Sleep, Glorious Sleep

I have not slept in days. Last night E stirred and got up to go to the bathroom, I told him I don't think I had been asleep yet. Then I glanced at the clock and it was after 3am.
What is that about? I am trying not to take my sleep medications, because seriously it was getting out of hand there for awhile, but I think I will take a nice, easy Tylenol pm tonight. I just can't stand not to sleep for days on end.


I have new neighbors! Of course it couldn't be a young couple with young kids, but it is nice to have new people on our street. I have to bake something and bring it over to welcome them. That is not typical for where I am from, and I was shocked when we moved in and at least four people came over with baked goods and introduced themselves.
I think I will make brownies.
Nothing says "welcome" better then warm, homemade brownies and maybe a lawn tip or two.
This neighborhood takes its lawn care seriously.
Don't fuck with our grass.

End of School

My children finish their first year of preschool tomorrow and I have mixed feelings about it. They had a great year, received all threes (the highest mark) on their end of the year evaluation except a 2 for my son "cuts a straight line with scissors". I am not too worried about it.

They love the school and the kids but E and I do not. They had three teachers since September, two different "directors" and "education director". The school is a lot of money and is safe and clean and nice but I am not thrilled with their teacher who always seems stressed. I know tuition will go up in the fall also.

We looked at a christian school that we loved until we found out it is a born again christian school and well, we were debating lying to them about our church affiliation so that should explain to you how religious we are.

Now I am not stressed about finding a school for them in the fall, if I find one, great, if I do not then I will home school them for preschool. I will have enough money from not sending them to school to do more activities like swimming, dance or gym. They really are so smart as it is, they know much more then E or I did at that age and they are physically and socially where they should be also.

Maybe last year I would have been freaking out looking for school, making sure they got in etc. This year I am trying not to sweat the small stuff and this is small. I have other things to focus on with my life. I am trying to stay more positive, be more "in the moment".

Maybe I am growing up after all.

Thank Goodness for Three Day Weekends!

The door is hung!
Don't you hear the angels singing?! It is being painted as I type this.

I can't wait to shower and pee in privacy, such luxuries.


Come enter my contest!

The New Plan

Memorial Day weekend huh? We have no plans, as usual, well I will go to my Aunt's house on Sunday for some swimming and fun but besides that we will do nothing exciting this weekend. Such a change from my every day life!

My in-laws are coming in two weeks and I am stressing about all the cleaning and stuff I want to do around the house before they get here. I would love a bathroom door to be hung and in working condition but since I posted about it, just one more hinge has been hung.
I really am going to have to hang Greg Brady beads up aren't I?

I am not going to worry about my in-laws visit this time because I have a plan. Get out of the house as much as I can by going to the gym! Not only will it get my ass to the gym, but maybe I will pretend I am a super freak workout addict and go long and often. Maybe even go to Barnes & Noble afterwards to sit around and look at all the books I want to read.
What a great plan. They would rather be alone with my kids anyway so they can feed them all junk.

Oh and I told my husband to take off some days from work while they are here, I am done entertaining them alone all day!

Summer Time

My computer is back in action. It took them long enough!
Also my "check engine" light on my car is gone. So very mysterious and I take it as a sign of better things to come. I hope it is at least.

I am in TV withdrawals today. Lost is over now, never to return for 8 months. Summer TV is depressing anyway, but what else do people do at night, after the kids are in bed? Really?

I would like to knit more and I always read a lot in the summer, because what do you do when you are outside with the kids playing? Really, I would rather not collect worms. I would like to buy a sewing machine and do something creative this summer.
I would love to be creative but my boring life gets in the way.
Oh gosh, this post really sucks. Sorry.

Period

I am not a fan of my period. I hate it, I think it is bothersome and some accidents I have had as a teen has made me so paranoid during my period that I refuse to wear even somewhat light colored clothing.



BUT, although I loath my period, I understand its purpose and the fact that maybe it does even more benefit for our bodies that we don't even realize. That is why when the FDA approved the new birth contol pill, Lybrel that eliminates your period, I wonder if the world has gone mad.

Believe me I understand the pharmaceutical industry, it pays my bills, it feeds my kids and allows us to live in a house. I know it is a business. We don't have to buy into it fully though.
Let us remember that big pharma has never cured any chronic diseases. Sure they have drugs to make your life easier, or maybe even help some people live longer but if you were cured they would make a little money off of the drugs, if you have to live every day taking drugs like asthma or diabetes medications, they make a lot of money over your lifetime.

It is unnatural to eliminate your period. It is not healthy. It happens every month for a reason, and maybe some of the problems with infertility women face are from drugs like this one. I just want everyone to stay informed, watch the movie Sicko coming out. Question your doctor, read the package inserts that come with your drugs.
Eat healthy, take a walk and educate yourself.
Continue to complain about your period every month, like me.

end rant.

I Gotta Get a Dell

Yeah.

Life has been, very interesting to say the least. On Friday night my computer died. The POS is only 2.5 years old but it died. I had to drag its carcass to the computer ER only to learn it wasn't the power source that was broken, of course not because that would have only cost $79. It had to be the mother board with cost me three times that.
I love to have a little extra money only to have it fly out of my pocket a moment later.

So I have been MIA on the Internets and I am in official withdrawals. E's computer hates AOL and gmail for some reason because it never lets me check my accounts. Not having a computer has been good for my house because I have been organizing and cleaning but b a d for my attitude. Let's face it, it is my one connection to the outside world and I love to know my weather, what is going on in my favorite blogger's lives and take polls where I give Bush the lowest possible rating all in 4 minutes.

So, how are you? Cheer me up, so I don't go ballistic on these computer geeks if they don't have my baby back to me in two hours!

Color Me Happy

I heart my new colorist who was recommended to me by my hair stylist whom I heart more then anyone and not just because she reminds me of Phoebe* in Friends, in a good way.
This colorist has no personality, and spoke no more then 5 words to me the entire hour I was in her chair. My color is good, and I like it but I am not sure it is exactly how I want it or maybe I was just used to the darker hair I had for the winter, plus you guys all liked it. So then why do I like her? Because it was the cheapest color I have had in years. Double process $85.00 baby!

I was giddy with happiness, I was never so happy to pay a bill in the salon before. Hell even my eye brow wax cost $25 or something like that.

I heart this coloring bitch like nothing before.
I needed that because I am still depressed about my ring. Home owners will cover it if it is lost or stolen, but not damaged. Did I also mention the "check engine" light came on in my car? What is that about?



* Little known Tuesday fact, I have a cat I named Phoebe, after Catcher in the Rye not the show.

When It Rains, It Really Pours

Here is a terrible (what the frick is wrong with you camera? Focus!) picture of my wedding band. Notice something missing?

Yeah, that would be one of the diamonds. I noticed a diamond was missing yesterday afternoon, a day of course, that was not spent sitting home lazy style but running around to various stores and shopping. I also cleaned a bathroom, did loads of laundry, cleaned out drawers and such.

I am sick about it. I cried. I love that ring. I searched the house, my kids searched, my husband searched, no luck. We bought it at a jewelry store back home so I will have to wait until I go back home to have it replaced and fixed. For now it is just me and my bare, lonely hands.

Also, this picture is so crappy and does no justice to how perfect and sparkly my ring is. I looked at my hand and that ring a million times every day since I put it on 6.5 years ago. I feel so naked without it, it is so strange and foreign to me to be ring-less.

That is me, ring-less in NJ.

Updates

Door Watch 2007: The door is still not functional. As for some of your suggestions of a beaded fringe door, Although I love it the Greg Brady look, I do need a bit more privacy then that would allow.

Lost: I can't wait for tonight. It has been killing me not to read spoilers of what is going to happen, but one of my best friends read it and that is good enough for me. For now. I like knowing she has all the knowledge about the show and confirms it is going to be amazing.

Tests: all my blood work came back fine, thank you for caring. My thyroid is still rocking and rolling like we never removed a part of it. Sometimes I just love my body.

Searches: people who found me were recently searching for: girl pooping on the toilet, molester dentist, massage accidentally touched vagina, booger king and girl of sexy.
At least they got the last one right.

Highlight disaster 06: After my last highlights in December ( I am so overdue!) came out beautiful, but not how I wanted it, I kept it because you all gave me such nice compliments. Oh yeah, and I hate confrontation so I couldn't complain to the salon. Enjoy the following conversation:

L: Daddy what color hair do you have
E: brown just like yours
R: I have brown hair too!
E: No, R, you have blond hair
R: And mommy what color hair do you have? Grey?
Me: Hello salon? I need an appointment asap.

I am Taking Over the Project

See this door? Nothing particularly out of the ordinary, it is a door like just like the ones you use every day. The only thing wrong with this door is, it doesn't work.

It is not attached to the frame. It is a door that leans up against the wall and is not functional what so ever. At this point, it is purely decorative, and I use that term loosely.

This door leads to my bathroom, the one only I use and the only way to get away from little people who demand things all day. The old door was the only door that was not replaced by the former owners which is odd, but we thought nothing of it, after all how hard could it be to replace a door? A little bathroom door!

No prob.

It only took almost three years to purchase a new door, and then within minutes of the new door being brought into our home, the old door was off. Progress! Then it got late and the project had to be left for another day. The next opportunity E had to install the new door, he realized the frame was slightly warped or off and we would have to shave the frame down ever so slightly to get the new door in.

You know where I am going with this story, right?

That was over four weeks ago.

Not only is it so great to get out of the shower into a drafty room, but I love that the one place I have to go that is all mine, and I can pee by myself without people asking what that pad is on the counter or if I am pooping, is lost.

No privacy. Pee with the door just leaning against the wall, mocking me.

Mocking me!

Now I know what I should have asked for mother's day, a door to be properly hung on hinges and a knob that has a lock on it. A big ole lock because once it is installed, I won't come out for days. I will pluck, shower, primp and maybe even poop in sweet, sweet privacy.

(also? don't you paint a door, say in the garage, before you hang it as to not make a mess with paint all over the house? Yeah, I thought so.)

Moms

Why do I continue to create expectations when I am always disappointed? Clearly I am not learning something from these experiences. I just keep setting myself up for disaster.

I am not only taking about mother's day which was OK, but busy. My dreams of having no stress and let someone else take care of the kids were dashed when someone forgot they were working on Sunday and, of course, couldn't find anyone to work for them that day. So I spent the day with my lovely children and my two nephews, drove about 180 miles, went to a family party, and just generally did what I always do.
Now, I can't complain about my husband. Generally E is thoughtful and romantic. He has never forgotten a birthday, anniversary or any other holiday. He does have the "last minute syndrome" where he does not put in as much thought into a gift as I would like, but hey, he is a guy.
He also always helps around the house, he takes out garbage, changes the cat litter, bathes the kids, shovels the snow and so on. So I can't complain that I do everything around here, I don't. I am aware of that.
I just wanted a day off from the kids, and I love them, I truly do but being with them every single day since they emerged from my body, is draining.
To say the least.

Lets just say I am one tired mom. Although my husband says he knows how hard it is and how draining it all can be, it still can't really know.
Only other moms know, and it is just another reason to become a lesbian.

Mother

Motherhood is a strange thing, to have your heart walking outside your body, to care for a small person whom you have never met before but the instant you see them you know you would die for them. Give up your entire life so they will no longer feel pain, you would suffer in their place in an instant, it would be a decision that would need no thought.

My own mother is a wonderful mother. She was my friend and a friend to my friends, she was a nurse and a teacher and a protector. We had rough patches, typical patches where I thought she wasn't on my side, that she could never understand what I was going through, that I had lost my best friend.
I couldn't have been more wrong.

By standing by me, by loving me no matter what I did or said, that was what told me she still was in my corner. Behind me no matter what.
She is not a perfect mother and I am not a perfect daughter. Sometimes I expected her to be perfect and I was disappointed when I could see through the cracks in her armour. It was my own inexperience with life that made me think she could be perfect, even when I reached an age old enough to know "perfection" was unattainable.

My children amaze me. I was amazed I had twins and I carried their huge, flawless bodies to term, I am constantly amazed how smart they are and how absolutely sweet they can be. I am amazed at how my son looks just like his father and my daughter like me.
It is like being given another chance at life, a do over. Not to live vicariously through my children but to fix the flaws I see in myself to become a better parent.
To be the mother they deserve. To be the person I want to be.
To let my children know I am not perfect and I wish I could be for them, but I do not expect perfection in them either. People have faults, they make mistakes, they stumble. And their mothers will always be there to pick them up, dust them off and let them know it is OK.

It will always be OK.


Happy Mother's Day to all the moms and especially mine.

Chick Fil A is the Food of the Gods

Just a couple of days ago I was talking about how I see all of these commercials for restaurants that are nowhere near me, and some of you were talking about Red Robin restaurant. I have never heard of this place until you guys enlightened me, but guess what commercial I saw last night? That is right, red Robin, whose closest location is over 30 miles away.

I am not a fast food eater, but every once in awhile a cheeseburger is just so good from McDonalds or Wendy's. I have not eaten any fast food this year except for chick fil a, and they are so good I refuse to consider that fast food.
It is not!

E came home with a nutritional guide to fast food restaurants last week. I played the game I play where I dream of what I would eat if I had the metabolism of my husband. I looked up some of my favorite fast food orders.
It was not good.

A taco bell taco supreme? 220 calories and 14 grams of fat. IN ONE. E eats like 6 of those in one sitting plus a burrito.
A McGriddle from McDonalds? 450 calories and 21 grams of fat.
A blimbie best sandwich? 440 calories and 15 grams of fat

Me: "E this is a disgusting book and I am disgusted with the gross food I have consumed in these fast food places in the past"
E: " I know. (pause) Do you want McDonalds for dinner?"
Me: "Stop it."
E: "friiiiieeesss???"
Me: "you know what the sick part is? This knowledge has not put me off to any of this food, I would still eat it."
E: "look up chick fil a, I could eat that tonight"
Me: " I will tell you this one more time, chick fil a is NOT a fast food restaurant. It is more then that and I refuse to look it up."
E: "we are sick"
Me: " yeah" "where is the frickin ice cream man?"

A Whole Lot of Nothing

My head is still reeling from Lost last night. What the hell?
I feel like my head is spinning today, you know those days, where there is no organization in your head? My sister is having knee/ankle surgery today and I will be watching her two boys again this weekend. I love them but it is a little hard because my car does not fit three car seats and one booster seat, so we are stuck in the house for the majority of the weekend because E has to work. Bummer.

Wanna check out an interview I did? You get to see a rare thing, a picture of me!
How about the new site I am writing for? I am the hardest working blogger you know.
Not really, I know.
Are you tired of these links yet? No? OK, well I am running a contest on my other site for a free pro membership to greetingflix.com. Go and enter to win one of five memberships.

Excuse my shameless plugs, mamas got to pay for preschool!

Restaurant Love

I am trying to lose weight. Not an easy task I know, especially because I am too lazy to go to the gym. Laziness when you are trying to lose weight is not the best recipe for skinniness.

So I have been drinking all this water in order to curb my craving for little scraps here and there during the day. I drink 50 oz of water a day, so I feel like I am nine months pregnant because all I do is pee.
I love to watch the food network or all the fast food commercials and fantasize about what I want to eat, this is not fun to do with E because if I say I am in the mood for something even if it is 10pm he would go and get it for me. I have to keep reminding him it is a game I play and if I indulged in all my food wants I would be the size of this house.
Lately though, I have been noticing so many commercials for restaurants that are not even around where I live. Like Sonic for example, I have seen commercials for them for four years but have never seen one here in person. Why are they advertising here then?
Last week I noticed a new one for the Melting Pot, a fondue restaurant. I would love to dip things into melted cheese or chocolate, but there are no restaurants around here, the closest one is in Atlantic City, which is not very close.
The fun of wanting certain food items even if I have no intention of eating them is that I could get it if I wanted to.
These commercials are ruining my food fantasies.

Music for Everyone!

What do you think of children's music? I interviewed Dan Zanes this morning and you can read about it here.
I have never interviewed anyone besides for a job. I was nervous and I did fumble a bit but he was so nice and kind, he made me comfortable.

I have to think of something to do with my kids this summer. Even though they are only in school two days a week, they need more interaction with kids their age and need to be out of my hair. I doubt a 30 minute swim lesson each week will be enough. I have got to find something for them to do, I am not going through another long, boring, hot summer.

What do you do with your kids in the summer?

Being Mom

Last night in bed E told me what a great Mom I was. I want to believe it, but my struggles with being a mother, a mother to twins, doesn't let me believe that for one second.

Motherhood is hard, everyone knows that. Being with my children 24/7 every day for over four years, wears on you. I would like a break, I deserve one, I would love to go on vacation with just my husband, but we can't afford it. Maybe when my in-laws visit next month we will go to Atlantic City for two days and a night or something.

I struggle with the loneliness, boredom, monotony, and sometimes kids who will not stop yelling or fighting with each other.
AND if I ever find the kid at their preschool who taught my kids how to tattle, I will have to hurt him/her. All they do is tattle all of a sudden and sometimes after I hear "She hit me!" for the 786 time, I just tell him to hit her back, because I... just...... can't...... anymore.
It is not something every other mom doesn't feel. We are all trying to keep our heads above water.

It is OK that I don't think I am a good mom, it makes me try harder. Each night when I sneak into their room to watch them sleep, it makes me want to do better the next day.
I guess that is all you can do.

At Least if Someone Sees It You can Say It is A Hat

For once I am at a loss for words........................

It is what you think it is.

I wonder why she is reading the paper? I bet it is the directions to see how that f*cker works!

Happy Friday!

Grass Grows in New Jersey

I have to make E stop by today because the landscaper is pissing me off. He said our grass is too long and blah blah he has to double cut it, blah not good for the mower, blah it will cost you an extra $15.

Um, dear landscaper isn't if your fault that the lawn is too long? Isn't that, I don't know, your job??? He is lucky he took of his shirt and is giving me something to look at while I type this. Very lucky.

Can my doctor call my back with my blood results? I waited until Thursday now she is just taking liberties.


I was raised Episcopalian and I am so happy to have other one welcomed into the fold. The Episcopalians love the gay people, and apparently one that gets divorced twice, cheats on his wife, gives his Israeli national boyfriend a high paying job and uses NJ tax money to pay for troopers to drive him around the turnpike to get hummers at rest stops.
They are forgiving peeps.

They are ALL Vampires

A few things to report in the last week or so in my life that I have not yet reported to you, my faithful readers:

1) I had blood taken by a woman who had poison ivy. No really, she didn't just have dried calamine lotion all over her face, I heard her on the phone with her doctors asking about her "condition". Of course she wore gloves when she took my blood, poorly I might add, but she didn't have on gloves when she was fingering my insurance card or paperwork.
I was so caught off guard by this and I did and said nothing to her because I am a coward. You would think my OCD/germaphobia would override the coward in me, but it didn't.

2) My hottie landscaper is back and he is hoT with a capital T. He is also like 21 and I could be on sketchy territory here but what the hell, eye candy is eye candy.

3) I called my doctor's office yesterday for my aforementioned blood work. Of course with my luck I called at 4:15 and according to the message on the blood work hot line, they will return calls left after 4pm the next business day. Frick.
They called this morning and told me my doctor was not in and she likes to review these results first so she will be in tomorrow and review, and then call me with the results.
Needless to say this does not leave me with a warm and cuddly feeling inside, it scares me. I have had enough bad news for one lifetime and any delay for any reason leaves me panicking.
I have diabetes! I have multiple forms of cancer! My thyroid is not working! It is the gout isn't it? Am I going blind? Hypertension! Is something wrong with MY COLON, JUST LAY IT ON ME LADY!

Yeah hysteria is the new "worried" in my house.


Men, don't forget to go here for all your mother's day needs.

This One Is For the Men

I have a ton of suggestions on what to get your wife or mother for Mother's Day on my other blog.
Go check it out and let me know what you want for Mother's Day.

Baby Dreams

I was talking to my sister this morning, like I do every day. She is bored and tired of being stuck in the house because of her broken ankle. Her oldest son is in school but her youngest is just 22 months and she can't drive or go outside with him. They are stuck in the house every day with each other, although there are many more annoying and bratty kids to be stuck with.
He is a sweet boy who is so very attached to my sister. He clings to her over anyone my mother, me or his dad. My sister complains about it but secretly I know she loves it. He is her baby.
Most importantly, he is her last baby.

The day I came home from the hospital, I remember crying on my bed. E came into the room and asked me what was wrong. "I want another baby! I want to be pregnant again, I miss it." I told him.
He knew my sadness was powered by my hormones, after all I was so big and so uncomfortable especially that last month, I complained all the time. Why would I want to go through that again?

I always wanted another baby, and after my miscarriage, I doubted it would ever happen. Maybe I would never want to try again just to be overcome with sadness. Maybe it wasn't meant to be.

I think that time when you fully reconcile that with yourself " I will never have another baby", has to be one of the most powerful moment in a woman's life. Whether it is a decision you make or one that is made for you.
It is powerful, it is closing the door on that huge part of your life, it also can be liberating, but no matter what, it will happen.

I think my sister has mixed emotions about her baby getting older and more independent. Where her older son has not needed her for so many things he does for himself now, she sees her baby breaking away slowly, things that only a mother would notice. I understand that.

I have never made that decision with myself. To not have another baby. To leave that behind me.
There were times in the last year where I thought that I wouldn't have another baby. Cancer scares, miscarriage and a triplet scare will do that to you.
All I know now, is that I am not ready to make that decision.
I don't want to give up on baby dreams.

Party Weekend

Instead of napping I hear my daughter in her room singing "girlfriend" by Avril Levine. It is so cute that I can almost forgive her for not napping.
Almost.

On Saturday the kids had a birthday party to go to. When they received the invitation on Tuesday my first instinct was to decline because I knew E was working and I would have to attend this party by myself and actually interact with people, a area where I have regressed in since moving down here. Notice I still have no friends. It has only been four years.
I knew i had to take them because they would have so much fun and it was a nice change of pace for a rainy Saturday.
We went and my kids had a blast and I even interacted with some parents. Wow, what a novelty.

Now if only I could get an invitation to a party. They kind where the fruit punch is spiked and the bounce house is strictly for drinking games.

Maybe You Should Need A License to Become Parent

I like the show 30 rock but have never been much of a Alec Baldwin fan, or any of the Baldwin brothers for that matter. I love Alec on 30 Rock, but when I heard that recording he left for his daughter via TMZ the day before all Alec hell broke looses, I couldn't believe he was talking to his daughter.
I mean who calls their child a "vile little pig"?

Really though, I am certain that many of us have said things to our spouses or children that would seem pretty bad if it was broadcast around the world many times over. I know I have.
Should you call your child names, ever? No. I do believe he loves his daughter as much as Kim Bassinger does. Or I chose to believe that because if they were just fighting over this little girl for power and spite over the other person, I could lose a little more faith in humanity and I don't have that much more to spare.

Alec was on the view today spewing incoherent ramblings and almost breaking down a few times. It wasn't good. I really think that he and Kim have got to leave their shit at the door and do what is best for the kid. Why do so many adults forget that?

Why do so many adults act like children? I think I will go to Alec's website and suggest he rent irreconcilable differences.
Maybe Drew Barrymore can teach them.

Water Excess

Today R went to work with her Dad. I dressed her up, E fashioned a little name badge for her and off they went. E was up against tough competition because today was "show and tell" day at school and she was on the fence about what was going to be more fun.

E promised her a nice lunch out so she went with him, but made me promise she can bring something to school next week to show her friends.
So far she is having the time of her life and I will be blogging about her day on my other blog.

I am trying to drink more water. I am drinking two of my smart water bottles which is about 50 oz. Great, I feel better, I am not really drinking soda at all and I have a little more energy. The bad part? I cannot leave the house.
I have to pee every 14 minutes. Peeing so often is a real pain because I go upstairs to my bathroom. The downstairs bathroom has been taken over by the kids, who really are gross and even though I clean that bathroom every day, it always seems dirty.
I go pick up the kids from school, I pee before I leave and as soon as I get home.
Seriously, I can't take this peeing anymore. Granted my bladder isn't what it used to be after being pregnant with the kids, but really, who has time for all of these bathroom trips?
I have better things to do.
Like wonder when my hottie landscaper will be back.

Confessions

I throw away at least half of the candy my mother in law send the kids. They never know.

That is my true mom confession, and there is plenty more where that came from. Won't you join me at my other place and send me your parenting confession?
Pretty please?


edit: DD nominated me for Hottest Mommy Blogger, probably just out of pity because of these great pictures, but that is fine with me.
I am just happy to pimp out my blog with the badge!

"Well, they gave me gonorrhea!" "Who? The government?"

I just came back from the happiest place on Earth.
No, not Disney the OBGYN! I swear, I hate getting my exam, but it is a necessary evil. I try to make myself feel better, but remembering Madonna even has to get the "exam" as well as Barbara Bush. I don't know why this makes me feel better, but it does.

I took pictures! Why wouldn't I? I did have 30 minutes to kill before I saw the doctor. It should surprise me I had to wait so long because my appointment was 9:30am but it doesn't because this office is notorious for their wait. I do so love my doctors, so I put up with it. For now. But the bitch behind the counter who made me get up and fill out a tiny space on the forms which were insignificant to anything I was there for, my insurance or my bod, and on a form I have filled out 569048 times in the past year, watch it because it is just a matter of time before I go off on you. Stop acting like your job is so important that you cannot be bothered to be polite. Whore!


Here we go! Just had my blood pressure taken, and it was perfecto as usual.
These socks that go over the stirrups are mocking me. they know it is a matter of minutes before I hear "a little further down. More. A little more".













Here I am trying it out fully clothed for your pleasure. These stirrups are comfy when you have shoes on. Damn! I forgot to wear socks. Good thing E painted my toes last night. Thanks E.







Here I photographed the observable fact which is sweeping the nation and will hereby forever known as H.U.P.

Hidden Underwear Phenomenon

We don't know why we must hide the underwear, especially knowing minutes later someone will be inches away from our whoohas, but we still do it.
This time, I switched things up a bit and instead of stuffing them under a pant leg, I put them in a pocket!
I am so crazy!








Nothing comes between me and my Calvins.


Now I am standing here taking pictures of my stuff while with one hand holding up the thin paper blanket over my front, leaving my bare ass exposed to the door which could be opened at any moment, leaving me so embarrassed I may melt right there.
I live on the edge.






I would have taken more pictures, but I was too scared I was going to get caught. The last thing I need is to be blacklisted at my OBGYN.
Really, that would ruin my whole week.

Spring Blues

Finally after days and days of raining and flooding we had some beautiful weather here in NJ. It lightened my mood for the first part of the weekend, but I couldn't help myself feel blue yesterday.

I think it is the onset of spring, when I take out my capri pants and shorts and Ts and realize I need to lose weight or all my clothes are ugly and old. It is really depressing. Plus, ladies, is it me or are all the shirts out there now for us remind you of maternity shirts? Long Ts and belted empire waists? No thank you.
It seems like all cute, printed t shirts are for men.
I mean I am not wet seal but even though I just celebrated another birthday, I am SO not ready to be LL Bean yet either. I am inbetween where leggings under my oversized shirt and blet do not fit, but I refused to call it a day and start wearing sweaters with kittens all over it. I vow, that I will never wear a kitten sweater. (funny because I always threaten my mother with one of those god awful "Grandmas sweethearts" sweathirts with a picture of a rainbow and clowds or something equally god awful, and has a list of all the names of her grandkids. She gets pissed when I say that because I tell her she will have to wear it "for her sweet grandkids, What will the kids say, mom, when their grandma won't even weat the special sweatshirt with all of their names on it and the matching hat?" Do it for the kids!)

bottom line is: I need some fashion suggestions.

Plus, I know I love black. I always wear black, especially tops, all black, but in summer? Not so much fun. It really is too hot to wear black all the time but I find myself always going for the shirt or pants in black. Maybe I will have to go with white.
Black or white? Who am I, Victoria Gotti?

How exciting is this post? Really?

Listen, what do you want I have a gyn appointment first thing tomorrow morning and I am dreading it already.
Yuk.

And The Goodbyes Make The Journey Harder Still

In February I wrote about my anniversary of sadness.
That is the date that you have in your head of things that were meant to be or never was. I have to add another one to my mental calendar book, today should have been my due date.

Unfortunately I lost the babies I was carrying almost 10 weeks into my pregnancy. Today I should have been celebrating being a new mother again, but, I guess that was not supposed to be. I try to have faith, but sometimes I feel when I trust in a higher being, in faith, I am eventually let down.
I am sick of being disappointed.

Today I will try to celebrate life with my husband and two perfect, healthy, beautiful twins. I will go and buy some flower bulbs, ones that will reappear each spring at this time to help remind me that there is beauty everywhere even if I chose not to see it.

I will not let anyone know about my anniversary. I will keep it to myself, mourning for what should have been while being grateful for what is.

Before and After

I have exciting things to do today. I need to purchase a lime and a thermometer. I know, I can't contain myself either.
Seriously, I never could imagine this good life when I was working 40 hours a week, going out to lunch at fabulous places, shopping for whatever I want on my lunch hour and spa treatments whenever. I thought staying at home with my kids was going to be really good.

Look at me now, lime and thermometer shopping. So hip and cool!
The biggest decision today is to go to one or two different shops for these purchases.
I may even go crazy and purchase an iron supplement, because pooping is overrated.

Even if I have no purchased anything for myself in longer then I can remember, my daughter's prayers before dinner last night made it all worthwhile:
Thank you god for our house and our family, thank you for Daddy working so hard, thank you Mommy for making these noodles, and the bread.........and butter, she is the best cooker, she is the best Mommy"

Yeah, that makes it all OK.

Grooming for My Doctor? Why Do I Care?

I didn't get the message from God to build an Arc.
I am so sick of this rain.

Today I can't talk about how shitty this world is, or how the 5 days of rain and winds are driving me insane.


No, I am warning you, today I am going to talk about pubic hair.
Get out now while you can. Just click that little red x in the upper right hand corner.

OK, well here we go. I cannot bring myself to get a Brazilian wax. I just can't get on all fours in front of anyone, never mind someone ripping hairs from my innermost sensitive places. At least not without a promised orgasm.
I have been the recipient of a regular old bikini wax. It is fine, it hurts but what doesn't?
So, I have taken to shaving.
Everything.
It is a menacing task which requires you to contort your body into positions not easily achieved and various tools. AND unless you like stubble you have to do it often. It is a bitch but I do it.

Which brings me to my problem. I have a gyn appointment next week and I am too embarrassed to show up hairless.
I have no idea why, I mean it is common nowadays and really, who cares what my doctor thinks of my grooming practices. After all it takes quite a while so why not show it off?!
I guess I will let some grow in so as not to be so embarrassed. really what I should do is write the words " I know, I know, scoot down more" for my doctor but alas, I am not that hairy.

Spring Has Not Sprung

Spring? Where?

Not here in NJ. It has been raining no less then 32 hours and there is no end in sight. Not cute little spring raindrops either, full on rain and last night I just knew the winds were going to rip off the roof. That would have sucked but what would have sucked more is the satellite dish would have went with it, and you know how I feel about my TV time.

Today will be more wind and rain as this nor'easter pounds the East Coast and shows them what a bitch mother nature really can be, and you certainly cannot leave because all the airports have cancelled flights here in the tri-state area.

I hear my sub pump working and that is a great sign, although the fact it had to go on at all is not great.

Oh! And it is freezing here, high of 47 today!! Break out the bathing suits, pronto!

So how is spring working out for you??

Also: today sucks.

My New Life

I woke up in just a terrible mood today. It may be the weather which is cold (wtf?) and rainy here. It may just be I like to be a bitch sometimes.

I went to the grocery store already this morning with my kids which is a terrible situation for a myriad of reasons. I remembered when I was the person with the small cart with a baguette, some imported yummy cheese, 4 containers of yogurt and a ton of fresh herbs in my cart.
Now I am the loser with the huge ass shopping cart with the stupid car attached so both kids can fit in the cart and one is not in every shoppers way. My big ass cart is filled with bulk paper towels, juices and 15 packages of chicken breasts, because lets face it, besides chicken what the fuck is there to eat?
My goal for me today besides getting something for my kids to eat?
Take a shower.

I have huge aspirations.

Massages For Everyone!

My massage was awesome and the entire time I was wondering why I don't get them as often as I used to. I wonder why 60 minutes can't go that fast when I have a gyn visit.

Maybe they should offer a massage while you are getting a pap, then I would look forward to the visit, and also offer it at the dentist. Head and neck massage when you are getting your vajayjay checked and a leg and foot massage when you are getting your teeth cleaned.
Best idea ever.


Who watched LOST last night? God, I love that show, but my brain hurts from all the new questions that arise when they give you one answer. I have a million theories in my head about that island.

Massage Away My Sickness

Today is the massage day. All the strange things that go on in my head can't stop me from enjoying my 60 minutes of bliss. I will let you know how the underwear hiding and upper thigh massaging goes.

I have become a hypochondriac since my dad's death and my thyroid issues. I guess that is normal. I went to my doctor yesterday because I felt a lump on my throat, not where my thyroid is, on my throat. I have also had a sore throat for a couple of days and I was dizzy a bunch of times last week and add to that, my hair seems to be falling out in massive quantities.

So of course I think I have throat cancer, vertigo and female pattern baldness.
the doctor said she "wasn't overly impressed" with what I thought I felt on my neck. She said the dizziness was probably from my sore throat/inner ear thing and I forgot to tell her about my hair falling out.
Then last night I had a nose bleed and now I think I have leukemia.

Also? Is it possible to have a freckle turn into a raised mole that is cancerous?
God, I am a mess.
Let's hope the massage will cure it all.

Massages

My birthday was great. Cake was involved so, how can the day be bad? We have eaten three different cakes in four days. Not a bad record, if you ask me.

One of my birthday gifts from my husband is an hour massage at my hair salon/spa tomorrow. The appointment has been made with the "best" masseuse.
I have to get into a mindset to get my massage, which I indulged in often BK (before kids) but I realized I haven't had one since a pregnancy massage when I was 8 months pregnant. I am due.
I have to keep calm and not worry during my massage, are my legs hairy? does anything about me smell? don't pull that towel down too much my fat is hiding! are my boobs peeking out? do I have back fat? Ohhhh, her hand is going up a little high on my thigh, is she going to touch it? That is too high! Alert, alert, she is going to touch my vagina, easy lady!

Oh things like that don't go through your mind when you have a massage? You must be normal.

I am not.

Not to mention I still get mad at myself tucking my underwear under my clothes like I do at my gyn's office, but I have to do it.
I mean, there is nothing like making sure nobody sees your underwear on a chair, in the corner, when you are lying nude on a table and going to be touched all over by another woman.


BTW, when/if you get massages do you always go with a women or man?

Raw Eggs, Easter and Birthdays

I survived with having four kids here again. We colored eggs and that went well, but I guess I had too many eggs in the pot and I didn't boil it long enough because when R was stamping an egg and it broke, we discovered they are not all the way cooked. Whoops! I guess E will not be having egg salad this week.

Easter was good, the kids were really into finding eggs this year and it was so much fun watching them. We went to church then breakfast with my mother, drove my sister and her kids to my Aunt's house and ate drank and watched kids play. What could be better?
Coming home with two sleeping kids, having some (more) wine and watching the Sopranos with my husband.

Today? Well, it is my birthday. I am planning on resting, having a nice cosmo, eating cake and hanging with my peeps.
Go Tuesday, its your birthday.................................

Fridays

What I am up to today:

• It is E's birthday today so making a nice dinner and a cake
• My 13 yo niece and 11 yo nephew are here until tomorrow morning, so entertaining them
• trying not to drink to excess until at least 4pm
• finding something to wear for Easter
• trying to stay sane
• eating tons of meat because Jesus told me to do so
• boiling eggs
• coloring those eggs
• bathing kids who have egg color all over them
• drinking

And what are you doing this fine Friday? Happy Easter!

Me, Just Me

I am officially out of the closet.
I am writing recipes for the Hot Moms Club now and I feel good about my decision to stay blogging here, but be "out".
Somewhat. You can check out my interview in March with storkcalling.

Wow.
That was hard and strange and liberating all at the same time.

Keeping it Real

Go on over and check out my post on real mothers. You are all tagged to comment on what you think a "Real Mother " is.

You also must tell me how to stop eating my kid's Easter candy that I just purchased yesterday? At this rate it will all be gone by Friday.

The Tax Man

My town sent a nice man to come reassess our home (insert sarcasm here) which is so terrific, I can't even tell you.
Please Mr. Tax Man can I pay more property taxes even though they are the highest in the country and even though you just upped our sales tax this summer? Please?!!!?

Anywhoooo, they were scheduled to come out to our neighborhood between this day and that date, I paid no attention. Yesterday I went home to visit my poor sister in the hospital so she wouldn't kill herself from boredom and to tell her Hey! I didn't kill your kids or mine while they were in my care, and let her bask in my parental awesomeness.
She did.
I guess yesterday was my tax reassessment day and I missed the guy but he left a lovely note stating he will be back between 5:30-7:30pm. Great!
I returned to my lovely over taxed home at about 5pm and I made dinner and went about my business until I heard a knock on my front door.
Tax man cometh.

Here is a list of things that poor man had seen and heard in my home the 3.5 minutes he was here:
2 nude children running around
1 nude child crying that she hurt "her vagina"
my "hottie" underwear drying on top of the washer
2 nude children bathing
a filthy, gross, cat puke ridden basement
1 bra strewn on vanity chair

All in all I would say it was a great time. He made me feel better by telling me he has seen it all: dead animals, nude people, nude kids, filthy houses. Which made me wonder all at once, where do I apply for this job of his and when can I get this guy drunk because those are some great drinking stories.

She Wants a Sister

I am still alive.
So are all four kids, which I guess is important too.

I would love to know when I will be able to shower though.

Yesterday my daughter told her teacher and her class that I was pregnant and it was a girl. L backed up her story and the teacher asked me about it since I hadn't mentioned anything. She has been talking about me having a baby a lot lately and I wonder where it is coming from.
Of course when I was pregnant last fall we made the huge mistake of telling them before we had our first ultrasound. Bad move. The kids would ask if I had a baby in my belly and I would just tell them, no, we had made a mistake but then the questions stopped.

Maybe she thinks that if she says it, it will be true?
This family is so strange.

Target or the Gap

This afternoon after I pick up the kids from school, I will drive 1.5 hours to pick up both of my nephews and drive 1.5 home with them. they are staying with me until my sister gets out of the hospital which is going to be a few more days.

I am going to have 4 kids under the age of 6 in this house. All day. I can't even leave because my car does not fit 3 car seats and 1 booster seat unless one wants to ride in the front seat or the trunk. You think I am crazy right?
I am, but more importantly I love my sister and this is sure to score HUGE sister points. Perfect timing for sister point since my birthday is in like 10 days and although I will not age, I will be accepting gifts.

I have a plan though. I am going to let them race each other around the house until it is bedtime. Sounds great right? Right?

If you do not hear from me in a few days you know I have died and I would love to be buried by Target.
Let E know.

Zack Braff Where Are you?

It is not bad enough my sister fractures her ankle 10 days ago and that she has a 6 year old and a 19 month old. It was fun! when she couldn't walk up the stairs to put her sons to bed or put her baby in his highchair to eat or that even her husband works 16 hour days in a row and then is off for 4 days.
Which is great, except for those two 16 hour days.

That wasn't bad enough, now doctors have found blood clots in her leg. Dangerous blood clots. So she sat in the ER for 12 hours not moving her leg one single inch so as not to dislodge the clot(s) and send them shooting to her lungs or heart or anywhere.

She is finally in a room but has not eaten or had anything to drink in eternity because the doctors still do not know what course of action to take with this clot, or maybe they already have a master plan, but we would not know because no doctor has made an appearance for 12 hours.
I am sure they have more important things to do like buy a golf club, count their money or scratch their old, dirty balls.
The last one was just a guess.

This is the care you get in one of the best medical centers in NJ.
Where are the doctors from Scrubs when you need them?

Beautiful Day In The Neighborhood

An Easter package came for my kids last night from Florida. You know what that means, death by candy from the grandparents.
I swear you would think they are dentists by the way they are trying to drum up business. I think we have received no less then 3lbs of jellybeans, mystery bunny head shaped candy and chocolate.
I am not complaining about the chocolate because I have stashed it for myself.
My ass does not thank me.
before we got the package I made a big old pound cake. That was a mistake.

I may go into Housewives of OC withdrawals tonight. I miss the show already. What grown man is named Slade anyway?

Spring has decided to give us a taste of the good life here today, it is going to be 77 degrees. Not much for some of you people, but for us? It is a little slice of heaven. I have already opened all my windows to allow at least some of the germs that have festered in here all winter to escape.
It also means I am way overdue for a pedicure. Who wants to go with me?

Doobie Muppets

I loved the Muppet's when I was young. When I took my kids and nephew to the theater to go see Muppet's Take Manhattan last summer I realized I knew all the words and songs. My nephew thought I was crazy.

Little does he know.

My favorite muppet is Beaker follow closely by Floyd Pepper the bassist from the Electric Mayhem band.

Thinking back on the Muppet show, Floyd always seemed high as a kite. I never put two and tow together but it all makes sense now, the hat, the Gerry Garcia vibe, the two tone unwashed hair.
Then E was watching some 70s music show and I realized who Floyd was mirrored after: Skunk.

That is right, a Doobie Brother. A Doobie Brother.

Now we know what Jim Henson was smoking.

After all this information, now who do you think Dr. Teeth was created after?

Dumb Adults

We took the kids to the aquarium yesterday and all I have to say is, if you are an adult do you think it would be such a bad thing if you moved out of the way and let a small child see the fish?

I swear people are such rude, idiots!


More later, I have a theory about the muppets that has shook me to the core.

Family Oriented Neighborhood

Yesterday afternoon E was playing with the kids in our backyard when he found this:

This is not our garbage. I swear.

I do love that someone in our neighborhood is getting it on big time with the pleasure pack. Not even with 12 condoms but with 14!

AND it is a variety pack too! I thought the only good variety packs were donuts. I stand corrected.

Things seemed to have changed since I was in the condom buying market of society. Twisted Pleasure condoms?

It sounds like a "adult" drink I buy in a four pack. The Trojan website says that twisted pleasures have a "special twist at the closed end". I can't say enough how this fascinates me.

Then there is Mint Tingle which has mint flavor, fragrance, and color. Does that not sound like it would burn your vagina? I don't really get that one.

I do get Her Pleasure which is textured for her pleasure. Can it also give me a pedicure? That would really be my pleasure.

Lastly there is Shared Pleasures which has warming lubricant for both partners. I am not sure about this. It depends how warm. Warm like a fresh baked roll or like a fiery yeast infection?

Whatever your pleasure, I am glad I got to peek into the ever changing world of condoms and to whichever neighbor bought them, I wish you luck.

edit: now go read my interview for storkcalling. Look under: our blog

Are You There God, It's Me, Tuesday

I had a busy day yesterday. I went to my hometown to visit my Aunt in the hospital, have lunch with my Grandma, two of my cousins and step mother, then visit my sister and her new cast at her house.

I felt like I was on a UFO tour. Throwing out some jokes, watching my daughter R, sing and dance and the bye! Hope you feel better soon! Got to go before we hit fabulous NJ rush hour traffic! For anyone out side the tri-state area, the traffic is everywhere at every hour, every day.

Last night I treated myself to an Ambien after I watched LOST, (his Dad pushed him out a window and then appeared on the island? WOW!) and I have no memory of the night just the sweet deep sleep I was in.
It is so great.

I appreciate all of your comments on my problem with this blog. I know I will keep it, I love it. I just think I will be outed soon because I already have agreed to write at a new place and I also agreed to be interviewed about my blogs.
I will be outed, you will know more about me and my life, and I think I am ok with that.
Now I am off to erase any incriminating evidence and hope that my friends and family who find this blog either go away from boredom, or never bring up my vibrator or shaving habits at Thanksgiving dinner.
Or maybe that will make for a more fun family get together?
Nah.

Help

I have a problem.
I am not sure what to do with this blog.

When I started this blog it was to write about my life, catharsis or a cheap alternative to therapy. I wrote it for myself but also not to feel so alone, to remind myself daily that there are people who feel the same way I do about motherhood, life and or being a SAHM. I never told anyone in my real life about it besides my husband.
I didn't want to have to censor myself, I didn't want to have to omit things in my life because I didn't want my Mom, friends or sister to read it.

I have always kept this blog separate from my life and the people in it, you don't know my real name, you don't know my husband or my children's names, I don't share our pictures. I never wanted anyone in my life to find this, but it is getting harder and harder.

Now I wonder, so I shut down this blog and just continue with my parenting blog? Do I censor myself and remove a ton of old posts in case I am "outed"?
Do I just come out of the blogging closet with my name and face and everything else?

I want to know what you do.
Why do you remain anonymous? Do people in your life read your blog and are you censoring because of it?
I need you all to help me with this decision, come out like it is de-lurking week.
I need my peeps.

Spring Cleaning

Well, it was about time wasn't it?

Thank Ro from Ciao! My Bella!. She was great to work with and fast.

I was going to go crazy if I had to look at that old stupid template from blogger for one more second.

Yay!

Falling Down

Last week it went from 75 degrees on Wednesday to an icy rain storm that pelted us all day and later turned to snow, on Friday. Good times.

Turns out on Friday night my sister fell in front of her house and hurt her ankle and knee. She tried to wait out the pain but yesterday she went to the ER and found out she broke her ankle. And she has a 6 year old and a one year old. And her husband starts his new hours today which is a 16 hour day. I was going up to help her today but she told me not to worry about it, she will just keep the baby downstairs for naps and feed him on the couch instead of the high chair.
I hope she does ok.

My Aunt fell on the ice outside of her sister house on Saturday. She broke her knee and her ankle and had surgery last night. She will be in the hospital for a while.

Last October my Grandmother fell and hurt her knee badly she had to have surgery and is still going to rehab.

What is wrong with my family? Why is everyone taking a tumble?
I better be very careful walking.

People Are Strange

Simon Cowell said on his 60 minute interview that he was asked to watch some couple have sex and rate them.

Simon also says on 60 Minutes that he was once asked “to come to [a couple’s] house and comment on him and his wife in bed.” He says, according to the New York Post, that people “were both in their fifties and he was going to pay me $100,000 for it,” but he said no. “I stupidly turned it down. I should’ve taken the money, because it would be a much more interesting story now.”

WHY would someone want to do this? Also who would love to give me $100k for commenting on their sex? I will do it for 10k.
OK, you got me, I would do it for $100.00.
I have things to say.

I would never want anyone commenting on me having sex, and I certainly would never pay someone to watch me.
Lets face it, if I wanted to hear how fat I was or how I am doing everything wrong, I will just invite my mother over.

Mothers

I have my mothers lips.

If you ask me who I resemble, my mother or my father I will always quickly tell you my father. I do look like him. Except for my mothers lips.
As a child people would always say I looked like my Dad and my sister looked more like my Mom. It was a truth I knew.
As I age it becomes more apparent. The size, the lines, my smile. They are all from my Mother.

I don't talk a lot about my Mother on my blog, but blogs are strange like that. We give each other what we want to give. We let you in as much as we are willing or able. Most could all be a lie, the perfect marriage, the big house, the smart kids.

My Mom is great. I have had my problems with her and we fought a lot when I was growing up. We butted heads, maybe because I was more like my father, stubborn, proud, headstrong, typically Irish. They couldn't stay married so maybe the qualities I possessed bothered her about me too.
I am not sure.
I love her. She is strong and so loving. She always finds the good in situations, too much so sometimes. She believes there are reasons for the bad. She has faith in her god. Again, maybe too much sometimes.

Maybe that is what I need more of in my life. Maybe like the glimpse I catch of myself in my mirror, as time passes I will realize I am more like my Mom then I ever thought.

My Home Is Falling Apart

My dishwasher is comign tomorrow and never has anything been more awaited since I had over 15lbs of babies residing in my uterus.

Or since my Dyson arrived.

Or since E came home from a business trip

Ok, so I anticipate everything with utter excitment, but if you knew how much I hated washing fucking dishes by hand, you would know how excited I am.
I will rewash everything E washed because I just realized how terrible at dishes he is.
Speaking of E he brought me home a chocolate martini gift basket from Harry and David. He gets me. Chocolate martinis flowed last night while E tried to put in a new garage door opener.

Yes, home ownership really sucks sometimes.

Pizza Day

I was yelled at by my son in front of his whole class last week because I forgot it was pizza day and he had to eat some stinking sandwich I packed for him with love.
Today they asked me no less then 12 times if I remembered to pay the teacher for pizza so they can have pizza with their friends.
I remembered and I even paid for next weeks pizza.
I am really getting a hang of this motherhood thing.

Yesterday I made my children cupcakes because they had been asking me to make them something that was not vegetables or a square meal. They wanted the good stuff and since I do not let them eat sweets or shitty cereal or plain old crap I decided that cupcakes were in order. They deserve shit once in awhile.
I made the cake from a box but made my own chocolate icing and it was so good!

I may or may not have eaten two cupcakes this morning for breakfast.
Hey, I said the kids don't eat crap I didn't say anything about their parents!

If you are in the mood come check me out over here and see what my daughter has been begging me for.

Fights

Lately my kids love to argue with each other. This morning I had to break up a fight over whether my son will have a beard and what color it will be. L said he wants a white beard when he is a man and R said she doesn't want him to have a beard but if he has to have one she wants it to be brown.

@*!%#@#(&!

It is always fun in this house! L also noted that he can't wait to grow up because his penis will grow up too!

I told him I don't care who grows up in this house but once you do, you are all getting jobs.

Sick. Again.

The wellness gods cursed me when I thought to myself earlier this winter, I haven't been sick! I am so healthy! I am a marvel of a woman!
Now I am sick again, this time with a head cold.

Damn you germs!!!!

I have gone too having some sort of stomach bug to my period to a head cold.
I will never be well again!

I have to be better for George, my new trainer on Monday. Did I mention he was hot? Because if I forgot to mention that it was only because I was still mesmerized by his hotness and the hotness that surrounded him like radiant beams. Reminds me of Davis from the Real World.
Very Nordic, very buff, very young. That is just how I like them. I mean trainers, not guys because you know, I am married and I have kids for pete's sake and I will have to drop the kids off at the babysitter part of the gym and so they will be in the building while I am being trained, hard and what were we talking about again?

Suddenly I am flushed but I know it is because I am sick, not because my new trainer, George is hotttttttttttttt.
I am going to lie down now.

Meet George, My New Trainer

Here it is kids, our new dishwasher.

Very exciting, but of course I pick the one that is not in stock and won't be here until next week sometime. More dry hands for me.

Today I finally went to the gym to sign up and take a tour. I have a appointment with a personal trainer on Monday at 9am. That is no joke.

He seemed nice but I hope he has a sense of humor. If you couldn't tell, I am very sarcastic and I want to have fun even with the furnace repair man, I like to have fun. If this guy doesn't get my sense of humor or doesn't want to have fun while he beats my ass to the ground, we are in real trouble.

Whatever the case, it will make for a good story that day. Unless I can't raise my arms to type.

That is a real possibility people, very real.

Open Letters

Dear strange man in random stores:
Yes, I know my daughter is cute, adorable in fact, but do not touch her. I know you are probably a nice man, maybe even a lonely, widowed Grandfather, but it creeps me out to no end. Do not touch her. You are lucky I didn't bite off your hand, and if my husband was there, he would have bit your head off.
Hand to yourself people.

Love, Tuesday

Dear period,
E-fucking-nough already. Don't come 8 days late, stronger then ever, more cramps then ever then disappear for 36 hours and try and come back. You had your chance. I am not going to play peek a boo with you. Come all out or hang out until next month, it is your choice.

Fuck you,
Tuesday

Dear lent,
I didn't give up anything for you. Last year I gave up my thyroid, I figure that will even me up for a few years at least. Plus, what have you done for me lately?
Sorry, but I even ate turkey on Friday.

Love, Tuesday

Dear readers,
Whirlpool or Fridgidaire?

Love, Tuesday

Full Day

The good news is that the gross bug we all had in this house has flown away. The bad news is that my sister and my mother who visited this weekend? Yeah they have it. I just hope my nephews don't get it.

On the agenda today is blogging, a ultrasound on my thyroid, and finally buying a dishwasher. We have been looking at dishwashers forever now and I really can't pick one. The $300 ones really don't seem any worse then the $600 ones. I don't want the best dishwasher since I don't plan on being in this house for more then two more years. Any dishwasher suggestions?

We also need to get (2) booster car seats, a new garage door opener, a quilt for my daughter's bed and curtains for the living room.
That is why I am thinking about becoming a phone sex operator. Or selling E's sperm.
Whichever is more lucrative.

Update

Since we last spoke...................
My son threw up. All night. Three pj changes, two sheet/pillowcase changes, one emergency washing of king size sheets, and one underwear that was tossed because of, ahem....... leakage.
Good times.

Oh, did I tell you that same night, my furnace stopped working again?? So PSE&G had to come out the next morning and fix it and told us that we were ripped off by at least $200 by the company that put in the ignitor and they installed it wrong.
I am SO getting my money back. Bastards!

Last night E came home from work and more puking! It seems that since he "never gets sick, and never throws up" the karma gods decided to show him a virus that can still kick his ass.
So it has made its round to my entire family in ten days and lets hope it doesn't want to go around again.

I am so sick of doing laundry.

Wax On Wax Off

Yesterday was a crappy day but was vaulted into mediocrity when I finally got a much needed haircut and my eyebrows waxed. I usually get my eyebrows threaded, but my salon doesn't have that service so I went with the wax.
It hurts more, but it is a good pain.

I did learn that eyebrows are sisters not twins. So I can feel less self conscious that one is longer and higher then the other. She evened them out as close as possible but I can still tell. Maybe I should have a shirt made that says they are sisters not twins, but why draw more attention to my breasts.
Hell who am I kidding, my breasts are fabu and they love all the attention.
Did you know breasts are sister and not twins also? I did, because my one is slightly bigger then the other which I only realized recently when one kept peeking out of my new bra and also because that is what my waxist(?) told me.
She is so freaking wise.
I love her.

Now, the dilemma is do you let the one you love wax your most private of areas? I like the girl, she was so sweet, she met my daughter, she told me about her wedding, I feel we are too close to be nude together, unless I am going to have an orgasm at the end.
Ahem.
I think I will have to retreat to a new unknown salon for my bikini waxing needs and let my new friend stick to waxing my eyebrows.
Maybe, if she plays her cards right, my legs too.

My Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day

Ok, get comfortable and get something to drink, this is going to be a long one.
Because I knew E was away all week, I made plans last week with my family to go up and visit yesterday. I wanted to go see my friend who had her baby last week, visit my grandmother and maybe have dinner with my Mom.

Then I started not feeling so well, like I said, last Friday. Tuesday night I did not sleep well, I thought maybe I was pregnant ( I am not) and I was tired and grumpy yesterday morning. I decided getting out of the house would be good for me and the kids even though I was dreading the 3 hour round trip that I had already done twice in 8 days.

I got up at stopped for lunch at a great place we love to go to that has been around forever, and my sister and her youngest met us there. I let the kids each have a milkshake because they were so good in the car and they had never had one before. Everyone ate a lot and we headed over to my Grandmother's house. We visited we saw two of my cousins and had a nice time, then we went to my friend's house. We visited, held a cute new baby boy who is so sweet and left a about an hour later. From there we met my Mother for dinner. My daughter wanted grilled cheese which is her very favorite standard order. It came and she didn't touch it. I thought it was because she was so tired, she hadn't napped all day, but then she said her stomach hurt. We thought it was because she was hungry.

We take her food home and my son's unfinished pizza say good bye to my Mom and get on the road at about 7:40 pm, which is their bedtime anyway.
I get onto the NJ Turnpike and go about 10 miles and my daughter started throwing up.
In the car.
With nobody to help me.
Yuk.

I had to go another 15 miles before I could get to the next rest stop. I was going as fast as I can while trying to calm her down because this is only the second time she has thrown up in her little, short life.
I pull in and I try to clean her up, but it is everywhere, chunks of disgusting hot dogs and pickles. I wanted to die, I am a gagger and I tried so hard not to puke too.
I get her as cleaned up as I can and get back on the road, I just want to be HOME. A couple of miles later she is puking again. Then 5 minutes from home, again. She has now successfully soaked her coat, her pants, her sweater, her brothers coat and every inch of her car seat.

I couldn't carry her in because she was covered in puke. I had to walk them around the side of my house and let us in the side door because my garage door opener is broken. Fun!
I had to strip her all the while she is shaking and saying how cold he is, then put her in the shower. Then I had to get her dressed, put the nasty clothes in the wash and get her brother dressed for bed.

At this point I am sweating and cursing E for being away when all hell brakes loose when I notice it is really cold downstairs. I check the thermostat which says it is 57 in the house but the target temperature is at 67. I turn it up. Nothing.

I call E. He asks me to go into the basement and check the blue flame of death in the furnace. I don't see any flames.
Shit. We have no heat.
The curse of when E is away on business strikes again*.

I had to call our plumbing company which charges us for a overtime charge plus parts and labor or I could wait for PSE&G to come out between 12-4 today. I couldn't wait. If it was just me, I would have frozen but R was sick and I didn't know how cold it was going to get at night, I didn't want to chance it.

More then I was going to spend on a new dishwasher later, the furnace is working. The part the size of ipod was replaced and I remarked how anything that little should not cost more then $10.50. He was not a man with a sense of humor.
I knew I should have worn something more cleavage revealing**!

So that was my day, one of the worst in recent memory. I am glad E is coming home tonight, I am glad I got my hair cut today and my eyebrows waxed, that I can take a sleeping pill tonight, that my daughter feels better but likes staying home and snuggling me on the couch, and that I will finally have a decent cup of coffee tomorrow.

I am tired.



* things that have gone wrong while E was away on business:
-Mom's cat has diarrhea all over my house, new carpet and kid's expensive couch
-water overflowed in toilet and I had to touch gross old pipes and turn off water to bathroom and then live there for one more day before he came home
-dog was so sick and had peed and diarrhea all over my still new carpet, she was dying and died two days after he came home from trip
-water heater exploded all over basement! Fun!
-got a call my Dad was dying and if I wanted to see him get to NYC fast.


** I actually debated whether to change into something cleavage revealing to maybe favor my odds in getting a better price. Hey! It works!
I was too tired.

Post #1

you will NOT believe the day I had yesterday! It was a long terrible day and I will post about it a little later. I am finally getting a haircut and my eyebrows waxed so as soon as I get back, I will write a long assed post about it.