Friends and Love

I once dated a boy that I worked with.
I loved him even.

I didn't want to date him, I resisted, he persisted. He was cute and sweet and tried everything to date me. I had tried that work/date thing and it didn't work for me, so I didn't want to.
His friends also worked with me, they asked me to a party, I went.
I started dating the boy.

The story is as old as time.
The more I liked him, the more he pulled away. "isn't this what you wanted, for me to like you?" I asked.
His silence was my answer.

One day when he was in class I cleaned his room for him. I found his ex girlfriend's name written on his books, I knew of her, she moved on. He tried to move on, with me, but he couldn't.

I stopped calling, it was months, then he called me. It had been so long I didn't even know who it was. We started again.
Heavy, deep, passionate, love.

She was still looming over our relationship, the one he couldn't have, his first love.
I had to go.

If you want me, you need to only want me.
I have never been good at sharing.

With my goodbye to him, I lost his friends.
They were his after all, they had loyalties, it was only fair.
I mourned my losses and moved on. I vowed never to date anyone I worked with again.

Breaking promises to myself was a habit, one I was glad I broke one last time, because at my next job I found my husband.
Who persisted and I relented.


Now one of my ex's friends have found me again. A long lost friend.
Although I will always miss G, I am glad to get to be friends with his friends.

It is only fair.

Period.

Ok, so we all think when you need a pad you do not need a thong. I am so glad we are all on the same page.

I know you peeps have an embarrassing period story and I want to hear it! Anything, did you get it freakishly late in life, did you get it on a date and not have anything with you, did you get it for the first time in school and you had no idea what it was?
Give it to me either in these comments or email me anonymously.

I will go first:
I got my period when I was about 14 and had it only a few times before I went on a trip to the beach for a couple of days with my Dad and sister.
One day after I had just got out of the ocean I noticed a big blood spot on the towel as I was drying myself off.
I was mortified and when my Dad had seen it, he asked what it was and I told him I had a nose bleed. After all, I couldn't say the word "period" in front of my Dad and I didn't even want him to know I got my period!

But if I didn't tell him how would I get pads?
My Mom wasn't with us and telling my Aunt was as mortifying to me as telling my Dad.
Finally I had to ask him to bring me to the store, "for what?" he asked and I knew that question was coming.
"For pads" I mumbled back to him and he just jumped in the car and got me to the drugstore and handed me a twenty dollar bill.

I was so proud of myself for asking him (what other choice did I have? Why was I so proud?!) I bought my first box of tampons and tried to figure out how they worked all by myself that day.

Plus, my Dad let me keep the change.



The winner of the best story, chosen by me, will get a prize. What is the prize? It will be some of my favorite things.

Men May Want to Skip This One

Lets talk about pads, shall we?
Walking down the women's health and beauty aids aisle, blows my mind every time. I usually know my products, go in and get it but when I have to browse for something, I go crazy. A million products all for the same thing, but all slightly different.

Long pads, short pads, skinny pads, HUGE pads, panty liners, panty liners that are for your purse, tampons, HUGE tampons, slender tampons, XXX tampons. It is enough to make you crazy.

I did see a new item I have never seen before, the thong panty liner.
Is this necessary?
Do women love their thongs that much to have to wear it when you need a panty liner? Because I know when I have my period I want to be comfortable, as comfortable as my uterus allows me to be, which includes a full coverage brief.
Panty lines on my ass are the last thing I worry about, so you know I am wearing underwear, I also have my period, is that enough info for you?
I wear thongs as much as the next girl, but if I need to desperately not show a panty line under pants, I switch it up to a boy short, not a thong with a liner attached to it.
I just don't get this.

Educate me.

I Want Snow!

It is definitely a soup day here in NJ. For the first time it is really cold, with the wind chill I think it is like 10 degrees here. I don't really mind but I wish we would have a snow storm already.

You know the kind where nobody can get out for the day and you have a nice fire going and I cook all day tons of comfort foods. Then the kids go outside to play and it is so quiet and peaceful that you can almost hear each flake landing on top of each other. Then you all go inside to warm up and have hot chocolate in oversized mugs.
That is the day I am wanting right now.

Instead I will make some soup and stay warm on this cold but precipitation free day.



*Remember you have until January 31st to comment over at my blog or any other blog on 451press for a chance to win $500 or $100 prizes!

A Southern Lady At Heart

The post and the comments the other day got me thinking about NJ. You can't live anywhere in NJ without traffic, they go together. It is a highly populated state and although we have the highest property taxes in the US and various other taxes we still have toll roads.
Bastards.


My husband is going to Atlanta on business next month and I wish I could go with him. There is a chance we will have to move temporarily to another state if he gets the promotion he is due for any month now, and I find myself wishing it was a southern state (it is not).
I wish for a slower lifestyle.
I want to eat fried dough for breakfast.
I want to say y'all.
I want the high school football game to be my staple Friday night.
I want to eat good BBQ
I want to have tea and little sandwiches without crusts with my friends once a week.
I want to sound sweet even when I am mad.
I want to be able to buy a house down the street from my parents, in the town where I grew up and all my friends still live.


BUT, I couldn't leave my family. My entire family is here and I could never leave them. I maybe too cynical for the slower, southern lifestyle. I am too fast.
There are worse places to live then NJ. Right?
I grew up 15 minutes outside of NYC, I could go hiking, to the beach, skiing or to Philly or NYC all in the same day if I wanted.
This is where I am supposed to be.

In the meantime I will have to practice saying "Fuck y'all" with a nice southern drawl with a touch of my NJ attitude.

Period.

I am tired this morning. I am always tired when I first get my period (tmi? Well hold on to your hats because I am delving deeper) It drains me. Plus since my miscarriage my period has been MUCH heavier then before and lasts longer. Isn't it enough that I miscarried triplets, now I have to have my period longer?!

Today I am going to my hometown to have a little visit with my friends. One of them is due with her first child in a couple of weeks and we are giving her a small party since she didn't want a shower.
I made a chocolate cake with raspberry filling and ganache icing, and I hope it is good. I think i overcooked the cake a bit but I am hoping by keeping it cold combined with the filling will keep it soft and moist.

Our goldfish has been with us for three months. Isn't that long for a goldfish to live? Perhaps we are holding some sort of record here and we don't even know it!

Is It Fast Enough To Drive Away

When I was about 23 I half lived with E and half lived at home. I had my own apartment but when I found out it was an illegal apartment and the town was cracking down on those, I had to get out, so that was the arrangement. We never officially moved in together and E had a roommate, but that is where I spent most of my time, with E.
He lived about 30 minutes from where I worked and I would have to make a horrid commute every day on the NJ Parkway. The parkway has toll booths and a sketchy at best design of where to go if you have cash or tokens (no ez pass at the time) and it could be a miracle if you didn't get into an accident crossing 345 lanes to get to the appropriate one.

One particular day I was waiting in the famous NJ traffic at the toll booths. I stopped and looked around me, the men and women in cars around me, all seemed so old and so miserable. It was like an out of body experience, I could see myself in my car going to a job I didn't really like, just like all these people I didn't want to become.
I had become one of them. I had become and adult.

As a child you glorify being an adult, you can eat whatever you want!
You can stay up late, buy your own clothes, go anywhere at any time and you can drink delicious kahlua and milk drinks!
Then you become one and realize people need kahlua and milks because after paying bills you want to kill yourself. Sure you can stay up late but then the next day you hate your job more then usual.

I don't want my kids to wake up in traffic and realize they are doing the opposite of what they always wanted to do.
I don't want them to have to stop at the tolls, I want them to always drive on a long open road to everywhere.

Sweats For Everyone

Did fasion trends change that much and I was not alerted? Is it the newest thing to wear pajama pants and slipper type shoes out in public? I am talking about tweens, teens and adults alike.
I have noticed this new fashion trend recently and I cannot imagine how anyone leaves the house like that, nevermind letting their child leave the house in glorified pajamas. I gave up when people let their preteens wear sweatpants with words on their asses, like Pink, cheer or slut.

Anywhoo, yesterday were my twin's fourth birthday. We had a small party for them with just my mom, sioster and her family and my sister in law and her two kids. R & L had a blast, the cakes they picked out were a hit, and so were the balloons we bought them.
They received a lot of nice gifts and now officially have more clothes then me. The first snow of the year fell here last night and although it was nothing much more then a dusting, the kids were so happy to see it this morning. They have been asking me for snow for a month now, which is both flattering that they think I control everything and sad, that I can't control everything, although I try.
Believe me, I try.

SAHM

Fridays just are not the same since I became a SAHM. Sure the weekends are better because E is home to help, but Fridays don't hold the same uniqeness they had before.

Another thing about being a SAHM is that I never know what the date is. What is todays date? I don't know, I think it is somewhere in the high teens maybe 18th?

Also? I ate better when I was working. I always ate lunch because there was a designated lunch time and a cafeteria with yummy foods and a million places to eat around my building. Now I am lucky if I eat one thing around 11 am, lets call it brunch.
Although I cook dinner alot more now. Before we had kids we would eat our every Friday and Saturday night. At nice restaurants that do not have crayons for kids. We were DINKS then so what can you do?

I am glad that I decided to stay home with my kids, I am so happy I shared all the firsts and seconds with them. I cannot believe it has been four years already and although I loved my job and miss it, I would miss them even more.

Come on over to my parenting site and read my open letter to my twins on their fourth birthday.

A little Bit of Nothing

I admit it, I have nothing for you today. Nada.

I am too busy washing dishes by hand and cursing the gods of all appliances big and small.
Oh and did I mention my garage door opener stopped working a week or so ago? Do you know how annoying it is to open the heavy ass thing and then get in the car to back it out and get out and close the door by hand?
You know I always buckle my seatbelt prematurely out of habit only to have to unbuckle it 2 seconds later and then buckle it again.


I am also trying to write a letter to each of my kids about this past year. They will be four on Sunday and I really cannot believe it. They were so small and helpless it seems like a month ago and now they are these sweet, loving, intelligent, empathetic people who have valid concerns, likes and dislikes.
Time just slips by and I try not to miss any of their growth and life so I try to take a step back and just enjoy it.

Also? My throat hurts. Stupid forced hot air heat is killing me slowly, winter by winter.

H tagged me a couple of days ago, but I am not sure I want to do that.
Do I?

The Worst

I cried, I begged, I pleaded. "Don't do this to me!" I cried.
"Haven't I been good to you, isn't this a great home I made for you?"

Still, the damage was done.

I have to face the facts, the truth.

My dishwasher has died.

This is devastating news because I am a person who hates to do dishes. HATE. I will do laundry, I will vacuum, I will sweep and dust but I hate doing dishes.
I think I hate sponges. They skeeve me and I end up throwing it out right after I use it or I will see a sponge on the sink but get a new one anyway because who knows how long that one has been used for and what did it clean? Gross things or what?*

Yes, for months you had to lovingly slam the door shut in order for the machine to start working, yes we had no idea how old the appliance was when we bought the house 2.5 years ago, but it looked new.
That should count for something.

I begged it to wait until we got our tax return money. It shit on me.
Now I have to get a new one and I do have 10 people coming over on Sunday for the kid's birthday.

I am going to buy paper plates and utensils right now.
Did I mention I hate to wash dishes?




*Yes, I am fully aware I have issues.

The Ball

R pooped tonight and when she called for someone to wipe her butt, I do what I always do. I turned to E and said "not it".
I figure if you are a master wiper, why not show off your skillz.

He went above and beyond though, on this call of duty (heee) and pushed on the poop with a wipe to see if anything was inside.
There was.
A small little ball that used to be silver but was now black.

Thank goodness.

R wanted to hold it and keep it but that went straight into the garbage never to return to this house.
We don't keep anything that came out of our bodies in this house.
It is a silly little rule we have.

Well, except the kids and even that was a debate.

To Do

Things on my To Do list today:

Call pediatrician and ask "if a poop comes out with a metal ball in it and nobody is around to see it, did the friggin ball come out already?"
Yeah, my daughter swallowed a metal magnetix ball a week ago and I have no idea if it came out. I mean is it supposed to come out separate? Will it be noticeable in a ball of feces? What the fuck?

Go pick out birthday cake with my kids. It is their birthday on Sunday and they always each have their own cake. This year they can pick it out.

Feel better. My throat kinda hurts (it really hurts in the night. Stupid ass, forced hot air heat!) and I have been having wild dreams at night.

Make sure E made his two calls that he has been saying he will do for the past 10 days. Still not done though and today I told them they must be done or no entrance to the casa.

Wonder why I have not one, but TWO pimples? I never get pimples. Maybe one small one when I get my period but I could count on one hand how many pimples I have had last year.
What is that about?

Plan dinners for the next week. I feel like I make the same things week after week. I know my variety is better then a lot of other people's but still. I am sick and tired of coming up with new dinner ideas.
If I had it my way I would eat pasta every night anyway.

Wax Poetic

Great minds think alike. Amanda had a great subject on her blog yesterday that I was just going to post.

Wait for it.

Brazilian waxing.

Now I am a girl who waxes her legs and it doesn't really hurt me. Bikini area is a whole different story.
As of a month ago I shaved everything, because I was disgusted and now my upkeep is very taxing. I have to shave every other day.
I don't have time for that shit.
I have received a bikini wax but Brazilian is a whole 'nother ball of wax. (haha) Not only is every hair ripped out, there are various positions you need to achieve so they can be ripped out.
I am not a prude but I am a little modest and being on all fours with some ladies head and hands all over my bottom doesn't sound like fun unless there is an orgasm promised.

Ahem.

So tell me who does it, is it as embarrassing as it seems and how often you have to make return visits.

What a great time to delurk! Today is the last day of delurking week so go ahead, pour out your soul.

Date Me, Please?

Now if only my blogging friends lived near me. We could all have play dates, share our new drink recipes, rate our favorite sex toys and just live a perfect life.

Ahhhh, to dream.

It seems I am not the only Mom with this problem. I am sure when the kids are in school full time it will be easier to find some friends and I am looking for a par time job so when I get re-employed I may be able to find a cat or two to hang with.
Maybe I should wear a shirt with requirements on it like :
WANTED:
a friend

should be fun, sarcastic, witty. Has to like TV, blogging, spa treatments, kids and martinis, should be able to have great advice on MILF jeans and the best bras for busty ladies. Should push me to exercise but not enough to make me want to slap you. Must have large pool and invite me over often. Must be able to laugh at her husband as well as mine. Has to tell me how hot I am even when I wear sweats.
Having a ton of money to spend on me is encouraged but not necessary.


Do you think this is too much?

Nah, I don't think so either.

Mom Dates

On Monday I took my kids to a play place that is close to my house. It was a rainy, dreary day perfect to mess up someone else's toys and that was what I was paying for. Basically to use their toys and have someone else clean up.

They were closed, so we had to go to our second favorite play place across town. It is great and big but more expensive. I bit the bullet and payed the $23.99 for both kids and in we went.
Now, I am not cheap but for that money I want the kids to play all day in there, the only problem is that for me sitting there is akin to watching toenails grow. If you could die of boredom I wouldn't be posting this right now, if you know what I mean?
As we all know I have no friends to invite so I am flying solo.

I play with my kids but after an hour I want a television and I want it now.
In walks a young mom with a two year old little girl. Very sweet looking and I smile at them and continue watching my kids.
Her daughter follows mine up the gym equipment but cannot go far because she is smaller. I start talking to the mom, casual mom talk you know, how old is your child, where do you live, do they go to school?

An hour and a half later I think this mom is so cool, she also was transplanted here a couple of years ago and had to make new friends etc.
When I took L to the bathroom I fixed my hair and put on lipgloss. I wanted to impress this mom.
Yes, I am sick.

It was time for me to go though my kids were so tired and hungry. I put on their shoes and coats and then I made a bold move.
I wrote down my name and number for my new friend on a card and gave it to her when I said goodbye.

Yes, I picked up my first mom. Are you proud of me?

I came home and told E, that I had met someone at the play place and I was in love. I told him she was perfect for me and really understands my needs and wants.
He shook his head and walked away.

He thinks I am crazy, and I am, CRAZY for my new mom friend.
Lets hope she calls, because I need a mom date and I need it bad.



*wanna talk more about mom dates, go here

How Can We Kill Mom Week

I thought the "cranberry incident" was bad enough. I thought I told my kids enough times and they are old enough now, not to put objects in their body crevices or orifices, but I was wrong.
Go on to my other blog and read about what new thing my daughter did to stop my heart from beating.

Good times.


Also while you are there, you should comment on my blog or someone else's. My nice bosses are having a contest, should you post a comment on anyone's blog on 451 press you have a chance to win (1)$500 prize and one of (5) $100 prizes.
It is de-lurking week so continue to "out" yourself here and then go de-lurk over there!

De-lurking week

Today is the first day of de-lurking week. I know I always go and "out" myself to the blogs I read and don't feel like I have a comment or are too busy to comment.

So "out" yourself here dear, sweet lurkers. I promise to not bite. At least not at first.

Early Christmas Gift

This is what I saw driving next to me on my way to church on Christmas eve.
Sometimes I just love the New Jersey Turnpike.

Birth Story

You really want to hear my birth story? Ok here it goes:

E & I found out we were having twins on my first ultrasound/OB appointment. My doctor put the wand, where no wand should ever go, and said "oh, do you see that?" To me I saw nothing, it could very well have been a kitten's ultrasound.
She said "there are two". I grabbed her hand and squeezed the shit out of it.
I couldn't believe it, and I looked over at E and he was in shock. It was overwhelming news and we had just two and a half hours before we were leaving for Florida, it was a amazing day.

The entire pregnancy I was warned I would have the babies early, to prepare myself for a NICU stay, to take it easy. At four months I was told no more sex, no orgasms. TORTURE!
At seven months I was told to cut work down to part time, but I didn't because I felt good, a couple of weeks later I was told to stop working, I didn't because I was fine, atlhough I did go down to working three days a week.
My last day of work was right before Christmas, I was one month away from my due date and since twins are considered full term at 35 weeks, I was in the clear.
All my ultrasounds were amazing, the babies were growing and seemed very healthy, although we did have to get multiple echo-cardiograms because they could not see all four chambers of the babies hearts because they grew so fast.

At that time, my husband was transferred to Philadelphia.
We had to move.
He found and apartment for us, moved us while I lived with my Mom very close to my hospital.
It was really hard being separated from E during that month, I was fat, and sad and so bored. He would drive an hour and a half to pick me up every Friday and drive an hour and a half home to go spend the weekend together and get things ready for our babies. He was amazing.

My C-section was scheduled for January 22, 2003 because Baby A (L) was breech. On January 21st my doctor's office called and said that they would have to push back my C-section to the following day because my doctor had a cold. I cried on the phone with the nurse begging her to get these babies out.
I couldn't sleep, I was so uncomfortable, I was swollen and HUGE.
She said there was nothing they could do and remember to go preregister at the hospital today.

I had forgotten. I called my sister to take me and off we went. (Of course she had to come in the house and tie my shoes before we could go, and after I had blood taken she sat with me for 15 minutes before I could stand up straight and walk because I had cramps all over my bod)
Then I treated her to a nice lunch. That afternoon my doctor's office calls again, my blood work had come back with high white blood cell counts, I needed to go back to the hospital to get checked. Called E, to come up called my Mom at work to come and get me and off we went.

I gowned up, E gowned up because they were not going to wait anymore the babies had to come out, during which time I got a nose bleed. That coupled with the fact that I had that strange cell count, they were afraid I would bleed out into my epidural so I would need general anesthesia, and E couldn't be there.

I was so sad and scared and ready. Too many emotions swirled together.
It was all happening so fast, I felt so out of control this was not how I wanted my birth to go. I wanted my husband there, my Mom, I wanted pictures and I wanted to be awake!

Next thing I know, a nurse was waking me up in the recovery room, I asked for the babies, they told me they were happy & healthy. Next I asked for E, he was allowed right in with my Mom.
I am angry that my memory of that time was so clouded but if you have had general anesthesia you know how tired you are. I tried to snap myself out of it, E and my Mom got to each show my my babies for the first time.
Baby A (L) boy 7lbs 1oz, baby b(R)girl 8lbs 2 oz.

They were amazing. My son looked just like E and my daughter like me.

I found out the next day, I had bled out during the surgery, my uterus was so tired from carrying those big twins for so long wouldn't contract, I had two transfusions and came close to having a hysterectomy.

The entire process for me was miraclulous, I loved being pregnant (except for the last month) I carried those babies to 39 weeks agains all the odds, they were big and healthy not one second spent in the NICU, and I survived my scary surgery.

Now, almost four years later I still can't believe how lucky we got.

It's Up To You

Ok, so you have seen my face, my kids, my makeup and we have talked about death, kids and vibrators.
Can anything be next?

I guess not since I have been sitting in front of this computer for a half hour now trying to figure out what to talk about.
I swear that last night I had something good to write about that got my panties in a twist. Now, it's gone.................

I will leave it up to you, let me know what you want me to rant about, what you want to know about me, ask me a question, or I will even post a picture of what you would like to see (no nude shots, I am funny that way but a cleavage shot maybe in your future!).
Email me comment, IM, send smoke signals whatever but I am handing the reigns over to you peeps.

2007

I don't do resolutions. They stink, everyone says they don't work so why set yourself up for failure?
I do promise myself that I will do some things that will be better for me and my family. No, they are not resolutions they are promises I will fulfill.

I am going to make a friend in my town this year.

I am going to join the gym I like next to my kid's school. So what if I heard it is a pickup joint for lesbians. That is a bonus. I need something to watch while I work out.

I am going to try not to look so bored when I play with my kid's and their toys for the 39473 time that day.

I am going to try and not curse so much.

Ok so that is it. That is enough for me.

Now if you know me in real life, just stop reading here. I swear you don't want to read what I am going to write next.
Be on your way.

I guess I am late to the game, but do you girls have a vibrator?
Is that something every girl owns? I may be way out of the loop, I mean I got one a long time ago but never used it. It just looked stupid.
I just got a new one and I am in L O V E.
They are amazing. So tell me which one you have and whether you are in love like me. You can email me if you like your privacy and don't wish to talk about the sex on a public blog. Like yours truly.

I am just so crazy in 2007.

Dear Fatty Foods,

Dear spinach dip,

oh, sweet spinach dip, how I love thee. You are delicious and nutritious because you have spinach as a main ingredient! Never mind the piles of sour cream and mayo. Spinach is great for you! And we ate you with veggies, vegetables are healthy!

But I still hate you for making me fat. Go away, don't return.

Love,
Tuesday's ass.

P.S. Mr. Pumpernickel Loaf will be getting a harshly worded email as well.

Rambling

NYE was spent the way I thought I was going to with a ton of food (that I did not each much of) a ton of alcohol (that I did drink very much of) in comfy clothes, although not pajamas and watching bad tv.
I did stay up and see the stupid ball drop, I have no idea why, you seen one ball drop you have seen them all.

Yesterday E & I took the kids to the children's museum. If you wore pajamas then you got in free and since my annual membership had just run out, the kids were going to wear pajamas.
I am not.

Then I began to wonder, if I was going to wear pajamas out would you just wake up and go out or would you change into "dressy" pajamas? Then would you change into another pair of pajamas to go to bed?
I would assume so because dirty street clothes under your sheets? Yuk.

So this pajama debate was in my head the whole time I was there because there was a bunch of adults in their PJs and some with feather boas and some complete with robes.
And one creepy man who kept staring at me.

Today I am going to start taking down my Christmas decorations which always makes me melancholy. I feel like I just put them up, but it has been a month.

So far 2007 has been boring but in a good way and warm! We haven't seen a single flake of snow here this winter and it doesn't look like we will anytime soon.
Ahhhh, global warming.

Out With The Old

Thank you for not bashing me on my last post. I don't want people to suffer, I don't want my friends to have to watch their dog die or have surgery or have a miscarriage. I wouldn't wish it on anyone but in the same thought I wish it on someone, anyone but me.
Contradictory, I know.

I want to thank you, the people that read this blog, for getting me through this year. You cheered me on when I needed it, you told me I was going to be ok when I thought I had cancer, you offered support, advice and prayers for me and my family. Virtual strangers. I needed this blog outlet this year, for myself because I never started this blog for other's advice or to make friends, that was the bonus.

I wish you guys a happy and healthy new year. I hope you all appreciate what you have and are thankful for your lives no matter how crappy things get. I am getting there myself.

I want you all to know you have a friend in me.

I think 2007 is going to be great.

I know it is.

The One Where I Self Indulge

Skip this post, I am going to be a cry baby and a total downer and politically incorrect, so just skip it.
I swear I won't mind.

I hate New Years. In the history of all of my New Years I have never had a good time.
Never.
Not one time.
I despise the night, it brings back terrible memories and I don't like to go out to dinner and spend 50% more for the same thing I could have gotten the night before. I don't like to pay $125 each to go to a club where there is "free champagne" at midnight.
I am over it.

I am also over 2006. Never before has so many life changing things happen to me in the span of twelve months.
Terrible things.
"Can I still do this?" things.

Cancer, needles, doctors, surgery, beloved dog dying, money problems, pregnant, kids starting school for the first time, not pregnant anymore and by the way there were three babies, and family problems.
Yay!

I am done with it all.
I am waiting for some bad shit to happen to someone else.

Sure, that is not the right thing to say and sure people all have their own problems and who is to say they are worse or more hurtful then mine. Still, that is the way I feel.
I see people walking around all day and I want some of this bad shit, karma, luck whatever, to happen to them not me. I have had enough.

I feel like I have to rebuild myself next year, bigger, stronger, smarter.
I lay awake at night and wonder when all this bad shit is going to take over my brain and make me just a terrible person and a terrible mother. I won't let it happen, I know it is a ticking bomb and before I explode I am going to get some therapy and try to wipe it clean, try to right some wrongs, try to get it out and deal before I mess my kids up.

So on New Years Eve, I will be on the couch in my pajamas, drinking to excess, wishing away 2006 and praying to never see a year like it again.
I hope that 2007 will be fresh and new like the finest cashmere sweater, ready to envelop me in warmth. I want to radiate love, happiness and kindness to everyone and I want to be happy.

I just want to be happy.

Hells Yeah.

Here is some photographic evidence that pooping Santa really does exist:


Ok you guys love the pooping Santa. You are my kind of people.

Actually I had seen a pooping reindeer in a Eckerd flyer before Christmas, and I expressed to my sister how I loved it but I couldn't find it.
I also thought my nephew would get a kick out of it. She found a pooping Santa and put in into the "game". Lucky for me I picked it and nobody stole it from me. They were all too busy fighting over a beef summer sausage, axe deodorant and a popcorn tin large enough to house a family of four comfortably.

My husband was victorious on the sausage and popcorn front. So if you want to come over and hang, I'll supply the snacks.

The Game

E's family plays this game on Christmas since he was a child Some might refer to it as a Yankee Swap or a Trade game, but we just call it "The Game".
Everyone gets gifts for each person that is playing, no gift should be more then $5 and gag gifts are welcomed and even encouraged.

WE had this huge pile of gifts set out before all 12 of us and we jumped in, each person picks a gift, opens it and places it beside them, when it is your turn you can either open a new gift or steal someone's already opened gift.
Usually I walk away with most of the crap, this year I didn't do so badly.
I received a shower gel, jumbo playing cards, a twizzler lip balm, a Santa that poops candy, an eye patch, granola bars, a 16 candles pen that quotes lines from the movie, a three pack of shower caps, a loaf of pumpernickel bread, a rain cap and flarp (a booger type substance that makes fart noises if you put your finger into it).
To say that these were some of the best gifts, leads you to understand how great this game is. This year my 11 year old nephew and 13 year old niece played so I stayed away from some of the racier "novelties" I have seen on my travels.
And I have seen some doozies.

Last year I wrapped an industrial size pack of maxi pads only to have my nephew ask what they were to which my sister in law replied "they are for people who can't make it to the bathroom in time, like adult diapers" to which I thought "didn't he have sex ed yet isn't that taught in 5th grade? Well, he is in 5th grade but maybe that comes in the spring time because, you know, rebirth and all that " and thus ends the longest run on sentence of 2006.

It is a fun time and alcohol makes anything better when family is involved and one three year old that hasn't napped and some other kids all on sugar highs.
The game was good and although I didn't get the dishtowels I found my Mom had left them for me on my desk.
That was sweet.

Really can you complain about a game where you come out the proud new owner of a Santa that poops candy?
I think not.

Bummer

I am back from my holiday hiatus. Did you miss me?
No?

Well, I didn't miss you either.

Christmas was great. We went to church on Sunday, then to my Aunt's house for our family party. We drove home and unpacked all the gifts and put them under the tree. This year each kid got a new bike so that was one of the highlights. Then we cleaned and chopped and cooked and organized for our family who was coming over, my mother, sister and family and E's sister and family. I ate more on Christmas then I had eaten the whole week prior!
I drank, a LOT. Our motto to get through the day with kid's who hadn't napped was to drink to excess.
I took that to heart.

Now that we have 459 bags of garbage in our garage, I know the holidays are over. I do get into a funk after we take down all the decorations that I put up, just so and just right.

I hope your holidays were as good as ours. Now if you will excuse me I have a new three foot spiderman puzzle to put together.

Christmas Meme

This is a version of the meme Twisted Chick did.
Five things you didn't know about me Christmas Edition:

1) I like to bake but Christmas cookies is just too long of a process for me. I get bored halfway through when the kitchen in a total mess and I still have to roll out more dough and cut them out. This year I made a version of elephant ears and chocolate chip cookies instead. Way easier.

2) when I was younger I would sneak out of my bed at night and sleep on the couch so I could look at the Christmas tree. I LOVE Christmas trees, real though no fake ones for us.

3) One year my parents decided why pay so much money for a tree that is dead, why not by a live one with roots so we can plant it after Christmas? The tree was 5 foot tall, I remember being taller then it and I was about 10. I cried, and said how terrible it was. They never got another "plant it" tree.

4) I love wrapping gifts. Granted it does get old after awhile but I love to decorate them. My mom always said, the outside looking great is half the fun of a gift. I always decorate the box now.

5) I love church on Christmas eve. Don't tell me mom. She thinks we all don't like church and I really don't probably because I was forced to go every Sunday until I was 18. Sunday school, no jeans, coffee and cookies after mass, the whole package. Torture.
Torture!
But I like it on holidays, the candles, the songs, the excitement of the party my family has after. It is slightly melancholy too, but maybe that is just.

That is it! I am not tagging anyone but if you do a version of this let me know so I can check it out!

And To All A Good Night

I know it is going to be a ghost town today in the blogosphere. I hate that.

I am still here! Doing boring mundane things, searching for updated blogs when I should be wrapping gifts and cleaning my house. Or cooking. Or putting away laundry. Or napping.

I toyed with the idea of doing a LIVE blog throughout Christmas on my other blog, but does anyone care? Nobody should be on the computer when they could be spending time with their families, right?

Anyway, I hope you all have a great Christmas and I want to hear about all of your gifts on Tuesday.

Take Two

The past two weeks I have had a whirlwind of information, thought processing, stressing and worrying going on in my head. It is this season, the things within my family and the fact I have to cook dinner for 12 on Christmas. It is overwhelming.
But I don't mind it that much.
I know after Christmas, I will have the "post holiday blues" that I always get, taking down decorations and packing them away is my most hated chore next to unpacking a suitcase.

Then I will be left with my thoughts, my fears, without any other things to do or priority thoughts to push them out of the way and into a deep dark corner of my brain.
You know, where I push all the good stuff and never deal with it?

Yes, I think it is very healthy too.

In the new year I will try some therapy and deal with the things in the deep, dark corner. Things I swore I would never deal with because I could just forget about it and not allow myself to go back. What could be easier??
Yeah.
I don't think that is the best way anymore, I don't want my kids to be fucked up because of my shit, that is the least I could do for them. I owe it to them.

I doubt I have dealt with my Father's death or even my dog's death properly. Maybe I never dealt with my parent's divorce, or any of the shit life hands each of us.
I am going to try to clean out that corner of my mind, get rid of the negative, dust it off and place some great memories of family and friends there.

That is what I owe myself.

The One With all the Questions

Really I find that putting my picture out for the world to see has stirred up some things in me.
I never started blogging to make friends or let people know anymore then I wanted them to know, I never posted my kid's names, anything more then a generic idea of where I live, or any of our faces.

I guess it is something that almost every blogger goes through, how much to give, how much do you let strangers into your life? Some of you have become friends of mine outside of this blog and some I have told things I have never told anyone.
Isn't that strange?
Or is it safer then telling your RL friends or family your secrets, fears or hopes? Would you care as much if they judged you? Do they really have a stake in your life? Are people who read your blog, your intimate details of your life, your ups and downs more true of a friend because they are there with you every day making time to read your life?

The whole thing is odd to me, yet I do it every day. The only blogger who lives close to me is Rockstar Mommy . I have seen her picture and now she has seen mine. Maybe I will see her in Target one day and I can run over to her like the rockstar she is.
Then we can blogger gossip.

That could be worth putting my picture on this silly site.

Now You Know

First I post a picture of my makeup, then my kids and now a picture of my face. Gasp.
What has gotten into me?

E is not that happy that I posted a picture of myself or the kids but whatever.

Plus I gave you much more info about me with that picture besides what I look like. You can tell by the picture that I have carpet. And stairs!
The picture was taken in the office at my desk.

What else can I post a picture of? My street address? A picture of my house?
This is addicting.

Oh, and to all the people with the compliments on my picture can you please come and live with me? I have a spare bedroom with two full beds. Do with it what you will, squeeze on in, I don't cook breakfast but you will be well fed. Requirements are only to tell me I am smoking hot all day, every day.


edited to add: I miss my anonymity!! Ack! But Somehow I am liberated from this blogging prison.

Ta Da!

Hi, I am Tuesday.


Ok, ok, you guys don't forget anything. Here is your damn pictures. Minimal makeup, hair not straightened and wearing my signature black.

Are you satisfied?

Now send me money.

Strollers

I went to the mall today ( I know! I like to live on the edge.) with my twins (are you laughing at me?) and I thought I could get some shopping done.
HAHHAHHSHHSHHAAAAAAAAAAAHHAAAA!

Yes, I am crazy. This post isn't about how fucked in the head I am, well yes it is, but what I really want to talk about is stores.
And by talk, I mean complain.

I get that I have a twins stroller and not everything is meant to accommodate me and my brood but if I could just navigate one store I would be happy. The clothes racks are squeezed together and clothes always hit my kids in the face.

I always have to remember where the special doors are for the handiapped in each mall so i can try to park by that door so I don't have to open the door with one hand, stretch my body like a cartoon character and try to push the stroller in with the other hand. All the while people come in and out and seldom offer to help.

Some stores I don't think you can navigate a single stroller and who shops at malls besides women with kids??

Maybe stores will wise up and make it more stroller friendly and maybe people will wise up and just move over slightly when you see I am coming or maybe spare 4 seconds of your life and hold the door for me.
If you don't I won't care, I will just run you over with my stroller.
Double wide, baby.

How Many Days Until Christmas?!??

The picture will be up this weekend I promise. I have just been busy and I have even been to Target already this morning and spend over $100 and I still didn't really get anything.
How does that happen??

It seems all the gifts I want this year are hard to find, impossible even.
Just my luck.

I swear I had a point to this post. I lost it with my sanity.

Today is my Father's birthday so I will take the kids with me to the cemetery and then I will go visit with my stepmother, brother and sister. We will exchange gifts with the kids and it will be nice to hang out with them since we won't see them Christmas Eve this year.

I officially sent out my Christmas cards this morning. Finally.
They aren't that great and DD was right, I should have sent out the one with them on Santa's lap. If you haven't seen it yet look here.

Finally if any of you have my new blog on your blogroll let me know because I will
A) thank you
B) add you to my blogroll also.

Hair, Pictures, Kids and More

Ok, Ok, you ladies would call and complain for my color mistake if it were you. I think we all agree it is a lot of money and I should get what I paid for. The problem is I can of like being dark haired. But I think that will wear off soon. As soon as I start to see a single gray hair pop up and mock me from the top of my head and I will pull him out by my trusty tweezers and throw him in the garbage like the scum that he is and I will yell "tell your friends!"

I will get a picture of my new dark do for you as soon as E gets home from work today. Should I makeup up for you gorgeous women or should I appear with my dark circles? Questions, questions.

Yes, I do need my eyebrows threaded, so don't judge but I didn't have time on Friday at the salon and now I am scared I will run into miss illdowhateveriwanttoyourhairandchargeyouuptheass. I will have to go incognito under the cover of darkness.

My kids have been eating me out of house and home. I guess they are having a growth spurt. My daughter does not need to grow anymore, she is often mistaken for being 5 years old instead of three and she is so much taller then L that people don't think they are twins anymore unless they are both in the stroller.
I got back their first class picture from school the other day and they are amazing. It wasn't the standard sit in this wooden chair, smile generically school picture, it is amazing photo studio, special effects pictures.
I was impressed. I wish I knew how good they were before I ordered my red eyed Christmas cards from ofoto. Yes, they have red eyes in the picture but after trying to get a good one, and trying to correct the red eyes but not being able to see if I did it or now, I didn't give a shit anymore.
You know how that is.

Hair Trauma

SO I went to the hair salon on Friday because I hadn't gone in so long. I was waaaaay overdue for my highlights and a trim. I didn't feel well and hadn'e eaten anything all day, I also had this nervous energy and sitting ina chair for hours was not my idea of fun. Since my hair looked like a rat's nest I went.
My old colorist had left this salon so I tried a new girl that came recommended, it is a very upscale salon and it is filled with rich snotty people, but my hair dresser works there and I will never let anyone else cut my hair again ever so I wanted to kill two bird with one stone.

I told the colorist what I wanted, highlights like I have, blond with low lights of brown. I started growing gray hair when I become pregnant with the twins so I wanted to disguise them or camouflage them until they have taken over my head, which with my luck will be in three months.

She told me she understood, looked at my hair, all over, for many minutes.
That killed me. She said how about low lights, I told her that was what I have done in the past, that I do want it to look natural, and I am picky about my highlights, I do not want skunks. (thick blond streaks in the middle of my head).
She starts mixing some highlights and low lights and some other mystery color. I should tell you that I had to wait 45 minutes to even start with her as she was behind.
Pissed isn't the word.

Really I can't type anymore so I will tell you, what ever treatments she was putting in my hair for which in between you have to wait 10 minutes to rinse and repeat, rinse and fucking repeat, it took over 3 hours.
I was crawling out of my skin.
I was screaming in my head, and she took forever. That made my hairstylist behind and she had to wait for me to cut my hair. She was awesome though and understood. I couldn't dry my hair because I had no time left so she spoke to the manager and I did get a free shampoo, conditioner and round brush for free (the brush alone was $30). I could tell my hair looked dark but only until I got home I realized it is very dark. Dark brown.
The color that does not hide grays.
I actually love the color, it is different, and I look JUST like my sister now because this is the color she keep her hair. Everyone always thinks we are twins anyway.
This is not a long story short.

ANYWAY, I had to pay the bill and I cringed because the bitch kept adding treatments and I wasn't in the right mind to ask if they were extra or what in god's name was she doing to my hair.
The bill? $215.00 plus tips. Tips for my cutter, colorist and shampoo girl. I fucked my colorist on the tip because I only gave her $10.

Now I want to call and get my next color free to redo it because this wasn't what I asked for but I am embarrassed. I hated people who asked for free things when I worked retail. I certainly don't want to go when "Lisa' is there. I will have to return only on her days off, which I have no idea when that is.

So that is my travesty hair story. Maybe if I am brave I will post a hair pic later.
What will you give me in return?

Various Shit

Thank you for the love. I do appreciate how lovely virtual strangers are when you need them to be. Your emails and comments made me feel a lot better.
No health stuff for us, just mental, but that is as far as I am going to go now. Maybe in the new year I will feel like sharing what is going on but right now I can't write about it. It is too new.
So lets get on with stupid posts, shall we?

Do you know what I saw on TV last night? A commercial for the clapper.
You remember the clapper right? You clap your appliances on or off.
Well, I saw the commercial from the 80's last night, the same commercial. Did people buy the clapper to begin with , are we resurrecting it just for the holidays or because it is a valuable product? Odd.
I thought the commercial for Chia pets were bad enough.

Why aren't they resurrecting the "where's the beef" commercials?

sigh. Why am I still thinking about this.

I have to tell you about my hair fiasco on Friday. I had an appointment to get my hair done, I didn't want to go because I was pissed/sad/hurt/mad/tired but I forced myself to go because my highlight roots were terrible.
I promise to post about that three and half hours of fun and torment later.

"Between the lines of fear and blame, And you begin to wonder why you came "


I can't post for awhile.

I have to sort a million things out in my head. If you are the praying type, please put my family in your prayers.

Picture time

I have taken no less then 104 picture of my children in the past three days, in hopes that maybe I could get one to use for Christmas cards.
As it is, I will be sending out my cards on December 24th because I waitedso long to order them.
I am usually much more ahead of schedule with these things, but this year, I am not.

You would think with 104 pictures taken, I would have at least a dozen great ones to choose from.

You would be wrong.

Twins don't always do things together, including look at the camera and smile since that is ALL they needed to do.
One looks down, the other smiles perfect, one starts to play with her dress, the other jumps up and down.

At this rate I am going to send out cards with a picture of me crying in a heap on the floor, with my camera in hand.
It will read, "Send Alcohol".

Bras

I can't shake this cold for the life of me. When I do get sick it tend to go to my chest and I wheeze, cough up junk forever and my cough sounds like a dying deal pleading for life.
Fun!

Speaking of chests, ahem. I am a rather busty woman, a 36C or even D in some bras. I have just take inventory of my bra drawer and have found several problems.

1. Some have cups that are TOO small for me
2. some are too tight. Hello 34C, I hope to see you again soon.
3. Some are cheap, shitty ones that kill you all the live long day.
4. Some make me look like I have torpedos for breasts.

So, I am in the mood for some new bras, and I need suggestions for you.
Here are my guidlines, I don't think I like Victoria, but I haven't tried anything from her in years. It cannot cost more then $45 per bra, because, hello, I am not made of money! Lastly it cannot look like it is my Grandmother's bra, no matter how comfy.

Ok, girls, fire away.

Today is Your Lucky Day!

Go on over to my other blog and read about my horrible Christmas stress and how, right in the middle of my mall, I turned into the mother I vowed I would never be.
Plus a rare picture of my adorable kids.
Consider it my holiday gift to you!

Lights

Are we the only ones that have to buy new Christmas lights every year. My husband just took out 15 strings of lights to put on the outside of our house this morning, and guess how many that work?
Three.

Three strings of lights out of fifteen.

Every year I have to go back to the store and buy new lights. What a waste!

:cough:

My kids gave me an early gift this year.

A cold.

My son had a small cold all weekend until about yesterday. Now I have it. I am clammy, hot and sneezy. Not fun.

I am sure with another good night's rest I will be fine. Well, and some chicken pot pie filling soup.
That makes everything better.

Christmas Spirit

Do you wonder why I have to escape to the internet only to find bare bottomed girls? This is why.

These all make various noises and playes many, many Christmas tunes. We are actually missing one or two more that are scattered throughout my house.

These are fun, especially when played all at once, which is what makes my children happy. And they do it over, and over and over again.

help.

At Least Let Your C-Section Scar Heal First!

Is it too much to ask to roam freely around the internets, ready to soak in all the knowledge and answers the universe is ready to give me, without seeing Britney, Lindsey or Paris' bare vajayjay??

Anyone?

Apparently it is, because I have seen more naked vaginas in the past two weeks then Charlie Sheen on a bender.
WTF?

Doesn't anyone where underwear anymore?
A thong perhaps?

Under garments aren't even a fleeting thought when you wear a short skirt, enter and exit cars frequently on your way to becoming America's Next Top Whore, and are endlessly followed by guys with cameras??
Hmm.

I am just glad to see that two children under the age of 15 months isn't slowing Britney's partying.
Good for her.

Say Cheese

Today is picture day at R & L's preschool. Wasn't it just yesterday where I was sitting on my school's stage waiting for my turn at picture day? A free comb and the satisfaction of a job good done is a memory. I will last forever.

Ok, maybe not but I still remember it clearly.
Now it was my turn to do my daughter's hair and find a nice outfit for both of them. Surely I wanted them to stand out for the class picture!

Wow, it is true, I have turned into my Mother.

No Spoil Zone

For the first time in a couple of years I didn't go out shopping on black Friday. I really wasn't in the mood and I didn't really have the money to spend anyway.
Instead I am carefully selecting gifts for the kids, something that they will love and has lasting playing power. Not just anything that is a great price like I will usually buy, with no thought to if they will like it after the first ten minutes.

I don't want my kids to become spoiled, I don't want them to assume, like other children in our family, that if you ask for it you will get it, no matter the cost. I want them to know about giving, about how some children have no toys, never mind the decision of which one to play with.
Every year I buy gifts for a child R & L's age. We also donate to other charities, but this makes me feel better about teaching my kids what the season is all about. I let them pick out gifts for a boy or girl (each year I switch) and we wrap them together.
This year they really get it.
I love that.


Oh, and visit me over at my other site and let me know what you do when you have a child with a BAD cough.

Amanda

Amanda has received some terrible news. During the holidays she will need a huge amount of support from her family & friends. I consider her a friend and this makes my heart hurt.
Let's all go over to her web site and show her some support.

Give Thanks

I went to the grocery store today. I know, the worst day of all the days to go. I woke up early so I thought I could get a head start on the crowds.
I was wrong.

I pulled into a spot and went to get out of my car when I saw what appeared to be a young man in the car next to me with shaggy hair. He looked so strange, he was staring straight ahead, so I eased out of the car to get a better look.
I jumped back, it was a dog!
A dog with shaggy people hair wearing a cut off sweatshirt, a bandana and driving a Honda.
WTF?
I swear it freaked me out.

So this Thanksgiving, I am thankful for not having a heart attack in the Shop Rite parking lot. Because then the dog would have to drive my kids home and I don't know how well he drives.

Food

Continuing our Thanksgiving theme this week, I want to know what is your favorite thanksgiving day foods? Is it the appetizer? Apple pie? Do you like your stuffing with fruit and nuts or traditional? Is there any strange thing you eat this day? Any recipe you want to share is welcomed too!

I loooove white trash green bean casserole. It is the only casserole I like, usually I hate foods all mushed together, but this I love.
I also heart this pumpkin cheesecake I make. I don't like pumpkin pie or muffins, but in this recipe it is to die for. YUM.

The only strange thing we have is lasagna for the non turkey lovers.

Bad Turkey Day

Many people are traveling far and wide to spend Thanksgiving with their families. Some do it willingly, others do it begrudgingly.

I love my family, I have a ton of Aunts, Uncles and cousins that I love to spend time with. Because of the large size of our family it isn't the small sit down Thanksgiving dinners I am accustomed to. Up until I was an adult most dinners were my immediate family, my maternal Grandma and my Mother's sister and her family, we didn't see my Father's family on Thanksgiving, Christmas is their holiday.

So we have a buffet style Thanksgiving now, with everyone bringing something and I love it, but it isn't the same. E & I usually have a small turkey feast the weeks before Christmas, so we can have all of our old favorites just the way we like it.
So, while that is not the worst Thanksgiving story ever, I would like to hear some of yours?
Do you hate your family? To much football? Do people always burn the turkey and the gravy sucks?
Tell me what you do NOT like about Thanksgiving.

Holidays By The Numbers

Number of pieces of Halloween candy still left in my house: 29

Number of Days after Halloween when I called a store and they answered the phone with a not so cheerful "Happy Holidays": 1

Number of days before Halloween I saw Christmas decorations and stock going up: 10

Number of holidays that seem to be rushed through and nearly forgotten: 1 Thanksgiving

Number of gifts I have bought so far for Christmas: 2

Number of gifts I have yet to buy: 34974

Number of dollars I have to purchase the gifts: $0.00

Number of days left in this depressing year: 42

Playstation Hype.

To the man who stood outside Best Buy for three days to be first in line for a playstation 3 game console, I have only one thing to say to you: You are a fucking loser.

You are a grown ass man standing outside a store to get a video game. Don't you work? Contribute to society in any way? Don't give me BS about it is for your kids either, it is for you, because you are a loser.
Teach your kids how to earn $600 for a game then I bet, they will make big changes to their "must have Christmas list".

I know E wants this and maybe I will get it for him for his birthday when the prices go down and "availability" goes up. There is no way in hell even if I had $600+ dollars to spend on my husband either he or I would pay that much a stay on line that long for it.
Fuckity, fuck, fuck you Sony.

[end rant]

TGIF?

After one weeks worth of rainy, gloomy, depressing days, the sun is finally out here in NJ.
Just the clear sky and sun makes me wake up and feel so much better about life. I don't know why I let the weather dictate my moods, and I really try not to let it, but it does.

Today at the grocery store my daughter chatted up anyone who was in hearing distance and some that were not. That girl will talk to anyone. Do you want to hear her spell her name? Her brother's name? The alphabet? ALL the colors in the rainbow in Spanish? Her count to 30?
No? Then do not approach me in any way shape or form.


I am now trying to tell them what to do if they were ever lost from me. They have started walking off in stores and it scares me to death. It stressed me out so much that I try to only take one kid to the store at a time if I have a choice.
Really, I like to leave them both at home!

I have a question for all you ladies, if you have a fight/argument/disagreement with your husband does he just let you go to bed mad wake up and act like nothing happened? Does he just ignore it? Even if there was no resolve to the problem and/or argument?
Men! I swear!

O's list

I am with the majority of you and take the free shit from O, sick as a dog or not.
Whatever you think of the big O, she is giving away diamond watches, cashmere robes and video camcorders and shit. This isn't some rinky dink gift basket from Hickory Farms.
This is big time.

I would take the good stuff from Hitler if he was giving it away.
Ok, maybe not Hitler. We are talking about the best hot chocolate in all of the land and if you haven't had it before, it is worth booking a trip to NYC for it. At least order some for yourself and for me. Jeesh.

Perhaps this says something about my character, about my person. Perhaps it says I am greedy.
It would be right.

Hump Day

I am off to tour New Jersey with a stop in the northern part for a little girl time with my friends, one of whom is trying to get pregnant, one of whom is pregnant and the other who had her baby two months ago.
I do need a little friend time so I am excited.

Here is a question for you while I am at play:
What would you rather do: go to Oprah's favorite things show
or
not get one cold, sniffle or cough this entire year?

PJs

New Jersey is cold in the winter. That may not surprise you but it will shock the shit out of pajama manufacturers. Why, you ask?
Because every pajama I have seen sold in stores lately is a tank top and pants. Who the fuck wears a tank top to bed in January in the northeast?

I received my Victoria's Secret Christmas book yesterday and more of the same filled every page, tank tops, flannel pants and warm slippers.
Now I keep my house warmer then E & I would like to at night in winter because the kid's rooms are cold. I don't like warm pajamas either, like long sleeve flannel sets. I would love cotton pants and a nice fitting (read: not so TIGHT as to sausage in my boobs and not short so when I awake in the night the bottom of my shirt is around my neck) t-shirt.
Is that so much to ask for?
Apparently.

Isn't there a happy medium? Do you have to sweat to death all night or freeze?

Maybe I am crazy, do you peeps wear tank tops to bed in the winter?

Traditions

I was listening to a radio show today, that I sometimes listen to in the car if nothing else is on. The hosts are fairly annoying and they make fun of callers who don't agree with them. I didn't like them before today and now I hate them.

They were talking about how the female host would pick up her husbands clothes because he will just throw them on the floor when he was done, that was her role. She went on to say that she will give a little slack to women who work outside the home because they work very hard. She clarified that if you "get to stay home and raise the kids" that cleaning up for your husband whose gift it was to let you stay home you should clean up his shit.

I so do not agree with the host but I do think that I am home with more not free time but flexible time that I can do things for my husband that I would not be able to do so easily if I worked outside of the house. I will let him know where his dirty pants can go if he wanted them clean, just as easily as he can beg me to check for my hair on the bathroom floor more regularly because it skeeves him.

BUT, my husband is great he has no troubles pitching in, or doing the chores I hate. We do not gender assign chores, we just do whatever we can, whenever we can.

Tell me what works for you in your house. Do you have traditional roles?

It is Friday Already?

What should we talk about today? The fact that my in laws are leaving for their daughter's house in two hours and I am already watching the clock?

Or that I really need some mom friends in my neighborhood so we can have cocktails every Friday night like these women.

Perhaps I should talk about how the candy from Halloween is rapidly becoming extinct. My hips and I have no idea why.

More importantly, am I the only one who looked at my calendar yesterday and realized that Thanksgiving is in two weeks? These holidays are coming fast and furious.
That means Christmas will be here in the blink of an eye or more like 2 more paychecks and where god, where is the money going to come from to buy all the gifts we have to buy???????
Yikes.

How Great Was LOST?

The in laws are coming! The in laws are coming!

They should be here in a couple of hours. Being a great daughter in law, I am cleaning, laundering and fluffing everything in this house.

With all this cleaning, I don't have it in me to write a decent post.
Desperate for something to read though? Join me at my other blog and lets talk about parenting scars.

Randomness

It is a rainy day here in NJ. The gloom and rain had me wanting to stay in bed all day but I heard my son coughing downstairs and coughing and coughing.
Why do coughs linger forever? Why don't cough medicines ever work?

I have a lot of cleaning to do today and I am already on my fourth load of laundry. My in laws are arriving tomorrow (cue scary music).

They will be staying at my sister in laws house mostly, just one night here with us I think. They want to spend time with our kids but my sister in law lives about an hour away so I don't know how often that is going to happen.

I have to finish my grocery shopping this afternoon, I am in the mood for potato leek soup. And snacks, definitely snacks, after all tonight is the last episode of LOST until February!
I am going to get the shakes.

Soup

I posted the potato soup recipe in my other, other blog.
If you make it let me know what you think.
Enjoy!

Dinner Conversation

Me: you know it is soup season. I think I will start with my red potato soup.

Him: Maybe I will make my world famous chicken noodle

Me: It really wasn't that good, plus I had to tell you how to make it so why is it "your world famous"

Him: because

Me: Actually, my doctors told me that it was your chicken soup that made me have a miscarriage

Him: ::blink, blink::

Me: Too soon for miscarriage jokes?

Him: No, I don't think so.

Him: I heard it was sooooo good it killed 'em

Me: Yeah, too soon.

Candy Coma

It may be just in my head but does fun size twix and snickers and Kit Kats just not taste as good as the full size?

I have done tons of research on this subject this weekend and both my fat ass and I agree that full size is where its at!

Inventions

Best Inventions Ever:
TiVo
Head tingler
Bagels
Dishwasher
Chapstick
Hair clips
Nap time
TV
Coctail hour
Kids pants with waist adjusters
Wrap Sandwiches
Table toppers
Memory foam slippers
Ice Cream
Vitamin water
Men

Worst Inventions Ever:
Any Tylenol cold product
Man thongs
Birkenstocks
PB&J in one jar
Anchovies
Pineapple soda
Patchouli
Itchy wool sweaters
Men




Now it is your turn, add to my lists.

Leaves

Today I want to go and look for some child size rakes. The heavy winds last weekend brought down a lot of leaves and for some reason swept all of the leaves in all of New Jersey into our yard.
Since we only have one rake, I need to get one for each of the kids. I mean why did we have kids if it wasn't for the labor??

Sugar High

The kids had a blast yesterday. My daughter looks adorable as Tinkerbell and my son was a muscular spiderman. They had a blast going from house to house. I went with them for a couple of houses then let E take over so I could man the candy at home. I don't know where they went to but I have about 5lbs of candy here that I stole from the kids baskets. Don't worry I left a few pieces of chocolate and replaced some others with raisins and teddy grahams.

We did get a lot of trick or treaters here, but I still have a lot of candy left over. I always over buy.

What I didn't need was a chocolate covered belgium waffle considering all the candy I have at home, but I bought one from Whole Foods anyway and it was one of the best decisions I have made in a long time.

That was gooood.

Boo!

I have a love/hate relationship with being scared. I loved scary movies and books since I was small. I have no problem watching them or hearing ghost stories but going to bed alone after watching them? Not so good.

I do believe in the paranormal, and it really fascinates me. I mean we are all energy, when we die where does the energy go?
I have never had any experiences with ghosts or the paranormal. I don't have any ghost stories that I have experienced.
Do you?

Your job today is to scare me with your ghost story or a link me to your own or someone else's ghoulish tales.



**edit** I do have one weird tale, when E and I first moved in together before we were married we rented this little house that was a guest house of this beautiful mansion. We lived virtually in the woods and it was very cozy.
Anyway one of our cats always we go in our bedroom and sit at the head of the bed staring into the corner of our room. his eyes would dart around the corner of the room, and he would sit perfectly still. I thought maybe there was a bug he was watching but there was nothing there. He always did it until we moved out of that house.

Confession #6

I need a little help from my internet friends.
I have a confession to make.
I feel like a bad commercial even telling you this but here it goes: my whites are never white.

That is right, I have tried bleach, I have tried shout, I have tried it all but the bottoms of my kids white socks are still grey and my white pillowcases are more like ivory. Has anyone tried this?

Now another thing, do you add the bleach to your water with the detergent before you put the clothes in? How much do you use? The directions on my washer tell me to wait 5 minutes into the cycle and then add the bleach, but who has time to sit by my washer and wait 5 minutes?
I did try this but that didn't seem to work either. I thought y washer would know what to do, but apparently it knows squat.

So I come to you, dear internets, for help because I know you know.

Fall Back

I just realized that daylight savings time is only for the childless.
They don't tell you that in the baby books!

Grandma

I love my Grandmother.
She was always my favorite Grandma, she was the one who was always loving and affectionate, she was more fun. You could tell anything to her, she would never judge you or look at you that way that parents do, with disapproval in their eyes.
She knows when you are sad but don't want to burden people with your problems, she will call you on it. She knows, even if you don't tell her.
I love that about her.
She is the strongest woman I have ever met.
The way she carried herself at her son's funeral will stay with me always. How devastated she was to bury her own child. "I am supposed to go first, you never should have to bury your child" she would tell me.
Truer words were never spoken.
Not matter what age he was, he was her baby.
That kind of pain never dissipates.
Still she held strong.

The truth that I know is, when she is called to Heaven, she will never fight to stay here, she will go. To be with her dear son. That makes me both happy and sad.
Sad for myself.
She raised seven great kids. She has eleven grandchildren and four great grandchildren.
She is a wonderful, sweet, generous and loving person.

Tomorrow I will go and celebrate her 81st birthday with the rest of my family. I will hug her and tell her that I love her and that she is one of my most favorite people. She will laugh and say "I am just an old woman, it is terrible to get old" but I know she will feel my words, because she is a deeply feeling woman.

And I, will try to click the memory into my head forever. So I can replay it over and over to myself, when I am a Grandma.

Things That Make Me Pissed Off

Pharmaceutical companies spend billions of dollars annually for research and development. They make drugs, have drug trials, try to figure out the side effects, see how it interacts with other medications and try to cure diseases. Especially with October being breast cancer awarement month and millions of dollars being donated towards this cause, and cures for hundreds of other diseases, I wonder why scientists spend years on an invisibility cloak.

I wonder why all of our resources and brilliant minds focus on, what I think, are ridiculous, frivolous things when there are diseases to cure.

WTF?

Oh, how I love Halloween. I think getting to dress up as something you could/would never be is so much fun. My Mom was much craftier then I am because she would always make our costumes and even her own. I am not that crafty, I have to buy costumes.
My son wanted to be spiderman this year and it happens that my sister-in-law bought him just that costume. My daugher is going to be Tinkerbell because that was a costume we had handed down to us.
Perfect!

They are having a little parade at school and a party. My first school party! I signed up as soon as the sign up sheet went up and volunteered to bring cookies. I don't think I will make them but I will buy something very festive for their "harvest party".
Last year E was away on business for halloween so this year he is excited to go house to house with us. We will be pushing our favorite candy on the way and you can read about that here.

Remember when you would collect your candy in a brown paper bag or a pillowcase? Now they sell cool buckets that the kids all want but they cost $8.00 for something that they use for an hour once a year!
I remember carrying the unicef box that they would hand out in school too, collecting money and treats.
Ohh, and how about those plastic masks with eye holes barely cut out in them. Very safe for kids crossing the streets at night!

What is your favorite Halloween memory as a kid?

Muffins and Fate

Today at Starbucks the barista gave me a pumpkin muffin instead of the blueberry one I wanted. I was pissed at first but still hungry so I took a bite. Hunger always overrides pissed.

It was pretty good, but I was still pissed. My tastebuds were all set for blueberry.

That gets my mind working. Is that a sign? Am I ordering something but getting something else on purpose? Am I destined to make lemonade out of the lemons that were given to me instead of apples?
Is the great fates of the universe giving me a sign?
Should I change my life or my outlook?
OR

Is the barista at Starbucks just dumb?

Sick

I am calling out sick today from blogging because my son is sick. Twins share everything including germs so I am in preventitive mode for my daughter. One sick kids is bad enough, two is when I jump from the top floor of my home.

We wouldn't want that, now would we?

Haunted Houses and Favors

I am so excited we are going here tomorrow night. It is parent's night out and we are doing it BIG. Some Philly cheese steaks and a haunted prison.
Now, that is class.

In other exciting news, I have started a new blog. It is a parenting blog and although I am unqualified for it, some cats hired me to write it and you will find it here: www.parentingourchildren.com.
Now for the favor part of this entry. I am asking all of you to link my new blog onto yours.
Please?
Then go to my blog every day and lick on all the linkyness I have going on there.

You can forget that last part, but linking to me? Linking is good.
I would appreciate it and hey, if you ever need a kidney you know who to come to.

Well, maybe not a kidney but a haunted house referral?
Now that is where I am at.



edit: Thanks for telling my my link wasn't working, I think I fixed it now.
I will continue this blog, because this is my personal blog. Lets call it my first love.
The new blog, is for paper, bills, cashola, dinero, money or whatever you want to call it. It will be updated frequently as I agreed to ten posts a week.
What was I thinking??

Surprise Tears

I went to the grocery store the other day while the kids were at school. It was early morning and the store was pretty much empty which I love and I was kid free, which I love even more.

I got my weekly goodies and headed off to the checkout. What usually happens when the store is quiet is that there are only 2 or three lanes open and a small line forms, and today was no different. I got in line and hung out just as I heard a new baby cry.

There was a mother with her three month old infant boy in his car seat in the line next to me. He was crying and she was rocking him in his seat.

Just then, I started to cry.
My reaction surprised me and at first I didn't even know why those tears sprang to my eyes.
I realized that I was sad about the babies I lost.
I tried to hold back my tears, reminding myself that I had two beautiful kids already and that I could try again in December, that the miscarriage was for a reason, something wasn't right with the babies.

The reaction surprised me but my resolve did not. I know I am strong, I know I can fight for what I want and I know I will.

I just know.

The Presence Process

After my thyroid cancer scare my homeopath doctor suggested I meditate. He even suggested a book that he thought would be good for me.
I ordered the book last week and I just recieved it. Although I have only skimmed through the pages, it looks promising.

It is a very hard thing, to stay in the moment and to really think of all you have rather then to look ahead so much and worry or lust for things you want or "need".
I think it is important for me to teach that to my children, a lesson that is hard in this "keeping up with the Jones" time.

Meditation kind of scares me. I can't imagine just turning off my mind, my thoughts. You know how hard that it is if you ever have trouble falling asleep.
I can't imagine achieving it.
You probably don't even know you are achieving it because you can't say to yourself " I am doing it!".

Wish me luck with at least getting a chance to read the darn book!

I Am Pissed At..................

We can all agree Chuck E. Cheese is a horrible, terrible place for us to frequent but why the hell are there so many people there?

What else can we complain about? Sticky gross lollipops?
How you can never get the spout of a sippy cup really clean therefore you throw it out only to have to purchase 348 sippy cups in your lifetime?
Don't even get me started on the sippy cups with straws.

So what do you want to complain about today? I will join in on your anger.

The Devils Playground

Yesterday we had a first. We had out first friend from school birthday party.
It was at a place I vowed never to return, Chuck E. Cheese.

I can see how it is fun for the kids, because they did love it, having never been there before, but it was stressful for me.
It was so loud with the machines ringing and SO many kids running around it is definitely sensory overload. My son usually doesn't do well with that kind of noise and activity level but he did like the games and ride ons.
I was just so afraid of losing one of the kids I was frantic the entire time. I was holding my purse, the kids coats, our tokens all the while making sure both of them followed me.

I won't take the kids back because there are so many cool play places and outdoor things to do here, to me it is a waste, but they did have fun.

I, on the other hand, added 14 new gray hairs to my collection.

Coffee

E is away on business again and I have returned to a walking zombie. The kids woke up on 5 different occasions last night to ask for ridiculous things like :
You didn't put my blanket on
You didn't put my blanket on correctly
My stuffed animal has fallen out of my bed
I need a sweater to keep myself warm
and
The cats keep playing in my room.

I am a mess this morning. I realize I cannot figure out the perfect amount of coffee to water ratio and my coffee was too weak today.
Yesterday it was too strong.

I really need E home because I need my coffee and dunkin donuts doesn't deliver for some strange reason!
Oh, yeah, and because I miss him.

What's Old Is New, Again?

Lets get this straight, you want me to wear big belts, skinny jeans, bubble skirts and leggings again?

Ummmmm, no thank you.

These fashion trends are ok for 15 year old but not for a grown ass lady. I can and will do the long sweater tunics, but that is my limit. My limit!
I grew up in the 80s, I have been there done that.
I am NOT coming back for fashion seconds.

McWishful

I have succumbed to a power greater then myself.
Brace yourself.
I have found myself watching Grey's Anatomy.
I know, the horror of it all is unbelievable.

I usually hate shows that have all these bandwagon jumpers unless I started watching the show from the beginning, like I have with Lost.
Dancing with the stars, Prison Break, Grey's, I say no thank you to them all.
But the summer was so boring, and I needed something to watch that was new to me every once in awhile so I rented the first season.
I got into it midway through the episodes and now I am an official bandwagon jumper.
I am so proud.

How can you resist, the men on that show are fantastic. There is the cover staple of magazines right now, Patrick Dempsey, the vet Chris O'Donnell and the hotty Eric Dane.

It got me to thinking, which guy would be for me? Would I take the unavailable, handsome doctor who can't make a decision about who to be with? McDreamy is the guy you picture marrying when you are 15.
The sweet, romantic type that loves animals? McVet is the kind of guy you always say you want but leave him for the bad boy.
Or would I take the hot, sexy, no commitment type of guy? Mc Steamy is the bad boy, who you wish could have a little more McVet in him.

I would take McSteamy. He is just the best looking guy I have ever seen.
Yummy, yum, yum.

So, which Grey's man would you take?

Enjoy The View

I have become obsessed with watching the first fifteen minutes of the view every day. I just have to see what ridiculous thing Elisabeth will say or wear.
really, she wore a tiny polka dot blazer just last week.
I swear.
She really gets me all fired up, but I love that Rosie and Joy are there to put her in her place.
I mean just the insinuation that maybe the ten little girls wouldn't have been shot in their school house if the teachers, who are also their Mothers, were armed also, just made my blood boil. Boil!

Don't even get me started on Barbara.


I think my son has finally pushed through in regards to school. Today when I dropped him off he was in good spirits, wasn't shy and assured me he would do circle time and art today.
That will score him some disgusting gummy treats that the kids love but I think were created by the devil, aka the dentist, because those are near impossible to brush out of the molars.
It is a master plan people, a master plan.

Rainy Days are Mall Days

I may have some good news to share with you soon.
That would be so great wouldn't it? Aren't you sick of hearing about how sad my life is and how nothing ever goes right for me?
I am sure you are as sick of it as I am of living it. Why do you even come back? Why? Why?

Maybe our luck has changed.
Maybe.

I took the kids to the mall today to have lunch and buy the tinkerbell crown my daughter has to have for her costume. I tried to get away with just a fluffy scrunchy type thing for her hair but she was disgusted and said she needed the crown. How dare I.
I swear this kid is only three. She just acts, yells and talks like a 15 year old.

When we get to the mall the Disney store is all black. It turns out nobody showed up for work today.
That was the rumor in the mall anyway.
It was a packed store with new merchandise so I know it wasn't closed for good.
There is nothing worse then a closed Disney store to a three year old. That much I can tell you.
Well, besides being tinkerbell for Halloween without a crown!

Bugs

I think I got all of you on my blogroll now. Thank you for all the new reads, I love a nice new read.
I will check them all out this weekend.
*************************************************************************

It seems like all the bugs in all of the world have taken up residence in my house. Since it turned into fall here in NJ, the bugs are seeking a warm place to live in my house.
They should know better.

I love animals, I really do. I have cats and I have had dogs, birds, rabbits and hampsters as pets, I frequent the zoo and love going on nature walks.
BUT, I do not like creatures in my house unless they have been invited in.

Last week we had a skunk in our garage, which was a scary situation. I wanted him out but didn't want to scare him out because, obviously, I didn't want to smell skunk in my house for the next 56 years.

In the past week I have found crickets, spiders and flies.
I am not one of those people who captures the spider and lets him go in the garden to live out his life and eat all the "bad bugs".
To me, all bugs are bad if they are in my house.
I kill them and I do it with force. I squeeze their tiny bodies like I was squeezing a lemon and then flush them for good measure.
I don't want any bugs to resurrect.

If they bug is too big for me to kill, like anything bigger then a nickel, I call in reinforcements, namely E.
He kills them for me.
I love that about him. I just yell "bug!" and he will walk into whichever room I am in, armed with a tissue and kill it no questions asked, no comments made.
If E is not home when the offender makes himself known, I will suck him up with a vacuum and then continue vacuuming the floor for good measure.

I can admit it, my name is Tuesday, and I am a bug killer.

Me, Adult?

Thanks guys, I love your blog suggestions.
Also, wow, there are so many blogs that I read and I didn't have you guys on my blogroll! I am bad at hooking a sister up.
Excuse me: sista.

It feels like it was just yesterday that I would wait up for my parents to get home from back to school night. I would drill them about my teachers, how they liked them, what they said about me, which ones they remembered (I grew up in the same town my parents did) and inevitably, which teachers thought my Dad was cute.
Now it is my turn. Tonight is back to school night at my kids school. It isn't an official back to school night, because they are only in preschool, but it makes me feel old.
Like I am an adult.
Who knew I would get old?

Por Favor

My blogroll is a little sparse. I know my blog is your favorite but I would like you to send me one or two of your favorite blogs for me to check out.
Plus, if your blog isn't on my list let me know and I will remedy that immediately.

School

Today, like every school day so far, my son has clung to my leg and asked to go home. My daughter walks right in, hands the teacher her apple she picked for her this weekend and started to play.
My son clings to my leg so I cannot walk, refuses to talk to the teacher, lets his apple fall to the floor and whines he wants to go home.

I make him stay because it is a great school and he needs to be more independent from me and his twin sister, he needs more socialization and I need a break.
Plus, for what I am paying a month for two lousy half days, he is staying!

He is a child that needs time to warm up and the teacher says after 15-20 minutes or so he is fine and plays and has fun.
Now the question is should I make him keep going?
This is just preschool here, but I am not sure he will let his sister go without him, but I do not want to continue to pay over $500 a month to have his sulk for 20 minutes a day.
He can sulk at home with me for free.

I will talk to his teachers tomorrow at parent/teacher night.
That makes me feel like an adult.
Parent/teacher conferences are for adults and stuff and I will plan not to wear something too cleavage revealing and bring a note pad. I also plan to sit at those little tables and to sniff the paint and paper that smells just like school and brings me back 25 years.

Although, I do feel like a terrible Mom today because when I got home, I read the calendar for this month and today was pizza day!
Nobody told me!
My kids are going to be the only ones who have to eat a crappy sandwich I packed with love instead of pizza!
I actually do feel terrible and I imagine them all alone at a table eating their shitty apple I packed while all the cool kids are at another table laughing and singing and eating their fun pizza lunch.

I think I need intense therapy.

BRUUUUUUCE!

It is no secret that my kids are bossy.
Let me clarify, my daughter is really bossy and my son is bossy only 50% of the time.
They have not caught on to the fact that I am the boss of this entire house and all the souls that reside in it.
Duh.

My kids are music lovers, the love classical music, pop and one particular Hulk cd that makes you want to poke holes into your ears.
I have no problem with listening to music that they like all day but lately it has become obnoxious.

First it was the obsession with the song "You're Beautiful" by James Blunt. I liked that song as much as the next guy...................when it came out.
Now?
Not so much. Overkill.
We had to listen to it over and over, and when it wasn't being played on the stereo, it was being sung by my kids.
Loudly.
Very cute the first 300 times, after that, not so much.

Then my daughter wanted the Kidz Bops cd, she saw on television. It included the "beautiful song" my daughter loves. So, I bought it for them.

Now it has turned into the fact that I cannot drive .3 miles without a request for their new favorite song. Guess what it is?
Badlands by Bruce Springsteen.

I like Bruce, I like the E street band, heck I was the one who was listening to the cd when I picked them up from school introducing the song into their tiny song
repertoires.
As a resident of the state of NJ, you have to like Bruce.
It is the law. We should even be forced to wear shirts to show our support of NJ and Bruce.
Maybe one that says "WWBD?" ( what would Bruce do?) or "NJ is the Boss" or even "I pay the highest property taxes in the nation and all I got was this lousy t- shirt and I love Bruce".

I am on a roll.
Now I have to go apply for a government job, I can't let all this go to waste.