Lent

My Mom: "what are you going to give up for Lent?"

Me: " My thyroid"

The Blues

I am finding harder and harder to keep up my spirits these days. Today I was a mess, very depressed and feeling sorry for myself. I don't know if it is the weather (although it has been quite a mild winter), the thyroid thing, the fact that the babies and I are SO FREAKIN bored with being in this house day after day or just my hormones.
If I had to guess I think it is a little of each.
March to me has always seemed like such a depressing month, where you want the winter to be over but it is not quite spring until mid April. I guess this March will be no different.

E and I were planning on going on a 5 day vacation alone, without the kids when my in-laws visit the end of March, but now I am having surgery.
God, I wanted to go away so badly, it would be the first time I would have left the kids for more then 4 hours in over three years.
Do you know how much I needed that?
Now I will have a $1500 bill for my part of the surgery (there goes 60% of vacation budget) and I will have nobody to watch them any other time of the year. As it is my Mom is taking off to care for them when I am in the hospital, and E is taking a week off to help me after I get home.

I guess I am depressed about losing that vacation most. I needed it for mine and my children's mental health.
I guess we will all be stuck in NJ, crazy.

Open Letter To My Bod

Dear Period,

You are a fucking asshole.

Go away you are not wanted here.

Love, Tuesday

Observations

I have made some observations in the last few days that I would love to share:

peanut butter and jelly sandwiches are highly under rated

The past two times I have been in Target someone has been in front of me writing a check. I didn't know people still wrote checks in stores and secondly it was the 10 items are under lane, so, lets take out the old plastic and keep the line moving.

The man Sayid trapped thinking he was an other said he got on the island by a hot air balloon and the name he gave was the name of Dorothy's uncle in the wizard of oz. Strange or no?!

Are the pussycat dolls still around because I really hate them and their "music"

Is it me or are more ladies rocking the Bruce Lee haircut then ever before? I am not pro BL hair.

and lastly
I wish I could get a massage every day. I love a good massage and it just make you feel so much better about yourself and your dirty house.
Dontcha think?

Monday

I loved your guilty pleasures! I am not alone in being strange, what a concept. I noticed a lot of you have odd things you dip your fries in. I say be free, dip your fries in mayo and ranch dressing and tartar sauce in public and be proud.
We all need to come out of our own fry closet.
Hi, I am Tuesday and I love dipping my fries in my chick-fil-a BBQ sauce*.

I also forgot another guilty pleasure movie of mine, Fools Rush in with Selma Hayek and Matthew Perry. It is bad and good all at the same time.


This weekend we had the kids birthday party at a kids gym type place. They were in love, but not at first, at first they were crabby, and shy.
My kids who are never shy and are only crabby when I am alone with them.
The first 25-35 minutes of what will now be known as themostexpensivethreeyearoldbirthdaypartyintheworld, were spent asking E & I to hold them and burying their faces in our shirts.
Then finally they got into it and played with their cousins and friends. But for awhile there it was touch and go.
We had a great time and the kids finally had a birthday party.

Now no more parties until I know they will have full recollection of it for many, many years.


*Chick-fil-a BBQ sauce should be able to be purchased in vat forms and I would buy a vat and bathe in it because I am in love with the sauce. I really love it and stock pile it in my cabinets.
The sauce is the boss.

You Are My Obsession

I was caught watching my guilty pleasure movie this past weekend. I have to watch it everytime it is on and I kinda hate myself for it.
The movie is : Selena.

That is right, Jennifer Lopez's breakout part. There is just something about it, the over done red lipstick, the fact that the woman who plays her Mother is as young as her, the sad, true story of her life.
I am just hooked. Love it.
Other guilty pleasures are: any documentary on MTV, Funions on a bagel with cream cheese, Pretty Woman and popping E's pimples.

I know you will never think of me in the same way.

What are your guilty pleasures?

Check It Out

One of my best friends went to her gynecologist around the same time I did in December.
Her doctor found a lump in her thyroid too and ordered blood tests. Hers came back fine, so did mine. I also went for an ultrasound which caught the "lump" on my thyroid. I went home & told her to get an ultrasound too because my thyroid function test came back normal as well, but well, there was something on it.
I went straight to a biopsy (which hurt like HELL, btw) and the cells came back "suspicious".

She just found out she too has a lump on her thyroid. Now she will have to go for a biopsy.

How freaky is that? Bottom line is, everyone woman needs to get their thyroid checked, by blood work and a head and neck exam. Your doctors should be doing this and even your dentist.
Thyroid problems are very common in women, and it can be inherited.

I will be having my operation at the end of March with the "World's Best Thyroid Man" where they will remove my right thyroid lobe and perhaps my left if it turns out to be cancer. I have a 80% chance it is benign.
Such great news for me and my family. I remain cautious but optimistic and have had great friends helping me out with support and advice. You guys are just great.
Virtual strangers reaching out to help and lend an ear. I love it. I love you.

Now go out and get your exams!
Right now, this means you.

Sick

My kids are sick again. They haven't been sick for 12 months and now they have been sick twice in the last three months.
We are going to the doctor this morning, I just want to get them checked out. They are having their birthday party on Saturday so I pray they are ok by then. We spent so much money on this party and it will be their first birthday party. They are so looking forward to it and especially because my daughter was sick for Christmas and didn't even open any gifts, I want them to be healthy.

You know what they don't teach you in any baby books or Mom's classes? How to teach a kid to blow their nose.
It is a difficult task to explain but once mastered, very valuable. I try to teach my kids. I scrunch up my nose and make the sound of snot flying out of my nose and into a tissue, but teh kids just sniffle.
Then I need to get a tissue, because now I have loosened up my sinuses.
It is never ending.

Who wants to come over and teach my kids to blow their noses? Oh and then you can potty train them too.

The Yikes! Factor

Two "yikes!" factors today.

First: when I walk into a doctors office for a consultation on something that may or may not be cancer, I do not want your first question to be "do you have a living will".
On second thought I don't want that question asked of me at any appointment including a manicure.

Secondly: My husband has clogged his toilet with two* flushable wipes. Granted he doesn't have the world's best toilet with a history of 0 clogs in the past 13 months, but still.
He is currently in said bathroom with the following paraphernalia; one rubber glove, an old plunger and plastic bags.
AND he has been in there for 8 minutes and counting.

This cannot have a great ending.







* he is sticking to the story that it is only 2.
I don't believe him.

Still Poor

I didn't win big lotto money. Booo hiissss.

Now I am back to being poor. Sigh.

today I have a second opinion with a doctor in my town. I didn't really want to go because I am 100% on board with what the first doctor told me, but I didn't cancel in enough time, so out of courtesy I will go. It will be good to see what this doctor says anyway. It can't hurt.

Now here is a question, why don't they make kid's gloves long like a legwarmers for arms? That way they glove will not come out of the jacket and get that ring around your sleeve, where you arms are red & cold. Long enough to put on, put the jacket on over and your wrists are protected.
I am going to invent that, because I am sick of these tiny kid gloves.

I'm Rich Bitch

If you guys never hear from me again it is because I won an exorbitant amount of money and I will be way to wealthy to write on blogs all day.
I will sail away to a remote island all the while laughing at the little people who wear scrunchies, cannot pay for fine entertainment and have workmen shitting in their bathrooms.

Suckers.

Open Bath

Why is it that every time I have workers in my house, they feel the need to take a ginormous crap in my bathroom?

Yesterday it was the Directv guy. I had to flag the bathroom until I had time to clean it, so the whole day I had to run upstairs to pee and well, I like convenience.
I get that you are in a car all day & you have to pee & poop somewhere but it is like they all talk and know my bathroom is the best, so to hold it until they get here.
I mean I do have the best toilet in the world, but C'mon guys, save some for home.
I wonder if I can win some kind of award for that.

The worst was the alarm guys last year because they whole house smelled for at least 30 minutes. I wanted to die.

I am going to have my upstairs bathrooms redone and now I fear that I will have to rent a porta-potty for when the workers are here.
I will have to send them outside for their craptastic adventures.
The neighbors should love that.

Lust

I am in love with this new bag.

E gave me an awesome pocketbook for Valentine's Day but a girl can always have more, right?

Now that Banana has these handbag lines, I may be there every day drooling instead of just the once a week.

Hotness

So, my great NY doctor wasn't hot, or you know there would have been pictures. He was distinguished with a strong jaw line and attractive personality, but he also was in his 60s. Not really my type. Like I said though, he was great and I feel much better.
My surgery will be in late March and I feel confident about the whole thing.

I finally got an appointment at my salon for a touch up on my highlights and a trim. I really needed both but I was too busy with other things to try and make time for it. I did it yesterday though, and it sure makes a gal feel better doesn't it?
The girl I go to for my haircuts was off yesterday so I went to someone new, Justin. Nice, young, not that cute but nice. Rocker dude, lots of tats, you know they type.
He did a couple of snips of hair on my boob and kind of went for that extra feel, if you know what I mean. He also "measured" my hair in front on my boobs with a little extra feel as well. Hey, I don't mind.
I figure any other feel up besides my husband is bonus for me and the feeler-upper.
It's win/win in my book.
Besides, then I didn't have to tip him so much.

Spirits Are High

I am feeling much better about my "condition". I met with my doctor yesterday and he is terrific. Wise, confident, sweet and very intelligent doctor. He feels very confident that whatever the outcome, I will be back to my normal, healthy self in a matter of months.
I am so with him on that.
I feel great.

On other fronts, V- day was good, E bought me a beautiful pocketbook and scarf. He picked it out all by himself and that made it so much more special and sexy to me.
What a guy, and he is all mine ladies.
Driving into the city was terrible because traffic was horrendous. They also got record breaking snow on Sunday and NYC and snow don't mix very well, it is impossible to walk anywhere without stepping in snow constantly and it is even harder to find parking.
I even overheard something that was so funny, I submitted it to Overheard in NY, and they put it on there.
People, they really crack me up.

Grateful

I just want to thank everyone for their kind words. I received so many emails and comments from good blogger friends to strangers, all with prayers and love.
I couldn't be more grateful.
I started this little blog just to vent and comment on some things, but for me to have developed friendships with other bloggers and to have strangers praying for me and my family, well you don't know how much that means to me.
I will grow stronger and healthier from the love and thoughts that you are sending me.
Thank you all.


I am going to NY tomorrow to visit what many people have called "the best thyroid doctor in the country". I remain positive and I know I will have you guys to bitch to when things get worse before they get better.
Now that is exciting.

The Big Casino

My phone rang. I looked at the caller ID, it was her.
I had been waiting for her call for days but suddenly I hesitated. I said to myself "this call will change my life" all the while totally aware of my kids laughing and playing a few steps from me.
I answered.
I only remember a few words from the conversation, her words.
Labs, deep breath, cancer, highly recommended, surgery, new doctor, biopsy, atypical cells.

Everything I was dreading for a month, the thing that 99% of people don't get, the thing that was so highly unlikely I would have. Thyroid cancer.

The good news is, it was caught early (I think), that I live by the best hospitals in the world and that I will get very good care. That this is a highly curable cancer and that I am young and strong.
The bad news is I have cancer.

Now if you will excuse me I am going to crawl in bed with my darling husband and my two gorgeous, smart kids.
And if there was any doubt, they are what I will fight for.
With my life.

Hiatus

I am not going to post for a couple of days.
I have had some bad news delivered to me and until I can wrap my head around it, I am no use to anyone.

I will be back soon.

Britney is Crazier Then I Thought

Not only is she stupid for who she married, and her outfit choices should put her behind bars but now she is driving with her 5 month old baby on her lap?
Fucking idiot.

TV

Survivor- I still like this show. The people they chose are so strange. This time they separated them into 4 tribes old bags, young whores, crabby old men and young male whores.
The cranky old men team has an former astronaut on their team, which E & I were talking about and I asked him why people idolized astronauts so much. I mean they send monkeys into space too and lets be honest, when it comes down to being impressed with a man or a monkey going into space you have to go monkey.
Every time, you gotta go monkey.

Superbowl- I wasn't watching the entire thing, but I didn't see any funny commercials. I usually really enjoy SB commercials, so I was disappointed.
When did John Madden become a caricature of himself?

Sopranos- We are no officially counting down days until it starts again. Can't wait.

Tonight

Tonight I am enjoying:
my man
my kids
my warm house
my tv with football blaring
and my nachos



now, I am off to order my main man some hot wings, dammit!

What Kind Of Person Must I Be?

My Aunt called me today to see what I was doing on Sunday.
"Nothing" I replied
"well, Sunday is the anniversary of the day your Dad died" she told me.
My heart hit the floor.
"Oh, yeah, Oh I know, I just didn't know what you meant by doing, yeah well, I will be at the cemetery" I stumbled realizing what kind of idiot I was.

I knew the date my father died, the 5th. Always 5 was my lucky number, the day he died it was no longer.
I hate February, I hate the 5th, I hate cancer, I hate New York, I hate God, I hate living so far away, I hate the winter, I repeated to myself over and over that cold day in February.
It was my mantra.
Into the tunnel: I hate February.
Through central park: I hate cancer.
Into the cavernous parking structure: I hate New York.
Passed the floors and floors of people struggling for life: I hate God.
Into the bathroom to throw up before I could make myself enter his room: I hate living so far away.

It was the day I rushed to New York to the best cancer hospital in the world, only to learn I was too late to say goodbye to my Father.
He was gone.

I hate February, I hate the 5th, I hate cancer, I hate New York, I hate God, I hate living so damn far away, I hate winter.

And now, just two years after that day changed my life forever, I had forgotten.
I could make excuses about my own health, my busied life, that time is slipping by faster now, but nothing will make me feel better about it.
I am sure that I would have remembered eventually, just like the pain when I wake in the moring.
What kind of daughter could I be?
In February, on the 5th, in New York, so far away in the long, cold winter.

Heard

Me: Baby A, you are the bomb!

Baby A: Mommy you are the bomb squad!



Where do they come up with this stuff?

Anger

I know I have anger issues. I try to control my anger or deny I have problems but lately because I have so much on my mind, I know I haven't been handeling it well at all.
I know I yell at my kids too much, I also know sometimes I expect too much from them. But sometimes the crying or yelling is just too much for me and I just want to run out of the door and never stop running. I always see the news stories of people shaking their babies, or hurting their kids, and I could see how you could go over the edge if you were not strong minded or if you had no support system or if you were just a crazy person.
Not that I would ever hurt my kids or condone it but I could see the line that makes some people cross it.

To judge people, other Moms more specifically, is something we all do, don't deny it. It is easier to say, I would never get my kids vaccinated/circumcised/put in daycare all day or go outside the house in dirty clothes. Then you have kids and you pick and choose your battles.

What you want to do and what you can do as a Mother are sometimes on opposite sides of the color spectrum. I am going to try to be a better Mother today, and then tomorrow a little better then that. I will try not to sweat the small stuff, one day at a time.
Today I will try to be green. Not too dark and not too light.
Just green.

R.I.P. Abu

Today my Mom called with bad news, our cat died. He was really my cat, I bought him for $40 adoption fee from a shelter. He was small, black and white with a freckle on one cheek.
I loved him, our dog loved him and so did the whole family. When I moved out I left him because our dog was old and loved him and the company during the day. So he became my Mom's cat.

He was petite, 6lbs, mute with bald heels. He loved to be carried on your shoulder, go for long drives in the car and drink out of the sink. Ironically he died fast because cancer was all over his tiny body, just like my Dad.
I will always remember how you drooled on me in the morning, my little friend.
Poor kitten, I will miss you much.

Sweet Dreams

I have had dreams about bloggers whose blogs I read. Drama Queen and Uneasy Rider were teh last two I have had. On Saturday night I added another to my list.
Will. Now I can't remember what I dreamed about but I do remember waking up happy and satisfied.

Welcome to the club my friend.

Finish This Sentence:

I wish I told you....................

Co-pays, Needles and Scales Oh My!

I feel like I have been living in doctors offices the past few weeks. Checkups, blood giving, 3 year pediatric checkups, paps, flu shots, all this and I have another doctor's appointment for myself today. Yippee!
Of course this is the year when I didn't use our Flex pay account and now I am out $100 in co-pays already this year. Not to mention my prescriptions cost me about $90 a month.
I am so glad I make the best fiscal decisions.

The babies were great for their checkup, the doctor checked them and they were cooperative and helpful. The doctor kit we got them came in handy since they knew exactly what to expect. They took their shots like champs and Baby B didn't even want a band aid. This was strange because she loves band aids at home.
Yes, we are into that phase.

So I am off to a new doctors visit, I just hope there are no needles this time.

Bugger King

How freaky are these commercials with the "king" from Burger King? I swear I am going to have nightmares about it.
So freaky.

If you like living on the edge, check this out.

Poop Update

Baby B finally pooped three days ago. I have never seen anyone with stronger bowel muscles then her. I cannot believe she held it in after all the prunes, prune juice, raisins, high fiber bread and popcorn I gave her.
Now that is talent! Perhaps I should enter her into some baby contest.

I think what finally did it was the mineral oil. What ever it was, it rocked.

Girls! They are so messed up poopy wise. Baby A & Baby B eat the same exact thing and have entirely different poops. Who know being a mother of twins could be so exciting!

Cold and Bleak

That describes the weather here today, cold and bleak. I don't mind the winter, and the cold but I would at least like to see the sun shine once in awhile.
Today we went to see another preschool, the one I had the most hope about, but I didn't like it. It was in a church, really a church basement. It was old and dark and dingy. I doubt the kids would be challenged in this school, but their social skills are what concern me most, I can teach them at home.
I have two other preschools to look at and then I am out of ideas.

In other news, I am loving my new sirius radio. I love, love, love it.
My Mom & sister are coming over on Saturday to help us celebrate the kids birthday ans they are beyond excited about that. Baby A wants a motorcycle cake and Baby B wants a princess cake and they both agree we will need party hats. Done, done and done. Three year olds are easy.
How good was Lost last night? Wow, it really keeps getting better and better. Kate is starting to piss me off a little too.

Still waiting to see when I can get the rest of the testing done I need. Hopefully it will be soon and everything will be alright.

Prayers, Please

I really can't go into it here just yet, because I think one of my family members reads this, but I could really use your prayers.
I had some tests done and I need some more and the outcome of these tests really need to be good. So if you would be kind enough to pray for me, I would really appreciate it.

I am waiting to hear today when these test will take place, but I know they will be as soon as possible.

Thanks guys!

Google This!

People search for some crazy shit on the internet. When they search for this crazy crap, they usually find me. I really don't know how, but I may as well answer their questions or problems if they are finding this little blog instead of porn or Webmd.
So, here we go:


1)"haw to fuck girl an ass"- Are you serious with this question? Perhaps you should worry about other things besides anal. Maybe you should focus on 8th grade grammar and spelling. I'm just saying.


2)what does it mean when a women invites you to her house for lunch- ummmmm, it means she would like to know if you want to eat lunch at her house? Was that too hard to come to that conclusion?


3)does Jennifer anniston speak to her mother- Who the fuck cares. Mind your business.

4)gynelogical exam old women- What do you want to know? It is gross and unpleasant for everyone involved. . As we know from my former post, some doctors don't even wash their hands afterwards.

5) jessica simpson vagina- Do you think you will see a picture of it on the internet? C'mon Joe Simpson would never allow that.

6)elizabeth hasselbeck, motherhood- Talk about annoying, she knows shit about motherhood and is currently up Bush's ass. Enough said.


7)addicted to chap stick- Now this I know about. Hi, I am Tuesday and I am addicted to chapstick. Right now I could use some smooth, balmy magic on my dry lips. Ahhh, it feel sooo good.
Excuse me, my chapstick and I need a moment alone.

8) squeezable- Many things come in squeezable containers, mayo, jelly, toothpaste, lotions and men's balls.

I hope this post was enjoyable and informative for all of you. I know it was for me.

The One With The All The Poop

Baby B is constipated. When she turned 12 months old, she just started having harder bowel movements, like balls. I thought it was because of the change to milk, but the doctors told me it couldn't be that. From then on she almost always has hard poops and will go almost every day.
Well, when she was sick she didn't go, but she wasn't eating & barely drinking anything at all, so that is fine. When she felt better she had two raging diarrhea poops, and all went back to normal in the poopy house we live in.

Until last week when, she hasn't pooped in 7 days. On Friday I started feeding her raisins, and prune juice, took away apple juice and bananas. On Saturday I put acedophilus in her prune juice. Saturday night she was up crying because her "hiney hurt", which is so sad. Sunday I purchased prune baby food, laxatives and suppositories (suppositorys?).
Fun!
The suppositories worked ok, she pooped a little after that, and then today I gave her more prune juice, laxatives and debated giving her some coffee. Hey, if she is at all related to her Father & her Grandfather, coffee should be an instant fix!
Maybe I could even give her a cigarette and some soda. I will show this girl how to poop, if it is the last thing I do!

Finally today when she cried and I cried and there was crying all over but no poop, I debated doing a Bobby Brown. I actually though about putting my finger up her bum and getting it the hell out of my poor daughters body.
But I couldn't do that. Let's face it nobody wants it to come to that.

Anyway, I would have to wait until E came home & let him do it. I can't have all the fun!

Disgusting

Today I went to my PCP for a physical and to check up somethings my OBGYN asked me to check up on. This is my second visit to this particular doctor, and she is nice and her staff is nice, but she is grossly overweight and her office could stand to be cleaned.
But that is not the worst of it.

She came in to exam me and started with my neck. I started to smell something, then it got stronger, then I got nauseas and realized what it was.
Her hands smelled like vagina.
That is right, vagina.
va. gin. a.

How fucking sick is that? I wanted to melt away right there, then I hold in my grin and laughter because I thought "How funny is this going to be when I tell E, that they doctor he sent me to has hands that smell like dirty underwear."

SO after my appointment, I called him & let him know and he starts laughing. "What is so funny, it is SO gross, not funny". He said"honey that is gross but you said it loud enough that my BRAND NEW manager just heard you."

Well, that is a hell of a way to break the ice.

Schools

Today we went to see another preschool in hopes of enrolling our kids in school starting next September, that will not cause us to mortgage our house to pay for it.
So far, that plan has failed. The cheapest school I have found so far, is a Christian preschool which will cost us $425 a month for the twins for three days a week, three hours each day.

The school was ok, it was clean and it had small classes. They taught about God along with regular preschool curriculum. The only thing that worries me, is it is part of the evangelical church here.
Don't get me wrong, I am a Christian, raised Episcopalian to be exact, but I am not a "church person". I do not go to church regularly but I plan on it once the kids are slightly older. I love God, but I also love him from my bed on Sunday morning. I do not believe that you must go to church every Sunday and maybe even during the week to be a "good" Christian.
The encounters I have had with born again Christians is that they want to recruit you and I am really hate having a conversation with someone who questions me repeatedly if I have "found Jesus" or "have you been saved".
It is just not me.

So as of right now, I will be looking into one other church preschool and the two Montessori school in my area.

Wish me luck, and the lord be with you.

More on Doctor Offices

Yesterday while I was suffering through the wait in doctor's office, I was looking around, people watching. It was a packed office and I noticed something strange.
When does a man have to start going with you to your doctors appointments?
I understand the man who is with his pregnant wife, hoping to see an ultrasound of the baby, but there were at least 5 old men in the waiting room waiting with their wives.
Strange?
Is it a social activity? Is there so many appointments that older people have they decide to do it together or else they would never see each other?
There they were all agitated looking carrying the standard paraphernalia, a book.

Don't get me wrong it was cute, but I had never noticed it before. A new trend.
I bet E can't wait for me to tell him how he will have to do to doctor offices with me when we are old. Only I will give him an extra treat, I will bring him with me into an exam room.

Well, I can't have all the fun!

OBGYthehellamIhere?

This morning I was in a rush, I had an appointment to visit a new nursery school for the kids. E & I got to the school just time time for our tour. We liked it, didn't love it but upon seeing the tuition ($800 a month for both of them, 3 hours a day 3 days a week) I really didn't love it.
That is highway robbery. For 8 grand a year my kid better have some sort of useful diploma when they graduate.

I came home, kids went into bed for "quiet time" and I sat down at my desk. I rifled through some papers trying to find the number of other pre-schools, more financially up my alley and I stubbled across a piece of paper with my doctors appointment on it. It was for today.
AND it was for my annual pap.
Great. I hadn't shaved my legs in awhile and I had other things to "clean up" if you know what I mean. I rushed to do it.
I debated bringing my kids to the appointment but decided on not scaring them for life just yet so E came home until I finished with my appointment.
I got to my new doctor's office and it was a full house, at least 7 women ahead of me.
I did the walk of shame to the scale and then slinked off into my room. In this office they didn't make you get naked, just clothes off from the waist down and unhook your bra.
It was just like high school sex all over again!

I took off my pants and then, as usual, hid my underwear under my jeans. I still have no idea why I do this.
Then in swooshed the doctor ready to feel me up. I was ready.
Then the dreaded pap, which when I get it done I always feel like I am going to pass gas, and then I am frozen with fear that if I move even an inch I will fart, right in her face.
I never have, but it is still a fear. I am *sure* this is what she fears also.

Then after wondering if we should get drinks later, after all that foreplay and stuff, she swooshes right out leaving me in an unhooked bra, a shirt, socks and feeling slightly used.

Hey, at least there was no gas.

Come Out, Come Out, Wherever you are

Today is De-lurking day here in blog land. So, tap dance your way into my heart and let me know you are lurking.

I love a nice lurker.

Thin is In

I HATE when magazines have articles about stars losing weight and they put a before & after of Jennifer Aniston. Wow look, before she was a hefty size 2, now she looks much better at a 0. Really the before & after pictures look no different and what did she lose 3 lbs?

No wonder so many people have eating problems.

2006. The Sequel

Since yesterday I had to cut my list short of things I will not tolerate in 2006 by crying babies, here is the rest of my list:

1. crying babies
2. Star Wars. Enough already. This needs to be dunzo. Dun-zo.
3. the word dunzo
4. my thighs
5. myspace pages
6. Paris Hilton
7. A new ipod debuting every 38 days
8. anyone I know dying
9. the Sopranos still not on tv
10. Jessica Simpson's new lips

2006

This is a list of things I was tolerant of in 2005 but will no longer be in 2006:

1. Mariah Carey
2. her breasts
3. TomKat
4. people who search for "vagina tricks" and find my little blog
5. my quest to own a monkey
6. people in my house that don't go to the bathroom in the potty but demand a changing when things go awry
7. gauchos
8. my laziness
9. not owning 1 pair of cool jeans
10. a messy mudroom
11. my lapse in renewing my New York magazine subscription. I miss my crossword puzzles
12. the Olsen twins
13. not having enough "good" blogs to read
14. eating too much pasta
15. cats who want to love on you while you are sleeping and make you think they are trying to suffocate you. I am on to him.

A Real Mom

Wow I am about to be a Mom of two three year olds. My babies are going to be three in about three weeks. I can barely believe that time has gone so fast. I feel like it was yesterday I felt them move inside of my body.
I was putting pictures in albums this weekend, trying to catch up to "real time" and I was looking at their baby pictures. The cutey outfits, the buntings, the rattles and swings. I feel melancholy when I see those picture, remembering how little and cute they were. I feel like even though I was so trying to be in the moment and archive little moments in my memory forever, knowing how precious they were, I lost some of them.
Like I don't remember deep enough.

Now they are grown people with attitudes, wants and opinions. They don't need to hold my hand anymore to gain balance, they don't need me to spoon them every bit of the day. They do their own thing, and I go along for the ride.
Yesterday when I came downstairs my daughter said "Hi Tuesday" instead of hi mommy. I wonder where she comes up with these things.
They are going to be three, officially toddlers. Wow.
They remembered that I told them when they are three they can go to school like their cousins.
My daughter said "Mommy, I go to school and you can come with me" I told her that I couldn't come with them, that they will have to go to school by themselves and I will be there when school is over. My son then said "we go to school and you stay here and cry because you miss us, ok mommy?".
Oh god, how would they know that is what I will be doing. But them I thought, how could they not know.
They know me as much as I know them, and that is all I can ask for at this moment.

Here's to Health in 2006

I hope everyone had a safe and happy New Years. I am finally feeling better, not 100% but better. Baby B seems to be much better, her day was spent ordering E and I around, fighting with her brother and just general crying. Baby A is now sick with a bad cough and low fevers. I think he is improving though, but his darn cough keeps him up all night, poor guy.Since we were all sick besides E, we sat at home for New Years Eve and did nothing, as usual. I actually have not left the house since last Thursday. I actually have no desire to leave, but I know I will be hitting the grocery store tomorrow at least.

The wake and funeral was fine, I was somewhat detached to my Grandmother by then, because she was sick for so long and also had alzheimers. It was strange though because my Mother and her family had a big fight about 9 years ago and they all stopped speaking to my Mom. Ironic really because they did need her to help with my grandmother when she got sick and then I guess it was ok to speak to her. My cousins and I were VERY close and when this all happened they didn't let us see our cousins. So it has been about 9 years since seeing them last and they were all grown up and looked like adults instead of the little kids that they were last I saw them.Strange. My Aunts and Uncles acted like nothing was out of the ordinary and like we were all the perfect little family of yesteryear. Which was fine by me because I didn't want confrontation and the kids, meaning us, should havenever been dragged into it in the first place.
God, grown ups are so clueless sometimes.

Wakes are strange, the whole ritual thing. The flowers and saying goodbye and having the casket open. I felt removed and that was sad for me, but no matter how hard I tried I just wasn't sad. I will miss my Grandmother but she hadn't been "my Grandmother" in years. I felt sad for my Mother because now she has no parents, grandparents, aunts or uncles living. That must be weird, even her ex-husband is dead.

Getting old just sucks.
Good thing I haven't aged a bit in 10 years!

Ugh

Now it is my turn to be sick as a dog. I guess running around like a mad woman and standing in the rain for funerals doesn't help.

Hopefully I will feel better tomorrow.

Christmas Recap

Well Christmas wasn't what I expected it to be this year. Baby B was still sick on Christmas Eve, she wouldn't nap and we all know a good sleep is what you need when you are sick. We put her in the car to go to my Aunt's house and she slept for about an hour on the way. As soon as we got there, I noticed she was burning up, I sent E to the store for more medicines, gave her motrin that my Aunt had and in about 20 minutes she was her old self again. The next morning she was not that good though. She was too sick to open gifts and all she has done for the past 72 hours was sit on the couch. Occasionally she get second wind and will act herself and play but she has eaten NOTHING in 48 hours and we had to make her drink all day yesterday. Finally I had to take her to the doctor's yesterday because she was so lethargic and wasn't drinking. The doctor gave her a deadline for 6pm to pee or we had to go to the emergency room. At 6pm after forcing her to take sips of water for 2 hours I made her sit on the potty and pee. She was hating me at theat moment, but it was better then being in the emergency room!
I think she is better now, her fever broke late last night and she has a lingering cough but otherwise I think she will make it.

Christmas dinner at my house was a ton of fun and my dinner came out great. I was impressed with myself! I didn't know if it was going to come off at all because my grandmother, my mother's mother, died Christmas morning. She was old and sick for awhile so it was expected but still not great news on any morning, nevermind Christmas morning.
The wake is tomorrow and the funeral is Thursday. I have to peel myself away from Baby B's side and go out to find something to wear.

Wish me luck.

Merry Christmas!

I don't know if I will have time to post again before Christmas so I want to wish everyone a Merry Christmas and Happy Hanukkah now. My head is going to explode with all the preparations I have left to do. Complicating things are the fact that I have a head cold that I need to shake asap (any home remedies for me?) and Baby B has an ear infection and has a head cold too. She officially has received her first antibiotics. Yay us!

I still have to run to grocery store tomorrow, find something to wear, get the kids hair cuts, prep dinner, wrap the last half of gifts and go to the mall to return a gift. Sounds just like the list I had yesterday right?

I hope you all have a great holiday and remember what it really is about.

Sickies!

I think I am sick now. Well, I have a post nasal drip problem and I am all stuffy and my throat is killing me. I have a lot to do though so I am trying not to let it bring me down.
Baby B has a cold now too, Baby A is feeling better but still not 100%. Right before Christmas is not a good time to go down with a cold.
Obviously.

I still have to wrap all my gifts, bake cookies for my family, think of something to make for dessert on Christmas eve, figure out something to wear for Christmas Eve, try to start preparing for my Christmas dinner for 8 that I have never made before and go get cold medicine for my kids. AND exchange something at the dreaded mall for E that someone already got for him.

Just typing it out makes me tired. Wish me luck kids, it is going to be a bumpy ride.

Oh and go check out Mommy Bloggers they are having some cute stuff go on over there, and yours truly took part in a 5 part survey of wacky questions for the site. Check check check it out.

C'mon Reg

Does Regis Philbin really think he can sing? I like the guy but does my morning tv have to be peppered with him singing christmas music on every show?

I thought Kathie Lee singing every second was bad.

Celebrate!

Cue the music! Cue the streamers and hats and parade! Cue the fireworks!
My kids took a nap today! BOTH of them. At the same time.
If you had twins you would know how big this is.
The last two days Baby A hasn't been feeling himself so I would lay down with both of them and read a book on the floor while they slept in their respective beds. If they didn't fall asleep right away I would rub their back and heads and they would fall right asleep. It could very well be because they aren't feeling 100% but maybe, just maybe they will get into a routine of these naps again and take them by themselves.

This my friends has put me into a great mood. If people tried getting their kids to nap, maybe they wouldn't turn to drugs. I am just saying.
Now I am prepping to make my world famous baked ziti for my hungry, loving husband. Wrapping some gifts and if Netflix is a good little company I will be lying in bed watching reruns of Oz before we go to sleep. Great plan!
If you are planning on asking me for something for Christmas now is the time to do it, that is how good of a mood I am in.

Mondays

Mondays usually get me down, but today is different. I guess it is because I am so busy I don't even have time to sit down.
This weekend was busy we had two parties to go to both 1.5 hours away. My nephews are sick and I think Baby A caught something from one of them because today he has a runny nose, red eyes and a stuffed head. Poor thing. It has been so long since either of my kids has been sick, I have to call the doctor and ask what to give him and what kind of dose.

I have to go grocery shopping and I really dread it. The store is going to be packed, but the closer it gets until Christmas, I know the more packed it will be. So today is the day. I am having Christmas at my house this year (first time) and my list is like 700 items long. I am armed with coupons though and I am hoping to escape unscathed.
I can hope.

I am missing my Dad a lot, this time of year is very hard. I feel my emotions are like waves with its ups and downs. I wonder if it does get easier, it doesn't seem to, yet. Maybe one day. But then I wonder if that would be better, would I feel guilty if it didn't hurt as much as it does now? Would I be better off or would it be like letting go of someone you never want to let go of? I don't know, and nobody can give me those answers, those are for time to tell me.
I can hope.

Is It Really Almost Christmas!?

I can't believe how fast December is going, it seems like it was just Thanksgiving.
Today the kids have gym class then I have to run around a bit to get some last minute gifts for E's parents since we have to mail them out tomorrow. After that I just have a couple more gifts to buy. Thank goodness. I have to wrap them all still, but I really love doing that.
That is the fun stuff.

Wendsday out with my girl friends was so much fun, we ate, we went to Canal Street for some shopping and then came home & shopped a little more. That is always fun.
I haven't baked any Christmas cookies yet, so I plan to do that next week, I think the kids will love to decorate them and eat them since things like cookies are a big treat here.

I hope everyone has a nice relaxing weekend!

Happy Birthday

Today I will bring you a gift, but not to your house
to a place I never thought I would be
I will cry
selfishly for myself
I miss you today
maybe
even more then yesterday
I remember the smell of your cologne on my hands
after I drove your car
your bright smile
the way you made me feel like it would be ok
even if I was unsure
the glimmer in your eyes
your jokes
the way you made everyone comfortable in our house
I remember your hugs
and your voice
how you always called my by my middle name
I remember your love like a blanket covering me
even in the coldest and bleakest days of my life
I hope I always remember
I remember your strong hands
I remember
I remember
I remember
I remember

TV

I am still so sad that FOX cancelled Arrested Development. It was such a smart, hysterical show. I really don't get all the mindless sitcoms they have and don't get me started on the reality TV shows they come up with.
Is anyone really going to watch skating with the stars? Really?

I guess the show is too smart for most people in this country. I guess they still want to watch Cheaters and Room Raiders.
All I have now is The Office, sob.

R.I.P. Bluth Family

Looking Forward

I am so excited for tomorrow. I am meeting my friends in my hometown and then cruising into the city for this, which is one of our favorite meals.
Then maybe some shopping nad then back to NJ for a long ride home. E will be watching the kids for me tomorrow because my nephew has pneumonia! And obviously they shouldn't be around him.
It is easier for me then I don't have to worry about dropping them off and picking them up before I go home.

NYC is so great this time of year, you can smell the chestnuts roasting and the air is so crisp, people bustling about with a ton of bags in their hands. It just feels like Christmas. I love it.
I miss living so far away from NY but I am much luckier then many, many other people who will never even get to visit, and an hour trip is nothing to complain about.

Other then that, I still have a couple of gifts to get for Christmas. I have completely decorated my house and I am getting ready to prepare Christmas dinner for my family.
I think my kids have been shopping with me too much because now my daughter will take my husbands business card and "swipe" it between the keys on my keyboard and tell me she is "paying for somthin". Very cute and dangerous!

Mommy Bloggers

Go check out the Mommy Bloggers site. They asked me and some other Mommy bloggers some questions for their site. Those ladies are funny to no end and well, Ann Douglas was one of the women and I loooove her. With out her books, which I think are the best and only books for new Moms, I wouldn't have made it the first year.

So yeah, go check it out.

Snow

I love that they didn't show Good Morning America so we can have live coverage about the snow storm we had. It was supposed to snow here about 4-6 inches, but we only got about 2. Last night I actually heard a weatherman say we will get between 1-12 inches! Way to cover your ass loser.

So this storm was kind of a dud, but today all morning we had to hear such breaking coverage like "So Cindy, when you stomp your foot into the snow does it have a film of ice on top?" or "I think I see the sun peeking out, I can't believe it". Bullshit.
Then they showed their website complete with cameras on a major highway, so "if there is a major accident you can see it from your home!" all said with a smile. I don't know about you, but first thing in the morning with my coffee, I love to see a nice life altering car accident.

Pure genius!

They wrapped that all up by telling the viewers to make sure to get a "warm coat on before going outside" uuummmm, thanks asshat, I thought it only snowed when it was in the upper 80s, and today I was going to wear a light camisole with no bra and short shorts.
I swear a fish could be a better news anchor person.

Cards

My Christmas cards all went out yesterday. I am sure I will have a few straggler that I forgot to send, but I ordered extras just for that purpose.
I should have dressed the kids up like Mary & Joseph for the card, I think that would have been great. Maybe I will have another baby next year that that baby will make a nice Jesus.

Baby B is doing fabulous at peeing on the potty. She won't poop though, but that is ok. She wakes up mostly dry in the morning and although I do keep pullups on her, she has had no accidents. Well except that she has peed on her onesie undershirt a couple of times. That is to be expected though. That girl sure loves to flush the potty. And really who doesn't? It is very rewarding to see it go away and new water come on in.
It is the little things in life, my friends, the little things.

The Day

I haven't posted in awhile and I am sorry about that. The truth is, I have had nothing to blog about. My life has settled into the mundane, the ebb and flow of life, the daily rituals we all have.
I live for the highs of life, I love looking forward to things and when they are done I get depressed. I am not sure if that is normal or not, but I have been that way all my life.

I remember asking my parents what they looked forward to, it seemed a depressing life, an adult. No summer vacations, no sleepovers, buying all the gifts instead of getting them all. "We look forward to seeing your vacations, your holidays and we relive them again" my mother told me. "It is better to watch you open your gifts instead of getting one for myself."
Now looking back, I guess she summed up parenting for me right there, it is better to give then receive, it is watching your children grow, seeing them experience something for the first time, those are the things you look forward to.
That is what keeps you going.

Fruitcake Virgin

I have never ever seen a fruitccake in my entire life until today.
No wonder people made fun of it, what the hell is it?
I caught a glimpse of something out of the corner of my eye today at the store, at first glance I thought it was a fire starter log, on closer inspection it turned out to be the dreaded fruitcake.

Do people really give these as gifts to other people? Is it that common of a gift, because it has been a running joke for years that nobody likes them and they suck. Plus, what the hell is in them? I think I saw a petrified cherry along with some petrified green things. What fruit is green?

Well, maybe now I have seen everything.

Recap

Besides the kids not napping, Baby B is doing great going to the bathroom on the potty. Baby A not so much, but that is ok.
I am just now thinking about what I will do when they really are potty trained & I have to take them potty in public restrooms. Restrooms I never use unless it is dire straits because I am so germ phobic. I know there will be a lot of "DON'T TOUCH ANYTHING!" and carrying of my own antibacterial soaps. God I am a freak.

We have decorated the house for Christmas already & E is finishing up the outdoor lights as I type this. I am very excited for the holidays this year and I am definitely in the baking/cooking mood too which is nice.

I am 95% done with my shopping too. Can you believe it, 95% done and it is not even December yet, that is a record for me. I have a large family too, so it is a lot to plan and all of E's family lives away so you have to ship that stuff.

My $300 (on sale) Maclaren stroller broke when we were in Florida and now I have to ship it to them so they can repair it. I mean ridiculous is a fair word to describe this mess. A $300 stroller should be made sturdy and strong, the freakin metal bent as I was unfolding it. I am strong, but that strong? Maclaren customer service sucks too.

I am still so addicted to my nano. I love, love, love it and I use it every day. I am joining the gym after the new year so I hope to use it more there!
That about sums it up around here. I can't wait for Lost tonight, it will be the last one until January, so I will be in withdrawals.

I Need a Drink

My kids are not napping again and it is driving me wild. They were getting into good habits but since E has been home, everything is crap again. They now wake up at least 2x a night crying about the light not being on, or that they want to play or just nonsense because they are just talking in their sleep. They are no well rested in the morning, and are fighting, crabby, crying so I put them to bed instead of waiting until after lunch. They just won't take a nap unless I stay in there with them, but they have to learn to fall asleep on their own.
Does anyone want almost three year old twins?

On a good note, Baby B is just about potty trained. She just did it herself, because I always forget to ask or push the issue. Now since she has started Baby A stopped going on the potty.
These two are strange and giving me a run for my money!

Sexy

There is nothing sexier to me then a man shopping alone at Toys R Us. I guess because you don't see to many men do it, or you see them being dragged in by their wife, but to come to TRU after work in your suit and pick out toys, way sexy.
If you are in your suit and you have the kids with you...........Extra sexy points.

Wishes

This is my holiday wish list.
Yummies
For my aching back
For my kitchen
For my feet
For my arm
For my body
For my family room
For my head
For my hands

Not that I am going to get any of this, but it is a wish list.
What do you want for Christmas?

Turkey Day

I remember being in grade school and the day before Thanksgiving we would have a small party and fun things to do. I remember the teachers writing Thanksgiving on the chalk board and you had to make as many words as you could with the letters from it. I loved stuff like that.
I am going to my Aunt's house tomorrow and will be bringing a couple of my favorite dishes, so I will prep tonight. I love thanksgiving food and I like to cook so its a perfect holiday for me.

This year I am thankful for many things especially my family and our health.
I will also be thinking about people who aren't so lucky and really trying to count my blessings.
Because I am not rich, sometimes I wish I had more or less, or I think someone has a better life then I do but when it really comes down to it I have the best family in the world and really, what more could you ask for?

A Thanksgiving Miracle

Today my kids took a nap. Wait, you don't understand how fabulous this really is, or how happy I am right at this very minute.
They took a nap that didn't require me yelling up the stairs, laying commando style on the floor, threatening, begging or bribing.
Do you know how huge that is?
They went in, laid on their beds and fell asleep. It is a miracle.
Pushing their map time back is such a glorious idea and it really worked.
Yesterday they each took a small bite of mashed potatoes and didn't hurl and now this! It is like leading a new life.

I love today. I love my kids.
And I love all of you who had the suggestions and comments, thanks guys.

Bark MD?

My dog has been drinking massive amounts of water lately and I don't have a good feeling about it. I couldn't get an appointment until Monday night. I wish I could look it up on WebMD, but since she is not a human, I think the symptoms of panting and excessive licking of her butt would be lost.
They should have a Web MD for pets.
then I could look up all the dumb things she does and not have to pay $95 for an office visit to the vet! I could find out why she barks in her sleep, rolls in deer shit constantly, has to go inside/outsie/inside/outside/inside all day looong and even why she must fart only around me.

New Fashions For Moms

I have to email CCG and let her know the new "mom's" fashion of capris are out because the cold winter months are approaching.
It is official, the "Mom" capris have been replaced with velour jogging suits. Black, preferably.
The kids had gym today and at least two moms were dressed in their uniforms with one mom just wearing the pants.

We don't care if they are out of style or if we have more junk then J. Lo has, we will wear our comfy jogging suit with pride.
At least I feel some shame when wearing them, but hey, I have to be comfortable and black hides the mess little kids leave with their hands all over you!

Update

Today I went to pick up the dog from my sister's house. She was taking care of her while we were away on our trip. The kids loved seeing their Aunt and couldn't wait to tell her what they had seen and done.

Jet Blue rocked except for our delays and the one strange man on our plane coming home who I assume was bi-polar and cursed the stewardess and had to be taken off the plane by NJ cops when we landed. Strange and scary.

Disney was so much fun. Seeing the park through my children's eyes was the best and I didn't even get upset when we forgot to go on the "adult" rides.

I am so happy E is home where he belongs. I feel even safer and I just missed the guy.

My ipod nano is my new favorite toy. I love, love, love it maybe even as much as Target. It is addicting to buy songs though and I have to watch myself.

I also love my new sweater from target and even though it isn't the best cashmere in town, you can't beat the price. Plus with two small kids with dirty everything, wearing expensive clothes is not the way to go.

This weekend we have nothing planned and I am thankful because I have a date with TiVo to catch up on all the stuff I have missed the past week.

The Toughest Job

Its hard to be a Mother. I have seen just how hard it is first hand these last 4 weeks. Alone, just me being the disciplinarian, the cook, the driver, the soother, the reader, the only comforter.
I have been tired, sick, and frustrated. I have yelled, cried, had my patience tested, threatened, pleaded, screamed and given it.
I have done it all. I have had the worst, most trying days as a Mom these last couple of weeks. The ones where I wanted to not be a mother to anyone anymore.
Two days ago I had one of those days, but then right before I put them to bed again, right when I was thinking, I can't go on anymore, I just cannot do it one more day, my daughter said "Mommy, you're the best Mommy and I love you".

That is what makes me go on.
I will have bad days but the good always outweighs the bad and you go on.
You just do.
And for that, I am thankful.

Reason #14

Reason #14 why I miss my husband:
I don't make coffee well at all. E makes it when he is home because he is up first. When he is gone I make it every day for myself because I still need it, but it is terrible. It is either too strong or too weak. I just can't get it right no matter how hard I try.

I guess my afternoon will be spent at Starbucks again.
At least they get it right.


And why doesn't starbucks have a drive thru? That would make my life complete. None of the Dunkin Donuts around here have drive thrus either. At home you can spit and it would land on a DD drive thru. Who wants to take two kdis out of their car seats, wait for coffee and put them all back in, I am too lazy for that.
I am too lazy because I haven't had my coffee.
A vicious circle, I tell ya.

What A Loser

We all know how Britney Spears' marriage is going to go. One day she will wake up, millions poorer and realize what a loser he is and dump him ass. She is still supporting him now because I assume she is busy with her baby. Not K-Fedm, the other baby.
Lets play a game, finish this sentence:

If I were K-fed I would....................................

Bury myself in her cleavage & die a happy man

use up as much money as I can before I get tossed

Go get new cornrows and call it a day

Ok, now it is your turn.

This and That

I wonder why a lot of little people seem to never age. Like Gary Coleman and Emmanuel Lewis. It is like they have struck the fountain of youth.

I met two really bratty kids in the kids gym class today. Wow, what brats these two were. One looked to be about 7 (which is strange because why isn't she in school?) and quite overweight. The strangest part is, is that she had something stuffed in her tight shirt, like she was stuffing her bra. I think she was wearing an undershirt, but she kept readjusting her "stuff". It was so weird and I couldn't take my eyes off of her.

My hairstylist always wears gauchos and I find it to be a bit unnerving. I have been going to her for a year now and I think only once was she wearing another type of pant.

Speaking of pants, my favorite pair just ripped down the butt. I am pissed. Damn Gap.
I am on a pants patrol right now looking for some great ones. Any suggestions ladies?
I feel like just getting pregnant so I can wear elastic waists 24/7 and call it a day.

I am so addicted to Laguna Beach and I am fairly embarrassed to admit that. Jason is a dork and I am so wanting a Team LC t-shirt.

To Dream

I had a dream about you last night, I was telling you something, we were laughing. I woke up and reached for the phone to call you, you would love this story. Then it hit me.
Like a huge wave crashing on top of me, I couldn't breathe. I felt like I was tumbling in the waves, drowning.
The realitization.
The truth.
What I swallow down like a huge lump, down deep inside, hoping the memory will never resurface.
The truth. That I will never see you again.
That you are gone, that I can't smell you on my hands after I go home. That your love won't envelope me like the warmest of all blankets.
Never.
Never.
How can that be?
Why can't it be easier, why can't I accept it.
Why did it have to be you.
Why.
Why.
Why.
Why.
Why.
Why.
Why.

Another Day

My Mom was here the past two days to help me out and to enjoy her grandkids. The kids had a blast trick or treating, they were polite, only took one candy and were very excited jsut to be dressed up. Well, and they loved the candy. They were all sweet jesus this crap is goooood.
I looked at them with a look that told them I know, my friends, I know.

My Mom was a big help but as usual we drove each other to drink and she headed out to the liquor store after the kids went to bed for more supplies.
Halloween is fun!

As far as my day is going now, all I can say is that I got a much needed manicure & pedicure, and I am a different woman because of it.

Happy Halloween!

Today will be a good day. It has already been decided.
My Mom is here to help me take the kids trick or treating, which they are excited about.
It is the first year where they understand and can actually have the candy. Last year we would swap out candy that they got for raisins. I will do that to some extent today too. My kids have only had a lollipop once and have had M&Ms when they go on the potty. Besides that, they have never had candy.

Baby A is going to be a bee and Baby B is going to be a mouse. I am going to be a desperate housewife on the edge. Great costume right!?! Where ever did I come up with that one?

Anyway, I am hoping to be the "good candy house" I have yummy sponge bob candy and a variety of chocolates. I hope I don't eat them all before my doorbell rings once.

A New Thought

Daylight savings time is a fraud. I loved "falling back" until this year.
Daylight savings time is just for the young and the childless.

Damn farmers.

Deep Breath In and Out

Ok, I am better today, but it is only 10:20 am. There is time.
I feel like my kids are trying to sabotage the last brain cells I have and drain the remaining energy I have. I feel like they were sent from the government to see how long it will take a typical housewife from NJ to break.
Ha, Ha government it took me almost 3 years, I bet you never thought I would last that long considering my outbursts at my former place of employment!!! The joke is on you, crappy government.

Ok, now I am hallucinating. Well, that could be because I was up at 4 AM listening to my kids play like it was the middle of the afternoon. After I went into their room and explained that the moon was still out and that means we still sleep, blah, blah, the roosters aren't even up yet, blah. I fell back into my bed wondering how children that could have any DNA from me wake up at that ungodly hour.
I mean really.

E comes home tonight and I feel like boadring a plane to beachville and never returning. I need a break soon so I don't break. I need a one way ticket to heaven.
Anyone want to join me?

So Hard

Thank you all for your suggestions and well wishes, I really do appreciate them.

I just feel myself falling apart minute by minute. Like the threads of my body and soul are unraveling. I have tried everything and I have just decided to live in this mess of a house. I don't have the energy or desire to clean up any of the 100 messes they have made today alone. I can't keep up with it anymore.

E is pissing me off too. Usually when he leaves for an extended amount of time he will send me flowers or a small gift. He always will leave a note for me or a card, telling me he loves me and he will miss me very much. This trip I received neither.
It is not that I want something, I don't but a card or a note telling me he will miss me or just that he loves me shows me his support and encourages me for the time alone.
Maybe it is because of all the stress I am under now, but I am so sad thinking about how I didn't get a note from him. I really think that was a shitty thing to do.
Yeah maybe he forgot, but he has done it every time he goes away for the past nine years.
It may really sound petty, but I needed it and I don't think it is asking too much.

I just wish I had someone to go out to coffee with, without kids.
I wish the liquor store delivered.

Bad Day

Look at what my kids did while I thought they were napping.

In case you can't tell that is ALL of their socks, shoes, underpants, pajamas, toys and everything on the bottom rung of Baby B's closet.
It was two feet deep of clothes in some sections of her room. I cried and they thought it was funny.


I really don't know what to do, but they are officially out of control.

Because I Too Love the 80s

Wow, thanks for the overwhelming response to my massage plea. I can really feel the love.

Now on your way over stop off at Best Buy and pick me up some 3-D glasses so I can watch I love the 80s 3-D.

Pretty Please?

Who ever would like to come over and give me a 60 minute massage and maybe a pedicure will be my new bestest friend.

I will even give you homemade banana bread and chili and I will let you snoop around my whole house while I take a quick nap.

Any offers?

True Story

"Thanks for calling Verizon, my name is Sperm how can I help you"

"Did you just say your name was sperm?"

"yes, ma'am, how can I help you"

"well my phone is still not working but you just made my day"


I wonder what his last name is. Maybe it is Whale, or Testicle. Or Load, Donor or Bank.
I could go on all day people.

I am going to mentally add this one to my list of strange names I have encountered including but not limited to:
Connie Leg
Joan Foot
Dick Catheder
Carl Hussy

Today

There is a new addition to our family. Yes, I have been wanting this for months now and we couldn't be happier. It arrived late Thursday night, and you can see it here.
that's right baby, Momma has a new set of wheels. I love my new dyson, it picks up crap that I never knew was hiding in the carpet. Dust and hair that didn't come out with my old vacuum. I tested it. I am smart like that.

I would never have paid this much for a vacuum, but my friend got a deal and I would only have to pay 48% of the price. I couldn't pass that up especially since the piece of crap one my mother-in-law insisted I buy is broken. After only 13 months.
Yeah, it sure it a great.


Motherhood has brought me to a new low. My kids still won't stay in bed to take naps. To say I am frustrated is a huge understatement. They get up, take all of their clothes out of the dresser, open the closet take out all of their shoes, pull all the diapers and wipes out to their boxes and throw them all over their room. I could pull my hair out.
They could give less then a shit about yelling at them, taking things away, threats, quiet time, timers or anything else. Pretty much they give me a "this is all you could come up with?" look from them.
So now I have taken to laying on the stairs commando style waiting for them to get out of their beds so I can scare them by shouting "get back into your bed" or barging in and putting them back in bed.
I really wish E was here so he could take a picture of me, because lets face it, it is a funny sight.
Sometimes Baby B will catch me peeking through the crack of the door and says "Hi Mommy!". Then I practically fall down the stairs with laughter.
I mean look at what I am doing! I really didn't think motherhood could come to this.
But it has my friends, it has.

TGIF

Thank goodness E return last night, even if it is only for the weekend. It is nice not to be the only one changing poopy diapers. I think the kids are trying to kill me via dirty diapers because I probably changed 15 poops since Sunday afternoon. A record in our household.

Today we are doing a whole lot of nothing. We did do our pumpkin and I roasted the seeds. Yum.
Tomorrow I will bake E a cake before he leaves. Really it is for him, he wanted this strawberry cake mix he said his Mom never bought him when he was a kid. The leftovers will be left with me though, so really everybody wins.

Mommy Dating

It was so easy when I was young, I went outside and played with the kids in my neighborhood. Those had had other friends or cousins and so your circle of friends became bigger and bigger. Nowadays it is a lot more complicated. The friend making is orchestrated, gymboree classes, after school programs, sports. Basically your parents make your friends for you.

I feel like that is what I have to do since I didn't grow up here and I don't work outside the home. Brace yourself, wait for it..............................., I am going to Mommy Date.

That is right, I will sign myself up on the internet, with a picture and put myself out there to see if any other Moms in my area want to date me. With our kids of course, which are tiny chaperones and how I see it, a great excuse to get the hell out of there in case the date goes sour. No longer do I have to fake a stomach ache or an early meeting the next day if someone gets a little "feely" or wants to take to the next level. Now I can tell me date my kid has a crap and I am out of diapers, or that they need their nap!
Whats not to love?!

Hopefully we wont go all the way on the first date. I would hate to swap recipes so early on.

Why

Why doesn't Starbucks deliver?
Fuckers.

They should at least sell a IV drip of espresso.
I would buy two.
One for each arm.

Why Today Sux

Reasons Why Today Sucks Already and it is only 9:09 am:

1) My dog must have snuck downstairs to crap all over my beige carpet which was just cleaned 6 days ago. She must have not been going because she usually poops when E takes her for a walk at night. Even though she has been outside all DAY and NIGHT yesterday, I guess it wasn't the appropriate "time" or "place" to poop.
Does anyone want a mutt?

2) I threw up from cleaning up the "other" diarrhea she had on my new oriental carpet in the family room. So glad she didn't pick the wood floor which is 60% of my downstairs to shit on. What a bitch!
Throwing up before you eat or drink anything in the morning is no fun, thank god the door was right there so I could just open it and puke outside.

3) my kids were up 2.5 hours later then usual and didn't take a nap (the norm) and still woke up at 6:15am!

4) I am going on my fourth day of sleep deprivation. Coffee is not workign as well as it used to.

5) I have to go to the doctors for a checkup in 30 minutes. With my kids. Not too much fun there.


Hopefully I will have a better, more cheerful update for you later.


EDIT 6) I went to the doctors but she was out sick. I did not get that message because IDT still hasn't fixed my phone line. I have been without a phone for 10 days now.

Pieces of Me

I miss E already. He left Sunday morning and won't be back until Friday night, then he will return to training on Sunday. This routine will go on for four weeks.
It is hard being alone with two toddlers, even harder since I don't have any friends or family here, they are all 90 miles away. So, I have to do it alone. Which is fine I guess since it is all that I have ever known.

I see now how much E does around the house he loads the dishwasher, I empty it. He takes out the garbage, he feeds the cats. He sweeps and vacuums as much as I do.
Now I have to do it alone. It has given me a real admiration for single mothers.

I miss him still. I can't wait until Friday.

Tagged

Amanda tagged me with this eons ago and I just didn't get around to it. Finally, here it is:

7 things I plan to do before I die:
Go to Ireland
See my grandchildren's children
Walk on the beach while it is snowing
Make a quilt with outgrown clothes from my kids
Go to Hawaii
Tell my kids every day how much they mean to me
Own a monkey who likes to wear dresses

7 things I can do:
Cook
Pee, change my kids clothes, and have a conversation all at once
Knit
Speed read
Shop like the devil
Try anything once
Research on the internet for hours

7 things I cannot do:
Decorate a cake
Crochet
Kill anything bigger then a nickel
Pretend to like someone, who I just don't like
Shop at Bed Bath & Beyond
Change a nasty diaper without gagging
Probably own a monkey that likes to wear dresses

7 things I say often:
Stop it
Are you kidding me
Put the cushions back on the couch and stop laying on top of each other
You can have MMs when you tinkle or poop in the potty*
What's up kid
Later
Stop following me everywhere! I am NOT the pied piper.

7 celebrity crushes
Antonio Sabato Jr.
LL Cool J
Ryan Phillipe
Harry Connick Jr.
Ricky Martin
Beyonce Knowles
Eddie Vedder


* I only say this to E

Fall With Me

Reds and oranges, pumpkin seeds, leaf piles to dive in, neighbors outside, beef stew, jackets on, witches on sticks peeking out at you, candy.

Soups, hot dogs at football games, nip in the air, frisky dogs, driving with your windows open, quilt back on your bed, cooking hearty foods for hours, muted skies, warm teas, cozy sweatshirts.

Cookie cutters, baking, long evening walks, bonfires, ESPN, tureens, pale yellows and browns, football jerseys, warm pjs and hugs.

Sorry I've Been MIA

Today I went to the doctor because my cold is not getting any better, it has gotten worse even. I have asthma so the slightest cold goes right into my chest. The doctor told me for the first time in fifteen years, she doesn't have the flu shot this year.
Looks like I will be standing in line with all the old people at the grocery store for mine.
Oh well at least the trip to the doctor gave me an excuse to go to Target for my prescriptions.

Baby B had just healed from a scrape to her nose, when E took her for a walk today she fell and scraped it again. Just in time for Christmas pictures! I will have to teach her to put her hands out when she falls because I guess she doesn't have that instinct.

LOST tonight, which I am ALWAYS psyched about. Didn't last weeks episode seem to have a lot more commercials then normal? What is that about? I think those people which Ana Lucia are from the Nigerian plane crash that had all the heroin in the Mary statues.

Lastly, do a anti-rain dance will ya? We are flooded over here in NJ, with no end to the rain in sight.

Addicted to Love

When I first started dating E I was 22, still living at home and working with him. After about four months he planned a trip to Florida to visit his sister & brother in law. He invited me to go, but I didn't because I wanted to save up money to move out. Get my own pad like he had.
So he left for a week's vacation and I got sick. My Mom diagnosed it as love sick, and I was.
I was so lonely and I knew I loved him more then I had any other person in the world, but we had only known each other for a few months, how could this be?
I was physically sick, with the tissues and the chicken soup.

Fast forward nine years almost to the date and here I am again, sick and sad because E is leaving for a month for work. Now it is even harder because I have the house, the kids, the dog and the cats to worry about. It is all on me. Me. The girl who still feel like she is 16.
How in the hell am I going to do it?

Sure E will be home for the weekends, but I will still miss him terribly. I always joke that I am addicted to him, that he is my drug, but what is scary is that I think it is true.
Maybe I am more dependent on him then I should be. Maybe this is my chance to prove to myself that I am an adult and I can do it all by myself.

OR maybe I will fail miserably and E will find me in a ball in my closet.

Blech

I am sick.

Weirdos

My children have the combined energy of 19 cheetas. I need to find them a gymnastics class, because letting them dive off the couch onto pillows is scaring me. But hey, they aren't crying.

We did gymboree for 2 years but it is not as active as I would like it to be. It is more about pretend play and we pretend enough at home. I called Little gym and they want $550 for the two kids for a 16 week, one weekly class. No thank you.
So today we are going to try My Gym. I hope it is good for them, I need to get them into some kind of class and when you are wearing diapers, there aren't many classes for you.

Baby B has been wearing her mouse costume day & night. I had to peel it from her hands and unzipper the neck so she wouldn't fry in her sleep. Yesterday my Aunt bought them each a scooter, well they have been playing with that non stop. I brought them with me to buy helmets and guess what they have been wearing ever since?
Yup.
I at least told them they could not wear them to bed, but first thing this morning, helmets are back in place.
I love it.

Why Do I Torture Myself?

I admit to torturing myself every day by watching the View. I love Meredith and Joy, but Star, Barbara and Elisabeth can suck my left one, if you know what I mean.

I am so sick of Elisabeth Hasselbeck and her preaching I could die. She is a strong supporter or the republican party and defends the president any chance she gets, for what it seems, is just for the sake of it. She never listens to any other side. She is a rich, white, female and from what I can tell has never struggled for anything in her life. I wish she would just shut it.
Actually I already emailed her & told her that. I should have mentioned her husband sucks too.

Don't get me started on Star Jones, who staged her engagement at at huge event after she got engaged. Plus her husband is gay. Nobody can convince me otherwise.

I really have to stop watching this crap ridden show, but I guess I am sucked in. I am after all a bored housewife and that is their demographic.
I will not go down without a fight!
Tomorrow I will not watch.
Ok, maybe I will just watch a little.

Only A Matter......

................of Time

Stuff

We had a huge triumph last night. Baby B urinated in her potty. We were beyond happy. I was ecstatic, I felt like I had just won a million dollars. My reaction surprised me actually and I was taken aback by it. Lets hope this is a trend and Baby A gets on board. I am sick of diapers and the money it cost to acquire them.

I did finally find a bee costume, thank you all for your help. My son will proudly be a bee this year and we are confident he will be the only 2.5 year old bee on the block.

It is still hot here in NJ which is strange. Leaves are falling off the trees and we are still in shorts and T-shirts. It is about 10 degrees warmer then normal here.

My kids will only nap if you lay down with them. So my mornings are spent trying not to fall asleep and trying to get them to think I am sleeping so they sleep. Very Complicated Mom Move, also known as VCMM.

Another VCMM is trying to get veggies enthusiastically but not obviously in attempt to get them to enjoy the veggies as much as you are. My all time favorite VCMM is trying to get two toddlers in car seats and various bags of "stuff" before it downpours and you have to hear "its waining on me, I am getting all wet, Mommy!!" over and over again.

What is your favorite VCMM?

Help

Baby A decided after seeing the Hulk costume it was too scary. ( I told you so) So now, he wants to be a bee. The only bee costumes I can find are either for infants or for girls (so sexist!).
Has anyone seen a bee costume that would fit a 3T?
I need help on this one because Halloween is forever away and I am already getting grey hairs about it.

Thanks guys.

It's The Great Hulk, Charlie Brown

Baby A has taken a liking, or should I say obsessiveness of the Hulk. It started with him seeing spiderman sandals at Target and then talking about it all day leading me back to Target (any reason is a great reason to visit Target) to buy him a pair. He didn't take them off for 3 days and 3 nights.
Fast forward a couple of weeks and suddenly he is obsessed with the Hulk and "superheroes" and we have no clue how he heard about them because he doesn't watch TV besides Dora and Diego which do not have "superhero" commercials. Weird.

Now he wants to be the Hulk for Halloween. Despite my best efforts to offer to him various other costumes like a lion! A kangaroo! Buzz Lightyear! Nemo!
It was fruitless.

I know he won't wear a mask and all the hulk costumes have a mask, I doubt he will let me paint his face either. Soooo It looks like I will have to buy him the stupid Hulk costume and he will partially wear it.
I thought I would have at least 4 Halloweens before he started getting picky about clothes & costumes and such.

Sigh, it seems I have raised a tiny metrosexual. At least I can still dress E up in this.