will never fall out! We told him if he doesn't quiet down, we will help with that problem! Such drama.

Always drama.

You are All Invited to Dinner!

Thank you all, your prayers worked, E still has a job. We can still eat! Yippee!
To celebrate I went to Starbucks and purchased too much caffeine in the form of an iced coffee.

In other good news, they are building a Carrabbas and a Outback right next to my Target which is about 1 miles from my house. Now, usually I am not a fan of chain restaurants like Macaroni Grill, Chilli's or Fridays but I looove Carrabbas and Outback Steakhouse is the home of the blooming onion and need I say more? My husband is hoping for a Chickies & Petes to open up close to us because now that he no longer works in Philly, he has no excuse to just stop by have a beer and some crab fries with friends.

Really, thank you for caring about my family and sending out well wishes. I do love you peeps.

Again, I Ask.

We really need your help right now. If you are the praying type, or the good vibes type or you like to throw positive *anything* out to the universe, I need your help. As of 10:30 this am, E may be out of a job.
You know the one that pays for a roof over our heads, food and clothes? Oh yeah and if he loses his job he loses his company car.
E is a wreck and so am I, I can't stop crying.

Please, some vibes for us? I would really appreciate it!

Benefibertini Anyone?

Well, I am glad you peeps like my pale white legs. Unfortunately they are still pale, my legs take forever to tan.

I wish I was at the beach today, I took the kids outside to paint this morning and I lasted 15 minutes. It is so hot and humid today and the fact that there is no shade in my backyard until afternoon, made me head for the central air conditioning. Good thing my children are fast painters.

Maybe I could have them do my bathroom and another coat in my bedroom?

I am young (ish) but I have come to a point in my life where I am either in denial of my age or I have no memory. I keep filling out forms or telling people I am 32, not 33. Either way, it is not a good sign. Another reason I know I am old? I now have to take a heaping scoop of Benefiber in my morning and afternoon juice. It is just a glass of prune juice, yet.

Without getting into too much detail, I am past being irregular. I am eating fiber rich foods but I need a boost, something besides my aloe pills.
It is a sad state of affairs.

Summer Time

Here are some pictures from our vacation, for you, because I care. Certainly not because I still haven't written my article that was due yesterday.

Mussels anyone?

My three kids.

Tiny Update

We came hoem from the beach on Saturday and did a ton of laundry and took well needed naps. Sunday a bad storm flew in and knocked out our cable internet connection. It wasn't until about an hour ago we got it back. This cable company is terrible and their awful customer service is as bad as Directv. Just lie after lie about who was coming to fix it, when, and how.
I have so much to catch up on. Oh and a 700 article to write for a NJ magazine about how to make friends when you move to a new area.
Ha! Me!? I have zero friends here after 4 years, but don't tell them that!

Currently I ambaking chocolate chip cookies with my kids just because I feel like eating cookie dough. How do you like that one?

Fun/Not Fun

Fun: Spending time at the beach with your family
Not fun: thinking you lost your son, when he walked 5 feet away from where he was 1 minue ago, therefore panicking and losing a god year off of your life and adding 23 grey hairs to your, already too large, collection

Fun: all day on the beach
Not fun: forgetting all reading material

Fun: being so close to the beach
Not fun: Not being able to sleep, at al, all night

Fun: it is going to be a long, fun day
Not fun: It is going to be a long day!

Doctors and Cameras

Today I am off to the endocrinologist's office. the one with zero personality and dresses like she just stepped off the set of Little House on the Prairie. Just a thyroid check up, to make sure it is functioning OK. I hope that there are no more blood tests in my future. My little arms cannot take any more incompetence.

Tomorrow I am off to the beach for a few days, I am not sure I will be staying at the beach or coming home at night, so you may or may not hear from me, but when I do get back I will have pictures galore to share.
I would have shown you my bloodied arm but for somre reason my camera is not focusing on close up things very well.
I wish I could buy a new digital camera, I am drooling over this. Sigh.
Bottom line, you will get some pictures just not good ones!

Stick Me? Stick You!

Funny but you would think that people in the health care industry specifically people who take vials and vials of blood every day, would care about their job.
Instead people in these office seem to all need a personality and the woman who stuck me with a big ass needle in my arm without providing me with the squeeze ball, not only hurt me but also caused me to bleed for a long time.
I bled through the cotton ball. That never happens.

Maybe instead of worrying about free coffees and where they want lunch from today paid for by the pharmaceutical company, they should concern themselves with their job. Maybe the drug reps could bring them all new personalities instead of bagels and doughnuts! Terrific idea.

Now I am nursing my wound at home with two small people who figured out how to work the "childproof" door knob covers. They are geniuses. Evil geniuses. They are also over nap time.
I am not over nap time, I love nap time and I revel in nap time.
Please don't let me lose nap time!

Lack of Energy

I woke up too early today and now I am paying for it. I am exhausted and I would love to have a nap. Normally I am not a nap person, I think it is a tease and I wake up grumpy and foggy. Not a pleasure to be around.

I forced myself to go to the gym today and I hated every minute. After awhile I usually get into the groove and like pushing myself but not today, after 45 minutes I called it quits. I got the kids and walked to the car, I wanted a cheeseburger from Fruddrukers which is conveniently located right next door to the gym, but I resisted temptation. Then I saw Panera (yum!), again right next to the gym on the other side. Fuckers.

Now I am counting the minutes until E comes home because I am going to nap today. E has to work tonight and if I don't nap I know the kids will be running around the house with me passed out by 7pm. Not good.
A girl has to know her own limitations.

I am a worrier

I am not a "in the now" type of person. I never have been. It is a decision I have to make to try and live in the moment, because usually my mind is what could go wrong/why did I make those stupid mistakes as a teen/what does the future hold. One of the most things I concentrate wayyy to much on is getting older.

When I was 19 staring down my 20th birthday, I decided I was aging way to fast. I was the girl that loved high school and didn't want to leave. I realized what a good deal it is to live at home, have everything paid for, dinner on the table and my only real concern being what to wear the next day. I liked my friends, my life. I voiced these concerns and the disdain I felt for turning 20 to my mom who just laughed. "You are so young, you have your whole life ahead of you, why must you worry about silly things, that you cannot control?"

I am not sure. But I do. I watched the older men and women at the gym today and I worry when I am that old will I look at the young people and wish I was young again? Will I desire my youth so much that I can't enjoy my last half of my life.
I realized that is what I am doing to myself now. I am worrying about aging, without realizing I am young and healthy now. My kids and my husband are young and healthy, why can't I just live and enjoy it.

I hope that I do get old and that I can look back on my life and just be happy that I lived it. I am trying.

Boring

What can I say, my life is boring these daysand so not blog worthy. I go to whole foods, I go to the free movies and I wait until the days Big Brother is on. Tonight no B.B. but dateline! with perverted justice! in NJ! It is going to be great.

In the meantime, go read about my daughter's loose tooth.

Loser x 2

You know when you are a loser when:

the one thing you are looking forward today is your new havianas that you ordered and should be delivered shortly.




I so need a friend.

My Weekend

We were out and about this weekend and we had a lot of fun. We took the kids to get crocs, which I hate except these because they look so comfortable and I saw a woman wearing them and she raved about them for 20 minutes and they really didn't look that hideous on. Then we went to lunch and after, they each got a desperately needed haircut.

Yesterday we went to the beach and it was so very crowded. The uncomfortable, lets try to squeeze in a spot crowded. It was a beautiful day and besides the water being a freezing 65 degrees, the kids loved it. R went into the ocean for the first time since she was about 15 months old. Last year she refused to even put her feet in the water. She was content playing in the sand, hanging out with her aunts and cousins.
yesterday she was sitting in the tide, rolling, laughing and chasing the waves. It was amazing to see the changes in a year. My kids are brave and love life so much that you cannot help to be happy around them.

Other then that, I have nothing left to post. I know, I am boring!

The Gym

Things I hate about the gym include but are not limited to:

The fact that I continually think about how I could accidentally fall off the treadmill and roll down the aisle.

The gynecologist machine where you sit down straddle the machine with your thighs and open and shut them. This is good or bad, depending how you look at it, when you are wearing short shorts.

How much I hate working out

Thinking people are staring at me from behind. That is why I always use the last row of machines.

My fear of coming in too late for a class and everyone stare at you while you scramble for a mat or a ball the size of Saturn. This ball was last seen by my eyes in a birthing room. This also scares me.

Three words: death by cardio

Send Help, I Mean food

Things I am craving right now so intensely that I cannot write about anything else, in no particular order I just want them all. Now :

chocolate mousse
homemade french onion soup
brownies
chick fil a
peach bread that I saw on Food Network
chocolate cake with chocolate icing

Does anyone else think my period is coming?

P.S. send me these things asap.

Men Who Sleep. Anywhere.

We were invited to one of my best friend's sons birthday party in May. She has a few friends and family at her house. It was a great time and I was happy I got to see my friends and their kids.
What I didn't expect to see is at least two men (at different times) napping on a couch in the living room. they just took a nap at a party, at someone elses house. Not only strange but really strange.

This is not the first time I have seen this, I have been at many parties where this has occured. Usually these men don'e even find and out of the way location to snooze in, they just sleep anywhere, even in a crowded room. Obviously these people have never been antiqued.
My sister's husband is like that he can sleep anywhere at any time. He will just sleep sitting up, laying down, at someones house, in his house with company over, whatever.

It is only men who do this. Women never just lay down and nap. I don't even nap in my own home on a lazy Saturday.
What is this phenomenon? Is it narcolepsy that strikes only men of varying ages? I sit laziness? Does the male chromosome carry the sleep anywhere gene?
I am fascinated.

The Gym

Yesterday E and I went the the gym. Gasp. My lazy butt actually went to the gym. Look out your window, there has to be pigs flying.

We took the kids because they have a kid center while you work out and I felt OK about leaving them there, especially because I knew we weren't going to be there that long, because you know, me and they gym are not BFF yet.
L was hesitant at first because it was new and he was not sure about the us leaving part. I assured him R would be right there with him and he would be fine.

As soon as E and I were done we went together to pick up the kids, as we reached the door I heard a page Mrs. Tuesday to the Kid center. I thought L was having a mini breakdown.
No, he just peed his pants. WTF? He has been potty trained for a year and a half and now pees in his pants? He went to the bathroom right before we left the house and he has access to a bathroom.

This is not a new one, on the 3rd of July while we were gathered to watch fireworks in a big park, he told us he had to go to the bathroom. I asked him if he could hold it (it had only been about 2 hours since he last went) he said now and then proceeded to pee himself in front of us and all the other firework lovers. I was embarrassed of him. I was embarrassed for him.

I have no idea what sparked this recent urine fest, and no idea what to do about it.
I have learned one lesson through all of this though, leave a change of clothes in the car at all times and that girl at the kid center is so judging me.

With Daylight Comes The Sun

Did I ever tell you how I was stalked by Kabbalah peoples? Well, it was my own fault, I contacted them first.

OK, before you judge let me explain.
My father had just died. There was no reasoning in my world. I didn't believe in god, in fact if there was one, I despised him. I didn't want to hear "everything happens for a reason" or "god knows what he is doing" or any other ridiculous, thoughtless, obligatory shit. Oh, do babies die for a reason? Do children suffer every day for a reason?

That thinking just wasn't for me, and I wanted to strangle anyone who dare speak it to me. Including my Mom, the church goer, the god believer, the one who lost her own father was he was in his early 50s and she was 25, she of all people should have known better.
It could have been my denial and grief speaking, the fact that I myself wanted to die, the unbearable physical pain that wracked my body every day, the only escape was the shower where I would let it out, my cries silent, my body wet and crumpled not allowing anyone to see how truly fucked up I was.

So I searched not for answers per se, but for meaning. To life, to death, to ebb and flow, I am not sure, but I wanted there to be an answer. Even if I didn't like to hear it, I wanted to know and to grow from it.

I read. Self help books, grieving books, books on Taoism, on life, on anything, searching. Kabbalah wasn't as prevalent as it is now, it wasn't yet cool to sport a red string but I researched it. It brought me comfort, it alluded to some answers. I contacted them to get more information. They called me every day for months, telling me about the books I would need and the prayer books, the materials, the string. To find my answer, it would have cost me hundreds, which I would have gladly paid, if I was sure. Every phone call they gave me, lead me away from them, they wanted my money, and maybe my soul.

Four years later, I am older, not much wiser and I still don't have the answer I so desperately searched for, because it is not there. Belief is what you need. Like my Mom, where belief is what gets her through the days, the people who believe in luck, or the person who believes their are spirits "guiding" them. Even the person who believes everything happens for a reason.
I believe there are good times and bad. Some people have more bad then good. Some people make the bad into good. I believe that people are not born bad, but made that way by other people, time and life.
I believe that bad things happen to good people and even assholes can get lucky sometimes. I believe it takes more then just money to make you happy. I believe in good friends, soul mates, that people need to take more responsibility with their lives and the lives of their neighbors.
I believe in goodness.
Is that faith? I have no idea, I just know what gets me through the day.

Camping? Camp Not!

I married a camper. Yes, it is hard to believe that a high maintenance girl like myself married, let alone dated, a full blown hiking, camping, mountain man.
Alas I did, and as of today, two weeks shy of being with E for 11 years (what?), I have never relented on the camping ideas.
He has been camping many, many times over the years without me. He even goes here every year with all the other granola, more-then-slightly-dirty hippies. I get some peer pressure to go camping! we'll rent a cabin, it will be so. much. fun.

I don't buy it for a second.
I can get that it would be fun at night, I like the idea of the campfire, smores, roasting hot dogs, telling ghost stories and all of that. Then my mind wanders to the facts that I will have to pee and maybe even poop outside, snakes, the cold, the heat, and the plain old boredom during the day. I mean after a hike and/or fishing really what is left to friggin do?

People built houses so they didn't have to live in tents. That tells me right there how great tents are. I do not care that E has a 67 person tent with a living room or whatever unless it comes with a flat screen, Tivo and a hot tub. Living in my own filth for days is not fun, nor is it a vacation.
Well, it is a vacation from being clean and having comforts. I mean we pay a lot of money for this house with its "things" like beds and a potty, why leave it to sleep on the hard ground?

I wonder how long I can put off camping. E wants to take the kids and I am not too sure about him going alone with the kids. I mean bears and snakes and all.
I am just buying time for now, I will end up going I am sure sooner then later. E knows he is in for it because I am just thinking about the industrial sized antibacterial everything I am going to be purchasing.
On the up side though, think of the pictures and what I would have to write about!

Twins

Stay Tuned

My sister and her family is here visiting for the 4th of July festivities. You will have to stay tuned for a bit longer and more rant filled post.

I am about to go off on camping, men who sleep anywhere at anytime (WTF?)and light bulbs who go out after .9 hours of usage.

Until then my little chickadees, let me run off to whole foods for a couple of things I "forgot" and see if my men are still in love. Especially those seafood men in their orange fish pants (completely technical term) and muscle shirts, flinging fish back to each other and then, boom! someones suspenders broke and you are pretending to look at those fresh salmon fillets, but he is bending over and wow! look at those muscles and the glass is fogging up and he asks you if you need help, and boy! do you.........oh,
ahem
Excuse me, I need a quick shower before Whole Foods.