Are You There God, It's Me, Tuesday

I had a busy day yesterday. I went to my hometown to visit my Aunt in the hospital, have lunch with my Grandma, two of my cousins and step mother, then visit my sister and her new cast at her house.

I felt like I was on a UFO tour. Throwing out some jokes, watching my daughter R, sing and dance and the bye! Hope you feel better soon! Got to go before we hit fabulous NJ rush hour traffic! For anyone out side the tri-state area, the traffic is everywhere at every hour, every day.

Last night I treated myself to an Ambien after I watched LOST, (his Dad pushed him out a window and then appeared on the island? WOW!) and I have no memory of the night just the sweet deep sleep I was in.
It is so great.

I appreciate all of your comments on my problem with this blog. I know I will keep it, I love it. I just think I will be outed soon because I already have agreed to write at a new place and I also agreed to be interviewed about my blogs.
I will be outed, you will know more about me and my life, and I think I am ok with that.
Now I am off to erase any incriminating evidence and hope that my friends and family who find this blog either go away from boredom, or never bring up my vibrator or shaving habits at Thanksgiving dinner.
Or maybe that will make for a more fun family get together?
Nah.

Help

I have a problem.
I am not sure what to do with this blog.

When I started this blog it was to write about my life, catharsis or a cheap alternative to therapy. I wrote it for myself but also not to feel so alone, to remind myself daily that there are people who feel the same way I do about motherhood, life and or being a SAHM. I never told anyone in my real life about it besides my husband.
I didn't want to have to censor myself, I didn't want to have to omit things in my life because I didn't want my Mom, friends or sister to read it.

I have always kept this blog separate from my life and the people in it, you don't know my real name, you don't know my husband or my children's names, I don't share our pictures. I never wanted anyone in my life to find this, but it is getting harder and harder.

Now I wonder, so I shut down this blog and just continue with my parenting blog? Do I censor myself and remove a ton of old posts in case I am "outed"?
Do I just come out of the blogging closet with my name and face and everything else?

I want to know what you do.
Why do you remain anonymous? Do people in your life read your blog and are you censoring because of it?
I need you all to help me with this decision, come out like it is de-lurking week.
I need my peeps.

Spring Cleaning

Well, it was about time wasn't it?

Thank Ro from Ciao! My Bella!. She was great to work with and fast.

I was going to go crazy if I had to look at that old stupid template from blogger for one more second.

Yay!

Falling Down

Last week it went from 75 degrees on Wednesday to an icy rain storm that pelted us all day and later turned to snow, on Friday. Good times.

Turns out on Friday night my sister fell in front of her house and hurt her ankle and knee. She tried to wait out the pain but yesterday she went to the ER and found out she broke her ankle. And she has a 6 year old and a one year old. And her husband starts his new hours today which is a 16 hour day. I was going up to help her today but she told me not to worry about it, she will just keep the baby downstairs for naps and feed him on the couch instead of the high chair.
I hope she does ok.

My Aunt fell on the ice outside of her sister house on Saturday. She broke her knee and her ankle and had surgery last night. She will be in the hospital for a while.

Last October my Grandmother fell and hurt her knee badly she had to have surgery and is still going to rehab.

What is wrong with my family? Why is everyone taking a tumble?
I better be very careful walking.

People Are Strange

Simon Cowell said on his 60 minute interview that he was asked to watch some couple have sex and rate them.

Simon also says on 60 Minutes that he was once asked “to come to [a couple’s] house and comment on him and his wife in bed.” He says, according to the New York Post, that people “were both in their fifties and he was going to pay me $100,000 for it,” but he said no. “I stupidly turned it down. I should’ve taken the money, because it would be a much more interesting story now.”

WHY would someone want to do this? Also who would love to give me $100k for commenting on their sex? I will do it for 10k.
OK, you got me, I would do it for $100.00.
I have things to say.

I would never want anyone commenting on me having sex, and I certainly would never pay someone to watch me.
Lets face it, if I wanted to hear how fat I was or how I am doing everything wrong, I will just invite my mother over.

Mothers

I have my mothers lips.

If you ask me who I resemble, my mother or my father I will always quickly tell you my father. I do look like him. Except for my mothers lips.
As a child people would always say I looked like my Dad and my sister looked more like my Mom. It was a truth I knew.
As I age it becomes more apparent. The size, the lines, my smile. They are all from my Mother.

I don't talk a lot about my Mother on my blog, but blogs are strange like that. We give each other what we want to give. We let you in as much as we are willing or able. Most could all be a lie, the perfect marriage, the big house, the smart kids.

My Mom is great. I have had my problems with her and we fought a lot when I was growing up. We butted heads, maybe because I was more like my father, stubborn, proud, headstrong, typically Irish. They couldn't stay married so maybe the qualities I possessed bothered her about me too.
I am not sure.
I love her. She is strong and so loving. She always finds the good in situations, too much so sometimes. She believes there are reasons for the bad. She has faith in her god. Again, maybe too much sometimes.

Maybe that is what I need more of in my life. Maybe like the glimpse I catch of myself in my mirror, as time passes I will realize I am more like my Mom then I ever thought.

My Home Is Falling Apart

My dishwasher is comign tomorrow and never has anything been more awaited since I had over 15lbs of babies residing in my uterus.

Or since my Dyson arrived.

Or since E came home from a business trip

Ok, so I anticipate everything with utter excitment, but if you knew how much I hated washing fucking dishes by hand, you would know how excited I am.
I will rewash everything E washed because I just realized how terrible at dishes he is.
Speaking of E he brought me home a chocolate martini gift basket from Harry and David. He gets me. Chocolate martinis flowed last night while E tried to put in a new garage door opener.

Yes, home ownership really sucks sometimes.

Pizza Day

I was yelled at by my son in front of his whole class last week because I forgot it was pizza day and he had to eat some stinking sandwich I packed for him with love.
Today they asked me no less then 12 times if I remembered to pay the teacher for pizza so they can have pizza with their friends.
I remembered and I even paid for next weeks pizza.
I am really getting a hang of this motherhood thing.

Yesterday I made my children cupcakes because they had been asking me to make them something that was not vegetables or a square meal. They wanted the good stuff and since I do not let them eat sweets or shitty cereal or plain old crap I decided that cupcakes were in order. They deserve shit once in awhile.
I made the cake from a box but made my own chocolate icing and it was so good!

I may or may not have eaten two cupcakes this morning for breakfast.
Hey, I said the kids don't eat crap I didn't say anything about their parents!

If you are in the mood come check me out over here and see what my daughter has been begging me for.

Fights

Lately my kids love to argue with each other. This morning I had to break up a fight over whether my son will have a beard and what color it will be. L said he wants a white beard when he is a man and R said she doesn't want him to have a beard but if he has to have one she wants it to be brown.

@*!%#@#(&!

It is always fun in this house! L also noted that he can't wait to grow up because his penis will grow up too!

I told him I don't care who grows up in this house but once you do, you are all getting jobs.

Sick. Again.

The wellness gods cursed me when I thought to myself earlier this winter, I haven't been sick! I am so healthy! I am a marvel of a woman!
Now I am sick again, this time with a head cold.

Damn you germs!!!!

I have gone too having some sort of stomach bug to my period to a head cold.
I will never be well again!

I have to be better for George, my new trainer on Monday. Did I mention he was hot? Because if I forgot to mention that it was only because I was still mesmerized by his hotness and the hotness that surrounded him like radiant beams. Reminds me of Davis from the Real World.
Very Nordic, very buff, very young. That is just how I like them. I mean trainers, not guys because you know, I am married and I have kids for pete's sake and I will have to drop the kids off at the babysitter part of the gym and so they will be in the building while I am being trained, hard and what were we talking about again?

Suddenly I am flushed but I know it is because I am sick, not because my new trainer, George is hotttttttttttttt.
I am going to lie down now.

Meet George, My New Trainer

Here it is kids, our new dishwasher.

Very exciting, but of course I pick the one that is not in stock and won't be here until next week sometime. More dry hands for me.

Today I finally went to the gym to sign up and take a tour. I have a appointment with a personal trainer on Monday at 9am. That is no joke.

He seemed nice but I hope he has a sense of humor. If you couldn't tell, I am very sarcastic and I want to have fun even with the furnace repair man, I like to have fun. If this guy doesn't get my sense of humor or doesn't want to have fun while he beats my ass to the ground, we are in real trouble.

Whatever the case, it will make for a good story that day. Unless I can't raise my arms to type.

That is a real possibility people, very real.

Open Letters

Dear strange man in random stores:
Yes, I know my daughter is cute, adorable in fact, but do not touch her. I know you are probably a nice man, maybe even a lonely, widowed Grandfather, but it creeps me out to no end. Do not touch her. You are lucky I didn't bite off your hand, and if my husband was there, he would have bit your head off.
Hand to yourself people.

Love, Tuesday

Dear period,
E-fucking-nough already. Don't come 8 days late, stronger then ever, more cramps then ever then disappear for 36 hours and try and come back. You had your chance. I am not going to play peek a boo with you. Come all out or hang out until next month, it is your choice.

Fuck you,
Tuesday

Dear lent,
I didn't give up anything for you. Last year I gave up my thyroid, I figure that will even me up for a few years at least. Plus, what have you done for me lately?
Sorry, but I even ate turkey on Friday.

Love, Tuesday

Dear readers,
Whirlpool or Fridgidaire?

Love, Tuesday

Full Day

The good news is that the gross bug we all had in this house has flown away. The bad news is that my sister and my mother who visited this weekend? Yeah they have it. I just hope my nephews don't get it.

On the agenda today is blogging, a ultrasound on my thyroid, and finally buying a dishwasher. We have been looking at dishwashers forever now and I really can't pick one. The $300 ones really don't seem any worse then the $600 ones. I don't want the best dishwasher since I don't plan on being in this house for more then two more years. Any dishwasher suggestions?

We also need to get (2) booster car seats, a new garage door opener, a quilt for my daughter's bed and curtains for the living room.
That is why I am thinking about becoming a phone sex operator. Or selling E's sperm.
Whichever is more lucrative.

Update

Since we last spoke...................
My son threw up. All night. Three pj changes, two sheet/pillowcase changes, one emergency washing of king size sheets, and one underwear that was tossed because of, ahem....... leakage.
Good times.

Oh, did I tell you that same night, my furnace stopped working again?? So PSE&G had to come out the next morning and fix it and told us that we were ripped off by at least $200 by the company that put in the ignitor and they installed it wrong.
I am SO getting my money back. Bastards!

Last night E came home from work and more puking! It seems that since he "never gets sick, and never throws up" the karma gods decided to show him a virus that can still kick his ass.
So it has made its round to my entire family in ten days and lets hope it doesn't want to go around again.

I am so sick of doing laundry.

Wax On Wax Off

Yesterday was a crappy day but was vaulted into mediocrity when I finally got a much needed haircut and my eyebrows waxed. I usually get my eyebrows threaded, but my salon doesn't have that service so I went with the wax.
It hurts more, but it is a good pain.

I did learn that eyebrows are sisters not twins. So I can feel less self conscious that one is longer and higher then the other. She evened them out as close as possible but I can still tell. Maybe I should have a shirt made that says they are sisters not twins, but why draw more attention to my breasts.
Hell who am I kidding, my breasts are fabu and they love all the attention.
Did you know breasts are sister and not twins also? I did, because my one is slightly bigger then the other which I only realized recently when one kept peeking out of my new bra and also because that is what my waxist(?) told me.
She is so freaking wise.
I love her.

Now, the dilemma is do you let the one you love wax your most private of areas? I like the girl, she was so sweet, she met my daughter, she told me about her wedding, I feel we are too close to be nude together, unless I am going to have an orgasm at the end.
Ahem.
I think I will have to retreat to a new unknown salon for my bikini waxing needs and let my new friend stick to waxing my eyebrows.
Maybe, if she plays her cards right, my legs too.

My Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day

Ok, get comfortable and get something to drink, this is going to be a long one.
Because I knew E was away all week, I made plans last week with my family to go up and visit yesterday. I wanted to go see my friend who had her baby last week, visit my grandmother and maybe have dinner with my Mom.

Then I started not feeling so well, like I said, last Friday. Tuesday night I did not sleep well, I thought maybe I was pregnant ( I am not) and I was tired and grumpy yesterday morning. I decided getting out of the house would be good for me and the kids even though I was dreading the 3 hour round trip that I had already done twice in 8 days.

I got up at stopped for lunch at a great place we love to go to that has been around forever, and my sister and her youngest met us there. I let the kids each have a milkshake because they were so good in the car and they had never had one before. Everyone ate a lot and we headed over to my Grandmother's house. We visited we saw two of my cousins and had a nice time, then we went to my friend's house. We visited, held a cute new baby boy who is so sweet and left a about an hour later. From there we met my Mother for dinner. My daughter wanted grilled cheese which is her very favorite standard order. It came and she didn't touch it. I thought it was because she was so tired, she hadn't napped all day, but then she said her stomach hurt. We thought it was because she was hungry.

We take her food home and my son's unfinished pizza say good bye to my Mom and get on the road at about 7:40 pm, which is their bedtime anyway.
I get onto the NJ Turnpike and go about 10 miles and my daughter started throwing up.
In the car.
With nobody to help me.
Yuk.

I had to go another 15 miles before I could get to the next rest stop. I was going as fast as I can while trying to calm her down because this is only the second time she has thrown up in her little, short life.
I pull in and I try to clean her up, but it is everywhere, chunks of disgusting hot dogs and pickles. I wanted to die, I am a gagger and I tried so hard not to puke too.
I get her as cleaned up as I can and get back on the road, I just want to be HOME. A couple of miles later she is puking again. Then 5 minutes from home, again. She has now successfully soaked her coat, her pants, her sweater, her brothers coat and every inch of her car seat.

I couldn't carry her in because she was covered in puke. I had to walk them around the side of my house and let us in the side door because my garage door opener is broken. Fun!
I had to strip her all the while she is shaking and saying how cold he is, then put her in the shower. Then I had to get her dressed, put the nasty clothes in the wash and get her brother dressed for bed.

At this point I am sweating and cursing E for being away when all hell brakes loose when I notice it is really cold downstairs. I check the thermostat which says it is 57 in the house but the target temperature is at 67. I turn it up. Nothing.

I call E. He asks me to go into the basement and check the blue flame of death in the furnace. I don't see any flames.
Shit. We have no heat.
The curse of when E is away on business strikes again*.

I had to call our plumbing company which charges us for a overtime charge plus parts and labor or I could wait for PSE&G to come out between 12-4 today. I couldn't wait. If it was just me, I would have frozen but R was sick and I didn't know how cold it was going to get at night, I didn't want to chance it.

More then I was going to spend on a new dishwasher later, the furnace is working. The part the size of ipod was replaced and I remarked how anything that little should not cost more then $10.50. He was not a man with a sense of humor.
I knew I should have worn something more cleavage revealing**!

So that was my day, one of the worst in recent memory. I am glad E is coming home tonight, I am glad I got my hair cut today and my eyebrows waxed, that I can take a sleeping pill tonight, that my daughter feels better but likes staying home and snuggling me on the couch, and that I will finally have a decent cup of coffee tomorrow.

I am tired.



* things that have gone wrong while E was away on business:
-Mom's cat has diarrhea all over my house, new carpet and kid's expensive couch
-water overflowed in toilet and I had to touch gross old pipes and turn off water to bathroom and then live there for one more day before he came home
-dog was so sick and had peed and diarrhea all over my still new carpet, she was dying and died two days after he came home from trip
-water heater exploded all over basement! Fun!
-got a call my Dad was dying and if I wanted to see him get to NYC fast.


** I actually debated whether to change into something cleavage revealing to maybe favor my odds in getting a better price. Hey! It works!
I was too tired.

Post #1

you will NOT believe the day I had yesterday! It was a long terrible day and I will post about it a little later. I am finally getting a haircut and my eyebrows waxed so as soon as I get back, I will write a long assed post about it.

Waiting Is the Hardest Part

I am still not feeling 100%. I toss and turn at night, I threw up on Friday night, cold clammy the whole thing. On Sunday night I had diarrhea and didn't sleep all night. I went to my endocrinologist Monday afternoon and had blood work done as routine to check up on my thyroid. She threw in a pregnancy test because I haven't gotten mine yet, but I took a home test and it was negative.

I am thinking the upset stomach and puking was due to the potatoes I ate Friday and Sunday nights, all from the same big bag. Now, I will never eat potatoes again and that is a strong stance coming from a Irish girl.

I am hoping to hear back from my doctor's office today with results from my blood work. I hate the wait.

E doesn't come home until tomorrow night and I still cannot make a good cup of coffee!

Today

Kids are asking me 299 thousand questions a minute.
E is away on business.
L has a cough,
I am so sick and have been since 2am on Monday.
I have to go give blood again today and I am beginning to think all doctors are vampires. I have given blood at least 20 times this past year.

Sick. Alone. No help. Ugh.

Cleaning, Sandwiches and Business Trips

Is there anything really better then a BLT sandwich? I am craving one and I think that I will run to the store and get the supplies. I use turkey bacon and although I am so used to it by now, I don't think it tastes one bit different just a little less greasy.
I think baked potato soup would be great with it except I have never made it before. I will have to go look that one up!

Today I went to target and loaded up on my dwindling cleaning supplies and detergents. I needed it because I noticed how dusty all the pictures were in my office. Gross.

On Monday E leaves for another business trip and I will be left here bored and sad. These are the times I really miss living close to my family & friends. It would make the days go by faster if I could have a friend or two over or have dinner with my Mom.
Sigh. Maybe someday.
When I win the lottery.

Sick Of Winter

Ask me if I have any creamer?

Every day of my life I go through the same thing, I hate taking a shower, I procrastinate anything but take a shower and then I feel great afterwards. That is until I have to blow dry my hair for a good 30 minutes. Then I am grumpy again. I do like the summer though because I never use a hair dryer in the summer and if I wash my hair in the morning and put it up when I take it down for bed that night it will still be damp.
That is one of the best parts of summer.

Well, that and the ice cream man.


I am still done with having to make all the dinner decisions in this house because really? How much chicken can one family eat? I have a few ideas for you over here in my other, other blog.

Creamers Rule

I am tired because I have tossed and turned every night for at least a week. Plus my coffee was crap this morning because we were out of my favorite fat free vanilla creamer. That is such a terrible start to an otherwise perfectly fine day.

The one thing that is keeping me going is LOST tonight. I am still hopelessly in love with this show and it always keeps me coming back for more.
I am also loving Scrubs, The Office, anything on NBC where they throw pedophiles onto the ground and arrest them, King of Queens (where did that go?), Grey's (Mer cannot be dead her name is in the title of the show!) and How I Met Your Mother. Reality? I also like (small voice) Real housewives of Orange County, anything on MTV and any show where people who don't clean their house or their bodies swaps with a mother who gargles with Lysol and washes her floors with a toothpick.
Those are my quilty pleasures along with liking the song "sweet home alabama" and cutting my children's nails.

Oh, and if my husband doesn't come home with some vanilla creamer? Dead.

Complete Me

I had a great time yesterday, besides the sitting in the car for 3 hours there-and-back part. Stupid holiday traffic.

Anyways, I got a chance to see my friend and some other friends and her new baby who is sweet and small and snugly. I want one.
I wonder will the baby fever ever go away? Will one day I say "aww a cute new baby, that is sweet but I am complete with what I have"?

I wonder if anything will ever be enough for me. I don't think I am an overly needy person but sometimes I feel myself wanting more. More love, more "things", more money, another baby.
I want to be happy and in the moment. I want to feel complete every day.

Is it even possible?

Baby Love

No real post today because one of my best friends had her first baby last night and I am going home to visit her!! So exciting.

I have to get dressed, order flowers, call her for silly details like the name and when she had him for crying out loud!

sigh. I have such baby fever now.

Meme

Amanda tagged me with a 6 strange things about you meme. As if I don't write about how strange I am every day, you need six more?
OK well here you go:

When I was young I would eat spaghetti and applesauce. Hear me out, as a child my father's parents didn't have a lot of money and they had 7 kids. Applesauce was a side dish for them and so my dad was used to having it on the side of his plate, and then mine. He never would eat it with spaghetti or anything Italian for that matter but I loved my applesauce so why not? I remember going to a restaurant and wondering where the applesauce was for my pasta. It was a sweet/savory thing I guess. Thank goodness I have grown out of that habit!
Gross.

I hate the band Rush. The singer's voice will send me into convulsions. It was my sisters favorite band in high school and she would play it all the time. Probably just to piss me off. That is not that weird but it is a point of interest.

The hair on my legs never really grow. I can go easily a month in the winter before I have to shave them. Because I waxed them so much now the hair on the back of my calves never grows and neither does the hair on my thighs. I never have to shave above my knee.

I have a half sister and a half brother who are going to be nine and seven in about a month. My parents divorced when I was a teenager and my father remarried when I was 19. I love my sister and brother so much and I wish I saw them more often.


My foot grew one half a shoe size when I was pregnant and never returned to my 8.5 status. Now I am a huge 9 in most shoes. I was hoping my shoes weren't fitting because of swelling but no such luck. My nipples got bigger also, but that is for another post.

You can get me to do anything if you kiss the back of my neck. It literally gets me weak in the knees.


Now let me comment on Amanda's 6 strange things. Her answers are in bold:
1- I am celebrity obsessed. I am not obsessed but I do read US magazine and people every week. And Perez. I read him every day..
2- I like really HOT water. I hate hot water. I take cold showers in the summer and as warm as I can stand it, no foggy steam showers in the winter. I hate how drying hot water is and plus there is nothing worse then getting out of a hot shower into a freezing bathroom in the winter. .
3-I sometimes do sexual favors to get things that I want. Amanda you little minx. I have friends who do this too.
4-I am addicted to text messaging. I have text messaged maybe 10 times in my life.
5- Craigslist is so freaking funny that I love to read the personals and wonder who responds to those ads.
Its me Amanda, I respond to those sex ads. No just kidding but I read them too, plus you get to see penises.
Penisis? Peni?

6-I am obsessed with nightgowns. I haven't worn a nightgown since I was 10. I am going to start! I will buy myself one today!

How fun! I tag anyone who wants something to write about today! : )

He Is WAY to Excited About Ricotta

I don't have much to say today besides that it is freezing! here and I am wondering why I wished for winter to come at all. God it is so cold.

I m also mad that itunes or my computer will not let me burn a cd I wanted to burn and I have no idea who's problem it is or how to resolve it.
So, I will ignore it until I get in the mood to solve it and then I will curse a lot.
Which may mean in an hour from now or in two years.

Again I find myself without an idea for dinner. I think I am going to use a recipe from Tyler Florence that sounds so yummy. Usually I steer away from Tyler because he always gets eye level with his food and that makes me nervous. I mean you want to see what you are doing but do you have to french kiss the food? He also shares his spoons with the strangers he teaches how to cook specific dishes. Dude, I like you and thanks for showing me finally how to make shrimp scampi but I have no wishes to swap saliva with you.
Freak.
But, you know, thanks for the recipe.

winter

Just Another Day

Thank you for all your interview well wishes. The interview went OK, it was short and sweet. He seemed surprised I wanted to work part time instead of full time, but I did tell the girl who called about my resume that I was looking for the part time position that was open.
He also didn't seem like he had any sense of humor and that bothered me.
I mean, C'mon.

We will see where it goes if they want me back for another interview I will hear about it in a week or so.

It has finally snowed here and rained and iced and iced everything again and it should rain again and then snow before the day is through.
I can't complain though because everything is quiet outside and it is beautiful. Pictures to follow.

I Am The Epitome Of Lazy

Today is my job interview. You know when something seems like a good idea at the time, but once it is time to execute it or buy it or whatever it is, you realize that it is a terrible, horrible idea?
Yeah. Me too.

I don't feel like going on a interview.
To top it all off it is snowing for the first time today. TODAY. When I actually have to leave the house and pick up kids from school and dress "professionally" and drive somewhere I have never been and let them judge me.
Fun!


Did you ever put on pants that you have worn and washed many times just to see a big tag that says "remove before you wash or wear"?

MEN: Tomorrow is Valentine's Day. Check out my ideas is you were forgetful again this year and ladies? Don't sweat it just pick up some man flowers. (beer)


OK, well, I am off to my stupid interview. Wish me luck.

I Am Sure To Win Mother Of The Year

The kids haven't been going to bed for me very easily. The get up and play. They go full force, turn on the light and trash their room.

Sometimes I think it is because E is not home to put them to bed. Every night he sings songs to them and plays his guitar, I cannot do that, or I would, but they don't want me to.
Last night E was home and put them to bed, but still they got up and played despite threats and warnings.

SO, I hatched a plan. What if to get back at them, when they woke up in the morning we suddenly had English accents? We would have to do it all day and we couldn't break character. It would drive them crazy.
Fun for everyone, right?

This was the funniest thing I had heard last night, but perhaps that is because of the cosmos I was downing. So there we were in the family room watching the Grammys and repeating " 'ello Governor" over and over.

Then we decided we should do that once every few months or so always changing the accents one month Jamaican, the next time maybe we will just speak to them in Spanish all day.

The only problem? E cannot speak in any accents. He just kept repeating 'ello Governor over and over again. He ruins everything.

So when do I get my mother of the year award?

Nothing is For Dinner

I strive for variety but I feel like I make the same stupid things for dinner all the time. I know in reality I don't but I am sick of my menus.
What I am also sick of? This conversation:

Me: I am going to the grocery store, do you want anything particular for dinner this week?
Husband: no
Me: anything you have a craving for? Any suggestions?
Husband: No
Me; Well, maybe you can think of something you would like because planning, buying and cooking dinner 6 nights out of the week is bleeding me dry.
Husband: Well how about tacos or hot dogs?
Me: goodbye

This is the dialog we have every week or so. I don't know why I persist. He always suggests hot dogs or tacos, which by the way, eww.

Maybe if I do a weeks worth of dinners that are not his favorites, he will suddenly have an opinion.
Or maybe roasted chicken it is.
Again.

The New Me?

I am venturing back to the life of the working woman. Working out of the house that is. I decided to get a part time job for some extra money (duh) because I would like to buy myself something once in awhile not just kid's stuff and to get out of the house to meet some new people.
My neighborhood is great, if you are over 50, but as for young hip mothers and children? This neighborhood hasn't got it.

I have an interview next Tuesday with a PR company that is local and I totally feel out of my element. I haven't worked in an office in over four years. Is there anything new I won't know? Will I be that odd "mother" type in every office that all the younger kids hate because they are doing all of their work efficiently and making them look bad?
And what the hell is "professional dress" anyway? I think I have always had a professional dress code in offices that I have worked in, but what if I really didn't? Should I go out and buy a ball gown now?

I hate that this is making me doubt myself, just because I took time out to be a mother to people that one day emerged from my body, doesn't mean I have lost my skillz. Or does it?

Oh and I joined a gym yesterday that has a kid's room and trainers and lots of yummy stuff. Even yoga my favorite, but I haven't done yoga since I was pregnant, are there any new positions I don't know about?

Are your guys proud of me?
Seriously, who is this person? Can't be me.

This One Is For The Men. Thank Me Later.

I don't think of Valentine's Day as the one day to say how you feel or give a gift to your lover. I think of it as another romantic day we have together. We want to know we are still loved as much as when we were dating, when we were in the "new".
Women love romance. Here it is men, the total secret to how to make a woman happy all the time, women want to feel as if they are still dating, when everything was new and fresh.
We want to feel special and appreciated.

Roses in any color, unless you know this is your wife's very favorite flowers are best left at the florist.
Too cliche.

I would much rather have a huge bouquet of zinnias or peonys. Send the flowers to her work, she wants her friends to see.
Take one of your wedding photos and have the florist re-create her bridal bouquet. HUGE romance points.

Take a picture of the two of you together, that you both like and have it blown up in black and white and then framed. Bring her breakfast in bed, think heart shaped pancakes and warm maple syrup.
Plut on your wedding song and dance with her, even amongst the mess.
Play with her hair, touch her face.

If you are budget-less plan a romantic long weekend and surprise her the day you leave. Plan everything yourself, childcare, the B&B, pack the champagne.
Buy these.

If you really know your wife well, buy her a brand new outfit and make reservations to her favorite restaurant. Let her come home and find it there on the bed, with a note, telling her how amazing she will look in it.

You will never go wrong with chocolate covered strawberries, buy them at a Godiva store or even better, make them. They sell the easy chocolate near the strawberries in the grocery store, if you can use a microwave you can make these.
Feed them to her after the kids go to bed.

Maybe some sexy lingerie and a vibrator to spice things up. Nothing trashy, nothing out of her comfort zone, no red. Think wedding night.
This gift is really for you so you have to make it romantic.

Life gets in the way of romance sometimes, we have to remember to make time for it.
It is no better time then a cold and bleak day in the middle of February.

I know I was Born And I Know That I'll Die, The In Between Is Mine.

Thank you for all your kind words yesterday, it did help me.
I didn't go to the cemetery like I usually do because it was 9 degrees below zero here yesterday. I couldn't bring the kids out in that kind of weather. I will probably just go myself this weekend.

It is entirely a morbid practice. I buy some flowers, I go and sit by his grave and I clean it up a little, tell him how much I miss him and cry. If my Dad was here he would tell me how stupid the whole thing was and not to visit him. Or cry.
I can't help it though.

I want to think "why him" why so young or so good of a person, why with such young children and why let him suffer? I rejected god. Or the entire idea of a god. I was sick of hearing from my mother that "he" had plans and we can't question them, they will never be answered, or that everything is for a reason. That is a bullshit way of saving yourself from knowing the truth, maybe there is no reason, maybe it just "is".

I didn't want to know that anything good could come from my father dying.
But it did, In the face of great pain, my family become closer. Friendships become deeper. Life becomes sweeter.
It is vital to be reminded of loss to remember to how to love our family and friends while they are still here.

When I accepted death is just a part of life, I felt better. I don't want to search for answers that I will never find. I just want to live my life the best I can, I want to raise good people and my family is the last thing I want to see before my body stops working.

I want to have faith again. Faith in life and death. Faith that I will be able to tell my Dad again how much he means to me and how very much I missed him. Faith that I can tell everyone I know what they really mean to me. Faith that someone will miss me as much when it is my time to go.

That is how I go on.
That is how I will honor my family and how I will honor my Dad.

Anniversary of Sadness

Everyone has dates that they keep in their heads and hearts.
Many only you know and acknowledge and some are shared with a select few.

They are anniversaries of sadness, of loss. There are no celebrations on these dates, there is remembrance, silence and introspect.
Maybe it is the due date of a baby that never was, or the date you met the one that got away.
Today is my date, the one I carry in my heart, the day I don't want to get out of bed, the one where I wish I could erase from my memory.

It is the day my Dad died.

This is my post from last year, and everything is the same.
It is just a year later.

Mmmmm Cookies

E went to the accountant today to drop off our taxes and then he is going to his best friend's house to hang out for the night. He lives so far away from us that he is spending the night and should be back home with us tomorrow at lunch time.
This makes me sad. I cannot sleep when he is not in my bed and I just miss him. Yes, it is for one night and I know what you are saying "get a hold of yourself, woman!"
I will get a hold of myself and my chick hormones.
God, I am so girly sometimes I make myself mad.

Although there seems to be some promising TV on tonight like a special on revenge, which is something I am a fan of.
Revenge, I mean. And TV.
Also, there is a Trading spouces or something of the like on, and since they asked me to be on their show and I turned them down, I like to watch and realize that no matter what other stupid decisions I have made in the past, that one was right.
You know they would have sent me to some George Bush loooving, dirty, goats in the living room, please go out and get me some road kill to make for supper, these are my 12 kids and their lice, house.
Yeah, that was a great decision.

I have already eaten 4 of the most rocking chocolate chip cookies I made last night already today.
Please save my fat ass and send me your favorite joke, youtube clip, video or website.
Momma needs something to do tonight.

Winner!

I put the names of everyone who had a bad period story into my cute pink red sox hat and let my daughter pick a name.
Congrats mamalee!

Send me an email with yoru name and address and I will send you your prize containing some of my favorite things.

The Angel of The Odd

If you haven't noticed I have had really nothing to write about for the past couple of days.

I could talk about how I still have to order over 300 pictures so I can start putting the 500 I already have here in photo albums.

How I have not knit anything in forever and I wish I could just sit down and do it, but I think I lost my knitting mojo.

Or how I am pissed at my children's preschool who have replaced their teacher again. This is the third teacher since September that my children have had. I think the education they get is terrific, but leaving my kids with a stranger for a teacher, just sets them back yet again. The inconsistency is ridiculous and for what I pay, the school is on my shit list.

Maybe I should talk about how NJ is pissing the shit out of me. We pay the highest property taxes in the US, and our sales tax has recently gone up and we can barely afford to live here. I don't have a free preschool program in my school system, although people keep telling us how great our schools are.

Hey did anyone see the Primetime special last week on Camden NJ kids? It was a real eye opener especially since I live relatively close to Camden and to Moorestown NJ which last year was voted best town to live in the U.S. They are located 10 minutes apart and one is the poorest, most crime ridden, saddest city and one is filled with rich white people and the occasional Eagle football player.

Instead I will leave you with the fact that my napoleon dynamite chapstick has run out and I couldn't find a new one at 5 below. I am very sad about this.

Winner for the worst period story will be picked out of a hat tomorrow!

Friends and Love

I once dated a boy that I worked with.
I loved him even.

I didn't want to date him, I resisted, he persisted. He was cute and sweet and tried everything to date me. I had tried that work/date thing and it didn't work for me, so I didn't want to.
His friends also worked with me, they asked me to a party, I went.
I started dating the boy.

The story is as old as time.
The more I liked him, the more he pulled away. "isn't this what you wanted, for me to like you?" I asked.
His silence was my answer.

One day when he was in class I cleaned his room for him. I found his ex girlfriend's name written on his books, I knew of her, she moved on. He tried to move on, with me, but he couldn't.

I stopped calling, it was months, then he called me. It had been so long I didn't even know who it was. We started again.
Heavy, deep, passionate, love.

She was still looming over our relationship, the one he couldn't have, his first love.
I had to go.

If you want me, you need to only want me.
I have never been good at sharing.

With my goodbye to him, I lost his friends.
They were his after all, they had loyalties, it was only fair.
I mourned my losses and moved on. I vowed never to date anyone I worked with again.

Breaking promises to myself was a habit, one I was glad I broke one last time, because at my next job I found my husband.
Who persisted and I relented.


Now one of my ex's friends have found me again. A long lost friend.
Although I will always miss G, I am glad to get to be friends with his friends.

It is only fair.

Period.

Ok, so we all think when you need a pad you do not need a thong. I am so glad we are all on the same page.

I know you peeps have an embarrassing period story and I want to hear it! Anything, did you get it freakishly late in life, did you get it on a date and not have anything with you, did you get it for the first time in school and you had no idea what it was?
Give it to me either in these comments or email me anonymously.

I will go first:
I got my period when I was about 14 and had it only a few times before I went on a trip to the beach for a couple of days with my Dad and sister.
One day after I had just got out of the ocean I noticed a big blood spot on the towel as I was drying myself off.
I was mortified and when my Dad had seen it, he asked what it was and I told him I had a nose bleed. After all, I couldn't say the word "period" in front of my Dad and I didn't even want him to know I got my period!

But if I didn't tell him how would I get pads?
My Mom wasn't with us and telling my Aunt was as mortifying to me as telling my Dad.
Finally I had to ask him to bring me to the store, "for what?" he asked and I knew that question was coming.
"For pads" I mumbled back to him and he just jumped in the car and got me to the drugstore and handed me a twenty dollar bill.

I was so proud of myself for asking him (what other choice did I have? Why was I so proud?!) I bought my first box of tampons and tried to figure out how they worked all by myself that day.

Plus, my Dad let me keep the change.



The winner of the best story, chosen by me, will get a prize. What is the prize? It will be some of my favorite things.

Men May Want to Skip This One

Lets talk about pads, shall we?
Walking down the women's health and beauty aids aisle, blows my mind every time. I usually know my products, go in and get it but when I have to browse for something, I go crazy. A million products all for the same thing, but all slightly different.

Long pads, short pads, skinny pads, HUGE pads, panty liners, panty liners that are for your purse, tampons, HUGE tampons, slender tampons, XXX tampons. It is enough to make you crazy.

I did see a new item I have never seen before, the thong panty liner.
Is this necessary?
Do women love their thongs that much to have to wear it when you need a panty liner? Because I know when I have my period I want to be comfortable, as comfortable as my uterus allows me to be, which includes a full coverage brief.
Panty lines on my ass are the last thing I worry about, so you know I am wearing underwear, I also have my period, is that enough info for you?
I wear thongs as much as the next girl, but if I need to desperately not show a panty line under pants, I switch it up to a boy short, not a thong with a liner attached to it.
I just don't get this.

Educate me.

I Want Snow!

It is definitely a soup day here in NJ. For the first time it is really cold, with the wind chill I think it is like 10 degrees here. I don't really mind but I wish we would have a snow storm already.

You know the kind where nobody can get out for the day and you have a nice fire going and I cook all day tons of comfort foods. Then the kids go outside to play and it is so quiet and peaceful that you can almost hear each flake landing on top of each other. Then you all go inside to warm up and have hot chocolate in oversized mugs.
That is the day I am wanting right now.

Instead I will make some soup and stay warm on this cold but precipitation free day.



*Remember you have until January 31st to comment over at my blog or any other blog on 451press for a chance to win $500 or $100 prizes!

A Southern Lady At Heart

The post and the comments the other day got me thinking about NJ. You can't live anywhere in NJ without traffic, they go together. It is a highly populated state and although we have the highest property taxes in the US and various other taxes we still have toll roads.
Bastards.


My husband is going to Atlanta on business next month and I wish I could go with him. There is a chance we will have to move temporarily to another state if he gets the promotion he is due for any month now, and I find myself wishing it was a southern state (it is not).
I wish for a slower lifestyle.
I want to eat fried dough for breakfast.
I want to say y'all.
I want the high school football game to be my staple Friday night.
I want to eat good BBQ
I want to have tea and little sandwiches without crusts with my friends once a week.
I want to sound sweet even when I am mad.
I want to be able to buy a house down the street from my parents, in the town where I grew up and all my friends still live.


BUT, I couldn't leave my family. My entire family is here and I could never leave them. I maybe too cynical for the slower, southern lifestyle. I am too fast.
There are worse places to live then NJ. Right?
I grew up 15 minutes outside of NYC, I could go hiking, to the beach, skiing or to Philly or NYC all in the same day if I wanted.
This is where I am supposed to be.

In the meantime I will have to practice saying "Fuck y'all" with a nice southern drawl with a touch of my NJ attitude.

Period.

I am tired this morning. I am always tired when I first get my period (tmi? Well hold on to your hats because I am delving deeper) It drains me. Plus since my miscarriage my period has been MUCH heavier then before and lasts longer. Isn't it enough that I miscarried triplets, now I have to have my period longer?!

Today I am going to my hometown to have a little visit with my friends. One of them is due with her first child in a couple of weeks and we are giving her a small party since she didn't want a shower.
I made a chocolate cake with raspberry filling and ganache icing, and I hope it is good. I think i overcooked the cake a bit but I am hoping by keeping it cold combined with the filling will keep it soft and moist.

Our goldfish has been with us for three months. Isn't that long for a goldfish to live? Perhaps we are holding some sort of record here and we don't even know it!

Is It Fast Enough To Drive Away

When I was about 23 I half lived with E and half lived at home. I had my own apartment but when I found out it was an illegal apartment and the town was cracking down on those, I had to get out, so that was the arrangement. We never officially moved in together and E had a roommate, but that is where I spent most of my time, with E.
He lived about 30 minutes from where I worked and I would have to make a horrid commute every day on the NJ Parkway. The parkway has toll booths and a sketchy at best design of where to go if you have cash or tokens (no ez pass at the time) and it could be a miracle if you didn't get into an accident crossing 345 lanes to get to the appropriate one.

One particular day I was waiting in the famous NJ traffic at the toll booths. I stopped and looked around me, the men and women in cars around me, all seemed so old and so miserable. It was like an out of body experience, I could see myself in my car going to a job I didn't really like, just like all these people I didn't want to become.
I had become one of them. I had become and adult.

As a child you glorify being an adult, you can eat whatever you want!
You can stay up late, buy your own clothes, go anywhere at any time and you can drink delicious kahlua and milk drinks!
Then you become one and realize people need kahlua and milks because after paying bills you want to kill yourself. Sure you can stay up late but then the next day you hate your job more then usual.

I don't want my kids to wake up in traffic and realize they are doing the opposite of what they always wanted to do.
I don't want them to have to stop at the tolls, I want them to always drive on a long open road to everywhere.

Sweats For Everyone

Did fasion trends change that much and I was not alerted? Is it the newest thing to wear pajama pants and slipper type shoes out in public? I am talking about tweens, teens and adults alike.
I have noticed this new fashion trend recently and I cannot imagine how anyone leaves the house like that, nevermind letting their child leave the house in glorified pajamas. I gave up when people let their preteens wear sweatpants with words on their asses, like Pink, cheer or slut.

Anywhoo, yesterday were my twin's fourth birthday. We had a small party for them with just my mom, sioster and her family and my sister in law and her two kids. R & L had a blast, the cakes they picked out were a hit, and so were the balloons we bought them.
They received a lot of nice gifts and now officially have more clothes then me. The first snow of the year fell here last night and although it was nothing much more then a dusting, the kids were so happy to see it this morning. They have been asking me for snow for a month now, which is both flattering that they think I control everything and sad, that I can't control everything, although I try.
Believe me, I try.

SAHM

Fridays just are not the same since I became a SAHM. Sure the weekends are better because E is home to help, but Fridays don't hold the same uniqeness they had before.

Another thing about being a SAHM is that I never know what the date is. What is todays date? I don't know, I think it is somewhere in the high teens maybe 18th?

Also? I ate better when I was working. I always ate lunch because there was a designated lunch time and a cafeteria with yummy foods and a million places to eat around my building. Now I am lucky if I eat one thing around 11 am, lets call it brunch.
Although I cook dinner alot more now. Before we had kids we would eat our every Friday and Saturday night. At nice restaurants that do not have crayons for kids. We were DINKS then so what can you do?

I am glad that I decided to stay home with my kids, I am so happy I shared all the firsts and seconds with them. I cannot believe it has been four years already and although I loved my job and miss it, I would miss them even more.

Come on over to my parenting site and read my open letter to my twins on their fourth birthday.

A little Bit of Nothing

I admit it, I have nothing for you today. Nada.

I am too busy washing dishes by hand and cursing the gods of all appliances big and small.
Oh and did I mention my garage door opener stopped working a week or so ago? Do you know how annoying it is to open the heavy ass thing and then get in the car to back it out and get out and close the door by hand?
You know I always buckle my seatbelt prematurely out of habit only to have to unbuckle it 2 seconds later and then buckle it again.


I am also trying to write a letter to each of my kids about this past year. They will be four on Sunday and I really cannot believe it. They were so small and helpless it seems like a month ago and now they are these sweet, loving, intelligent, empathetic people who have valid concerns, likes and dislikes.
Time just slips by and I try not to miss any of their growth and life so I try to take a step back and just enjoy it.

Also? My throat hurts. Stupid forced hot air heat is killing me slowly, winter by winter.

H tagged me a couple of days ago, but I am not sure I want to do that.
Do I?

The Worst

I cried, I begged, I pleaded. "Don't do this to me!" I cried.
"Haven't I been good to you, isn't this a great home I made for you?"

Still, the damage was done.

I have to face the facts, the truth.

My dishwasher has died.

This is devastating news because I am a person who hates to do dishes. HATE. I will do laundry, I will vacuum, I will sweep and dust but I hate doing dishes.
I think I hate sponges. They skeeve me and I end up throwing it out right after I use it or I will see a sponge on the sink but get a new one anyway because who knows how long that one has been used for and what did it clean? Gross things or what?*

Yes, for months you had to lovingly slam the door shut in order for the machine to start working, yes we had no idea how old the appliance was when we bought the house 2.5 years ago, but it looked new.
That should count for something.

I begged it to wait until we got our tax return money. It shit on me.
Now I have to get a new one and I do have 10 people coming over on Sunday for the kid's birthday.

I am going to buy paper plates and utensils right now.
Did I mention I hate to wash dishes?




*Yes, I am fully aware I have issues.

The Ball

R pooped tonight and when she called for someone to wipe her butt, I do what I always do. I turned to E and said "not it".
I figure if you are a master wiper, why not show off your skillz.

He went above and beyond though, on this call of duty (heee) and pushed on the poop with a wipe to see if anything was inside.
There was.
A small little ball that used to be silver but was now black.

Thank goodness.

R wanted to hold it and keep it but that went straight into the garbage never to return to this house.
We don't keep anything that came out of our bodies in this house.
It is a silly little rule we have.

Well, except the kids and even that was a debate.

To Do

Things on my To Do list today:

Call pediatrician and ask "if a poop comes out with a metal ball in it and nobody is around to see it, did the friggin ball come out already?"
Yeah, my daughter swallowed a metal magnetix ball a week ago and I have no idea if it came out. I mean is it supposed to come out separate? Will it be noticeable in a ball of feces? What the fuck?

Go pick out birthday cake with my kids. It is their birthday on Sunday and they always each have their own cake. This year they can pick it out.

Feel better. My throat kinda hurts (it really hurts in the night. Stupid ass, forced hot air heat!) and I have been having wild dreams at night.

Make sure E made his two calls that he has been saying he will do for the past 10 days. Still not done though and today I told them they must be done or no entrance to the casa.

Wonder why I have not one, but TWO pimples? I never get pimples. Maybe one small one when I get my period but I could count on one hand how many pimples I have had last year.
What is that about?

Plan dinners for the next week. I feel like I make the same things week after week. I know my variety is better then a lot of other people's but still. I am sick and tired of coming up with new dinner ideas.
If I had it my way I would eat pasta every night anyway.

Wax Poetic

Great minds think alike. Amanda had a great subject on her blog yesterday that I was just going to post.

Wait for it.

Brazilian waxing.

Now I am a girl who waxes her legs and it doesn't really hurt me. Bikini area is a whole different story.
As of a month ago I shaved everything, because I was disgusted and now my upkeep is very taxing. I have to shave every other day.
I don't have time for that shit.
I have received a bikini wax but Brazilian is a whole 'nother ball of wax. (haha) Not only is every hair ripped out, there are various positions you need to achieve so they can be ripped out.
I am not a prude but I am a little modest and being on all fours with some ladies head and hands all over my bottom doesn't sound like fun unless there is an orgasm promised.

Ahem.

So tell me who does it, is it as embarrassing as it seems and how often you have to make return visits.

What a great time to delurk! Today is the last day of delurking week so go ahead, pour out your soul.

Date Me, Please?

Now if only my blogging friends lived near me. We could all have play dates, share our new drink recipes, rate our favorite sex toys and just live a perfect life.

Ahhhh, to dream.

It seems I am not the only Mom with this problem. I am sure when the kids are in school full time it will be easier to find some friends and I am looking for a par time job so when I get re-employed I may be able to find a cat or two to hang with.
Maybe I should wear a shirt with requirements on it like :
WANTED:
a friend

should be fun, sarcastic, witty. Has to like TV, blogging, spa treatments, kids and martinis, should be able to have great advice on MILF jeans and the best bras for busty ladies. Should push me to exercise but not enough to make me want to slap you. Must have large pool and invite me over often. Must be able to laugh at her husband as well as mine. Has to tell me how hot I am even when I wear sweats.
Having a ton of money to spend on me is encouraged but not necessary.


Do you think this is too much?

Nah, I don't think so either.

Mom Dates

On Monday I took my kids to a play place that is close to my house. It was a rainy, dreary day perfect to mess up someone else's toys and that was what I was paying for. Basically to use their toys and have someone else clean up.

They were closed, so we had to go to our second favorite play place across town. It is great and big but more expensive. I bit the bullet and payed the $23.99 for both kids and in we went.
Now, I am not cheap but for that money I want the kids to play all day in there, the only problem is that for me sitting there is akin to watching toenails grow. If you could die of boredom I wouldn't be posting this right now, if you know what I mean?
As we all know I have no friends to invite so I am flying solo.

I play with my kids but after an hour I want a television and I want it now.
In walks a young mom with a two year old little girl. Very sweet looking and I smile at them and continue watching my kids.
Her daughter follows mine up the gym equipment but cannot go far because she is smaller. I start talking to the mom, casual mom talk you know, how old is your child, where do you live, do they go to school?

An hour and a half later I think this mom is so cool, she also was transplanted here a couple of years ago and had to make new friends etc.
When I took L to the bathroom I fixed my hair and put on lipgloss. I wanted to impress this mom.
Yes, I am sick.

It was time for me to go though my kids were so tired and hungry. I put on their shoes and coats and then I made a bold move.
I wrote down my name and number for my new friend on a card and gave it to her when I said goodbye.

Yes, I picked up my first mom. Are you proud of me?

I came home and told E, that I had met someone at the play place and I was in love. I told him she was perfect for me and really understands my needs and wants.
He shook his head and walked away.

He thinks I am crazy, and I am, CRAZY for my new mom friend.
Lets hope she calls, because I need a mom date and I need it bad.



*wanna talk more about mom dates, go here

How Can We Kill Mom Week

I thought the "cranberry incident" was bad enough. I thought I told my kids enough times and they are old enough now, not to put objects in their body crevices or orifices, but I was wrong.
Go on to my other blog and read about what new thing my daughter did to stop my heart from beating.

Good times.


Also while you are there, you should comment on my blog or someone else's. My nice bosses are having a contest, should you post a comment on anyone's blog on 451 press you have a chance to win (1)$500 prize and one of (5) $100 prizes.
It is de-lurking week so continue to "out" yourself here and then go de-lurk over there!

De-lurking week

Today is the first day of de-lurking week. I know I always go and "out" myself to the blogs I read and don't feel like I have a comment or are too busy to comment.

So "out" yourself here dear, sweet lurkers. I promise to not bite. At least not at first.

Early Christmas Gift

This is what I saw driving next to me on my way to church on Christmas eve.
Sometimes I just love the New Jersey Turnpike.

Birth Story

You really want to hear my birth story? Ok here it goes:

E & I found out we were having twins on my first ultrasound/OB appointment. My doctor put the wand, where no wand should ever go, and said "oh, do you see that?" To me I saw nothing, it could very well have been a kitten's ultrasound.
She said "there are two". I grabbed her hand and squeezed the shit out of it.
I couldn't believe it, and I looked over at E and he was in shock. It was overwhelming news and we had just two and a half hours before we were leaving for Florida, it was a amazing day.

The entire pregnancy I was warned I would have the babies early, to prepare myself for a NICU stay, to take it easy. At four months I was told no more sex, no orgasms. TORTURE!
At seven months I was told to cut work down to part time, but I didn't because I felt good, a couple of weeks later I was told to stop working, I didn't because I was fine, atlhough I did go down to working three days a week.
My last day of work was right before Christmas, I was one month away from my due date and since twins are considered full term at 35 weeks, I was in the clear.
All my ultrasounds were amazing, the babies were growing and seemed very healthy, although we did have to get multiple echo-cardiograms because they could not see all four chambers of the babies hearts because they grew so fast.

At that time, my husband was transferred to Philadelphia.
We had to move.
He found and apartment for us, moved us while I lived with my Mom very close to my hospital.
It was really hard being separated from E during that month, I was fat, and sad and so bored. He would drive an hour and a half to pick me up every Friday and drive an hour and a half home to go spend the weekend together and get things ready for our babies. He was amazing.

My C-section was scheduled for January 22, 2003 because Baby A (L) was breech. On January 21st my doctor's office called and said that they would have to push back my C-section to the following day because my doctor had a cold. I cried on the phone with the nurse begging her to get these babies out.
I couldn't sleep, I was so uncomfortable, I was swollen and HUGE.
She said there was nothing they could do and remember to go preregister at the hospital today.

I had forgotten. I called my sister to take me and off we went. (Of course she had to come in the house and tie my shoes before we could go, and after I had blood taken she sat with me for 15 minutes before I could stand up straight and walk because I had cramps all over my bod)
Then I treated her to a nice lunch. That afternoon my doctor's office calls again, my blood work had come back with high white blood cell counts, I needed to go back to the hospital to get checked. Called E, to come up called my Mom at work to come and get me and off we went.

I gowned up, E gowned up because they were not going to wait anymore the babies had to come out, during which time I got a nose bleed. That coupled with the fact that I had that strange cell count, they were afraid I would bleed out into my epidural so I would need general anesthesia, and E couldn't be there.

I was so sad and scared and ready. Too many emotions swirled together.
It was all happening so fast, I felt so out of control this was not how I wanted my birth to go. I wanted my husband there, my Mom, I wanted pictures and I wanted to be awake!

Next thing I know, a nurse was waking me up in the recovery room, I asked for the babies, they told me they were happy & healthy. Next I asked for E, he was allowed right in with my Mom.
I am angry that my memory of that time was so clouded but if you have had general anesthesia you know how tired you are. I tried to snap myself out of it, E and my Mom got to each show my my babies for the first time.
Baby A (L) boy 7lbs 1oz, baby b(R)girl 8lbs 2 oz.

They were amazing. My son looked just like E and my daughter like me.

I found out the next day, I had bled out during the surgery, my uterus was so tired from carrying those big twins for so long wouldn't contract, I had two transfusions and came close to having a hysterectomy.

The entire process for me was miraclulous, I loved being pregnant (except for the last month) I carried those babies to 39 weeks agains all the odds, they were big and healthy not one second spent in the NICU, and I survived my scary surgery.

Now, almost four years later I still can't believe how lucky we got.

It's Up To You

Ok, so you have seen my face, my kids, my makeup and we have talked about death, kids and vibrators.
Can anything be next?

I guess not since I have been sitting in front of this computer for a half hour now trying to figure out what to talk about.
I swear that last night I had something good to write about that got my panties in a twist. Now, it's gone.................

I will leave it up to you, let me know what you want me to rant about, what you want to know about me, ask me a question, or I will even post a picture of what you would like to see (no nude shots, I am funny that way but a cleavage shot maybe in your future!).
Email me comment, IM, send smoke signals whatever but I am handing the reigns over to you peeps.

2007

I don't do resolutions. They stink, everyone says they don't work so why set yourself up for failure?
I do promise myself that I will do some things that will be better for me and my family. No, they are not resolutions they are promises I will fulfill.

I am going to make a friend in my town this year.

I am going to join the gym I like next to my kid's school. So what if I heard it is a pickup joint for lesbians. That is a bonus. I need something to watch while I work out.

I am going to try not to look so bored when I play with my kid's and their toys for the 39473 time that day.

I am going to try and not curse so much.

Ok so that is it. That is enough for me.

Now if you know me in real life, just stop reading here. I swear you don't want to read what I am going to write next.
Be on your way.

I guess I am late to the game, but do you girls have a vibrator?
Is that something every girl owns? I may be way out of the loop, I mean I got one a long time ago but never used it. It just looked stupid.
I just got a new one and I am in L O V E.
They are amazing. So tell me which one you have and whether you are in love like me. You can email me if you like your privacy and don't wish to talk about the sex on a public blog. Like yours truly.

I am just so crazy in 2007.

Dear Fatty Foods,

Dear spinach dip,

oh, sweet spinach dip, how I love thee. You are delicious and nutritious because you have spinach as a main ingredient! Never mind the piles of sour cream and mayo. Spinach is great for you! And we ate you with veggies, vegetables are healthy!

But I still hate you for making me fat. Go away, don't return.

Love,
Tuesday's ass.

P.S. Mr. Pumpernickel Loaf will be getting a harshly worded email as well.

Rambling

NYE was spent the way I thought I was going to with a ton of food (that I did not each much of) a ton of alcohol (that I did drink very much of) in comfy clothes, although not pajamas and watching bad tv.
I did stay up and see the stupid ball drop, I have no idea why, you seen one ball drop you have seen them all.

Yesterday E & I took the kids to the children's museum. If you wore pajamas then you got in free and since my annual membership had just run out, the kids were going to wear pajamas.
I am not.

Then I began to wonder, if I was going to wear pajamas out would you just wake up and go out or would you change into "dressy" pajamas? Then would you change into another pair of pajamas to go to bed?
I would assume so because dirty street clothes under your sheets? Yuk.

So this pajama debate was in my head the whole time I was there because there was a bunch of adults in their PJs and some with feather boas and some complete with robes.
And one creepy man who kept staring at me.

Today I am going to start taking down my Christmas decorations which always makes me melancholy. I feel like I just put them up, but it has been a month.

So far 2007 has been boring but in a good way and warm! We haven't seen a single flake of snow here this winter and it doesn't look like we will anytime soon.
Ahhhh, global warming.

Out With The Old

Thank you for not bashing me on my last post. I don't want people to suffer, I don't want my friends to have to watch their dog die or have surgery or have a miscarriage. I wouldn't wish it on anyone but in the same thought I wish it on someone, anyone but me.
Contradictory, I know.

I want to thank you, the people that read this blog, for getting me through this year. You cheered me on when I needed it, you told me I was going to be ok when I thought I had cancer, you offered support, advice and prayers for me and my family. Virtual strangers. I needed this blog outlet this year, for myself because I never started this blog for other's advice or to make friends, that was the bonus.

I wish you guys a happy and healthy new year. I hope you all appreciate what you have and are thankful for your lives no matter how crappy things get. I am getting there myself.

I want you all to know you have a friend in me.

I think 2007 is going to be great.

I know it is.

The One Where I Self Indulge

Skip this post, I am going to be a cry baby and a total downer and politically incorrect, so just skip it.
I swear I won't mind.

I hate New Years. In the history of all of my New Years I have never had a good time.
Never.
Not one time.
I despise the night, it brings back terrible memories and I don't like to go out to dinner and spend 50% more for the same thing I could have gotten the night before. I don't like to pay $125 each to go to a club where there is "free champagne" at midnight.
I am over it.

I am also over 2006. Never before has so many life changing things happen to me in the span of twelve months.
Terrible things.
"Can I still do this?" things.

Cancer, needles, doctors, surgery, beloved dog dying, money problems, pregnant, kids starting school for the first time, not pregnant anymore and by the way there were three babies, and family problems.
Yay!

I am done with it all.
I am waiting for some bad shit to happen to someone else.

Sure, that is not the right thing to say and sure people all have their own problems and who is to say they are worse or more hurtful then mine. Still, that is the way I feel.
I see people walking around all day and I want some of this bad shit, karma, luck whatever, to happen to them not me. I have had enough.

I feel like I have to rebuild myself next year, bigger, stronger, smarter.
I lay awake at night and wonder when all this bad shit is going to take over my brain and make me just a terrible person and a terrible mother. I won't let it happen, I know it is a ticking bomb and before I explode I am going to get some therapy and try to wipe it clean, try to right some wrongs, try to get it out and deal before I mess my kids up.

So on New Years Eve, I will be on the couch in my pajamas, drinking to excess, wishing away 2006 and praying to never see a year like it again.
I hope that 2007 will be fresh and new like the finest cashmere sweater, ready to envelop me in warmth. I want to radiate love, happiness and kindness to everyone and I want to be happy.

I just want to be happy.

Hells Yeah.

Here is some photographic evidence that pooping Santa really does exist:


Ok you guys love the pooping Santa. You are my kind of people.

Actually I had seen a pooping reindeer in a Eckerd flyer before Christmas, and I expressed to my sister how I loved it but I couldn't find it.
I also thought my nephew would get a kick out of it. She found a pooping Santa and put in into the "game". Lucky for me I picked it and nobody stole it from me. They were all too busy fighting over a beef summer sausage, axe deodorant and a popcorn tin large enough to house a family of four comfortably.

My husband was victorious on the sausage and popcorn front. So if you want to come over and hang, I'll supply the snacks.

The Game

E's family plays this game on Christmas since he was a child Some might refer to it as a Yankee Swap or a Trade game, but we just call it "The Game".
Everyone gets gifts for each person that is playing, no gift should be more then $5 and gag gifts are welcomed and even encouraged.

WE had this huge pile of gifts set out before all 12 of us and we jumped in, each person picks a gift, opens it and places it beside them, when it is your turn you can either open a new gift or steal someone's already opened gift.
Usually I walk away with most of the crap, this year I didn't do so badly.
I received a shower gel, jumbo playing cards, a twizzler lip balm, a Santa that poops candy, an eye patch, granola bars, a 16 candles pen that quotes lines from the movie, a three pack of shower caps, a loaf of pumpernickel bread, a rain cap and flarp (a booger type substance that makes fart noises if you put your finger into it).
To say that these were some of the best gifts, leads you to understand how great this game is. This year my 11 year old nephew and 13 year old niece played so I stayed away from some of the racier "novelties" I have seen on my travels.
And I have seen some doozies.

Last year I wrapped an industrial size pack of maxi pads only to have my nephew ask what they were to which my sister in law replied "they are for people who can't make it to the bathroom in time, like adult diapers" to which I thought "didn't he have sex ed yet isn't that taught in 5th grade? Well, he is in 5th grade but maybe that comes in the spring time because, you know, rebirth and all that " and thus ends the longest run on sentence of 2006.

It is a fun time and alcohol makes anything better when family is involved and one three year old that hasn't napped and some other kids all on sugar highs.
The game was good and although I didn't get the dishtowels I found my Mom had left them for me on my desk.
That was sweet.

Really can you complain about a game where you come out the proud new owner of a Santa that poops candy?
I think not.

Bummer

I am back from my holiday hiatus. Did you miss me?
No?

Well, I didn't miss you either.

Christmas was great. We went to church on Sunday, then to my Aunt's house for our family party. We drove home and unpacked all the gifts and put them under the tree. This year each kid got a new bike so that was one of the highlights. Then we cleaned and chopped and cooked and organized for our family who was coming over, my mother, sister and family and E's sister and family. I ate more on Christmas then I had eaten the whole week prior!
I drank, a LOT. Our motto to get through the day with kid's who hadn't napped was to drink to excess.
I took that to heart.

Now that we have 459 bags of garbage in our garage, I know the holidays are over. I do get into a funk after we take down all the decorations that I put up, just so and just right.

I hope your holidays were as good as ours. Now if you will excuse me I have a new three foot spiderman puzzle to put together.

Christmas Meme

This is a version of the meme Twisted Chick did.
Five things you didn't know about me Christmas Edition:

1) I like to bake but Christmas cookies is just too long of a process for me. I get bored halfway through when the kitchen in a total mess and I still have to roll out more dough and cut them out. This year I made a version of elephant ears and chocolate chip cookies instead. Way easier.

2) when I was younger I would sneak out of my bed at night and sleep on the couch so I could look at the Christmas tree. I LOVE Christmas trees, real though no fake ones for us.

3) One year my parents decided why pay so much money for a tree that is dead, why not by a live one with roots so we can plant it after Christmas? The tree was 5 foot tall, I remember being taller then it and I was about 10. I cried, and said how terrible it was. They never got another "plant it" tree.

4) I love wrapping gifts. Granted it does get old after awhile but I love to decorate them. My mom always said, the outside looking great is half the fun of a gift. I always decorate the box now.

5) I love church on Christmas eve. Don't tell me mom. She thinks we all don't like church and I really don't probably because I was forced to go every Sunday until I was 18. Sunday school, no jeans, coffee and cookies after mass, the whole package. Torture.
Torture!
But I like it on holidays, the candles, the songs, the excitement of the party my family has after. It is slightly melancholy too, but maybe that is just.

That is it! I am not tagging anyone but if you do a version of this let me know so I can check it out!

And To All A Good Night

I know it is going to be a ghost town today in the blogosphere. I hate that.

I am still here! Doing boring mundane things, searching for updated blogs when I should be wrapping gifts and cleaning my house. Or cooking. Or putting away laundry. Or napping.

I toyed with the idea of doing a LIVE blog throughout Christmas on my other blog, but does anyone care? Nobody should be on the computer when they could be spending time with their families, right?

Anyway, I hope you all have a great Christmas and I want to hear about all of your gifts on Tuesday.

Take Two

The past two weeks I have had a whirlwind of information, thought processing, stressing and worrying going on in my head. It is this season, the things within my family and the fact I have to cook dinner for 12 on Christmas. It is overwhelming.
But I don't mind it that much.
I know after Christmas, I will have the "post holiday blues" that I always get, taking down decorations and packing them away is my most hated chore next to unpacking a suitcase.

Then I will be left with my thoughts, my fears, without any other things to do or priority thoughts to push them out of the way and into a deep dark corner of my brain.
You know, where I push all the good stuff and never deal with it?

Yes, I think it is very healthy too.

In the new year I will try some therapy and deal with the things in the deep, dark corner. Things I swore I would never deal with because I could just forget about it and not allow myself to go back. What could be easier??
Yeah.
I don't think that is the best way anymore, I don't want my kids to be fucked up because of my shit, that is the least I could do for them. I owe it to them.

I doubt I have dealt with my Father's death or even my dog's death properly. Maybe I never dealt with my parent's divorce, or any of the shit life hands each of us.
I am going to try to clean out that corner of my mind, get rid of the negative, dust it off and place some great memories of family and friends there.

That is what I owe myself.

The One With all the Questions

Really I find that putting my picture out for the world to see has stirred up some things in me.
I never started blogging to make friends or let people know anymore then I wanted them to know, I never posted my kid's names, anything more then a generic idea of where I live, or any of our faces.

I guess it is something that almost every blogger goes through, how much to give, how much do you let strangers into your life? Some of you have become friends of mine outside of this blog and some I have told things I have never told anyone.
Isn't that strange?
Or is it safer then telling your RL friends or family your secrets, fears or hopes? Would you care as much if they judged you? Do they really have a stake in your life? Are people who read your blog, your intimate details of your life, your ups and downs more true of a friend because they are there with you every day making time to read your life?

The whole thing is odd to me, yet I do it every day. The only blogger who lives close to me is Rockstar Mommy . I have seen her picture and now she has seen mine. Maybe I will see her in Target one day and I can run over to her like the rockstar she is.
Then we can blogger gossip.

That could be worth putting my picture on this silly site.

Now You Know

First I post a picture of my makeup, then my kids and now a picture of my face. Gasp.
What has gotten into me?

E is not that happy that I posted a picture of myself or the kids but whatever.

Plus I gave you much more info about me with that picture besides what I look like. You can tell by the picture that I have carpet. And stairs!
The picture was taken in the office at my desk.

What else can I post a picture of? My street address? A picture of my house?
This is addicting.

Oh, and to all the people with the compliments on my picture can you please come and live with me? I have a spare bedroom with two full beds. Do with it what you will, squeeze on in, I don't cook breakfast but you will be well fed. Requirements are only to tell me I am smoking hot all day, every day.


edited to add: I miss my anonymity!! Ack! But Somehow I am liberated from this blogging prison.

Ta Da!

Hi, I am Tuesday.


Ok, ok, you guys don't forget anything. Here is your damn pictures. Minimal makeup, hair not straightened and wearing my signature black.

Are you satisfied?

Now send me money.